Name: No Big Deal
Author: Rain
Disclaim': Shaman King belongs to H. Takei, not me.
She'd been betrayed before. No big deal. She can handle it.
It's the same thing, exactly the same thing, despite the years that passed between the original betrayal and this one. The blank shock, the surprise, the waves of denial and anger coursing through her veins like black blood. The same infinite, terrifying black void she is teetering over. The same stupid impulse to rise and call after him, after them all, like they're going to turn back and smile at her and like it's all going to be fine again –
It's the same thing. It makes her wonder if it's because she hasn't changed. At all. She's still the young child trying to achieve what's important for her parents, because if she manages to, they'll be happy. They'll congratulate her. They'll love her. They'll stay with her.
This way of thinking is what got her into this mess, after all.
She'd given them her all. To Luchist and to him. She'd suffered when Luchist betrayed them, but she hid it. He suffered more. He needed her. She had given him her all, from her small, scared, bleeding heart. She had given him her Trust, that treasure a street child gives to no one. She should have known, really. It's like she's still there, in that snow-covered alley. But she was fooled by the pretty dresses, the big guns, the smiles and the magical radiance that came from him.
He was like a new sun to her. Coming through the soiled snow and the dusty streets of her city, tearing through the first man-beast that tried to hurt her, he broke her reality to take her to a fairy-tale-ish dream. His hair shone in the midsummer sun, like bright streaks of gold shimmering each time he moved. His eyes were of the truest sky-blue she had ever seen, a sky she felt one could drown into when he spoke of his goals, their aim, their dream. He made from the poor street child a princess, a fighter. A purposeful warrior, that's what she became under his guidance, and it was more than anything she ever had. He was a god, a real incarnation of the one she prayed to. That would only be right that he should be carrying the first Archangel's power, she thought, since it was his doing that she, the nobody, had first been told the reason she was on this earth.
To this god of hers, she had given her all. And yet, and yet…
And yet, he had gone and used her. He had ripped her gullible heart and stupid trust to tatters, and tossed her away. And it was her fault, right? She had given her heart away so easily. It was only right that he should use her. That's all you can do with fools, after all.
Marco's eyes, so blue, so pale as she tries to get him to look at her, look at her, dear god please just let him look at her. Marco's words, as he can't deny the truth, as he tries to run from it, run like they've run from every truth since the very beginning. Marco's departure, too, because he's not a hero, not even a fallen one, he's a coward and he's not going to change and he will never change so he wants out. Out of the X-Laws, the tournament, out of responsibility, out of life.
Bam. Only a gunshot. Nothing big. That's all it would take. And she'll be betrayed once again. But that's no big deal.
She can handle it, can't she?