Spending all 70 years of my existence in pain was something I had gotten used to. 'Him' leaving had caused me this pain (I could never say his name, not even in my head), and it felt like it would never budge. It gets excruciatingly difficult to get along with others and never mind being civilized with them when you are in a near constant trance of dreariness and your extreme dullness infects everyone within a mile radius. I just wish I could dream of being with him, dream that I was in our meadow and marvelling at his beauty, but, of course, I couldn't sleep.

It was in the darkest of my human years that I was changed. It hurt to remember the time he left me and the hours I spent dreaming about someday finding him. I would have been human still if he wouldn't have left – he would have protected me when Laurent got to me that day in the meadow. If it wasn't for the wolfs, when Laurent bit me, he would of drained all my blood, but the wolfs pulled him off me before that could happen – not realising the bite which he had already made. But these memories where so fogy I wasn't entirely sure they were real, as it was the next 3 days that I remember the most.

I hate to think of the pain, the burning and the fire. If it wasn't for Nellie and her mate Ezra, I would be a savage if they wouldn't have found me, writhing in pain, in the Olympic Peninsula and took me to there home. Thank god, if there is one, that they where one of the rare kind, the 'vegetarian' kind. They took me under there wing and cared for me for the three days I was in agony and taught me to quench my thirst by hunting animal blood there after. I feel sorry for them now as they still don't know why I am always distressed but I think it is time they should know, after all, they are all I have since my human family and friends are dead.

Nellie has always been trying to set me up with other vampires, none of them one bit like Edward. If only he could find me…

"Ohh…" I slowly gasped – why didn't I think of this before. "It's time to tell Ell and Ezzy the truth…" As quickly as I had said it they where standing with me.

I felt a comforting hand on my shoulder "What's the matter Bells?!" Ellie's voice rang out, full of concern.

"I'm leaving" I gulped slowly as shock crossed there faces "I'm going to find Edward."