Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII and its characters are property of Squaresoft. This fic is not-for-profit, just for wanking off. ;p
It all started innocently enough.
A playful punch, some good-natured teasing. You landing in the water, looking like a damned idiot howling about drowning in three-feet of ocean. I still laugh thinking about it.
Then an unspoken challenge, and you kissed me.
I hope my fidgeting isn't bothering you; I just can't sit still when I'm thinking. I don't want to wake you, though. You always sleep so lightly, like you're expecting the world to fall down on you while you dream and you don't want to be caught off guard. But you seem to be okay right now. Your breaths are slow and even. I bet it's funny watching me sleep. I sleep like a baby, never so much as twitching. That must be eerie, huh? Especially for you, who's so used to my nonstop movement and fidgeting. But with you--it's hard to believe you're a hesitant sniper with a glib tongue when you sleep. I don't know how to describe it; it just looks like you expect to wake up finding everyone's left you.
You said you were the last to leave the orphanage. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. I wonder why Matron and the Headmaster sent you to Galbadia. I mean, I was never close to anyone at B-Garden, not close like I am with you guys now. But I was never lonely. Maybe I sensed that connection we all had, memories of friendship hidden from myself that kept me warm. You had no one.
I wonder what it was like for you, that first night in Galbadia Garden, sleeping with three other strangers in your dorm room. One per bunk. I've seen those beds. I think the only way two people could squeeze onto them is if they were both Selphie's size.
And you had to sleep in that. It must have been hard. I get fragments of memories; I remember we all used to have nightmares. I've forgotten of what, and I'm glad for that. But I remember us crawling into Sis's bed, huddling together and shivering. Sometimes she'd tell us stories. Stories about Uncle Laguna, the greatest monster hunter in all of Galbadia. I remember Seifer standing on the bed, making us all tumble toward his feet, declaring one day he'd be the best. You shook your head, proud and small curled under the blankets. You said something to him, and I laughed. He got mad...
Like I said, I get fragments of memories. Little snapshots with the force of tidal waves behind them. I put my hand on your forehead when you sleep sometimes, you know that? I think that, and I know this is irrational, that maybe those memories, not just snapshots but albums, reams of memories only you have anymore, I think that maybe somehow in your sleep I can absorb them. Drawing memories or something.
So, yeah, that must have been hard for you. Sleeping alone, when you were used to knowing we were there. But maybe you were used to it by the time you went to Garden. I wonder how long you were alone...
Not that it matters now. Because you're not alone. Not anymore.
Neither am I.
Funny how I can sit here, perched on the edge of your bed, all of Garden sleeping except those on watch and me, tapping my foot relentlessly. My thoughts are so still though. Calm. You do that to me, you know.
You used to make me so angry. You knew just what to say, how to act, to make me itch for a fight. I resented you for that at first. It just made me think of Seifer. But then I realized you weren't laughing at me. Cliché, yeah, but you were laughing with me. Laughing with your red hair plastered to your head, complaining how I owed you for ruining your chaps in the FH harbor, our shoes squishing as we walked back to Garden. And I laughed back.
I was angry, too, when I found out about our childhood. I would have thought you could have told me. I raved for days to anyone who'd listen (which, I'll tell you, wasn't very many people) while ignoring you. I think I even beat Squall in the Cold Shoulder department those few days. I thought you hadn't told me because you didn't trust me. Because you didn't think I could handle the truth.
I still don't understand why you didn't tell me. But then, you're so used to hiding things with a smile and a flirtatious wink. Maybe you were afraid of letting me past that mask.
I'm smirking, but you can't see me. Well, whatever the reason, I forgive you. And--I think you'd agree with me on this if you were awake--the make-up sex was definitely worth it.
We should fight more often, in fact.
Okay, well no. We've got enough fighting going on right now.
Which just makes mornings like this, when I can just barely see you as the sky lightens, so much more precious. This is a memory Ifrit isn't getting.
To think how this all started.
There was probably another beginning, years ago. Building sandcastles together, or fighting over Matron's cookies. That time's over now, though.
It doesn't make me sad. It just bolsters me, really. That time ended, but we're here again. We're all together.
Your nose just wrinkled. I grin at it. Makes you look young, kinda puppy-ish too. Selphie would burst your eardrums squealing about how cute you look.
Me, I just crawl back under the sheets. Hyne, your feet are ice cold! Is this payback for swiping the last of your hair gel earlier? Not like you even need it...
Sky's getting lighter. Squall will be up soon. You should be, too. The orphanage waits. Going back to the beginning. You murmur something, wrapping yourself around me. I'm not a human pillow, you know. Damn your breath gets foul when you sleep. But your hair is soft, and I fit right against you, so I guess I don't mind.
It doesn't matter how it began, I guess. But you started it, which means I get to say how it ends.
I say it won't.