Disclaimers: I own nothing here, it all belongs to Clamp ^.^

Pairing: KuroFay hinted as much as Clamp does it, so you know it is there.

My Dead Kingdom

Part 1

The only happy memories Fay had from his childhood, was the time before his father died, and before his mother was struck by grief. His first memory had been a warm embrace, and the echoes of his twin's heartbeats close to his own, under the warm gaze of their mother. Even if they were twins, their mother had loved them in the start, and treasured them over her own life.

Fay never understood it at the time how it had changed, but when he understood what it meant to be dead, he understood that his father would never return. However, it took more years before he understood why he and his brother being born was so bad. For some reason, people had said it was better if only one of them had been born. Just the thought of that had been so alien to him. Why should only one of them be born? When each other were the only ones they had?

In time he had understood it wasn't that people wanted them to be unhappy, it had been because they had made people unhappy. Slowly and surely, the world broke down, and as far as he knew, the world where he had been born and had few happy memories, had been dead when he left, as his uncle had killed everyone.

However, lately, each night he would dream of that world. Each night he would dream of the entire horror that was his childhood. Yet, each time there was one little detail that would change something, but never enough for the end to change.

An ever-repeating nightmare, which never felt like the same dream, and each time he woke from it, the last he would remember was the insane face of his uncle, which seemed sadder and sadder each time he cut the nightmare in half.

"You are moving around too much." A grumpy snort and he looks over at the source of the voice.

"Kuro-myu is the one that keeps moving so close." Fay cheers, as he turns towards his roommate. The tired Kurogane seeming as if he had woken up from him thrashing around. "Might it be…" He moves closer to Kurogane, eying him suspicious. "…that Kuro-daddy is trying to cup a feel?"

Fay whimpers, as Kurogane hits him hard on the head, before he turns his back to him. The mage chuckles gently, before he follows after, poking his back to get his attention again. "Go back to sleep!"

"Or did Kuro-daddy hope that a hug would make my bad dreams go away?" Fay smiles as he could see the fuming Ninja tense. Honestly, Kurogane was such an easy man to read once you got to know him.

"Shut up and stop guessing weird stuff!" Kurogane growls, as he avoids the smirking blonde's gaze. This was the last time he tried to cheer the idiot up. "We will talk about your dreams tomorrow. Once or twice is ok, but when you have a nightmare for each night for over a week, something is going on."

"Ah, Kuro-sama noticed?" He is about to snort out how obvious it was, but Fay cut him off. "Is… Kuro-pon the sort of scary person that watches me sleep?"

"Get the fuck back to bed and stop messing around!" Kurogane yells furious, as he hits the whimpering Fay hard on the head, before he tosses the blankets over him. "We talk about it tomorrow. I'll wake you if you have a nightmare again."

Fay hides under the blankets, nodding as he hides a warm smile. Still now, Kurogane saw through him right away, no matter what he did. In the start, it had been so infuriating to be seen through, but now, it was welcome. He had never been good at voicing his feelings, so to spend his time with someone that knew what he felt right away, was perfect. Their travels would last a long time, so he was just looking forward to each day now.

He was happy, even if dangers was around each corner, because he knew that he had someone who would watch his back. He had strong people by his side that would not fall to the curse of the twins.

"So your nightmares is about your time in Valeria?" Kurogane asks, as he were helping Fay chop up some fruit for breakfast. They had gotten up before the kid and Mokona, so they could just see if there was any need to worry.

"Yes. Each night, I dream about my life from I were born, until the moment the Lord killed himself in front of me." Fay whispers, as he works on making some pancakes to go along with the fruits. "But, each time I dream, something changes. Everything from my birth to my father's death is the same, but after that, things changes around in weird ways. Either my mother lives a little longer, or my uncle waits some time before he drags Fay and me away. One time, he even tried to take us away before our mother killed herself."

"Did it change anything?" Kurogane asks, as he washes his hands, looking thoughtful over something.

"Yes, the first body that fell into the pit was our mother. She was still alive, and broke her body as she fell down. The last of strength she used, was to crawl against me."

"Did it change anything else after that?"

"Everything went faster. The time between we got imprisoned and the Lord going insane came faster, and it was the shortest dream." Fay brushes his hair out of his face, as he ties his hair up. "But it was the one where my mother cared the most for us. She died from the loss of us, not the loss of our father."

