A/N: So, this fic is very random. I'm supposed to be writing a paper, but instead I was working on the latest chapter of "oui" (which is about halfway done for those of you waiting on an update. Hopefully by next week, but I'm not making any promises.) and this crazy idea hit me: what if our yamis and hikaris went to therapy. Semi-canon, mostly A/U. Yami/Hikari shippings. By the way, there's a poll on my profile regarding the fic I start after oui is finished. Check that out.

Psyche

Pharaoh

"Tell me about yourself."

Yami shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his gaze moving away from the doctor and settling on his feet. For any other person, this command wasn't a tall order; but for him, he truly didn't know where to begin. He gave an unsure smile accompanied with a nervous chuckle and reached up to run a hand through his tri-colored hair. "I really don't know what to say."

"Oh, come now, don't be modest. Let's start with your name."

But Yami wasn't being modest, he really had no clue what to say. He didn't even know his name. "I'm…uncertain of my name, but most people call me Yami."

The doctor rose a brow and set his pen down on his notepad. "Are you saying that you don't have a name?"

In response, Yami shook his head. "No, that's not what I'm saying at all. Everyone and everything has a name, nothing here is nameless; however, I simply don't remember mine. I'm very sure my parents gave me a name when I was born, but somewhere along the lines I lost it." He couldn't even remember his parents. The only thing that he could recall were shadows. Painful, heartless, tormenting shadows. Shadows that seemed to last forever. Shadows that always seemed to be one step ahead of him. Shadows that he couldn't seem to escape…

"Is there any particular reason why you don't know your name?"

He racked his brain, trying to find an answer to that question other than the obvious – that he didn't know. Why couldn't he remember his name? Did something happen? Was there something psychologically wrong with him? "Not…that I know of, no."

"Okay, well that's perfectly fine. I can work with using your nickname for this session." The doctor picked his pen back up and wrote Yami's nickname in the margin before underlining it. "Is it safe to say that since you can't recall your real name, you probably can't recall a lot of other things about your life?"

Yami nodded. It was embarrassing, honestly. To have someone want to know about you and about your life and you can't tell them because you can't remember.

"Is it possible for to tell me what you do know about yourself? Even if it's not much, it would still help."

"People call me Yami and I feel like my purpose here is to protect my partner from any and everything that's a threat to him."

"That's it?"

A nod. He knew that this wasn't much for the doctor to work with, but it was something.

"Want to tell me what your partner is like?"

A smile spread across Yami's face at the opportunity to tell someone what Yuugi was like. What he was to him. Where did he start? Yuugi was his other half, he was his savior from the shadows, he was the light that complimented his darkness. Yuugi was innocent – to an extent – and pure and beautiful. Yuugi was his world. "Yuugi is a wonderful human being that tries to see the good in everyone, even those that have hurt him. No one is perfect, but he is as close as it gets."

The doctor scribbled down a few notes into his pad before setting his pen down. "And why do you feel the obligation to protect him?"

"It's not an obligation. I don't have to protect him; but I do because he saved me, and I can't let savior of mine endure pain for reasons that aren't justifiable."

"What exactly did he save you from?"

"The shadows…" Yami noticeably shivered. Just speaking on them was enough to bring back traumatic memories of pain and torture.

The doctor rose a brow. "Do you know the origin of these shadows, or why they put you in danger?"

Yami shook his head. Truth be told, he had no clue where the shadows came from or why they chose to torment him. To him, it just sort of…happened.

"I see," And then the doctor picked up his pen and wrote beneath his notes on Yami the word "Amnesiac".

Thief

"Might I ask your name?"

The thief smirked and folded his arm over his chest. "Bakura. Thief King Bakura." The pride in which he stated his name filled the room, and could most likely be felt throughout the entire building.

"Ah, so you're a thief?"

"Damn, right I am."

Silence. The only sound in the room was the scribbling that came from the doctor taking notes. Then, "Is there any particular reason why you steal things?"

"Aside from stealing being one of the most entertaining things in this world, and the fact that I am the best thief to ever walk this Earth, no."

"Are you sure? No one ever forced you to steal, or nothing happened in your family that made you view stealing as an outlet?"

At the mention of the word "family" Bakura's arms unfolded and he slumped down into his chair, a scowl making its way across his face. "No, nothing."

"Would you like to tell me about your family?"

"Not particularly."

"And why is that?"

"Don't have one."

"What do you mean by that?"

The thief stared a hole – or at least attempted to – into the doctor. "What the fuck do you mean 'what do I mean'? I don't have a fucking family."

"Bakura, there's no need to be profane here. I just want to know why you say that you don't have a family."

"Because their dead," He tried to spit emotionlessly, but couldn't pull it off. There was just a hint of sadness about his words. "Can't have a fucking family if they aren't alive."

"I see." More scribbling. Then, "What happened?"

"That idiot that just walked out of here – 'Yami' or whatever he called himself – his family is the reason why mine is dead. They killed my entire town…" The thief cast a vengeful glance towards the door. "I'm the only one left."

The doctor paused his writing. If he recalled correctly, Yami had no memory of his family. He didn't even remember his name. There was a strong possibility that he was unaware of what happened between their families. "Do you think that it's a possibility that Yami was unaware of what his family did?"

"Hell no, it's no way. That's your family, how do you not know what they do? How could he possibly not know that his family is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people?"

"If it turned out that he had no knowledge of what his family did, would you forgive him?"

Bakura was silent for a moment. Then, "Maybe. But considering that's not possible, I'll never forgive him. I won't forgive him until I see him suffer as I have suffered."

