IF NOT FOR YOU

by debbiechan

I decided to finish an un-used section of "Sanctuary," a Dong-soo/Woon fanfic, as a stand-alone story. "If Not for You" exists in the "Sanctuary" timeline and complies with themes. Woon remembers something new about the night his father died and confronts the continuing issue of the former Sky Lord's abusive mentorship. Written per request: graphic/romantic H/C Dong-soo/Woon scene.

If Not for You

by debbiechan

I decided to finish an un-used section of "Sanctuary," a Dong-soo/Woon fanfic, as a stand-alone story. "If Not for You" exists in the "Sanctuary" timeline and complies with themes. I talked about the issues of emotional incest between Chun and Woon with a few people, and they believed that there had been more than that manipulative mind-fuckery going on. Chun is a popular character; he's charismatic (most narcissistic abusers are), and while I found his character fascinating, I found his obvious canon actions (murder of the Crown Prince, the lies he told a child while grooming him to be an assassin, the controlling emotional games he played with Ga-ok) despicable and unredeemable. Chun fans won't want to read this story. I found the idea of Chun being a rapist not only to be within the realm of possibility but in perfect keeping with his flamboyant narcissism. I myself am a rape survivor, so you will find that none of my fics fetishize rape. Warning for mentions of pedophilia.

Other warning: graphic homosexuality (but that's what a few of you requested). Pairing: Dong-soo x Woon. Genre: Hurt/Comfort.

New Woonie arts by me: art/From-this-Rough-World-Yeo-Woon-694389316 and art/Yeo-Woon-Death-Scene-693508117

A man who lives without conflicts is as one who never lived at all—Confucius, the Analects.

1.

"Sometimes I wonder what's become of all of them." Woon lay down his spoon. He and Dong-soo ate dinner every night in one of the two rooms assigned to them. This room was officially Woon's, a couple pyeong from the Prince Heir's study. "I can't imagine all of them following the final command and laying down their swords. They're robbers somewhere, mercenaries in other lands."

Dong-soo noted how talkative Woon had become in the past year. But even during their wanderings from province to province before returning to serve in the palace, in taverns and camp tents where Dong-soo and Woon had confided so much in one another and exhausted themselves telling their truths, Woon had skimmed the outline of his time in Heuksa Chorong; he rarely mentioned the assassin guild after he and Dong-soo became lovers.

"I wouldn't trouble myself about it." Dong-soo poured honey water into Woon's cup. "There are robbers and mercenaries everywhere. One guy here, one guy there—always some individual acting for his own selfish interest. Heuksa Chorong was a terrible power because it fed off these kinds of people. It was one big monster organization manipulated by politicians, and it invaded the deepest places in the palace." Dong-soo took a sip from his own cup. "But it's gone, Woon-ah. It's all gone. Thanks to you."

Woon looked thoughtful, the way he did years ago, at odd moments when Dong-soo wondered what his childhood companion was thinking about, back before Dong-soo had any clue of Woon's hidden life.

"Did I tell you I saw Goo-hyang?" Woon said.

"The gisaeng? The lady who took your bird?" Dong-soo remembered the last person left in that dark creepy place that was Heuksa Chorong. He and Woon had stopped for money and supplies there before fleeing Hayang, and Woon had been angry with a court lady, her eyes like jewels the way they shone at Woon. "The one who looked at you like she was in love with you?" Woon had been angry first, then oddly kind. He had asked her to take his white carrier pigeon. "When? Where did you see her?"

"She lives in the same village as Sa-mo. I saw her in a merchant area when we were coming back. I heard my whistle for Xue, and Xue flew to a window, and I saw her there. She looked … she looked like a simple, pretty peasant girl."

There was a long silence, and Dong-soo began to pick up the dishes.

"Why can't you stop doing that?" Woon snapped. "How many times do I have to tell you? There are servants here. Stop that."

Dong-soo stopped. He sat back down because Woon had made no sign of wanting to rise from the table. "See, the gisaeng did fine. She made a new life for herself."

"She was exploited by Chun." Woon sighed-it was a slight sigh, not audible, but Dong-soo's senses were so acute that he could see the exhalation of sadness from the way Woon's lips parted. "Chun sent her to Qing and then to the palace to work as a spy. He was kind to her, but he used her. Heuksa Chorong removed a firebrand from her because she was the daughter of a traitor, and in return for that favor-. She had been born into a good family too. She learned to be a prostitute. Chun taught her."

Worry began to rise in Dong-soo's chest. Something about the cadence of Woon's words.

"She was very pretty," Dong-soo said for lack of anything else to add to the strange conversation. Then a thought occurred to him. "Did she—did you-? Did you and she ever-?"

"No."

"I didn't think so."

"Chun had a peculiar power over everyone," Woon went on. "I sometimes wonder if previous Sky Lords had his influence. There was a code, but there must have been deserters. A few must've escaped and not been tracked down and killed. All the time I was there, no one… not even Earth Lord, who had Sword Saint to protect her—she never left. It's not that we couldn't. He made us believe…"

"Yeah." Dong-soo stretched his arms. It was summertime, and he and Woon's military vests and caps were thrown on the floor. Dong-soo considered picking them up and putting them in a closet, but Woon might scold him again. His hanbok felt hot though, and he was ready for bed. "That Chun was a creepy one. Did I ever tell you about the time I first saw him when I was grown? Not when he rode into the warrior camp when we were kids—aish, that was creepy enough—but outside Sa-mo's own house one night. He was there to see our Sword Saint? You were there with Cho-rip too. Remember?"

Woon looked distracted. "You saw him that night?"

"I saw him as he was leaving. A little ways from the house. He looked me, got very close to my face and blew on it. I mean, he blew on me like I was a dandelion he wanted to scatter into pieces." Dong-soo widened his eyes at the memory. "I was so shaken. I clutched my heart—that's how I felt. It was like he wanted to make the impression that I was just a nothing standing in the path of his big important self as he passed but…"

Woon was looking at Dong-soo intently now.

"He didn't know who I was," Dong-soo went on. "But he seemed drawn to me in a way? It was scary. The man was a force. I felt he was a force that had… I don't know…." Dong-soo hadn't thought about it in years. "That he had damned the past and could damn the future?" That was too intense a statement. Dong-soo lightened his tone. "I mean, what sort of person walks around and blows on people's faces?"

At that moment, Woon's face went blank, like someone asleep with his eyes open. Dong-soo saw that Woon wasn't in the room anymore.

"Woon-ah?"

It was as if Woon were in another realm where time moved more slowly. Dong-soo counted his own breaths—eight, nine, ten—and because there was no change in Woon's unblinking, dumbstruck expression, Dong-soo rose so fast from the table that his chair toppled over. At that moment, Woon's eyes rolled back, all white. Dong-soo caught Woon by the shoulders, and one of Woon's arms reached forward as if trying to escape that touch. Dong-soo loosened his grip, but still holding on, he knelt by the chair to see if Woon was coming back. "Woon-ah? What's wrong?"

Woon's fingers spread; his arm dropped across the table—he was conscious, pupils reappearing as he tried to steady himself, and then he fell forward in a dead faint, his cheek against the crook of his arm.

2.

Dong-soo's yelling made the prince drop his book. His two guards, Gak and Yong, drew their swords. If Dong-soo was shouting Woon's name, there was trouble of the worst kind. Geol, the third guard who had come down from the mountain training camp so long ago with Dong-soo and Woon, was off-duty somewhere far within the palace and sorely needed at this moment.

"Stay here with his Highness," said Gak to Yong. "I'll go."

Gak nearly knocked over a palace servant in the hallway. She was running from Woon's room. "Su-won-ssi!" Gak exclaimed. "What's going on?"

"I have to hurry." She was already breathless. "The Commander sent me to fetch the Royal physician."

Sword drawn, Gak burst onto a surprising scene. Dong-soo was carrying the invincible Yeo Woon in his arms. There was no blood that Gak could discern. Woon's arms hung as limp as if he were dead. His head was thrown back, long black hair swaying as Dong-soo turned to Gak.

"Commander," Gak said. It was a whisper. "What-?"

"Don't touch the plates or the food. There might be poison." Dong-soo's voice was strong and calm when only moments ago it had been calling out Woon's name in absolute terror. "No stranger has passed these walls. There's no immediate threat to the prince, I swear to you. I sent a girl to get the doctor. Follow her and make sure she gets there. Those who served the food-" Dong-soo's voice cracked now. "Those who served the food should not be above suspicion, so make sure she gets there." He carried Woon a few steps towards the ornate six-paneled room divider; Dong-soo tried to make it past a narrow space without Woon's head hitting the divider, so he raised Woon against his shoulder. The motion threw Joseon's most skilled martial artist off-balance; Dong-soo's body hit the divider with the full strength of his worry for his friend, and the six panels crashed to the floor. Then Dong-soo lay Woon on the bed; his fingers opened Woon's mouth and felt inside for foreign objects. He loosened Woon's hanbok tie.

"Go," Dong-soo said to Gak. "Follow the girl. Make sure the doctor listens to her. Say there may be a crime scene here."

Gak sheathed his sword. He couldn't take his eyes off Woon. This was one man who he had never thought he'd see fall. "I'll catch up with her. But—but-I have to tell his Highness where I'm going first."

Dong-soo nodded. He was checking the pulse at Woon's throat with one hand, prying Woon's eye open with the other hand.

Gak returned to the Prince Heir's study and explained the situation to a stunned young prince and a Royal guard whose eyes were filled with rage.

"Why would someone do this to Woon?" hissed Yong.

"I'm going there," said the prince. He rose from his desk. "I'm going to see Yeo Woon."

"No!" Both guards said the word at once.

Gak explained. "We don't know any of the facts yet. Poison is only one possibility. Woon may be very ill. But until we know, please, your Highness, you need to stay here."

The prince seemed to understand but was still eyeing the door.

"I have to go follow Su-won like I was told," said Gak. "Please. Dong-soo knows what he is doing."

