Fragile

I don't have nightmares.

She is so fragile. I could break her so easily.

I don't sleep. How can I have nightmares?

Her eyes are wide, accusing. I can feel the fear radiating from her, but there's something else, something sadder.

Alice says that she gets it too. The flashbacks. The memories.

Love.

But not this one. She wasn't there. She couldn't have known. I will never tell her. I hate keeping secrets from her, but she must never know.

I can smell her blood. Sweet. Intoxicating.

Edward knows, of course. I'm sure that half the time he just blocks it out: the pain, the blood, the screaming. I'm a constant reminder of what he could do to Bella, at any moment. It troubles my mind so often these days that it must be all he sees. I hate myself for what I'm doing to him.

"Jasper," she whispers. "Please. You love me, Jasper. I know you do." Her beautiful eyes are full of tears. I want to hold her, kiss her, tell her that everything will be okay. But I can't lie any more.

I understand how he feels. The pain of loving a human. How her blood sings to him. How every force in the world seems to be tearing them apart.

Maria will kill me. I could see it in her ruby eyes. The anger, the jealousy, the hatred…and the bloodlust. I have to do this. It's my duty.

But Edward isn't planning to kill Bella. He hasn't been plotting, every day, when to take her life, when to drain the blood from her veins. Oh, no. That was my job.

I breathe in her scent, tracing her throat with my lips. The tears spill down her neck, warm and salty. I lick them off. She is shivering.

Alice says that I go into a trance sometimes, when we're alone in our room. That I start screaming somebody's name, rocking back and forth, staring into space. It scares her. I don't want to scare her. I want to make her happy.

"Jasper. Don't do this." Her whisper is faint, as if she's given up already. I use all my power to make her calm. I just want her to be happy. I just want her to be happy.

I think I might be in a trance right now. Someone is shaking me. I can't see them. All I can see is her, her face, her body.

My teeth sink into her skin.

Her blood.

She is screaming. Her blood is pouring over me, and she is screaming, and I think I might be screaming too, on the inside at least. On the outside I am nothing but a predator, killing my prey.

Her eyes were blue. Alice's eyes are topaz, same as mine. Her eyes were terrified. Alice's eyes are terrified now.

I have never tasted anything so wonderful, or so terrible.

There are more people here now. They are calling my name, just like she called mine.

Maria will make sure that I've carried out my duty. Vampires and humans, she said, were not made to fall for each other. Vampires and humans are made to kill and be killed.

I think I can see Edward. He is staring at me. I can feel his disgust, his horror.

The screaming has stopped. Her body is cold. I let it crumple broken on the ground. Then I run, and I don't stop. I can't stop. Must get away. Forget all about her. Forget everything.

I am running.

I am a killer.

I am a killer.

This is a nightmare.

I don't have nightmares. I'm living one.