A/N: So this may be a few chapters? I'm not exactly sure, but I know it'll be at least three. The M rating is for future smut.

Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly...obviously. If I did they really couldn't show it on Nickelodeon and they wouldn't be kids they would be this age and well yeah, so...yeah.

Sam Puckett could admit her life was a mess, of course she'd do it through gritted teeth and snarky remarks. But she was twenty-three, lost her third job, and had a shitty little apartment she could barely pay for. It was especially sad when she looked at the lives of her former friends. They hadn't spoken in years, and Sam knew why. When she started to distance herself. The day Freddie and Carly announced they were going to give it a go.

So she traveled. Went as far as she could with what little money she had, hitchhiked when she could, and saw things beyond the city of Seattle. Learned that there was more than just iCarly and the city she called home. And she learned that love wasn't as easy to forget as she thought.

But damn did she try.

Occasionally she got a text from them, managing to keep enough minutes on her shitty little phone to keep somewhat in contact. Oddly enough, the one she talked to the most was Spencer. Because he was the only one who understood why she left. He was also the one that slipped her a few hundred bucks when she left.

It was him that told her of their split. Carly and Freddie had long since stopped trying to communicate since she never replied. And when she finally did find her way back to Seattle, it was Spencer she went to first. But she didn't take anymore help from him because she wanted to do it all on her own. Turns out being lazy and broke don't make it easy. Eventually she found a crap little apartment and an even crappier job that paid for it.

Something always seemed to happen though, sometimes it was her fault, sometimes it wasn't. But now she was on Spencer's doorstep again, ready for help. He welcomed her with open arms and didn't even suggest Carly's room. Instead gave her free reign over the old studio. At first it felt strange, she'd been a different person in this place, and it had been a long time since she had been that person.

Maybe too long.

The renovations didn't take too long, she didn't need much more than a bed. Though she did remove the props, anything that reminded her of them. Spencer never said a word, just allowed her the space to heal. He'd always been a weird guy, but perhaps that's what made him the perfect person to allow her to breathe. It was never awkward or hard, she could just sit and eat her spaghetti tacos in peace.

And he would smile and make her laugh, show off his new art projects. Sam realized within her first month of living there that Carly never visited or called. She was too busy with her new life on the East Coast. As for Freddie, well she was too afraid to ask. All she knew was that he was still in Seattle.

Sam found herself working at a bar. It wasn't bad, just a nice place in a hotel in the city. She liked the people she worked with, made great tips, and Spencer still refused to let her pay rent. So she started saving her tips and using her paychecks to do random acts of kindness. Well...kind of. Just little things, fixing up the apartment so Spencer wouldn't have to, picking up groceries. It was little, but big for her.

Maybe that's what happened when you hit bottom, you learned kindness.

Occasionally she allowed herself to hope that one day Freddie would walk in and see her. But her life wasn't a movie, it was a series of strange little events that had led to her being kind of an adult. And it was better this way. It had been so long she wouldn't know what to say to him. Or if she would say anything at all.

She wouldn't.

There were still so many unanswered questions that burned in the back of her throat. She wanted to know why he and Carly had broken up, why they didn't notice when she withdrew. Why they didn't try harder. No, she'd never been the best person, but she loved them, she would have noticed. And she would have fought with everything she was if it had been them doing the slipping away.

But she never asked. Finally she was starting to come to peace with it, to find a place where it didn't ache so much. She even found herself agreeing to a date with her coworker. A handsome man who seemed kind, calm. A far cry from who she used to be. But she kept having to remind herself she was no longer the girl that beat people with a butter sock. She was now the girl who was just trying to keep herself together.

Months passed and she now could go days without thinking about them. Entire days spent simply living. Going down to Pike Place with Gavin. Having lunch with Spencer. Work. It was all so normal she started to wonder when shit would hit the fan. Because it had to. Her life was not a place for perfection.

And it did. One simply act. All she wanted to do was check the mail. Maybe catch a movie later, really enjoy her day off. It should have been easy. But just as she was stepping out of the apartment, Freddie was stepping out of the one across the hall. Just like that her carefully cultivated calm disintegrated. On the inside at least. Outwardly she tried to smile, or at the very least not look so shocked.

He didn't do the same though. Jaw slack, face pale, he took her in. She wondered what he saw. If he noticed the changed. A little more slim, hair longer and settled into calm waves, no longer the tangled curls of her youth. Her clothes were different too. More content with nice jeans and soft t-shirts. Only socks to cover her feet right now, but they matched which was a big difference too.

Of course she noticed all the ways he was different too. Taller, filled out, wearing an outfit clearly made for running. His hair hadn't changed much, maybe just a little more styled, less boyish, as was his face. She tried to ignore the pang in her heart. Tried to pretend she wasn't breaking as she searched for words. Any words. Finally she settled on one, just one.

"Freddie?"

A/N: I hope you enjoyed, please favourite and review! Oh and also follow, yeah! : D