Disclaimer: Oh yeah, I own Harry Potter. That's why I'm making fun of my own books- of course.

A/N- This started with a conversation between my friend and me about how much J. K. Rowling steals from Tolkien. If you haven't read The Lord of the Rings (including the hobbit), you probably won't get a lot of the references, so don't read this.

A/N 2- I wrote this a while ago before the sixth book came out, then I stopped for a year, but now I'm going to continue it.

Here's what I think she'll do next.

Fro... Harry saw Gand...Sirius fall off the cliff... I mean, behind the curtain. "No!" He shouted, "Ga... Sirius can't be dead!"
Fr... Harry woke with the scar on his shoul... forehead burning with pain. He still couldn't believe Sirius was dead.

Or was he? Cornelius Fudge was checking around the room in the Department of Mysteries where Sirius died. He heard a noise coming from the curtain Sirius fell behind. "Cornelius", came a voice from the curtain. Am I losing my mind, thought Cornelius. Cornelius decided he'd check behind the curtains, "Just to see if I'm sane", he told himself. He opened it, and out came-
"Sirius? Sirius Black?"

"Sirius Black- Yes... that is what they used to call me. Now, I am Sirius White. I'm going now. I want to see my friend, Fro- I mean Harry." Sirius White disaparated with a loud crack.

Harry stared at Sirius. "Am I seeing things?", Harry asked. "No, you're quite sane.", Sirius said with a grin. "You're really alive?" "Of course. Don't you know that when you don't see the person's dead body, they're going to come back?"
"Gee... this reminds me of a book I read... The Two... Buildings? Anyway, I'm going to find Ron and Hermione and tell them the good news!"

Harry went to the Gryffindor common room.

"Ron! Hermione!" Ron and Hermione walked over.

"Guess what? Sirius is back!"

"Wicked!", said Ron.

"I knew he wasn't really dead! If he was, we'd have seen his dead body. I mean, come on, he just fell behind a curtain. I didn't say anything about it to you because I didn't want to get your hopes up," Hermione said.

They stood there for a few minutes, staring blankly into space. When you've beaten basilisks and trolls, finding out that someone is still alive is only vaguely exciting.

"Anyway, it's great that Sirius is back, and all, but we'd better get to class." That was Hermione, of course. "Have fun at Divination."

"Is it possible to have fun at Divination?", muttered Harry. Harry and Ron went to the classroom that Dumbledore transformed into a forest.

"Today", said Firenze, "we'll be studying crystal balls. Everyone, split into pairs and take a crystal ball." Harry took a crystal ball. He gazed into it. "Ron!", gasped Harry, "You'll never believe this, but I can actually see something!" Ron's eyes widened in surprise. If he had been drinking something, I'm sure he would have spit it out comically.

"You can see something? What do you see?" "I see Hermione and me with Aragog."

"Aragog?" Ron's face slowly turned white.
"Yeah- wait, I see something else. It's you- you're cowering in your room." Ron's face turned from white to red.
"Why don't you look in?"

"Okay... hey, I see something too! It's me and you... you're asleep."

At the end of the period...

"Well, I'm going to go find Hermione" Harry said.
"Okay. I'm going to go cower in my room."

I know that Harry and Ron probably would have stopped taking Divination in their 6th year, due to the D's (possibly T's) that they most likely received on their O.W.L's., but I need them to be in Divination for my plot. My precious plot. Nasty, fat reviewerses. They want to take away my precious plot... but Smeagol won't let them. And fanfiction won't put asterisks! That's really annoying.