As Gak left, Yong turned to the prince and added, "Yes, your Highness, please trust Dong-soo. Woon is his most precious person."

3.

There was no poison. Woon's pulse was normal, a little fast. His breathing wasn't irregular; neither was his body temperature. No discoloration in his eyes, nails, gums. Dong-soo had loosened all clothing so Woon would feel more comfortable but refrained from examining the rest of his body; the doctor would do that.

Dong-soo shook Woon's shoulder gently. "Woon-ah." It was so unlike him to pass out for any reason. There was no odor to his breath—Woon smelled like Woon. No twitching, no sweating. Even odorless, insidious poisons caused some redness or inflammation inside the mouth after being ingested, caused some visible distress in the body—Woon had fainted. The way people do from bad news or the sight of a ghost, not from poison or illness.

"Woon-ah," Dong-soo repeated. There still could be something terribly wrong. What did Dong-soo know? He had once believed that flower snakes weren't poisonous; General Seo had told him that one didn't learn medicine from books. The doctor would know; the doctor would be here eventually.

Dong-soo was about to start imagining worse-case scenarios again when Woon's eyes opened. His lashes fluttered, and his eyes focused.

"You're awake. Do you know where you are?"

"Of course." Woon's irritated voice. "What happened?"

"You passed out after dinner. You got this strange look on your face and then you fell over on the table. Have you been feeling sick? I sent for the doctor—"

Woon sat up so fast that Dong-soo sensed the emotional force of that movement like a physical blow. Dong-soo found himself leaning away from the bed and Woon's anger.

"A doctor? Don't tell me you sent for the Royal physician. I'm fine." Besides being angry, Woon seemed nervous and disoriented. He wasn't fine at all. He didn't have that blank look, but his eyes were wincing—as if he were looking directly at a high sun. It was dusk, though, and the room was lit by the soft light of two candles.

Dong-soo put his arm around him. Lovers did that. It was a natural gesture.

"Don't touch me!"

Dong-soo took his arm away. "What is it?" Dong-soo knew it could only be something coming from the talk of Heuksa Chorong and Chun. "You… you remembered something, didn't you?"

Woon looked immediately regretful of how he'd snapped at Dong-soo. "Yes. That's what happened. You know how that goes." One of those lightning-like Woon transformations. Not unusual. Murderous to mournful. Woon looked at Dong-soo with sad eyes. He and Dong-soo had often talked about how it was necessary to forget what was too painful; Dong-soo had lost himself on the day the Crown Prince died. Woon had forgotten everything about the day his father died for over ten years. "I remembered something," Woon said. "But I … Right now, I just can't…." It never failed to impress upon Dong-soo how Woon's face could go from a glaring fierce warrior's one moment to a vulnerable lost boy's the next-depending on what anyone said or did. Most people thought of Woon as being a taciturn, expressionless man, but Dong-soo could read him now-not always easily. Woon was like a poem one had to read over and over, but his heart was open; it was wide open.

Woon finished his sentence quietly. "I don't want to be touched right now."

"The doctor is coming," Dong-soo said. "He's going to have to undress you. Do you want me to do it? It's only me here right now, Woon-ah. It's only me."

"I can do it. I'm fine." Woon undressed himself down to his light cotton sokgot. His hands were trembling, and even though it was hot inside, Dong-soo noticed that Woon's skin had started to goose-pimple.

It felt the doctor was taking too long to arrive, and each time Dong-soo attempted to touch Woon, Woon flinched.

Woon didn't say what it was he had remembered, so Dong-soo was left quiet with his imagination while waiting for the Royal physician.

"Do you want a blanket? You look cold."

"I'm fine," Woon said.

Dong-soo spoke the words the moment the thought occurred: "It was him, wasn't it?" And, feeling a little sick, Dong-soo, as he asked the question, knew exactly what it was. "Something about the former Sky Lord you remembered?"

Woon nodded, trying to appear impassive, but his eyes gave away that he was unnerved and anxious. Dong-soo wondered if Woon wasn't completely in the present yet, even though he was conscious. This not wanting to be touched thing—it made Dong-soo believe that Woon's body was trapped in the past. A feeling of horror, along with genuine nausea, was making it hard for Dong-so to speak again, but he settled himself, told himself that he needed to be patient for Woon's sake, and that he needed to tell Woon that everything was different now. Woon would eventually realize for himself that Chun was dead.

"However long ago it was, you were ready to remember," Dong-soo said. "You had started to talk about Heuksa Chorong and the people there. It's going to be ok."

Woon nodded again.

"The doctor is going to have to examine you. The prince would not allow anything less."

"I know."

At that moment, Gak's voice announced at the door that the Royal physician was here. Dong-soo told him to enter, and Gak, the doctor, and the servant girl Su-won swept in. Dong-soo felt horrible about suspecting the frightened girl. He asked her to clear the table and leave. "It's not poison," he told the doctor. "There are no signs. I'm certain."

Gak looked profoundly relieved. "I'm so glad you're awake, Woon-ah." It was a slip; the old friend referred to Woon as his Commander these days.

Right away the doctor took Woon's wrist and felt for the pulse.

"Please tell his Highness," Dong-soo told Gak, "that there's going to be an examination. That he doesn't have to worry about assassins."

Gak bowed and left.

The doctor quickly went through the identical procedures Dong-soo had followed while Woon was unconscious and told Woon to lie down. Dong-soo looked behind himself to check if the servant girl had finished picking up because the doctor didn't seem to care who was or wasn't there, and even if Woon didn't mind, it was hugely improper for Su-won to witness a man being undressed. Su-won was gone. This Royal physician may be a little too old and inattentive. Why did we have to keep such a foggy one?

Dong-soo knelt on the right side of the bed while the doctor hovered over the left and removed the sokgot. Woon looked like he was facing execution. The doctor pressed here and there, asked if there was pain, and Woon answered "no" over and over.

"You've had a shock to your system," the doctor pronounced. The doctor's hands were holding Woon's head back and feeling at the sensitive points behind his ears. "You're unbalanced. Your yang is clouded over. There's a shadow …. And your vision…." The Royal physician turned Woon's face to one side. "So much sadness." The doctor reached for the nape of Woon's neck and pinched it there.

Woon sprung an arousal that the doctor didn't see right away. Dong-soo felt a pang of lust that annoyed him; he shouldn't be feeling such things at a time like this. He made a slight involuntary choking sound that caused the doctor to turn around and notice Woon's state. Random sexual arousals were not uncommon for young men—and Woon looked younger than his age—so maybe this was why the doctor ignored what Dong-soo had taken to be a physical reaction to acupressure; or did the doctor expect that a specific touch behind Woon's head might evoke such a response? Points feng-fu and ya-men were located at the back of the head, and all Dong-soo knew about those points in terms of healing was that needles there helped with stress, emotional issues—and that a well-placed needle to the areas could render a man unconscious. Dong-soo had studied acupuncture in order to compete with Woon, whose knowledge of needles for martial arts combat was beyond impressive, but Dong-soo's understanding of sensitive meridian points on the human body was truly meager. He swore at that moment to learn more.

Woon had shut his eyes and was breathing deeply.

"I'm going to prescribe some tea to relax him," the doctor told Dong-soo. "Ingredients should be available in your own kitchen and served immediately. He needs to rest. I'll inform his Highness that he needs to be off-duty for some days."

"No." Woon rose to his elbows. "It's disrespectful to his Highness. I'm not ill. Even if I were, it's a disgrace—it's a failure of duty to not look after myself. I'll be fine. I am fine."

The doctor sat down on the bed and looked at Woon with a serious expression. "Commander, what I'm going to tell you is very important. You need to listen to me. I've served two kings and seen hundreds of patients. You've experienced a shock. What was it? Tell me."

Woon didn't say anything.

"He remembered something from his past," Dong-soo volunteered. He covered Woon's nakedness with a blanket even though Woon didn't seem self-conscious about lying there with a fully erect penis at all. "That's what he told me. Something from his past shook him when he remembered it. He looked stunned for about the count of ten, and then he fainted."

Woon shot Dong-soo a look. It wasn't a look of reprimand, but it was one of those dark Yeo Woon looks nonetheless. Dong-soo didn't care; the truth was more important right now because Woon's health was at stake. Some of the truth at the least.

The doctor returned to addressing Woon in a stern voice. "Listen, even though the palace has forbidden talk of your previous life as an assassin, there are some of us who know of your role in Heuksa Chorong as well as what you did to save the life of the Prince Heir. You must have witnessed terrible things in that place you lived, and it makes sense that only a person of the highest moral conscience would leave it and come serve the palace and the people of Joseon. But you would be a fool to ignore that your past can be thrown away so easily. It's going to follow you all the days of your life like a terrible injury, like a bone that has been broken over and over in the same place. Even though you can walk and run and appear to be whole and sound, there will be pain sometimes. You can't ignore the pain or it will get worse. It might cripple you for good."

Woon swallowed.

"Listen to me, young man, I can tell the prince that you have developed an allergic reaction. The way the queen suffered from her reaction to the josam tea. That you need to recover. What were you eating? Don't eat it again. I'll spare you the embarrassment of having to say you fainted from shock. You seem to think of that as a weakness, but it happens to the strongest of us. Now tell me—what were you served for dinner?"

Woon was silent for a moment. "But I like oyster soup," he muttered. "And I don't like to lie to the Prince Heir."

"Woon-ah," Dong-soo said in a quiet voice, "you don't have to hide. At least—not completely."

At that, Woon lay back down on the bed. He looked tired. He shut his eyes.

Dong-soo turned to the doctor. "Like Woon said, it would not be right to lie to his Highness. The Prince Heir knows as much about Yeo Woon's past as you do and more. He'll understand if you tell him what happened and that Woon needs rest."

Woon didn't protest, so Dong-soo continued. "Please tell his Highness that Baek Dong-soo is requesting a leave of absence as well. Someone has to look after Woon. I won't allow it to be a servant."