"For me, it is hard to imagine a mother not loving her children the most. Is there a chance, that from the start, there was something else that made her kill herself? Not the loss, but something else altogether?" Kurogane asks, as he starts setting the table. The world they were in now was just one of the small stops between become accustomed to use now. "Both you and your brother were young, and could it be that you might not remember it all as it played out?"

"Something like a murder?" Fay asks curious, and Kurogane nods.

"Either that or maybe something else drove her to suicide? In that dream where she lived longer, the loss of you two drove her to it. If that is so, something that happened after your father died, and not his actual death, killed her. In that one dream she lived longer, that thing might not have happened." The Ninja gets the juice and milk from the fridge, as it was about time the kids woke up now. "Maybe you should try writing each dream down? So you can look over it when you have the time, and see if there is any clues. It might just be that you are starting to mentally give yourself clues, now that you are calmed, and know the rest of the story about your brother's death."

Fay nods, looking a little amazed at Kurogane. Something Kurogane notices, as he glares back at the blonde, as he felt like the look he gave him was one of pure amazement over the fact that he had actually been able to make a good advice. "Kuro-tama can actually be really sma… gah!"

Kurogane smacks him on top of the head, just in time to stop their conversation before the yawning Syaoran came walking into the kitchen, Mokona jumping excited, as it smelled the grand breakfast. "Wow! Fay and Kurogane made a feast!"

Fay laughs gently as he catches Mokona. "We got up extra early today to make something special, since we will probably leave this world soon. Who knows where we end up later?"

"Fay-mommy is taking so good care of us!" Mokona cheer, and Kurogane fought an impulse to point out he had helped too, but knew it would just make them plot against him again.

"Everyone just get some food now." Kurogane snorts in the end, as he sits down to eat, reading his manga as he enjoyed the warm pancakes. He would never admit to it, but the mage made some of the best food he had eaten in his life, together with the kid that took over the witch's shop.

"Wah! Kuro-daddy is so stern!" Mokona and Fay cheers, but is cut off, as Kurogane hits Fay on the head again. The mage pouting as Kurogane had messed up his hair. Then he grabs Mokona and sends it flying. "Wah! So Mean!"

"Shut up and eat!" He growls, and both mage and white bun sits down to eat in silence, both pouting as he had gotten the better of them this time. They would be sure to strike hard back later.

Kurogane groans tired as he sits up. This was the fifth time this week he had woken up by the mage moving around in his sleep. Overall, it was the second week that he had suffered from these nightmares. He did not like to admit it, but he was sort of getting worried. It seemed that the last week, the dreams had started getting worse and worse, and what woke him during the night now, were Fay crying.

He moves slowly closer, and hesitates before he brushes Fay's hair gently. He had just woken him the first times, but had soon understood that when he woke up, he would be unable to fall asleep again, and would just lie there in silence until it was day again. Like this, he would just fall silent instead.

Soon the sobs fades, and Kurogane smile content as the weak thrashes goes away as well, and a calm wash over the mage again, as he starts snoring content. Kurogane cannot keep a chuckle in, as it sort of felt like the mage was a pet that needed extra attention. He keeps brushing until he was sure the mage had stopped crying, before he lies down to sleep again.

He was probably doing more for the mage than he had ever remembered doing for anyone else as long as he could remember. He had no idea why really, he just could not stop helping him out. After all, he knew how a sad childhood felt, and Fay had lived through an even worse one than him.

Close to falling asleep again, he can hear something move behind him, before slender fingers entwine in the back of his shirt. First, he thought that he might have woken up again, but he could hear from his breath that he was still sleeping. If he had not been so tired, he might have done something about it, but right now, the gentle breath against his neck did not feel that bad. It was calming enough to bring him back to sleep.

"Fay-san, are you really ok? You seem really distant lately." Syaoran stammers, as Fay had been busy writing something while the rest of them had breakfast. As the youth came over, Fay quickly closes the book that Kurogane had gotten him in town. He didn't know what had touched him more, that he had gotten him one, or that he had gotten him one with a big black kitty on?

The mage's first thought is to brush it off, as this was the first time Syaoran had asked about this. But just avoiding to tell him, and to lie to him felt really different. He also felt like he did not want to lie to his friends anymore either. "I'm ok, I have just been having some nightmares lately, and since it kept coming back, and Kurogane said it might be smart to write it down." He smirks as he holds up the book. "Kuro-pyon even got me this cute notebook and a pen to write with!"

