Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

A/N: Wow, it's been a while, huh? Sorry! As I explained to a friend recently, I have phases in my life in which I am obsessed with a certain thing or activity. I just went through a reading phase (and I still have many books loaned out from the library which require my attention), and I am now consumed in a video game phase. I am currently playing Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core (which is fantastic, I might add), but that is not the point of this. The point is: I just finished Kingdom Hearts: 358/2 Days about a week ago, and it renewed my love for the Disney-Final Fantasy mashup. And since the game featured one of my all-time favorite characters, Axel, I naturally came up with an idea that cannot be ignored any longer. So this little fic was born! However, I am almost certain that it will be lengthy, and people who've known me for a while know what lengthy fics mean. I will try my best to finish this, but please bear with me and my awful habits of abandonment. Anyway! Here we go! Let's see where this guy takes us! Prepare yourself for super-angst!

Speeding Cars

Prologue

Dying

Dying is a strange feeling. Strange in the way that it is indeed a feeling, not just a sense, or a memory. I guess I should have memories of dying, since it's happened to me once before, but... well, you'll just have to wait for that story, won't you? It won't kill you to wait. Ha.

Anyway, dying is a feeling, and yet at the same time it doesn't really feel like one. My memories of feelings are pretty fuzzy - hey, it's been a long time since I was human - so I can't be completely sure, but it sure feels like one. It's like... like emptiness. It's a contradiction. Dying is the feeling of emptiness, but it's impossible to feel emptiness because emptiness is a void, without feeling. Confusing, right? But when you're dying, it makes sense. All of a sudden, when you're dying, everything makes sense.

So I lie there, in the middle of the void between Twilight Town and The World That Never Was, fading away. I'm aware of that little Keyblade Master - Sora something - kneeling next to me, as if he's sad that I'm... going away. That, I don't understand. That's one of the few things that doesn't make sense. I'm one of the bad guys, right? So why's the good guy feeling bad, when he's finally defeated the bad guy? Well, technically he never defeated me - I sort of defeated myself - but you get what I mean.

So I'm lying there, talking about Roxas to this kid, who's sort of Roxas anyway, right? That's what makes sense, anyway. Sora's like Roxas with an X. And my name - my old name, that is - Lea, is like Axel with an X. Same with everybody else in the Organization. Never figured out Saix's real name, though... Isa? Ah, whatever. It's not like it matters now.

"Axel," the Keyblade Master says, "what were you trying to do?"

Good question. I thought I had it all figured out at one point, but I was just kidding myself. I thought I could get Roxas back, and that other one... what's-her-name... I wanted them both back, so we could hang out at the Clocktower after our missions and eat ice cream. No... I wanted to go to the beach. We never got to go. Roxas was so excited to go, and what's-her-name sure could've used a vacation. I guess I could have, too, after everything that happened. When I made that promise... man, I didn't even have a clue as to what was gonna happen. Stupid, standard me, never looking ahead at the future. Just living in the now. Heh, look at what "living in the now" got me. A big, shadowy grave.

I won't lie to myself anymore. He's gone, and so is she. There's no getting them back now. So I answer truthfully, "I wanted to see Roxas. He... was the only one I liked... He made me feel... like I had a heart." I laugh, weakly, 'cause that's all I can really do at this point. "It's kind of... funny... You make me feel... the same..." A sort of pain hits me in the chest. I can't admit to that. He is Roxas, sort of. Of course he makes me feel the same way. Now's not the time to get all sentimental. I only have a little time left to help this goofy kid. "Kairi's in the castle dungeon. Now go." I hold out my hand, surprised by the pain that shoots through me as I do so, and conjure up a portal to The World That Never Was.

I hope he leaves, and now. 'Cause right then, everything hits me. All the stuff that's happened in my life, and in my non-life... Everything just launches itself at me, one after another after another. I hope he leaves. 'Cause if he doesn't, he'll see me...

...cry.