The Royal physician looked from Dong-soo to the young man who was now staring at the ceiling. "I expected as much," he said. "The friendship between the two of you is legendary. Commander Woon, you're lucky to have someone to guide you through this time." The doctor rose from the bed. "I'll be back tomorrow evening to check on your progress."

3.

The two guards in the Prince Heir's study exhaled with relief at the news that their friend was not poisoned. The prince told the Royal physician that he would give his best men as much time as they needed for Yeo Woon's recovery. The Royal physician said that he'd informed the servants which herbs to keep in stock in the kitchen, and for now, it didn't appear that there was much to be concerned about. But past traumas could easily become serious or life-threatening issues, so the doctor asked for everyone's patience regarding a prognosis tonight. "And one more thing." The doctor was curious as to what Baek Dong-soo had been talking about when he said that the prince knew more about the young Commander's life at Heuksa Chorong than most people.

"I've forbidden everyone who knows anything to speak of it," the prince said sharply. "Word must not reach the king or, gods forbid, the high court."

"As someone who will be treating the patient," the doctor said, "I need to know."

The prince looked from Gak to Yong who both looked surprised and worried. "We're all about to retire for the night," the prince said to the doctor. "I'll speak to you in private when you return."

"If it's something about our friend," Gak spoke up, "don't we have the right to know? Pardon me, your Highness, but you can trust our discretion. Woon is our childhood companion. He and me, Yong, and Geol proved our loyalty to you during the attempted coup. Can't you trust us?"

The young prince was silent for a moment. "Yeo Woon confided in me," he said at last.

"What happened to him when he was an assassin?" asked the Royal physician.

"Please don't use that word in my presence again when referring to one of my most loyal guards and warriors," the Prince Heir said. "Don't ever use that word to refer to Yeo Woon ever."

"Of course, your Highness." The doctor bowed.

"I don't know what happened," the prince continued, "but I do know that he was taken by the former head of Heuksa Chorong as a child. Yeo Woon was twelve and groomed within the guild while he trained at the secret warrior camp established by my father. I don't believe that anyone beyond myself, Baek Dong-soo, and Deputy Hong Guk Yeong knows how young Yeo Woon was when he was recruited."

Yong's mouth fell open, no sound coming out. Then he tried to speak. "Your-your Highness, why—how? It makes no sense that the previous Sky Lord would recruit a child as an- " He stopped himself before uttering the illicit word assassin, and Gak cast him a chiding look.

"I've forbidden discussion of this," the Prince Heir reminded his guards. "Now please, let us let this matter go for now." He rose from his desk. "I do believe it's time for bed, and if anyone should scale the walls and throw poison darts through a window, consider waking me up but otherwise—" The prince paused because something occurred to him. He turned to the Royal physician. "Should I send Dong-soo and Woon somewhere to rest? Away from speculation of the palace? Baek Dong-soo's home perhaps?"

"I would not recommend that," the doctor said. "I can best treat him here. And I must remind you that I am not yet certain as to how ill he is. He may need to be bed-ridden. No travelling. And of course, even though there is no immediate threat to his Highness, one would want Baek Dong-soo on the premises. No one can touch his Highness if Baek Dong-soo is here."

Gak and Yong were nodding.

"Very well," said the prince. "I will entrust Yeo Woon to your care here in my home."

"The one I believe will help him the most," the Royal physician said, "is the one who tends to him daily, and that is his best friend. I have one more question."

The prince looked tired but ready to answer.

"Does the young Commander have a lady friend or interest of any sort?"

Yong laughed. "Oh my goodness. All the women in the palace are crazy for him. It's always been like that. Ever since Woon was a kid—"

"Please," interrupted the prince. "This is not appropriate conversation." He looked at the Royal physician with a wary expression. "I don't know of the private romantic interests of the men under my command, and I don't understand what this has to do with the treatment of any shock Yeo Woon may have experienced. Many young men experience bad love affairs, I hear; our Commander experienced something far worse. You are dismissed."

"Yes, your Highness."

And the Royal physician bowed and left the room.

Relieved of duty, Gak and Yong raced to their quarters to wake up Geol and tell him everything that had happened. When they got to the part about the Royal physician's odd question about a love interest, Geol bit his lip, looked flushed. "I thought…." He hesitated. "I thought maybe you knew."

"Knew what?" asked Gak.

"I'm not sure," Geol said. "But I'm pretty sure."

"What?" Yong's voice was a little angry. He didn't like his friends keeping secrets. "What do you know?"

"I don't know anything," Geol said softly. "But from the looks of it, I'd have to say that Dong-soo and Woon are in love with one another."

The other two guards didn't say anything at first, but then they looked at one another as if what Geol had just revealed was a simple fact they'd known for years and years.

"I wonder why the Royal physician cares about something like that," Gak said.

Yong shrugged.

4.

Back in those pure, sun-dappled days of the boys' warrior camp on the mountain, Woon had the highest resistance of all the boys to insect and plant poisons, the greatest tolerance for pain accidentally or deliberately inflicted during Sa-mo's peculiar combat drills, and when the boys learned to drink alcohol (oh, how Sa-mo went on and on about how immoral it was to drink too much, but he poured the wine and observed the boys with amusement), the sweet rice wine bowls knocked everyone else to sleep except Woon. From the floor, Dong-soo had watched with bleary eyes as Woon had bowed to Sa-mo and started to clear the table.

The cup of medicinal tea ordered by the Royal physician, though, made Woon drowsy right away. Woon drank it dutifully, somehow resigned to his status as a house-bound patient, and turned to his side in bed and yawned.

"Are you really sleepy?" Dong-soo asked. He was in his white sokgot now but expecting Woon to talk a little. He always did. And not a single night at the palace since their arrival had gone without … intimacy. Dong-soo felt selfish for expecting Woon to want anything but sleep. "That tea must really be something. Or are you faking it because you still don't want to be touched?"

Woon's expression was so open that Dong-soo felt ashamed. "I'm tired, Dong-soo-yah."

"Can I-? " Dong-soo was unsure. "I can still sleep in the bed with you, right?"

"Yeah."

Dong-soo crawled into his space next to Woon, and Woon fell asleep right away, still unclothed under the blanket Dong-soo had thrown on him earlier. Dong-soo would not sleep much that night. He would find a couple more blankets to cover Woon. He would get up and sniff the pot of herbal tea. Roasted herbs, sweet red dates, not unusual sedatives. Why is Woon sleeping so soundly?

Dong-soo watched Woon's chest rise and fall. Woon-ah, you look peaceful. Maybe I should have some of that tea too, eh? It felt unnatural not to be pressed against Woon, so how was sleep possible? Hours passed with Dong-soo fidgeting, getting in and out of bed. Although Dong-soo finally did drift off, he dreamed that he was still pacing the room; when he awoke to bright morning light streaming through the window, he felt like he had lived through an entire uneasy life in one night.

Woon, dressed in fresh sokgot, was seated at the small table. Eating fish and rice.

Dong-soo sat up, terrified—he'd overslept. Every day before dawn, Dong-soo was back in his own room. He and Woon were discreet. The servants didn't know the two men spent nights together; no one knew. Then Dong-soo remembered that as Woon's caregiver, it would be expected of him to have spent the night at his ill friend's side.

"There's more of this damn tea." Woon raised the pot to show Dong-soo. "Am I supposed to lie like a corpse for days and days?"

Dong-soo rubbed his eyes. "Don't drink it. That tea is a stupid idea."

"I'm not going to drink it." Woon continued to eat. "Go back to sleep. If I know you, you stayed up most of the night."

Dong-soo walked to the table and, in a spontaneous gesture, lifted the small ponytail of hair tied to hang over thick tresses that Woon refused to wear, like most high-born men, in a dignified top-knot. "You washed your face," Dong-soo noted. "You swept some of your hair back."

"It's summer." Woon didn't put down his chopsticks. "It's hot."

Dong-soo dropped the swath of hair and attempted something else. He put his hands on Woon's shoulders. That's when he felt Woon's muscles tense.

"It's me, Woon-ah. It's me. If you're not going to sleep, if you're not going to close your eyes to it anymore, then we may as well talk about it."

Woon put down his chopsticks. "I know that," he said. "Just not now, ok?"

Dong-soo dressed and announced that he was going to report to the Prince Heir that Woon was better but would be staying in the room for the day. In the study, everyone was cordial, concerned, and very understanding when Dong-soo said that for now, he didn't want Woon to have visitors. The prince sent his regards; the three mountain friends smiled and smiled and wished the commander a speedy recovery. No awkward questions were asked; Dong-soo promised that that everything would be fine, just fine, in no time at all. Back in Woon's room, Dong-soo teased, "Hey, we could use this time like the old days on the road when we rode at night and spent all our days sleeping in inns and fucking until the sun set."

Woon lifted one corner of his mouth in a smile.

It wouldn't be that way of course.

All day, Woon took his meals dutifully, thumbed through some books, never deciding to read one fully, always rejecting the herbal tea that was brought by Su-won every few hours. He didn't change out of his sokgot and appeared to be playing the role of an ill person to perfection. He even took a nap. Dong-soo noted that it wasn't a genuine nap. Woon merely lay on the bed and closed his eyes, not breathing as one asleep, probably ruminating about what to say or do next, stuck in the past. Still in shock.

In the courtyard for some fresh air, Dong-soo ran into the prince.

The Prince Heir said an odd thing. He said that although he was glad to know that Woon was up and about, he felt regretful.

"Why?" Dong-soo asked his Highness.

The prince said that he had handed over to the Royal physician something said by Commander Yeo Woon in the most solemn privacy. He told Dong-soo about the Royal physician's insistent questions about Heuksa Chorong. "I doubt anything will come of it," the prince said. "But I do hope I have the chance to ask for Yeo Woon's pardon if something does. The Royal physician, by all accounts, is a reliable man with his patients' best interests at heart, but I would keep an eye on him."

