Author: I would like to say before this story starts that I in no way condone suicide. And I do not own Tourniquet or Yu Yu Hakusho. Enjoy the story!
--
Tourniquet
She found him during a blinding snowstorm in a puddle of his own blood. She had to help him, it was only right. He was small, not too much taller than her own four foot seven inch frame. She half carried half dragged him thru the snow to her home. He needed medical attention, but with the storm no one would be able to get to them. She fumbled with the door and finally got them both inside. She dragged his lifeless body closer to the fire she had kept burning bright and hot. She was suddenly grateful that she had had the foresight to put some water on to boil before she had gone out to gather fire wood. Then she pulled his cloak off followed by the black tank top underneath.
"This is worse than I thought," she mumbled to her guest, even though she knew he wouldn't be able to hear her.
She quickly made her way to the kitchen and gathered up the black bag on the counter, then got a huge bowl and a second kettle and filled it with water. She poured the water from the first kettle into the bowl and refilled it quickly after putting the second kettle over the fire to heat. Then she scampered upstairs and gathered as many towels as she could get a hold of and made her way back to her patient.
"I don't plan on letting you die," she whispered.
She grabbed a small hand towel and dipped it in the water. Then she took the time to clean the wound the best she could and examine it at the same time. She gasped when she realized the wound was too clean to be an animal like she had thought. It was thin and deep, very deep. It looked like a knife wound but it was far to deep for a knife. The only thing she could think that it might be would be a sword, but where would he have gotten a sword wound. She finally got the area cleaned up well enough that she could see to sew him up. She quickly got out all of her equipment and sewed his stomach up the best she could under the circumstances, and was thankful once again that she had had the foresight to stock up on penicillin and may other drugs some of which would come in handy with her patient.
"Well, as long as you stabilize like I think you will, you won't die today. You are just lucky that I found you when I did or else you would have died," she said thoughtfully that is when she noticed the empty sword sheath at his side, and gasped. For some reason a song came unbidden into her mind. It was the song Tourniquet, by one of her favorite groups Evanescence. Quietly she began to sing it to him, not knowing if he would even hear her let alone enjoy the song if he could.
I tried to kill the painbut only brought moreso much moreI lay dyingand I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayalI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingam I too lost to be savedam I too lost?my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvation
She continued to keep watch over her guest and patient as he slept, she suddenly decided to look a little more closely at the rest of his body to check him for more wounds, she knew if there were more they were not bad, because he wasn't bleeding anymore as far as she could tell.
She continued to sing as she checked him over and found several bruises and a few scrapes and cuts along his arms chest and legs. His face was perfect, devoid of marks at all, and she couldn't help but feel surprised as a longing to hold him consumed her. She suddenly found herself laying next to him convincing herself that she needed to keep him warm, still singing softly more to herself now than to him, but still with a comforting note that seemed to deny the words their original meaning.
do you remember melost for so longwill you be on the other sideor will you forget meI'm dying, praying, bleeding and screamingam I too lost to be savedam I too lost?my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationI want to die!!my God my tourniquetreturn to me salvationmy God my tourniquetreturn to me salvation
She drifted to sleep and had nightmares of being chased by a monster with a sword. No matter how fast she ran he seemed to be faster and would end up right in front of her mocking her and laughing at her struggles to get away. She would growl turn around and keep running. She wasn't sure why but she knew she had to keep running. Someone was counting on her to save them. She wasn't sure who it was or why they were counting on her to get past this monster, but she knew it was true. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain in her stomach and glanced down. The monster with the sword had been herself, and she had run herself through with the sword. She gasped and woke up, deep blue eyes immediately looking to her abdomen for a trace of the wound. It wasn't there. Then she glanced over and remembered her patient. She checked his wound and once again the same song came to her and once again she could not resist the urge to sing it out loud, more like a lullaby than anything else.
my wounds cry for the gravemy soul cries for deliverancewill I be denied Christtourniquetmy suicide
Suddenly the mans heartbeat quickened, and she glanced to his face where ruby eyes stared at her. She smiled softly, trying to reassure him. He must be nervous.
