Morgana lay on her bed with her eyes closed, thinking about everything that had happened. Merlin, the druids, Mordred, Aglain, the attack on the camp. But more than anything, she was thinking about magic.
You have magic, you have magic, you have magic. The words pounded inside her head over and over again. She could still hardly believe it. All her life, she had been taught that magic was bad and those who used it were evil, and yet here she was, a magic user herself. She was still terrified of what Uther would do to her if he found out, but her visit to the druids had greatly eased her other worries. Now she knew that magic could be used for good. She would have to thank Merlin later for sending her to them for help.
Merlin. There was something unusual about Arthur's manservant, but Morgana had never quite been able to put her finger on it. Despite this, she liked him immensely, perhaps more than was proper. He was a servant, after all, and she was a lady, and Morgana knew that there was something fundamentally wrong with the way he made her feel all fluttery when he was nearby. She tried to suppress these feelings, but sometimes they couldn't be helped. She was particularly pleased that he had been so willing to help her with her magic, and that he didn't seem to think of her differently because of it. However, Morgana was a bit nervous that he knew. She trusted him a great deal, but she still worried that he would tell others her secret.
Just then a knock sounded on the door, interrupting Morgana's thoughts and causing her eyes to fly open. It was getting late; who would be visiting her at this hour? She stood up from her bed, crossed the room, and unlatched the door.
Standing there was Merlin himself. He looked up as she opened the door. Morgana felt the usual leap of her stomach as his eyes met hers. "Merlin," she said rather breathlessly. What could he want with her so late at night?
"My lady," Merlin replied politely. Morgana felt slightly disappointed. She much preferred it when he addressed her by name, although she supposed it wasn't really appropriate for him to do so. She realized that he was waiting to be led in to her room, so she nodded her head awkwardly and pulled the door open wider.
After Merlin was inside, Morgana closed the door and turned to face him. He didn't say anything, simply standing there and glancing back and forth between her face and the floor. Feeling uncomfortable, Morgana averted her eyes, looking for something else to stare at.
The silence lasted a bit longer, and then Merlin spoke. "I wanted to check you were okay."
Morgana glanced back up at him, taken aback by his words. She didn't know he cared enough for her to see how she was doing after the ordeals of the past few days. The thought flooded her with warmth, but she didn't want him to see, so she made her voice neutral as she said, "I'm fine."
Merlin gave a slight nod. Morgana suddenly remembered her fears about his trustworthiness. Looking away from him again, she debated whether or not she should swear him to secrecy. She could feel him still looking at her. Sometimes Morgana felt that he could tell what she was thinking. Making up her mind, she looked back up and started to say, "What was said at the woods—"
"You can trust me, Morgana," Merlin said, cutting her off. "I won't tell anyone."
Morgana gave a genuine smile, partly out of relief and partly because of the way he said her name. "Thank you, Merlin." He continued to look at her, and some part of her prompted her to say, "I know now who I really am, and it isn't something to be scared of."
Merlin regarded her with interest, and Morgana added, "Maybe one day people will come to see magic as a force for good." It was a vague and almost impossible hope for the far off future, but Morgana felt that Merlin would understand.
He didn't say anything, but he smiled in that infectious way of his, and Morgana couldn't help but return it. She quickly glanced down at her hands, not wanting to show too much affection.
There was another brief pause before Merlin said, "Um…"
Morgana raised her eyes once more. He was studying some spot on the floor, seeming as though he was debating what to say, just like she had earlier. Eventually he looked back up, meeting her eyes, and said sincerely, "It's good to have you back."
Once again, Morgana felt the familiar fluttery feeling. She gave him a small smile, nodding slightly, and said soflty, "Thank you, Merlin."
He smiled back for a moment, but then he sighed and glanced towards the door. Understanding his meaning, Morgana reached to open it, although she was a bit disappointed that he was leaving already. With one last look at her, Merlin walked out into the corridor.