Palace politics were beyond Dong-soo. He didn't have enough eyes to watch every politician, and he only had one person to worry about at the moment. Then it occurred to him that because the prince, who was suspicious of the court and with good reason, thought that the Royal physician's line of questioning the other night was worrisome, then maybe it might be useful to tell Woon, another mistrustful man, about this. Maybe provoke him into a little debate. A riled up Woon was better than a mopey one.

So Dong-soo did. He told Woon all of it. How the prince had snapped at the doctor for referring to one of his men as a former assassin. How the Royal physician had pried for information on the grounds that he needed it in order to treat a patient until the prince reluctantly told the strange man that Woon was only twelve years old when recruited into Heuksa Chorong.

Woon looked up from his book and blinked. That frightening blank look passed over his face for a mere count of two breaths. Dong-soo's own breath stopped at the count of three, but then Woon lowered his head, fully composed, turned a page, and said, "Fine. Let them talk about it. In any event, it doesn't matter to me now. Let them know I was an assassin. They'll fear me." A slight smile, a genuine one. "I know the prince wants to protect me, but being feared may be to my political advantage in the palace."

By the time dinner came, Dong-soo was at a loss. "The doctor is going to be angry because you're not drinking the tea."

"Maybe he'll let us return to work?"

"Aren't you going to tell me what happened?"

Woon kept eating.

"You remembered when I told the story about Chun blowing on my face and scaring me out of my wits. That was it, wasn't it?"

Woon stopped eating.

"Yes."

"He did something like that to you?" Dong-soo knew he had to press the matter. Dong-soo had believed that Woon needed time, but Woon had already taken years and years and not confronted this memory. "Did he blow on your face too? Did it bother you like it bothered me? Did something else happen?"

"Something like that." Woon turned his face to one side. "Years ago. It was part of what I couldn't remember on my own. It all happened on the night my father died. I lost all memory of that night."

Dong-soo remembered how Woon got his memories back. "Chun told you lies about that night, and pieces would come back. Then after Jin-joo's mother was killed, he told you the truth, and you remembered everything."

"Not everything," Woon said.

Dong-soo knew that they wouldn't be able to finish dinner. So, it had only been one night? In a way, that was a relief; yet somehow a single incident of abuse like that seemed so like the Sky Lord, the drunken, game-playing, manipulative master of assassins. Chronic abuse would be horrible, sure—but it happening that one particular night? It was like planting a bomb to go off a decade later.

A knock on the door. "The Royal physician is here," So-won announced from the other side.

Dong-soo cursed the time. "Let him in."

The doctor seemed genuinely pleased to see Woon eating and to hear that he had rested during the day. No one mentioned the tea. He requested that Woon lie down for another examination, and Woon complied, with less anxiety this time, but Dong-soo noted that Woon tensed whenever touched, that his skin went clammy in the summer heat.

After the examination was over, the Royal physician didn't bother to dress Woon. He's probably used to attendants, Dong-soo speculated, so Dong-soo himself covered Woon with a blanket. The doctor sat on the bed and, like the night before, gave Woon one of those looks that indicated a lecture was about to start.

"Your yang is unbalanced," he repeated. "It has probably been unbalanced for years. Commander, are you familiar with the Analects? I understand that you are a very intelligent man. Have you read Confucius?"

"I haven't had time for such things," Woon replied. "I studied to be a martial artist. I studied acupuncture for the sake of offensive combat, and I learned about medicinal herbs in order to treat wounds on the battle field."

"I see."

"Woon and I grew up far from the palace," Dong-soo added. "There are Buddhists and travelling shaman fakers out there. Peasants don't know about Confucius."

"Confucius encouraged strong friendships among men," the doctor went on. "You are very lucky to have Baek Dong-soo as your comrade. Confucius saw the most ideal of bonds as a brotherhood based on honesty and trust. This is written in the most supreme book of wisdom that the laws of country are based upon."

Woon and Dong-soo looked at one another.

"However," the doctor added.

Woon and Dong-soo looked at the doctor. Dong-soo was sure that this part was going to be bullshit.

"In the Analects, Confucius warned men that in their youth, they should not be mindful of not depleting their chi. Essential life forces can be depleted in many ways…. I suspect, Commander, that in your boyhood and continuing for some time in your life, your life essences became depleted due to unnatural sexual activity."

Dong-soo could feel his nostrils filling up with air. When he could finally speak, the word was a pure exhalation of shock. "What?"

"That's not true," Woon said in a simple, unperturbed voice.

"You're a very attractive man," the Royal physician went on. "You don't wear your hair in the style of most men in the court—like your friend here. You keep it long. You have somewhat feminine attributes—the way you smile, for example, or avoid direct eye contact."

Woon turned his head to look the Royal physician in the eye. "I am too sedated by your prescribed tea, doctor, or else…." Woon smiled his most prepossessing, full-lipped smile. "I would kill you for that remark. You do know that as a former assassin I have the skills to do that in most undetectable ways."

The doctor cleared his throat. He was, no doubt, accustomed to difficult patients, but the comment had rattled him. "What I'm trying to tell you, Commander, is very important. It is my duty to advance your well-being in service of his Highness."

"Yeah?" Dong-soo was angry now. "What exactly is it you're trying to tell him? I thought you said he had a shock, so what is it with this line of accusations?"

"I'm not here to judge," the doctor went on. "Confucius stressed the importance of harmonious relationships between men and men, men and women, yet filial piety is paramount. The filial duty is to marry and have children. That is a healthy outcome I wish for all young men, and yet—"

"Yet what?" Dong-soo wanted to punch this guy in the face, but he remembered his master's teachings. He needed to hear the doctor out.

"Whatever happened to the Commander when he entered Heuksa Chorong at age twelve and what may have continued there predisposed him to certain feminine traits that will interfere in not only the balance of his own chi but in the balance of his role in society."

Dong-soo was lost.

Woon was smiling.

"I am being quite honest when I say that I am not here to judge what appears to be an admirable relationship between two excellent men. By the standards described in the Analects itself, there is nothing greater…. but if a friendship between men crosses the boundary into sexual attraction, society is at risk."

There was a long silence. Dong-soo didn't want to blab anything and expose Woon. "Did Confucius really say that? That sounds made up."

"Confucius wrote that if young men spend too much time pursuing feminine beauty-and no, he did not specify male or female beauty—young men will deplete their chi. In the Analects, strong bonds between men are encouraged, but righteous men are warned against forming deep alliances with men who are too soft."

Dong-soo shook his head. "I think I understand what you're trying to say, and I think it's a load of bullshit. You're interpreting tea leaves. I don't see how you can get all that just from taking Woon's pulse, and I don't know what makes you think you can come in here and practically accuse him of being a boy prostitute when you don't know a single thing about him."

At that last sentence, Woon laughed out loud.

The Royal physician was started by the laugh. "I meant no disrespect. Like I said, I have a duty to my patients and to the future king. I also have a long history of observing people." He looked from Dong-soo to Woon with his old, sunken eyes-eyes that appeared stern but not unkind now that Dong-soo noticed how intent they were on conveying this Confucius business. "I know of what I speak. As I said, the friendship between the two of you is legendary. Commander Yeo Woon is a vulnerable person who may have experienced sexual abuse in Heuksa Chorong."

Dong-soo looked at Woon's face. It was un-readable. Woon-ah, that part is true. What does it feel like to hear someone say that out loud?

The doctor was still talking. Dong-soo caught his final words. "My advice to the both of you is to be friends. Talk to one another. That is what you do best, I presume."

"So why the big speech about Confucius?" Dong-soo wanted to know.

"Just a lesson," the doctor said. "Just advice. For the sake of someone ill and in trauma. Don't violate the principles of Confucius."

Dong-soo stood up; he began to pace around the room. What would happen if the Royal physician went around and told everyone in the court that Baek Dong-soo and Yeo Woon were lovers? Dong-soo suspected that half of the court already knew and didn't care. But political enemies were political enemies.

"What you've told us—this is confidential," Dong-soo said. "Upon your word, you won't say anything to anyone in the court about what you've speculated about Woon?"

The Royal physician held out his hands, palms upturned—as if to show he had no weapons. "I've told his Highness as much. I have a sworn duty to the future king."

How many traitors have said that?

"Fine," Dong-soo sighed. "Thank you for your insight. Woon and I were raised outside the palace like I said. We knew nothing of this Confucius."

"Buddhism, if I may add—" The doctor raised a finger. Is this guy ever going to shut up? "Buddhism teaches that sexual acts between men will lead to rebirth in the lower realms."

"I never heard of such a thing!" Dong-soo exclaimed.

"That's because you're a peasant," Woon said dryly.

"So I am," Dong-soo said, ""I may be stupid about the things fine-born men study, but I don't really care about theology. I care about following my own path as a martial artist. That is my religion. And about being true to my feelings." Dong-soo's voice intensified with some passion, but he did not speak loudly. "My feelings have never been cruel; I protect other people. If I am going to be reborn again, it is going to be as the wind, like my master hoped to be, as the free wind-as free as I hoped to be in this life."

"You're quite poetic for a man who claims to be a peasant," The doctor said, and he rose from the bed. "I'll be back tomorrow night."

As the man walked out the door, Dong-soo added in a loud voice, "Free as the wind! That's what Woon deserves to be too! Free!"

Then Dong-soo rushed to Woon's side and said he was sorry for everything that had just happened, that if Woon said the word, the Royal physician would not be allowed back, that a word with the prince would take care of that.

"It's no problem," Woon said. "I don't believe he's dishonorable. He's one of those very idealistic types."

"Really? You mistrust most people."

"This fellow seems like he's stuck into what he does and wouldn't betray his own principles. Besides, he already knew something about me, right? Probably from those he treated who were wounded during the coup, who knows. He seems to have known about my being an assassin for some time now, and he hasn't made any trouble."

Dong-soo blinked. "You're right." He blinked again. "Your mind seems like it's fine to me."

Woon smiled. Dong-soo was pleased to see Woon smile. "I haven't heard a rant like that from you in a long time, Dong-soo-yah."

