Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, including all characters outside the Arthur family and Abby. I don't own the idea of the Marriage Law either.

Crises in the Fall

When the Ministry owls descended on Hogwarts they didn't even have the decency to restrict it to private quarters. No. Every muggleborn witch and wizard over seventeen got a notice of the marriage law there in the great hall at breakfast. It's a wonder only two students choked on their toast. I suppose it's no wonder they were both Hufflepuffs. See, I'm getting the hang of this house-bashing thing. Give me time; I'll have a side to root for at quidditch.

I'd come to England at the close of my healer training purely to avoid awkward situations like this; I'd convinced myself English people never got involved in awkward situations. Sure, it only took a bottle of Ogden's and a Scotsman to cure me of that illusion, but damn it all. Down the head table Hermione looked as sick as I was starting to feel. Severus was doing an unusually poor job of looking like he wasn't observing both of us. Six months to find a pureblood to marry. Mother of God. I haven't even had a date in at least seven.

I must've looked a little green when I completed that last thought. Remus just laid a hand on my shoulder. "Surely there's a loophole," he said, removing his hand as I turned to face him. I wasn't together enough to talk about this. Especially not with Remus, in front of whom I might just cry.

"Are the time limits extended for the students?" My brave front cracked on the mention of time limits, as did my voice. At this, Severus turned toward us. Neither Remus nor I managed to suppress our surprise.

"I understand the students will not have to marry until the close of their seventh year. They will not, however, be granted an extension to account for university." Severus' words were even more clipped than normal. He swept his eyes over the room and returned his attention to us. "The seventh years will be even more unbearable than usual today."

"I'll need more headache and restorative potions," I said, "and dreamless sleep, I think." Severus nodded and stood, pressing his hands to the table briefly before striding off. As soon as he was gone Hermione took his place. True to form, she grabbed my forearm with tense hands and a wild look in her wide eyes.

"Would you like to come for tea this evening?" Her voice was higher-pitched than normal but somehow flat. The healer in me worried a little. I sat up straighter in my chair and tried to look brave; I think I just kept looking ill.

"If you get tea this evening, then I get lunch in the infirmary. We'll negotiate about breakfast tomorrow." She nodded quickly, her curls expanding around her head. The students were starting to gather their books from the tables. Remus was already gone. I glanced around us quickly. All clear. "Get irresponsibly drunk with me tonight?"

She nodded again. "I don't want to—I don't want to think about this. I don't want to do this!" I clamped a hand on one of hers. Her eyes shrunk back to nearly normal size. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Look. We'll figure this out after we've done our jobs all day, all right?" She nodded and stood, straightening the front of her robes. For a quick moment the absurdity of me being the sensible one and logical Hermione being flustered made a laugh fight up my chest. Then it dawned on me: Hermione's not used to flying by the seat of her pants. Not at all. Damn it, Ministry. Torture your war hero, why don't you?

My potions predictions panned out. By ten o'clock I'd nearly run out of headache potion and I'd resorted to muggle smelling salts in two cases of fainting. It seems worry over the impending law had some of the girls not eating and most of the boys not sleeping. Better put in an order for some pepper-up, too. There'll be a cold or flu ripping through the dorms in no time.

Hermione arrived for lunch with Remus in tow. She had him by the forearm, this time, and he was valiantly trying not to look like her grip was painful. I saw why she got him involved almost immediately. She spent the entirety of the lunch talking with him about his and Tonks' recent additions, twin boys, and their favorite teething toys. You wouldn't think that topic of conversation would sustain three people for an entire lunch, but you'd be surprised what Hermione can do when she's motivated.

It must've been three when the other shoe dropped. I was just writing a note for a Ravenclaw with hay fever when an absurdly large owl landed on my desk. Once I'd detached the scroll the bird flew off, so I assumed it wasn't important enough to merit immediate attention. It was sitting there on my desk when the Head Girl walked in to ask for some pain reliever for her cramps—she'd be mortified I told you that—so she was the one to draw my attention back to it. Actually, she just said, "Did you get an owl from PlayWizard? Oh. I mean, never mind. It's none of my business."

I must've looked at her like she was mad, because she was out of there in a second. Still, I was curious. I read the scroll. Sure enough: PlayWizard. Could this day get any more stupid? I pressed the insides of my wrists to my eyelids and slid down in my chair, straightening my body like a board. Of course that's when Severus paid me a visit, slamming the door behind him. I shot up, dislodging myself from the edge of the seat and capsizing the chair on top of myself as I fell to the floor. "…oh, motherfucker."

"Indeed." I peered up at Severus through the slats in the back of the chair on my head. If he'd been sneering I'd have harangued him. Instead, he reached over my desk and lifted the chair off my head. By the time I sorted myself out he'd put the chair down on the other side of the desk and placed the newly-brewed potions along my shelf. "Was there any reason for that… performance?" Again, I looked for a smirk and failed to find one. So I said to myself, what the hell? I handed him the letter from PlayWizard.

To my mortification, he elected to read it aloud. "To Mademoiselle Lalaith Arthur: PlayWizard is pleased to offer you a place in our upcoming issue 'The Women of the Marriage Law.' We are known for our tasteful celebrations of the female form. Please consider our offer; consider being part of our family." Oh, there's the smirk now. "Charming. You must be honored, Lalaith."

"My parents were Tolkien fans." I snapped. I took the offending letter back from him and set it at the far side of my desk. I straightened. Business. Think business, Arthur. Focus. "Thank you for the potions, Severus."

He inclined his head slightly, smirk still in place, and swept out of the room with his usual drama. Only as the final bit of his robes was leaving the door did it hit me what I'd just done: I'd just told the wizarding world's most famous spy about an offer to pose naked. I moved the chair back to the proper side of my desk and resumed the pose in which Severus had found me. At least there was more headache potion.

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