A/N: An anon on Tumblr asked for a Paric baby-fic. I'm not really into the whole Paric and babies thing, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone. I apologise for the kind of cheesy/lame title. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Baby (Not) Mine
Pam walked into Eric's office, flicking through the mail; she dropped the bills on his desk and was about to leave with her fashion magazine when she suddenly stopped at the door. She turned around slowly and narrowed her eyes at the baby carrier perched innocently on his desk.
Striding back into the room, she rounded his desk to investigate the offending item. She recoiled when she caught sight of the infant, swathed in pink fabric and sleeping soundly.
She was going to kill him.
Grabbing the handle of the carrier, she strode purposefully from the room; she paused at the end of the short corridor that led to his office and scanned the empty room. She caught sight of her Maker standing behind the bar, making a final check of things before they closed.
He looked up as she stalked towards him.
"Is there a problem?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
Pam ignored his question, "Care to explain this?" she demanded, dumping the baby carrier on top of the bar as she did so.
Eric blinked, "Where did you get that?"
"That was on your desk," she explained, eyes blazing, "any ideas how it got there?"
"Should I?"
"It was on your desk."
"I didn't put it there."
"Oh, so it just magically appeared there?" she asked in a mocking tone.
"Maybe it did."
"Maybe it was by fairy magic!" Pam all but shrieked, waking the baby which promptly started wailing.
"Now you've done it," Eric commented drily.
"This is not my fault," Pam retorted, crossing her arms.
Eric narrowed his eyes at her, "Oh, I guess it's my fault."
Pam shrugged a shoulder, "If the bassinette fits," she shot back.
Eric pulled a face at her, "Funny."
Pam gave him a withering look in response, shifting a little further away from the squalling infant.
"Well aren't you going to pick it up?" Eric demanded after a moment.
"Why me?"
Eric wrinkled his nose as he peeped in at the infant, "Don't you have maternal instincts or something?"
"I'm afraid I've never been the mothering kind," Pam replied flatly, "besides, aren't you the one who had a million siblings growing up?"
"Eleven is hardly a million," Eric retorted, still eyeing the baby with distaste, "and that was a long time ago."
"Still gives you more experience than me," Pam countered.
"Well, here's your chance to learn," he told her sweetly, sliding the carrier along the counter towards her.
"No thanks," she replied, sliding it back.
"I insist," he said, sliding it back again.
"No thank you," she answered firmly, pushing it back with a little more force.
"Don't make me order you," he said, a hint of anger creeping into his tone as he slid it back towards her.
"Try it and see what happens," she responded, shoving it back.
They were still arguing and shoving the carrier between them when Ginger came running into the room.
"I am so, so sorry!" she told them, her eyes like saucers as she rushed forward to claim the baby carrier. "My sister had to go out and there was no one else to mind the baby," she continued in a rush, clutching the carrier, "I would have called off sick, but as we weren't opening tonight…" she trailed off as she caught sight of their faces. "Maybe I should just take her home?" she suggested.
"That's the first good idea you've had this evening," Pam drawled, leaning against the bar.
"Ok," Ginger said slowly, glancing between her two vampire employers, "good night," she added with forced brightness as she left the room.
Both vampires watched her go in silence.
"I suppose we can't actually fire her over this," Pam commented, breaking the silence.
"Sadly, no," Eric said as he rounded the bar, turning off the lights.
"Shame."
Eric chuckled as he slipped an arm around her waist, leading her out of the bar. "Care to have some fun not making a baby?" he whispered seductively in her ear.
Pam smirked as she jumped into his arms, "I thought you'd never ask."