"Guy pissed me off."

"I haven't seen you so pissed off in a long time either. You've been such a model disciple of Sword Saint that I'd almost forgotten the kid who used to wake me up in the middle of the night to beg me for a fight."

"To beg you to beat me to a pulp, you mean."

"Anyway…." Woon rolled to his side and faced Dong-soo. "Thank you, Dong-soo-yah."

Dong-soo felt heartened. He wanted Woon to be free; he honestly did. He took a risk. He leaned forward and kissed Woon lightly on the lips. No flinching this time.

"Are we going to take the good doctor's advice and talk?" Dong-soo asked.

Woon lowered his eyes. It was true that he had eyelashes that would be the envy of any woman. The lashes were thick and black. Woon's mouth, smiling or unsmiling, had the delicate rosiness of a girl's.

"All that stuff wore me out," Woon admitted. "I don't want to think about anything right now. I tried to be bored, but now I'm afraid that if we start talking, I'm going to bring up this idiot Confucius, and…"

"No, no, that can't happen."

Dong-soo leaned forward again and cupped Woon's cheek with his hand. And like the night before, even without the herbal tea, Woon closed his eyes and went to sleep too easily. This night, though, Dong-soo was able to follow him. Woon was going to get better. Dong-soo was sure of it before he closed his eyes.

5.

The prince was scheduled to meet with a prospective consort the following morning at a pavilion near the Southern wing. Although it was early, the sun was bright, and two servants with parasols accompanied him; two other servants carried fans; the three bodyguards from the mountain followed close behind.

"Whatever happened to that pretty lady Woon used to hang around with?" Gak asked.

"The tiny teensy one? Fairy waist, big ears?" Geol looked thoughtful. "The ward of the Crown Prince? But wasn't it Dong-soo who used to hang around with her?"

"Nah," said Yong. "She was Woon's girl. I'm sure of it."

"I heard she moved to a city far away," Geol said. "Her business expanded or something like that. Sa-mo said she makes occasional visits to Hayang. Wasn't she Dong-soo's girl?"

"I thought Dong-soo was going to end up with the bandit's daughter—what is her name?" Gak stopped walking for a moment, in perfect timing with the Prince Heir who had paused to watch koi in a pond a few steps ahead. "Hwang Jin-joo. She's still around. Maybe Dong-soo will marry her yet."

"Yeah, yeah," Yong agreed. "I still expect Dong-soo to get married someday. He seems the type. Everyone will expect him to—that much is for certain."

Geol was silent. He didn't seem to be as certain as his friends about an inevitable marriage for their Commander Baek Dong-soo.

"And Woon?" Gak wondered. "He doesn't seem the type. Even though the women are tripping over themselves to get close to him—"

"Have you seen the way even the queen looks at him?" Yong laughed.

"He was always a loner," Gak continued. "The first day he showed up at the warrior camp, there was no one else he seemed to pay attention to except Dong-soo. Those two had that rivalry going, but—" Gak flushed. His face went from pale to red to pale again—as if he'd walked in on something he wasn't supposed to see. He blinked, composed himself, and his friends pretended not to notice his discomfort.

"Woon was twelve when he came to the warrior camp, wasn't he?" Yong noted. "That means all those skills we saw—did he learn them from…?" His voice fell to a hush because he realized he was speaking against the prince's command. "Or was it because of those skills that he was noticed in the first place and recruited?"

Geol let out a snort. "Enough!"

Gak straightened his shoulders. "Listen to us. Gossiping like maids. There are some things that are un-knowable. Weren't we taught that by Commander Dae-pyo? That whatever happens, we follow our duty to the crown. We're soldiers, not idle yangban who have nothing to do but talk nonsense about who should marry who."

The prince stopped watching the koi and resumed his pace; his guards followed.

Back at the prince's home, Dong-soo had returned to Woon's room after saying to good-bye to the prince and his entourage. Woon wasn't there. Dong-soo looked in his own room. It was immaculate, not having been lived in for a couple days. Woon wasn't there either. The servants in the hallway, the kitchen, outside the back alcove said they hadn't seen a glimpse of Commander Woon. But of course, Woon was an expert at sneaking past anyone in broad daylight. Dong-soo's heart began to thump. He couldn't have gone far.

And then, there he was, sitting on a bench under a pomegranate tree. Black sokgot, a black robe, bare feet.

Dong-soo, who had been walking so fast he had been about to break into a run, slowed his gait. "Woon-ah! What made you come out here?"

Woon looked up; his you're clueless as ever Baek Dong-soo face was visible in the shade. "I was bored. Who wants to stay indoors all the time?"

When Dong-soo reached him, Woon added, "It's like a cage in there. I'm only bearing it for the sake of appearances and to please the prince."

"Don't lie to me," Dong-soo said. "I can tell. You've been thinking."

Woon didn't contest that. "What else is there to do?"

"You've been remembering?" Dong-soo sat on the bench next to Woon, closer than he usually would, close enough to catch him if he tried to run away—although Dong-soo knew perfectly well that Woon was not going to do that. Woon wasn't even wearing shoes, but Dong-soo didn't want to lose him. Don't disappear to a place where even I can't reach you.

"I think I've remembered as much as I need to." Woon turned his head in the direction of the wind. There was no one around, and it was clear why he wanted to be out here this morning. The house was empty of the prince and half the staff; the kitchen girls would not peek out the windows and report to the prince; the day wasn't hot yet, and the light breeze was soothing.

"I knew before last night," Dong-soo began. "I knew because of the kind of guy the old Sky Lord was. But last night, I was sure because—because-"

"That old doctor said a lot of crap, but he got one part right? Is that what you mean?"

Dong-soo's own bottom lip trembled, but Woon seemed as peaceful as the summer day. Dong-soo didn't even like to say the words. "It was sexual abuse, right?"

"I guess you can call it that. I didn't even know the name for it at the time. I forgot all about it, just like everything else that happened that night."

"What happened?"

The wind was blowing Woon's long black bangs away from his forehead so that more of his face was exposed. His eyes were focused, clear, as beautiful as Dong-soo had ever seen them. When Woon started to speak, it was in a casual, natural voice.

"I've only fainted twice in life. The night my father died and a few nights ago. I know why my brain shuts down like that, and I know that it happened to you too in a slightly different way. I'm glad I didn't turn into an idiot for weeks like you did." A slight smile. "I lost my memory for over a decade though, but I suppose that was because I had an actual sin to run away from."

"Woon," Dong-soo urged gently. "I thought we've been over this. "Nothing was ever your sin. It was your father's telling you this or Chun telling you that—"

"I know." Woon sighed. "What I mean is that I believed it was my sin my father died that night. It was because of that belief I would commit actual sins later."

Dong-soo wasn't going to go down that gloomy road with Woon again. He realized that Woon was truly in a vulnerable place if he was talking like this again. "You were going to tell me what happened that night that you didn't remember before."

Woon sighed again, his face not turning away from the wind. "I don't remember how I got back to Heuksa Chorong. I must have been unconscious for a long time. There was only one horse, and I always followed the Sky Lord alongside it while he drank. He drank a lot that night, I remember. More than usual."

Dong-soo told himself he was not going to cry. His throat was already tightening.

"He must have carried me back on his horse," Woon said. "It was thunder-storming that night, and I woke up at some point in my own bed. My clothes were soaked in rain and blood, and I didn't know why. And … and … this is where it gets spotty because Sky Lord wasn't supposed to be there. He would shuffle off tasks to other people. He was never in my room before. But I heard his voice. There was the smell of alcohol everywhere—I was used to the smell but not in my room."

Dong-soo put his fingers to his temples—Aish, aish, bear it. He put his hands down again.

"When you told the story about him blowing on you the other night, I remembered him doing that. He was laughing and saying he was going to dry me and put me out like a candle. So he blew on my face. He blew on my wet clothes, all over, from my shoulders to my socks. Then he said I never die, but you're going to die of exposure, kid, if you don't get those clothes off."

Dong-soo told himself that if Woon could bear telling the story, then he could bear hearing it.

Woon's unaffected voice didn't waver. "And he stopped laughing, and I don't know—he turned suddenly nice—like he cared—he said something like he was sorry that blowing on me was just making it worse and making me shiver."

So that's what he was remembering? "That's when your eyes went blank and you sat there like a ghost for the count of ten?"

Woon actually laughed. "I don't remember. All I know is that when you said that about Chun blowing on you, the scene came back to me. It was a new memory. It just came back—the blowing on me. How he started to take my wet clothes off. And then—" The laughing expression was gone.

Dong-soo braced himself.

"I was trembling all over because it was so cold. He kept saying it was going to be fine and not to worry about it, that he would sort it out with Earth Lord and Human Lord. He told me to calm down. I was lying there wet and naked in the bed, and he—he told me to calm down. He just took my cock in his hand." Woon's own hand rose as if to demonstrate. Dong-soo was sure the gesture was involuntary but the movement still shocked him. "He put it in his mouth," Woon went on. "He did things that felt strange and good, and …. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep. I've been trying to remember more all this time. I remember that I had one bad dream after another about stabbing my father, about being called a killer, about all kinds of things that were mixed up with blood and rain, but I know that when I woke up, I was dressed in my nightclothes. I was screaming because of one of those nightmares, and the Sky Lord was gone. His lackey was there, and he took me downstairs."

Dong-soo wanted to throw his arms around Woon, but he chose not to.

"What's peculiar is that downstairs, sitting next to Earth Lord and Human Lord, the Sky Lord already knew my memory was gone. He said so. He told everyone that I'd forgotten the previous night out with him, the assassin's assignment. He didn't seem to know that earlier in my room. So maybe something else happened I'm still not remembering." Woon shrugged as if he were discussing forgetting what he had for breakfast. "It's enough. I know now it was the one time. One time was bad enough, but it was the one time."

Dong-soo heaved a deep sigh. "It never happened again?"

"I'm sure of it."

"Are you really sure?"