Syaoran laughs nervous, as he had seen Kurogane walk into a diary section at a store, some girls staring at him, as it seemed the product might be more for girls in this world. "C… can I ask what the nightmares are about?"

"My childhood." Fay whispers, and he notices that Syaoran instantly looks guilty down. "It is ok. We are friends after all, so I don't mind telling you. I keep dreaming about different versions of my childhood, and no matter what might change, it will all have a horrible end."

"Like time is repeating?" He asks, and Fay nods. "Like the Clow country that was in a locked time?"

"No, that world always repeated the same, these dreams does not. Some points of it would always stay the same, but everything else could be changed." The youth looks thoughtful, and Fay was unable to keep from smiling, as he really put his heart into this too, just as Kurogane had. He still asked him about the nightmare each morning.

"What are the set points that will always happen?"

"Me and Fay being born twins, our father dying in war, out mother killing herself, and then the Lord going insane and killing everyone in the country, before me and Fay are left for ourselves." He explains, as he draws down a timeline in the book, letting Syaoran look over it. "I bet the rest after that is always the same, as I wake up the second my uncle dies."

"Does each point always come at the same times?"

"My birth and my father's death always comes at the same time. However, my mother's death might change, and the speed of my uncle's insanity. Depending on how my mother dies, his insanity changes course." Fay draws a new line, showing how it all worked out the time his mother had not taken suicide after the death of his father.

"So maybe the key to the dream, is your mother?" Syaoran asks, as he were looking curious over the notes in the book, Fay fighting an urge to joke about how much smarter their son was compared to his Kuro-daddy, but as Syaoran was trying so hard, he lets it be, and smiles instead. "Can you control anything in the dream? Or does it just progress on its own?"

"It is like watching a movie. I can't do anything about it." Fay explains. "That is why I don't get it. Why am I showed something like this, when I cannot do anything about it? Where does it even come from?"

Fay looks down, as he did not really know if he could handle the chance that these nightmares might haunt him each night forever. "Everything happens for a reason Fay-san." He looks up, as Syaoran gives a bright smile to him. It was a good thing that Fay had changed enough for everyone else to see his feelings too, at least they knew when he was feeling down now. "You have done nothing wrong, so whatever is happening, must be something that somehow will help you in the future."

"Hyu? So you don't think I might be punished by my past of bothering Kuro-sama?" Fay cheers, just in time to get a hard hit on the head, as Kurogane had come in to see why the atmosphere had seemed so tense.

"What do you mean with past!? You are still going strong aren't you?!" Kurogane growls and Syaoran chuckles as the two of them went at it again. He had no idea how his life would be if not for the two of them and Mokona, it would certainly be a sad journey. But here he had those that accepted him and his faults, as long as he did the same back to them. "The white bun thinks we will leave today, so make a big dinner before it is too late."

"What you actually wanted to say is: we are leaving soon, so make some food to go with the sake I just bought. Right?" Kurogane twitches a little, as the blue eyes moves down to look at the bag of bottles he carried. "You used our last money on it right now didn't you?"

"When we leave we won't need it." He complains, before he starts getting ready for the soon to be made feast, as he trusted Fay to know what went well together with whatever he bought. It was like an unspoken deal between them. He would pick out the alcohol, and Fay would by reading the label, know what he should make together with it. It was one of the mage's best skills at times. "Also, I left enough money for ingredients."

"I still think the one that makes the food should be allowed to take care of the money, Kuro-rin." Fay pouts, as he takes the bag to the kitchen, plotting out what to make besides it.

"The last time you had the money you used it all on matching jewelry for all of us." Kurogane growls, as Fay just gives an innocent laugh.

"Oh? But Kurogane still uses it!" Mokona cheers, as it jumps up on Kurogane's shoulder, and pulls at the chain, that he usually tried to hide under his clothes. Kurogane feels his face flush up, before he grabs the laughing Mokona. "It is almost like: My honey gave this to me with all his heart! I must treasure it!"

"What the hell are you spouting, you damned white bun?!" Mokona jumps laughing off, as Kurogane comes chasing after it. Syaoran laughs gently as he watches them, looking at his own necklace. All of them had something that would have meaning for them. Fay had a fluorite stone, Kurogane a dragon, Mokona got a new earlobe with a black stone and Syaoran got a pink Sakura flower on his. Everyone had been happy for theirs, but Kurogane had not been so happy when he found out Fay had used up all their sake money for the week. Nevertheless, it had been a nice gift.

