Murphy stripped naturally, without a hint of awkwardness despite the fact Connor lay right across from him watching him with an intensity he tried to disguise as casualness. He didn't even spare a second thought to it actually it was such a normal occurrence, he had no reason to feel insecure or uncomfortable in front of someone he had grown up so closely with, Connor knew him almost better than he knew himself.
Connor couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from his brother as he undressed, he knew how wrong it was but no matter how hard he tried he never could seem to stop the thoughts he was plagued with. He watched Murphys' pants slide down his legs and pool on the floor exposing soft flesh over tight muscle. He had never wanted anything more than he wanted to know if Murphy ever felt the same way, felt the way things had started shift between them. His gaze traced up Murphys' calves and up his thighs all along the lean lines where taut muscle was visible, stopping only when he got to the hem of his boxers. The moments they shared had begun to change, there was a new tension between them that had never been there before. His heart beat faster and he felt his face heat up as Murphy hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his underwear. Connor finally managed to look away, there was only so far he could go without knowing how Murphy felt about it, no matter what he would never do anything to jeopardize his bond with his twin. He just wished he knew how something so wrong in so many ways could feel so, so right, he rearranged the sheet tangled around his waist just in case Murphy turned around. Murphy got up to flick the light switch off and Connor couldn't help but notice how low his flannel pants hung on his hips.
It wasn't until he was sure Murphys' breathing has settled into the slow rhythms of deep sleep Connor dared wrap a hand around himself. He tried to think of anything but his brother, even the thought of his homework crossed his mind at one point but as it was with every minute of his life Murphy was constantly present. His smile, his arms, the way his dark hair hung in his eyes when he went too long without cutting it, the tattoo right over his heart that he had never told the story behind. And as soon as he was done, despite his best efforts otherwise with images of Murphy remaining first and foremost in his mind; he felt a crushing sense of guilt and disgust, like he should get down on his knees and beg for forgiveness for such perversion only to commit it again the next night. He never would have guessed Murphy was still awake across the room.
Murphy would never admit to how well he had learned to feign sleep in moments like this, would never admit how much he loved to hear the sounds his brother made in his most private moments. He knew he should be ashamed, repulsed; but he wasn't, it wasn't like they hid anything from one another anyway.
Alone in their twisted thoughts each one of the MacManus brothers drifted off to sleep, both wishing they were curled up next to the other.
~X~X~X~
"Hey Connor can you help me with this?" Murphy leaned over Connors shoulder to place the paper on his makeshift desk, his bare chest pressed against Connors shoulder, a touch the latter was acutely aware of, suddenly able to feel every flutter of his heart, the rise and fall of each breath he took. As Connor sat unnaturally still Murphy slowly became conscious of it as well standing frozen as he felt Connors' heart race faster. Connor looked up at him, his wide eyes fixated on his lips. The unspoken communication that had flowed between them their whole lives shared more in a glance than either of them would have ever dared verbalize. Murphy met Connors' gaze questioningly, terrified of the consequences if he had misread what had just been silently whispered to a part of him hidden deeper than spoken words could access. But in all their years they had never been wrong once.
In one fluid movement Connor had Murphy shoved up against the wall, their chests just millimeters apart, their foreheads and noses touching as they really looked at each other for the first time in what seemed like a very long time. Surprisingly Murphy made the first real move, lunging forward he pressed his lips eagerly to Connors' something he had envisioned doing night after night, he caught his lower lip between his teeth and Connor responded feverishly. Murphys' mouth warm on his Connor slid his hands up his twins arms and pinned his wrists over his head, desperately needing to be in control. Murphy couldn't stop a small whimpering groan escaping his lips as he gave up complete control, Connors' body held him captive every inch of them pressed together as close as they could get, every curve and line of their bodies fitting perfectly together as the wall behind them became the only thing holding them upright.
Every concern they had struggled with individually melted away as soon as their lips met, no problem that plagued one of them had ever managed to persist enough to stand up to both of them and this was no exception. Free from having to each worry about that the other would think what the rest of the world would think no longer mattered. They would never know another person as intimately as they knew each other, they would never have to, they had never gone a minute of their lives apart and that was something they would never share with anyone else, it wouldn't even be possible to love someone with the intensity of what they felt for each other. It felt completely natural to be with the person they each knew best, and each brother would swear the other knew him better than he understood himself, there was nothing they didn't share and why should this be any different.
Murphy arched up just enough from the wall for Connor to slide the hand that wasn't around his wrists behind him, wrapping around his waist and softly caressing his smooth back before coming to rest on his hip. He slowly guided Murphy down onto his bed and climbed on top of him, careful not to crush him under all his weight. Murphy struggled briefly for dominance but quickly gave in to Connors' insistent lead once again. Connor cautiously began to explore his torso, surprisingly soft in ways he never would have let himself imagine he traced one thumb across the tattoo, which in that moment took on a whole new meaning no matter what was initially behind it.
That was when Connor noticed the smallest tear carving its way down Murphys' cheek and panicked, sure he had done something wrong.
"Murph, what's wrong?" He murmured, trying to keep his voice calm and level.
Murphy shook his head, "Nothing." He whispered, "Absolutely nothing." Smiling he pulled Connor back down into another heart pounding kiss, warm lips tongues dancing biting softly. Wrestling roughly for control Murphy finally found his way on top, skimming a thumb over Connors' cheekbone as he slowly kissed along his jaw down to his neck, nipping gently every so often as he followed the instincts that had always given them such insight into the others thoughts, emotions, desires.
Connor leaned his head back with a small moan, it was as if he was feeling not only the sensation of Murphys lips against his skin but the sensation of his skin under Murphys' lips as well, the ties between them even closer as though there was nothing between them, each feeling not only himself but the other as well. They had never been so perfectly together.
Authors note: Well I seem to have written another boondock saints story. I've never tried to write anything even vaguely explicit in the slightest before so if this is just unbearably bad just tell me, if it seems like something you would like to read more of that I should keep writing tell me. I had initially planned on this being pretty explicit but even this is a little embarrassing to publish simply because it's probably awful. There's also a language issue, I don't like to be crude so I'm essentially trying to write classy smut, bit of an oxymoron there I think. Anyway let me know what you thought, love it hate it, write more or just stop trying. If anyone wants to read more I'm open to writing more little scenes like this. Yea ok I'm a little embarrassed I just wrote this, not to mention let other people see it.