"I never forgot anything, not ever. Just that one night. There was never any physical evidence of that sort of thing." Woon paused to breathe. He had spoken for a long time, and Dong-soo was amazed that there seemed more to come from someone who had said so little for two days.

"You know what's funny? Even before the other night when I remembered and passed out like an idiot, I wondered if Chun had ever done something to me. Isn't that funny? Isn't that a crazy thing to wonder about? Because I did find out what kind of man Chun really was. I knew perfectly well what he was capable of. Because—because-" For the first time since he'd started speaking, Woon's voice betrayed a little emotion. "I didn't want to see myself as someone who had been fooled. I thought I was fated to being his prisoner. You're the one who made me see I could make a new life for myself. If not for you, maybe I never would have known that my fate wasn't bound up with his."

"Don't say that. You were already on your way to breaking free by yourself. The Sky Lord was already going crazy after Earth Lord died, and—"

"He told me himself that he was an old pirate who had done terrible things, raped and murdered for money and thrown bodies into the ocean. I told myself—he's not that bad. I never saw him raise his hand against Earth Lord. But I did know that he had something going on with Lady Goo-hyang; when I was old enough to understand, I knew that she—she's our age, Dong-soo-yah. He must have had to teach her to be a prostitute, and… and I did think back about when I was twelve, when he was the most manipulative, but…."

"But what? He raped you. Why didn't he do it again? Are you blocking something else out? Did he drug you—did he-?"

"It was that one time. I've thought about it, and although all the time I was in his service he acted a little too fond of me, was unnaturally fond—I mean, he liked to pet my hair as if I were his favorite dog or something—I knew that there had to have been physical evidence if something else had been going on. It was that one night, just that one night-I guess all the evidence was washed away with the blood and the rain…." Woon didn't look sad, just like he'd been thinking about this until he'd exhausted himself. "Washed away with the blood, the rain, and my memory for over ten years."

That was it. Woon was done talking. He and Dong-soo sat in silence for a while. The wind died down and started back. The shadow of the pomegranate tree had shifted. Dong-soo stood up. "Let's go back in inside. I want to hold you."

"I want to stay out here a while longer," Woon said. He didn't look at Dong-soo.

Dong-soo bent over and swept Woon's long hair to one side so that the nape of the neck was exposed. "It will get hot soon," Dong-soo said. "Don't be long." As Dong-soo still held the black hair against Woon's shoulder, Woon lowered his head. Why won't he look at me? Even though they were outside, and even though someone might see, Dong-soo didn't care. He kissed the pressure points at the top of Woon's spine. "I'll wait for you," Dong-soo whispered. "Whether you like that or not, I'll be waiting for you."

And like so long ago, like the night Woon had ridden back to the assassin's guild from Sa-mo's house, Woon answered, "Thank you."

When Dong-soo returned to the prince's house, he lay on the bed and cried. Even though the place was mostly empty, he cried noiselessly. He cried for a long time.

6.

Woon didn't make it back inside before the Prince Heir returned. Dong-soo heard voices in the courtyard and walked outside to see Woon walking barefoot alongside the prince's entourage.

"The Royal Physician kept making unnecessary comments to me about my finding a wife," the prince was saying. "Other than embarrassing the young lady I was breakfasting with, it wasn't a bad outing."

"He seems to have a fixation about the duty of young men to marry," Woon said. "The Analects by Confucius."

"You've read Confucius?" The prince did not look surprised. Dong-soo knew the prince would not be surprised by anything about Yeo Woon.

"No, I know nothing about this Confucius. All I know is that the doctor kept going on this subject to me and Dong-soo last night. Marriage, some-such, filial piety, the proper behavior of young men."

"Oh really, this is too much!" The young prince rarely expressed such frustration. He noticed Dong-soo on the steps before the front alcove. "Good morning, Commander," he said as Dong-soo bowed. "I'm glad to see our patient is doing so well. But the behavior of the Royal physician continues to annoy me. Harassing my men with talk of marriage now? Even an ill patient of his own?"

"Woon said not to worry about it." Dong-soo bowed slightly again. "The doctor is old and means well."

"Yes, of course." The prince seemed to put faith in Dong-soo's statement. The extent to which a future king trusted two peasants who were skilled in martial arts but not palace politics never failed to impress Dong-soo. It occurred to him, for the first time, as the prince and his servants and guards walked past him and into the house, that he and Woon might have more influence in the palace than they ever had anticipated.

Dong-soo was left in front of the house with Woon.

"Feeling better, Woon-ah? Did you eat breakfast?"

Woon turned to look at Dong-soo; he held his gaze. Dong-soo felt a little discomfited—Woon only stares at me like that when he wants a fight or a fuck. It's true what the doctor said—Woon always turns his eyes down and never looks people in the eye for long.

Woon finally dropped his gaze and gestured with his chin at Dong-soo's right hand. "You look almost naked without your sword," he said. "You looked like a court advisor there for a moment instead of a military appointee."

"That's odd," Dong-soo replied. "I felt like that too."

"Let's go inside. We can tell So-won-ssi that it's time for my stupid tea and ask her to bring some food."

After breakfast, and after Dong-soo poured some of the tea into the piss-pot even though Woon insisted that they should always let it be, that So-won would never rat to the Royal physician, Dong-soo kept his promise, stood up, and put his arms around Woon.

Woon felt a bit stiff in the embrace but he returned it. He let go too soon though.

But he was walking towards the room divider. Dong-soo followed him, daring to hope. Woon sat on the bed.

"You've been crying," Woon observed.

"How can you tell? I washed my face."

"I can tell." Woon sat there, looking solemn.

Is he tired again?

"The doctor got so many things wrong," Woon said. "You were such a crybaby long before we started fucking. You don't think I heard? How you wept like a girl all the time over everything when you were a kid."

"Maybe I was born perverted," Dong-soo said.

Woon looked up.

"It was a joke," Dong-soo said. "I thought you didn't buy any of that crap the doctor said either. You know what I'm talking about—just like there's no such thing as being born a killer, there's nothing that made you and me… made us…. " There was no word for the relationship Dong-soo had with Woon. All Dong-soo knew was that it wasn't perverted.

"I know," Woon said, "but even the most stupid people can make a correct observation every now and then. The doctor was right about a couple things."

"What? A couple things?" Dong-soo forgot all about trying to goad Woon into sex. There was going to be an argument. "So he got the part about what happened to you with Chun right. Someone with half a brain, especially a doctor, could have guessed as much. What else was he right about? There is nothing else he was right about. What could he possibly have been right about?"

Woon looked so sad. "He said I was broken."

Whatever urge Dong-soo had to argue was stabbed by an assassin and fell, ready to die on the spot.

"But… but… you're not broken." That was the extent of Dong-soo's response.

"He said that I would never recover," Woon went on. "I've always felt that. That may be why I wanted to forget that entire night. What I remembered about Chun? It won't kill me. It didn't kill me then. Bodies are bodies. I've killed men before, Dong-soo-yah—innocent men, for the purpose of following an evil man. Do you think what I remembered is going to add to that burden?"

"No," Dong-soo said. "Don't you dare start blaming yourself again."

"What I'm trying to tell you is that it doesn't matter whether or not I blame myself. That night—the night my father died. It broke me. I'm broken. My father died because of what Chun did—I understand that. But I'm the one who stood there and held a blade towards my own father."

So it was back to that. Not even the Sky Lord's disgusting abuse of a child. It was just another log on the fire for Woon. The night his father died and his whole connection to Heuksa Chorong was a burning hell he still lived.

Dong-soo had to do something. Smacking Woon in the face hadn't worked before—but that's exactly what Dong-soo felt like doing. It would be a useless distraction if Dong-soo grabbed him by the shoulders and began to kiss him. Dong-soo gave up on that plan too.

He sat on the bed and grabbed Woon by the shoulders. A memory flashed of Sa-mo shaking Woon when Woon returned from the battle at the wharf. How could you become an assassin? How could you do that after all I've taught you? Sa-mo had shaken Woon so roughly, and Woon had taken it—like he took all blows back then. As if he had to bear everyone's judgement, as if he deserved every punch to the face, as if he were waiting for someone to kill him.

Dong-soo let go.

Woon sat there, shoulders slumped.

"I don't know what to do, Woon-ah. I don't want to lose you again. You're so smart, but you can't even hear yourself talking nonsense. Do you even hear yourself?"'

"Maybe from where you are, you hear nonsense. From where I am…." Woon, of all the nightclothes he owned, had chosen the black silk sokgot to wear today. Dong-soo should've known this morning would be black too. "I'm merely stating a fact," Woon said. "I'm broken."

If it meant swimming blind through the blackness all over again with Woon, Dong-soo would do it. There was no other way.

"The Yeo Woon I know is not a broken man," Dong-soo said in his strongest voice.

Woon side-eyed him. "You're being ridiculously dramatic, Baek Dong-soo. Save that speech for when you're in the Royal court at the king's right hand. As for me…."

Woon lay back on the bed. His black hair spread all around. Blackness, blackness. Was this truly Woon? There is no such thing as fate.

Woon went on, "I'll go on with my duties here, and I'll tell everyone it's all fine soon because it is. There's nothing for you to worry about."

"You don't have to bear things," Dong-soo said. A softer voice this time. A thought occurred to him. "Didn't you tell me that you walked away from the Sky Lord's path? What are you doing right now? It's just what Chun did—he embraced pain. He bore everything. And it made him a mad-man."

Dong-soo watched Woon's breath rise and fall a little more quickly; maybe Dong-soo had said the wrong thing.

"Aish, you're doing it again." Dong-soo couldn't take it. He jumped onto the bed. He put his palms flat on either side of Woon's face, so Woon was forced to look at him. "You're not going to turn into the Sky Lord. There is no such thing as destiny. Nothing is your fault. I'm going to keep reminding you of these things until I'm dead, and even after. Woon-ah, I will never give up on you."

Woon's eyes moistened at those words, but he didn't say anything.