The rest of the day went by blissfully peaceful. Fay fixed them one last feast, before he and Kurogane enjoyed some drinks on the balcony. Syaoran helped with doing the dishes from dinner, before he packed their extra stuff into Mokona. Then, as the clock passed midnight, their time in this calm world was over.

"Ah! We are going!" Mokona cheers, as it jumps around to wake the yawning Fay up a little. Then they are all transported. Slowly the warm feeling from the world they had been in fades, as even before landing in the new world, coldness creeps over them.

"Aha, It seems like we might need our coats when we land Mokona." Fay laughs as he could see that Syaoran was starting to freeze a little. The magician's laugh soon stilled however, as the sudden cold kept breaking through and into their travel. The walls around them froze over, and as shards started flying around them, Kurogane quickly pulls his sword to ward them, but too late, as everything around them turned to ice and broke apart, sending them all spiraling into darkness.

"What sort of landing was that?!" Kurogane yells, as he had barely been able to catch unto everyone in the darkness. Syaoran were looking confused around, while Fay seemed to have been hit hard by one of the shards, and was trying to bind a wound on his foot.

"I think something stopped the travel." Fay whispers, as he picks up the whimpering Mokona. "Are you ok Mokona?"

"Mokona don't know what happened! Mokona was suddenly pulled into a new world!" It cries, as they slowly start to look around at where they were. Fay noticed it first, as was natural, and slowly the others started to recognize the cold palace as well, from their companion's memories. "Ah! Isn't this Fay's original world?!"

"It… it looks like it, but why would we be sent to a world where no one is alive?" Fay stammers, as he was unable to stop shivering. Ending up here, and the fact that he had dreamt of this world for so long, were too eerie to just be a coincidence. Why did he have a horrible feeling that someone were walking over his grave? "And I thought this world fell apart when I left…"

"Hey, this place looks really lively you know?" Kurogane grabs for his sword again, as guards were surrounding them. Syaoran quickly makes him put his sword away. If this actually were Fay's home world, it would be stupid to start with fighting. "Who are these guys?"

"The royal guard, they protect the palace at all times." Fay stammers, as he tries hard to remember just what branch of the guards this was. There had been several branches, and depending on your skill, you would climb in ranks. The highest rank was of course the Lord's guards, but these were not of those. These were marked with a light blue color.

"What are you strangers doing in the Lady's chambers?" One of the guards yells, as they hold their staffs ready to strike the intruders. Valeria's court soldiers were mostly magic users, with swords to use in case their enemies used magic jamming shields. "Answer!"

"Grier Martel! Why are your men surrounding my guests?" A soft female voice, from behind a veil they had not noticed in the room before now. The guards quickly bows their heads, as the veil is brushed aside, and a frail looking woman appears.

"Lady Elda." The leader of the guards stammers, as he kneels. "We are sorry! We thought these were trespassers! If you would just have told us you were having guests."

She waves them away without any more words, and the gang stand quite confused back. Kurogane mad he did not get a fight, Syaoran stuttering as he understood they were in a lady's bedroom, Mokona excited over the pretty lady, and Fay lost for words. He had no idea how it had happened, but the only answer he had for this, was that they had been pulled into the past again, in his old world.

"My, such handsome travelers." She giggles, as she walks over to them, and as they look more at her, they started to realize that this woman looked like a more human version of the being Fay had made. "I am so sorry for Grier. He can be such a sour face when he don't get to protect me."

"Um, am I right to think that we are in Valeria?" Syaoran stammers in the end, as he could see from the pain in Fay's face, that this was the person he thought. This was the mother of the cursed twins.

"Yes, you are all travelling between the worlds aren't you?" She whispers, as she looks over them, and she gives a warm smile as she looks at the shaking Fay. "Oh? You are from this world are you not? Those bright blue eyes." She walks over to him, and Fay tenses, as she brushes his cheek gently. "I can feel that you have gone through hard times, young man, but I am happy to welcome you home."

The mage nods, unable to say anything to his mother as he feels tears well up. Before he can even control it, the tears just would not stop. They had travelled in time, and here he stood before his own mother.

She would eventually kill herself because of him and his brother, and he couldn't do anything about it than to watch it once more.