"Are you an angel?" he asked voice deep and rich.
"No, I'm not," she replied.
"Then I am in Hell," he responded bitterly.
"No, you aren't dead. I found you outside my home. I am a doctor and I treated your wounds the best I could. How did this happen?" she asked blue eyes never leaving his red ones.
"Hn, I can't seem to do anything right lately," he muttered.
"You were committing suicide weren't you?" she whispered.
"Hn," was his reply.
"Why?" she asked truly curious.
"You wouldn't understand," he stated.
"I might if you tell me," she said softly laying her hand on his arm. He flinched and she knew if he had been able to move he would have jerked out from under her hand.
"Because they hate me and want me to die," he said bitterly.
"Who does?"
"They all do," he said softly.
"Who are they?" she asked her hand still on his arm.
"My so called family and friends," he answered not looking at her anymore.
"Why do you think that?" she asked.
"Because they would be better without me, for the things I have done there is no forgiveness," he said softly.
"Then why did you first ask if I was an angel?" she demanded.
"Hn," he responded.
She sighed, "Okay, if you won't answer that will you at least tell me your name?"
"Hiei," he replied still not looking at her.
"I'm Kairii," she said softly.
Neither spoke for a while, and Kairii couldn't help but dwell on the song that had been running through her head since she had seen this man. There was something about him, almost like he needed to be saved in more ways then the just physically. But she didn't know how to do that. She was a small town physician, and veterinarian, not a psychologist. But she did the only thing she could think of.
"My family left me," she stated softly gauging his reaction to her words, when he merely looked at her she continued. "On the doorstep of this very house. The man who lived here was an old man. He was a doctor. He took care of me even though the rest of the town hates me. It is strange, he is the only one who never hated me. He even helped me get into college. I came back here when he died, and if I wasn't the only doctor and vet around here I don't think anyone would talk to me."
"Then why stay?" Hiei asked.
"Because, one day I am going to prove that they need me. And when I do, then they will realize the terrible wrong they have done, and perhaps when they have realized that I will forgive them," she said softly looking into his eyes.
"Why did you save me?" he asked honestly curious.
"Because you looked like you needed it. And if I hadn't you would have died. I couldn't leave you out there to die in a snowstorm. I wouldn't be human if I did that, especially since I could take care of you. Did you stab yourself with a sword?" she asked softly not trusting her own eyes.
"Yes," he answered simply instinct guiding his hand to his empty sheath.
"I didn't see it there with you," she said noticing the path his hand took.
"Hn," he said looking away from her and moving his hand.
"I still don't understand why you would kill yourself," she said wanting him to talk.
"I told you no one wants me, and she doesn't need me anymore," he said deliberately not meeting the girls eyes.
"Who is she?" Kairii asked eyes softening and heart sinking. She knew it was silly, but she was drawn to this man. This sad man who seemed to need someone. This man who reminded her so much of herself.
"My sister," he answered barely audible.
"Why would she not need you?" she asked blue eyes curious.
"She married that oaf!" he said vehemently.
Kairii chuckled, "She is a lucky girl to have a brother who cares as much for her as you seem to. But that is silly of you to think that just because she is married she doesn't need her brother. I wish I had a brother. I have always wondered what it would be like to have someone who meant something to you. Someone who would always matter."
"I don't matter," he said simply.
"Why do you think that?" she asked.
"Because," he said.
"Well that is just dumb," she responded honestly.
Hiei would have killed her for that if he had been stronger, but instead he settled for glaring at her.
"Well it is. I mean we are all put on this earth for a reason. And if you are still here then you still have a reason. And it may not be what you think it is, and perhaps you haven't found it yet. But you have a reason. We all do. And frankly it is just cowardly to try to end your life because you don't like how it is going," she said frankly.
"What would you know about it?" he asked angrily.
"If I had just killed myself when I felt like my life had no purpose I wouldn't be here now. I would have died a long time ago. But just like you are lucky I was too. The man who lived here who took me in wasn't exactly normal. He saved my life more times than I care to count. He told me that I was a trouble-maker, and that I should have been a kitsune. Maybe I was in another life. Anyway, I probably know more about it than you think I do, and maybe just maybe you attempted suicide here so I could save you. Maybe that is my purpose. I would like to think that saving people is my purpose. But obviously you haven't found your purpose," she replied softly looking into his eyes.
