Midnight in Lorien
Lotr fanfic
Before Frodo and the Fellowship left, Galadriel and the rest of the girls gathered to play poker.
"Texas hold em, Losers have to go au natural, questions? Outstanding, let's go." Galadriel Motioned
Legolas to step forward. "This is my prize to the winner". Legolas, a virgin, was horrified and began screaming.
Then, out of the shadows, a truly hideous elf named Mira decided to join in. she was an extremely heavy and amazingly ugly elf, having turned poor Celeborn to stone. she Batted her fleshy eyelashes at Legolas who stood repulsed. "one penny to look and two to fuck" Mira said As he was strapped to the wall by a leash, Legolas could do nothing but scream. "please, let me leave!"
Galadriel began the game. The first round was won by Galadriel. The other elves removed one article of clothing each and sat back down. Haldir bought some refreshments. The second round started and the other elves lost their sandals. Suspicious of Galadrial's winning streak, the elves kept raising the pot. Eventually Galdarial couldn't pay anymore and removed her panties. Unbeknownst to everyone except Legolas and Gandalf, Haldir had the food and drinks with Gandalf's extra strength, double shot Super-Lax Whiskey. At first, nothing happened. Then a wave of cramps slowly swept through the small group. Gandalf could be seen, along with the rest of the fellowship hiding by the Nearby trees. "be silent, we're going to get you out" said Gandalf to a scared Legolas. The situation at the table was getting extremely desperate.
As there was only one bathroom, the elves were forced to draw straws. Once again, Haldir had done the unthinkable. All the straws had been cut to be the same length, having been measured, remeasured and measured again. Having already crapped her pants, Galadriel unlocked the restroom and bolted the door. Screaming followed as the other elves begged her to open up using increasingly imaginative metaphors for their predicament. She gave in and the bathrom began venting a ton of steam as Galdarial and co lost the will to hold it in anymore. But the whiskey worked too well and they crapped themseles to death. Mira lost 400 pounds in 3 Minutes.
After watching the carnage Gandalf freed Legolas and they fled Lorien.