"Sleep well," Morgana called after him. He glanced back and nodded again before disappearing from view.
She fondly watched him go, until she remembered again why their relationship could never be anything more than it already was. The smile slipped off her face, and she closed the door with a sigh.
Morgana was irritated. She would have much preferred to stay with Morgause and continue to work on improving her powers, but if Camelot was to be theirs, her return was essential. She hid her annoyance well, however, making herself sound teary as she fed Arthur a false story of how she'd "escaped" from the people who were holding her captive.
Arthur leaned over to hug her and she obliged. There was a small part of her that still cared for Arthur and didn't wish to deceive him, but she pushed those feelings away. She could not afford regret or reluctance if she wanted the plan to succeed. And she did. Morgause was counting on her.
Still caught in Arthur's embrace, Morgana opened her eyes and saw Merlin standing just inside her room, looking uncertain. Yes, she had called him to her rooms. It was crucial that he believed he was forgiven for betraying her. She did not even want to think of his betrayal at the moment. It was too painful.
She pulled away and, following her gaze, Arthur also saw Merlin. Merlin glanced briefly at them, still looking uncomfortable. "I think I need to rest," Morgana told Arthur, disgusted by the weakness she was forced to put into her voice.
"Everything's going to be all right," Arthur said reassuringly. "You're safe now." Morgana gave him one last forced smile, and he got up to leave.
Merlin looked as if he was going to follow Arthur out the door, so Morgana called out to him. "Merlin."
He stopped walking and turned towards her. "I want to speak to you," said Morgana, not quite managing to keep all the coldness out of the words.
Merlin looked from the door and back to her, as though looking for a way out. "I know what you did," Morgana said quietly. "You tried to poison me."
She didn't have to act this time. The hurt was real. Morgana remembered feeling the poison coursing through her veins, looking to Merlin for explanation, seeing his nod of confirmation, of admittance that he had done it. She remembered the hurt and betrayal she had felt, stronger than the pain from the poison. She had trusted him, loved him even though she knew she shouldn't, and he had betrayed her. The first thought she'd had after being revived by Morgause was that she would never again put Merlin in a position to treat her like that. From then on, he had become her sworn enemy.
"I didn't want to," Merlin said. At least he had the decency to sound ashamed, regretful, although she supposed he could be acting as well.
"It's all right, Merlin, I understand." She did understand, but that didn't mean she agreed with his actions. "You were just trying to protect your friends. I would've done the same." She most certainly would not have betrayed her friends in such a manner.
Merlin looked like he could hardly believe what he was hearing. "Really?"
Morgana wanted nothing more than to yell at him, to make him understand how she felt, to hurt him as he had hurt her. But she couldn't, not yet.
Affecting a tone of utter sweetness and repentance, she said "I was so naïve, Merlin. I don't think I really understood what I was doing. But believe me, I have seen the evils in this world. I have seen firsthand what it is that Uther fights against." She took a deep breath. Morgana had never told such falsehoods in her life. "You don't know how much I regret everything that I've done. I just hope that you can forgive me."
Merlin seemed convinced. He'd taken a few steps closer to her while she was talking, and said presently, "I am so sorry for everything you've been through."
She gave him a brief and tearful smile. He hesitated slightly, before saying, "It's good to have you back."
Morgana had a sudden and strong flashback to the night she'd returned from visiting the druids, back when she had first discovered her magic. It's good to have you back. Merlin had said the exact same thing then.
Before she could stop herself, Morgana smiled at him, the first true smile she'd had since leaving Morgause. He grinned back like a fool. Then Morgana realized that the past was the past. She did not like Merlin anymore, after what he'd done to her, and she could never forgive him. But after he left, Morgana found herself reliving memories of happier times with Merlin.
Just a random little oneshot that came into my head...reviews would be appreciated :) Dialogue is taken directly from the scenes in 2x03 "The Nightmare Begins" and 3x01 "The Tears of Uther Pendragon Part 1"