"Someone like me has no purpose. I was never supposed to exist," he said calmly.
"How can you say that?" she asked appalled.
"Because it is the truth," he said simply.
"You were obviously supposed to exist, I mean you are here in front of me," she said softly.
"You are under the delusion that because something does exist it is supposed to do so. This is a human fancy that I don't want or need," he said then tried to get up.
Kairii laughed softly when his attempt to stand was unsuccessful, "I thought you were a Youkai. My mentor was too. So instead of the normal dose of penicillin I gave you a double dose of something much stronger and more potent. Rare too."
Hiei grunted. Kairii laughed. They sat in silence for a long time, Hiei dozing off occasionally only to wake up and still not have regained his strength. He was beginning to worry, when Kairii stood and stretched.
"Don't worry. I haven't removed your strength permanently, just long enough for you to heal completely, and then I can keep it going until you are no longer suicidal. I don't particularly want the people here to think I am a murderess when they find your dead body on my property. That wouldn't do good things for my job."
Hiei said nothing and laid back again intending to fall back asleep, when it dawned on him that she would have to be a demon to keep his strength from returning.
"Who are you?" he asked softly.
Kairii laughed, "I was wondering when you would ask that question. The answer however, is not simple. I don't even know who I am. Like I said I was left on this porch when I was a baby, and no one knows anything about me."
"You are a demoness, correct?" he inquired.
"Not exactly," she said softly.
"What do you mean not exactly?" he asked angry she was evading his questions.
"Well, you were probably the closest when you asked if I was an angel. Technically I am half angel," she answered softly.
"What else?" he demanded.
"I would rather not talk about it. Unless you are willing to divulge the same information about yourself. In fact that will be the name of the game. If one of us tells something about them then the other has to share the same info. But the question must be asked so we both have the opportunity to pass the question. But remember don't ask something you aren't willing to answer. You are off the hook on this first one since I already know you are half fire. That was glaringly obvious. Let me get us some tea and then we can begin," she said smiling at her plan.
She made some tea and sat down. Then they began questioning each other. With each question they became more and more intrigued. They began to be willing to divulge more about themselves to learn more about the other. Finally they knew about each others jobs and quite a bit about their pasts. Several hours had passed, and they were both tired. They slept that night there in the living room with the fire burning cheerily and neither one could wait to start the game again when the woke.
Kairii woke first. She quickly made her way to the windows to see that the snow had stopped but there was still no way to leave. She was a little relieved. She didn't want to see Hiei leave yet. She liked the demon, he reminded her of herself, and they got along really well despite the rough beginning. Hiei woke not long after and the game continued. Finally the tough question was asked again.
"What is your other half?" Hiei asked softly.
"I am still not ready to answer that one," she replied. She quickly made her way to the window. She was saddened to see that the snow had melted enough for the demon to leave.
"You know the snow has melted enough for you to make it to your friends now," she said softly.
"How do you know I won't try to kill myself again?" he asked.
She smiled and turned to him, "Because, it would devistate your sister. She needs you Hiei. Go to her. Be her brother. Be who you were meant to be."
Hiei said nothing but felt his strength return. As soon as it did he could hear Kurama's voice in his head.
'Hiei! Hiei, where are you?'
'I'm here fox. What is going on? You sound panicked.'
'We were worried about you Hiei. You disappeared. Yukina has been distraught. Come home.'
'Hn.'
'Thank you. You know you really had us worried.'
'Tell Yukina I am coming soon.'
'Yes I will and see you soon Hiei.'
"I will be leaving now. You are right. They need me. I don't know how you knew but you did. Goodbye," he said softly before disappearing into the distance.
"Goodbye, my friend," she whispered softly a tear falling to the floor.
--
Author: Okay so that was not only really super long, but really super sad. Hope you all enjoyed it. Please review. Constructive criticism is always greatly appreciated! Ja ne!