"You used to always argue with me," Dong-soo continued. "In the fields, in the taverns, in all those inns we stayed when you were trying to run away. You insisted that we couldn't come back here, that there was no place for you in the palace or among your old friends. Look where we are. Look how far you've come."

"I don't know," Woon said quietly. "Maybe I've been pacing in circles all my life and going nowhere."

"You're being very stupid," Dong-soo said. "You're lying here like you've drunk a pot of crazy tea, and you're not the man I know who stands up for himself. Who stood up to the Royal physician last night and almost made him piss his pants?"

Woon's face was directly under Dong-soo's, and escape was impossible; Woon could only stare.

"You always stand up for yourself when you have to, Woon-ah. Do it again."

"I don't know what you're talking about. I said that I'm going to go on living here, bearing it. What else do want?"

Dong-soo couldn't help it. His voice rose and the next words were spat out with such force that Woon winced: "I want you to stop acting like a victim and start acting like the man I know you are!"

"There's no need to spit on me," Woon said. "You're drooling like a dog. And lower your voice—this is the Prince Heir's house."

"Why did you tell Cho-rip NO when he said everything was your fault? Why did you tell him that the first Sky Lord was the one who drove the blade into the Crown Prince? You told him that Chun took you as a child. Why did you tell him all that in that field that day? Why?"

Woon looked deeply into Dong-soo's eyes. "Because of you."

"Is that why you left with me? Is that why you rode with me from village to village and why you told me everything? Why did you tell me everything?"

"Because …" Woon's chest was heaving. "You know why. I would do anything for you."

"You weren't trying to save yourself through me?" Dong-soo raised one hand and touched Woon's cheek. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Save myself?"

"You saved so many people. You tried to protect so many people. Remember that Chun told you how to embrace pain? I know what that means too. It means that you don't want other people to feel it. You try to kill it in yourself and to protect other people. Chun didn't mean that. All he knew was pain, but you and I—"

"Ok, I understand." Woon lowered his eyes. "Stop it. I know."

"You saw yourself in everyone else," Dong-soo went on. "But remember what you said when your father told you that you were a born killer? You told him NO then too. What did you say? This is all because of Father? You didn't even know me then. Why did you say no, Woon-ah? Why did you defy him?"

Woon was silent.

"I don't know," he said at last.

"It's because you stood up for yourself then." Dong-soo was trying to restrain his anger. He had learned to do that so well since Sword Saint's teachings, but what Chun had done to Woon never failed to stir his ire. Everything was all because of Chun—the man who had blown on Dong-soo that peculiar night, who had damned the past and would damn the future. "Before Chun asked you to follow him, you stood up for yourself against your own father. Filial piety—fuck that Confucius. You have always been a strong man, Yeo Woon."

"What are you trying to tell me?" Woon seemed tired and exasperated. "The Royal physician told me I was broken. This is going to be part of me all my life. I'm going to have to learn to live with this." His face looked so young again-Dong-soo saw that boy from years ago who performed every duty to perfection, who followed every command without fail, who was the best at everything. He was going to learn how to bear pain each time it arose, to feel like dying but to learn to live with that feeling. Because of his love for—no, Dong-soo would not allow himself to be the reason Woon would study that sort of suffering.

"The Royal physician is full of bullshit," Dong-soo said. "Just like your father. Just like Chun."

At that, Woon looked Dong-soo in the eyes again.

"Bullshit, bullshit, and crap from dogs on top of that," Dong-soo went on. "You're not broken. You're not messed up for the rest of your life. Trust me on this one. You can heal. Broken? You know shit about being broken. Who was born broken? Tell me that. Who knows about broken?"

Woon's eyes lit up as if he knew what Dong-soo was going to say next.

"I was born broken." Dong-soo lowered his voice, no anger in his words anymore. "I wore bamboo splints because my legs and arms were deformed. I couldn't raise a spoon to my mouth to feed myself."

There were tears welling in Woon's eyes.

"Look at me now." Dong-soo smiled. "Protecting other people is how it starts. I told you how I got the strength in my arm back. I held up a beam that was on fire so that it wouldn't fall on Jin-joo. I got better. I healed completely."

"Greatest swordsman in Joseon." Woon managed a half-smile, even though tears were on the brink of pouring over.

"You might be hurting now, Woon-ah, but it's because part of you is still in the past, walking alongside Chun's horse. You don't have to do that anymore."

A tear rolled down the side of Woon's face, towards the mattress. Another followed it.

"When he asks you to follow him next time, tell him no." Dong-soo liked to repeat himself, so he did. "Tell him no, no, no, no, no."

Dong-soo used his sleeve to wipe tears off Woon's face. Then he awkwardly positioned himself next to Woon in the bed and rolled him to one side so that Woon's face lay against Dong-soo's shoulder.

Dong-soo knew that Woon didn't like anyone, not even his own best friend and lover, to see him cry. But Woon didn't cry. There was not a sound, no heaving motion against Dong-soo's chest, nothing like what Dong-soo had felt in the past when Woon lost it. "I know you can stand up for yourself," Dong-soo whispered. "For yourself, not for me. You can do anything."

Not letting go completely but wriggling out from Dong-soo's too-tight, protective embrace, Woon looked up. "It might take a while," Woon said. No tears. A new expression. "It took over a decade for me to remember everything that happened the night my father died."

"I don't know how long it will take. You're not being lied to anymore. Just say no to Chun. Don't follow his horse. Tell him no."

"In the meantime," Woon's face came closer to Dong-soo's. "I can tell you yes."

They kissed. Dong-soo swept his hands into Woon's hair, and despite how familiar and sweet that gesture was, this time Dong-soo felt as if he were holding running his hands through a new feeling. What was that vibrancy Dong-soo sensed? Woon was charged like summer rain, all pure intent. That long black hair felt like water, alive and flowing.

Through languid kissing, Dong-soo thought that Woon had always been like water-transparent, impossible to catch with your bare hands. Water fell from the sky like it could vanish at any moment, but the truth was it was the strongest element of all. Water, water. Woon's kisses were light yet strong. Touching the strands of hair, Dong-soo felt the depth of Woon's emotions that ran like rivers across stone and made canyons in earth, put out the fires like the one starting right now in Dong-soo.

"You don't have to be so careful," Woon whispered. "It's me."

Dong-soo wasn't wearing his military uniform, so his own clothes didn't take long to remove. He started to take off Woon's sokgot but only got as far as the bottom.

"I want to—can I-?" Dong-soo was afraid that Woon might have another flashback, lose it again.

"You don't have to ask. I told you."

Dong-soo noticed the bottle of sesame oil—it had been left out for days on top of the small chest behind the mattress. Along with one of Woon's hair ties. Among the damning objects, an innocuous bowl of dried lavender. Nothing the maids had noticed, but that crafty old man? So the Royal physician didn't read everything from Woon's pulse; he'd seen the oil and deduced trespasses against Confucius from that. No big genius, this doctor.

I'm the genius, Dong-soo told himself. I'm the genius at what I'm about to do to you right now, Yeo Woon.

"This is only me too," Dong-soo said before taking Woon's cock into his hand. He licked the length with an unhesitating, firm pressure. He saw Woon's hands in their scrambling motion across the sheets.

He didn't want Woon to relax, to be coaxed into forgetfulness by pleasure and then to fall to sleep. He wanted him to be aroused into Woon. To remember everything about the present joy always here for him and to let go the past. Woon had seemed dreamy and distant enough during the kissing, desirous but not himself. Dong-soo moved his lips up and down until Woon bucked forward.

Dong-soo paused, knowing that would make the pleasure ache.

Woon sat up, began to un-do Dong-soo's top-knot.

That's it. Touch me.

Dong-soo's hair tumbled down. Woon lay his cheek against the curls.

"Dong-soo-yah."

Ask me for it.

"Dong-soo-yah, I'm not going to beg you, but-"

"Hmm?" Dong-soo swept his large hands under Woon's upper thighs, pressed his thumbs and fingers against the muscles there. "Do you want me to fuck you?

Woon was holding a fistful of Dong-soo's hair. "Do it or I'll kill you."

So Dong-soo almost spilled the bottle of sesame oil when he reached for it, and then they were fucking. Dong-soo had entered so easily he didn't even remember how or when; it was all like being caught in the current and realizing one could breathe underwater. Woon's breath hitched when Dong-soo hit the sweet spot. Woon's legs trembled, and Dong-soo shifted his own weight forward, holding Woon's thighs higher, fucking harder.

Both men had the stamina of warriors, but the past couple days had hit them hard. An urgency in the act made it feel as precarious as the first time, as if something might go wrong, as if a limb might break off or the whole palace might burst in and see for themselves what two idiots were attempting. Dong-soo felt his control waver with his heart. He thrust forward relentlessly because he needed to hear Woon's breathing deepen. One soft moan from Woon almost pushed Dong-soo over the edge. Dong-soo felt sweat on his own brow and watched Woon, eyes shut, move his head from one side, open his mouth to breathe more deeply, then swing his head to the other side.

Sunlight was filling the room. Bright mid-morning.

Dong-soo couldn't help himself; he uttered syllables that were nonsense. "Eh—ah—ka-" with each thrust; he was desperate for control because Woon's hips were pushing forward at sporadic moments, knocking Dong-soo off rhythm.

Too soon, way too soon, Woon's tossed his head back, and he let out a soft cry, like he always did, his shoulders spasming, and then the fit of pleasure travelled down his body so that Dong-soo felt it too. The mere sight of Woon panting in the aftermath, all that shiny black hair in a beautiful mess around his head and Dong-soo fell over, heart first, body following, in love, releasing inside Woon's body. "Woon-ah," he managed to gasp. It was the only word he knew.

He made sure not to land on Woon's body. He fell next to him, swept Woon into his arms and rolled him onto his chest so that Woon could lie on Dong-soo's body instead of the mattress. Woon felt lighter—no matter what he claimed, he hadn't been eating much lately. He was not a tall, muscular man like Dong-soo, and yet Woon had been taller and stronger than Dong-soo when they were boys. They had slept in the same bed for years, sometimes waking up to catch one another's eyes. At those moments, Dong-soo had wondered if there were any way to be closer to this person who preoccupied him more than anyone else.

It had been so innocent once, less innocent as they grew into teenagers who woke up with hard-ons, and even now, Dong-soo and Woon held one another's gaze as if a comet could land and smash most of the house to dust, but Dong-soo and Woon would still be staring at one another-waiting for the other to make a move, to argue or turn away, maybe to lean closer and whisper a secret….

"What do we tell the Royal physician when he visits tonight," Woon breathed. "That being fucked makes me feel better than being drugged into oblivion?"

Dong-soo still hadn't recovered himself. He felt stupid. "What?"

"Thank you, Dong-soo-yah." A kiss on the mouth. "I've always been grateful that somewhere along the way you decided to stab me with that big cock of yours instead of your sword."

Dong-soo laughed. "Ok." Another kiss. "Stay with me, Woon-ah. Stay with me, and I won't use the sword."

7.

The Royal physician paid his evening visit a little early, as Dong-soo and Woon were still eating dinner. Dong-soo had made sure there were extra servings of everything, but only Dong-soo had eaten all the meat. Woon politely put down his chopsticks, took a last sip of honey water, and said he was more than ready for an examination.

"Do you really need to examine him?" Dong-soo's mouth was full of beef. "Can't you see for yourself how much better he looks?" Dong-soo tapped Woon on the shoulder. "C'mon, eat more. You were doing really good there with the second helping of soup. Here." He held up a piece of pork skin with his fingers. "One bite."

"No thank you, Mother. I'm full." Woon crossed his arms.

The doctor pulled one out of those arms out of Woon's ill-mannered stance, pushed up the sokgot sleeve, and felt the pulse. Dong-soo thought the guy had a lot of nerve to do that to a man like Yeo Woon. Good thing Woon liked playing with this old mister or the guy would've been kicked in the nuts for yanking Woon's arm like that.

"Your blood is moving better. You're livelier," the doctor said. "Go lie in the bed, and I'll do an examination."

"See, I told you he was better." Dong-soo didn't want Woon to undergo getting naked again for the weird old man, but Woon didn't seem to mind.

"Yes, yes, he's better. That I can see, but let's make sure." The doctor was walking first behind the room divider, and Dong-soo and Woon exchanged bright glances and slight smiles. They'd been at one another all day. They'd only washed up and dressed before dinner. Woon had been a little annoyed that his hair had been pulled out in fits of passion by Dong-soo and a few strands were strewn in black spidery shapes over the sheets, but Woon's hair was thick enough to not be damaged at all—he'd swept up all evidence of rough-housing, washed his long hair, tied it back, finger-rolled the two shorter locks framing his chin, put on his white sokgot, and was good to go; he had told Dong-soo that he willing to play the model patient for at least one more night.

He lay on the bed now, hands folded over his stomach.

Dong-soo caught the physician looking at the chest behind the bed. Only the bowl of lavender potpourri was there; the bottle of sesame oil had been put away inside.

"Woon's not taking the tea anymore," Dong-soo said. "It was making him groggy, and he wanted some fresh air today. He went outside and sat in the courtyard. That seemed to make him feel better." That was the truth. One truth and one lie worked well in combination to convince a person to be on one's side. He'd heard that from someone, but he couldn't remember from who. It seemed like something Chun would say; it was certainly something Chun practiced. Dong-soo told the lie next. "Woon and I talked about what you said about Confucius and filial duty and all that. In the end, it really all did seem to make sense. We want to be good friends to one another and have find wives for ourselves and have families one day. That's all you were really trying to tell us. We apologize if we overreacted last night. We know you only have your patients' best interests at heart."

"Yes, yes," the doctor said idly, acknowledging the apology as if it were only to be expected. "I'm happy you realize that." He didn't make Woon take all his clothes off; he opened the sokgot top and felt here and there. "You have more vitality today. I suggest that getting out a bit would be in order. See some friends, go outside the palace if you like."

Dong-soo cracked a smile. "I have an idea." He tried not to meet Woon's eyes or they might both laugh. "A camping trip? Wouldn't some time in nature suit him?" It had been so wonderful when he and Woon had spent weeks alongside streams, taking down game to grill over a campfire, falling asleep in one another's arms under the huge black sky dotted with a million stars.

"Some time in the city would be preferable," said the doctor. "Among people. A place where the two of you can make the acquaintance of young ladies perhaps."

That again.

There was a knock on the door.

"Royal guard Sang Gak here to see you," a servant's voice announced.

Dong-soo stepped closer to the door. "Let him in."

"I'm sorry," Gak looked flustered as soon as he noticed that something was going on behind the room divider. "Did I come at a bad time? I talked to the Commander earlier today when the prince was returning from the South gate, and-Woon seemed well-I thought it would be all right for me to visit. I was just getting off duty and—"

"The Royal physician is here, but the examination is finishing up," Dong-soo said. "It's fine. Don't worry."

The doctor and Woon emerged from behind the six-paneled divider. Woon had put on a robe; his eyes were down-cast but his mouth was smiling. "Hi," he said to Gak. Dong-soo's heart clenched at how modest Woon could act sometimes; he had never noticed this before until the doctor brought it up. It didn't seem like a terrible trait, though; people sometimes embarrassed and overwhelmed Woon with displays of social propriety and or even with unexpected kindnesses; why everyone was so insensitive to how other people behaved was the real peculiarity, not Woon's sensitivity.

Gak bowed, first to the Royal physician and then to Woon. "Greetings. It's good to see you looking healthy, Commander. His Highness sends his regards."

Woon nodded. "I will be at my post soon."

"I was recommending an outing for our young Commander before then," the doctor said. "He's coming along very well. "But I would like to extend his leave for a few more days."

"How long?" Woon asked. "I would like to return to my post soon. Idleness is not a healthy habit; I know you understand that."

"Yes, yes," the doctor said. "But I will insist to the Prince Heir that you still need a break from your established routine. Commander Baek Dong-soo and I were talking about the possibility of an outing, a trip beyond the palace walls."

"The prince was mentioning something about going to town tomorrow morning!" Gak exclaimed. "He said that he was being stifled here. I told him that he shouldn't travel without Baek Dong-soo, but he was insisting that we saddle up our horses at dawn anyway."

Dong-soo looked to Woon. Woon was already looking at Dong-soo. Their eyes locked. Their minds held the same thought.

"Woon and I will go with the prince," Dong-soo said. "Where is he going?"

Gak scratched his head. "He… he didn't say. He just said he needed an outing."

"This is fortuitous indeed," said the doctor. "I'll be taking my leave now, gentlemen. I'll stop by and speak with his Highness on my way out. I'll report to him on Yeo Woon's improved condition."

After the doctor left, Gak was left standing with a strange look on his face—a humbled look Dong-soo hadn't seen before, and he wasn't sure why Gak seemed to be holding back so much emotion. Woon was sensing that emotion too; it was making Woon nervous.

"I—I just want to thank you, Dong-soo-yah," Gak began—and it was noteworthy that Gak did not address his old friend as Commander. "Thank you for taking care of Woon. And thank you both for coming back to the palace. You are irreplaceable. And … I want you to know… that the guys… me, Yung, and Geol… we honor and support the two of you more than you could know."

"Gak—" Dong-soo began. "There's really no need—"

"Woon needs his sleep," Gak said quickly. "I'll be taking my leave now. Good night." And with that, he was gone."

"I wonder what that was about," Dong-soo said to Woon.

Woon raised one corner of his mouth in the slightest smile.

The following morning, Dong-soo, Woon, the Prince Heir and his three Royal guards rode out of the palace on the main path leading to the city gates. Once past the palace checkpoint, the prince pulled the reins on his horse and made everyone stop. "We're not going to the city," he said.

Dong-soo was riding next to the prince. "Where are we going, your Highness?"

"Wherever Yeo Woon wants to ride," said the Prince Heir.

Woon looked startled.

"Yes," said the prince. "I've been here and there. Where do you think I would enjoy myself? Where do you think our friends here would feel the most at ease?"

Woon didn't have to think for long. He side-eyed Dong-soo. "If it pleases your Highness, I do know of a place. Has your Highness ever been camping by a stream?"

The Prince Heir smiled. "No. I can't say that I have done that. Not once."

"Ah, you should see our Woon here take down a rabbit!" Yung was already excited. "Between the eyes with a pebble at twenty paces. Nothing tastes better than fresh rabbit."

"And nothing feels better than being far from the city," added Geol. "It's magical, really-a hot campfire burning next to cold water running in a stream—"

"Bet Dong-soo could take an eagle out of the sky with shiruken, and we could all have burnt eagle for supper," said Yung.

"Yes, yes," laughed the prince. "I get it. I get it. We're going to set up camp somewhere, and the mountain boys are going to show me something quite new."

Dong-soo smiled broadly. "The prince will follow Woon's horse, and everyone else will follow me." He looked at Woon and gave the final order with special meaning. "Woon-ah, lead the way."

Woon tossed his head back. "Ha!" His horse took off over the grasses, away from the main path.

Dong-soo watched the wind blowing through Woon's long hair. There you go. You make your own way. You're not walking alongside his horse anymore. You're riding away to your own freedom, and I'm right here, Woon-ah. I'm right behind you.

End

A/N: Even though I (and Dong-soo) wanted to make the point that we need to keep living for ourselves and not for others, no one makes it without support. This was written while listening to Bob Dylan's "If Not for You." Dylan is so essential in our household, my daughter called him "God Dylan" when she was a baby.

If not for you, my sky would fall
Rain would gather, too
Without your love I'd be nowhere at all
I'd be lost, if not for you

If not for you
The winter would hold no spring
Couldn't hear a robin sing
I just wouldn't have a clue, if not for you

If not for you

© BOB DYLAN MUSIC CO

/DeINvWcU4lM