"How will you go about doing that?"

"By taking that pipsqueak he adores so much away from him." Bakura pinched the bridge of his nose. "But it's taking much longer than it needs to."

"Why is that?"

"Because I…" The thief sighed. "My light is supposed to be helping me with this plan, but he's 'friends' with the pipsqueak so he doesn't want to do it."

"Your 'light'?"

"Ryou." He said his other half's name with a mixture of distaste and irritation, but also a hint of gratitude on the back end. "He agreed to help me get back at Yami for what he did to me, but…he just hasn't caught onto the fact that everyone he cares about leaves him. His mother, his sister, even his father abandons him for months at a time. Why can't he see the pattern? Why does he even bother getting attached to people? His so-called 'friends' are going to leave him one day too. And he owes me. All the times I've saved his weak ass from being attacked by someone, and he can't do this one thing to help me out? The sooner he realizes that nothing lasts and that it's better not to care about things, the sooner he can help me and I won't need him anymore."

"Why do you save him?"

Bakura rose a brow. "Excuse me?"

"Why do you save him from being attacked?"

"Because he's helping me. What good is help if they're too injured to do anything?"

"But from what you explained, he does a lot more hindering than helping? So, why do feel like you need him?"

He gave the doctor a confused look. "I didn't say that I needed him."

"Yes you did. You just said that, when you were explaining why your 'plan' hasn't been executed yet. So, why do you feel like you need him if he hasn't done the one thing you need for him to do? You could always find someone else to help you, why keep him around?"

Bakura was quiet. It wasn't like the doctor was wrong, he could very well find someone who didn't like Yuugi and have them help him, but for some reason that he couldn't quite – nor did he want to – comprehend he stuck with Ryou.

"Could it be that you possibly care for him?"

He stood up. "I think we're done here." And he made his way towards the door. Emotions and feelings weren't really his thing, they made him uncomfortable. The last thing he wanted was to have some overly-educated brain nerd trying to understand something that he wanted nothing to do with.

Shaking his head, the doctor brought his pen down to where his notes on the thief ended and wrote: "Kleptomaniac".

Alter Ego

"What's your name?"

"I'm the personification of pain, fear, and suffering. But you can call me Marik."

The doctor wrote Marik's name in the margin of his paper and underlined it before setting his pen down. "Why do you call yourself that?"

Marik smirked as he toyed with a strand of his own hair. "Because it's what I am. I wasn't born of man; I was born of mind. I was created from a feeling, not conceived through an act."

"Who created you?"

"My light. He created me from the agony, terror, and misery he endured in his early years. In the beginning I existed in his mind, and only grew each time he was hurt."

"So how did you manifest into a living, breathing person if you existed in someone's mind?"

"Everyone has a breaking point. Malik had been through so much to where his mind could no longer contain me, so here I am. Am I aim to make the world a much better place for him."

"Is that so?" The doctor began scribbling away in his notepad. "What exactly is wrong with the world and how do you plan on improving it?"

"The world is full of people that could hurt him, so I'll rid the world of people; and make sure that they suffer while doing it."

"Why do they have to suffer?"

"For being a part of such an awful place that dares to hurt my light."

"Well, you can't kill everyone."

Marik offered an amused expression and sat up, resting his forearms on his knees. "Why not?"

"For one, there are over seven billion people in this world and more people being born every day. A single man destroying the human race is physically impossible. Second, I'm sure that Malik has family members that he cares about that he wouldn't want being on your hit list."

"I killed his father and it didn't seem to bother him."

"Why did you kill his father?"

"His father is where all of his pain began."

"So, is it safe to say that Malik didn't care too much for his father?"

"Perhaps."

"That's probably why he didn't seem bothered. Name someone he truly cares for."

"His sister," Marik responded almost immediately. Which was true. Malik loved his sister more than anything.

"How do you think he would react if you killed her?"

He didn't respond. He merely looked off to the side, but there was a hint of frustration in his eyes.

"Not everyone is out to get Malik. In fact, I'm certain most of the world doesn't know that he exists."

"What do you know? You're probably just saying that to ensure that I don't kill you on my way to turning this planet into a paradise."

"Why haven't you killed me yet?"

"Malik wouldn't like it."

"Do you think that Malik will like you killing everything that walks this Earth?"

"He'll warm up to it."

The doctor nodded. "I see." And then, underneath his notes on Marik, he wrote: "Sadist".

Puzzle

"I take it that you're Yuugi?"

The small man nodded as he sat down in the chair across from the doctor. "Yep, that's me. Did Yami talk about me?"

"I'm not allowed to tell you whether he did or didn't talk about you," The doctor responded, writing down Yuugi's name and then underlining it. "By law, I'm required to keep that information between just me and him; but instead of talking about him, we can talk about you. Tell me about yourself."

He shrugged. "Well, I'm Yuugi – as you already know – and…I really don't know where to start." He gave a hesitant chuckle. "I'm sixteen, well below average height, and I like games. And I used to get teased a lot."

"Why did you get teased?"

"Because I'm a little guy and most of the people that approach me are twice my size. I guess that's how things work: smaller people endure pain because they aren't strong enough to do anything about it." Yuugi shrugged. "And unless someone comes along to help them, the pain never stops."

"Did someone ever come along?"

"Yeah, Yami did. At first, I didn't know who he was, I just started noticing that anyone that gave me any kind of problem ended up mysteriously injured somehow. And then he revealed himself to me. Apparently by putting together a puzzle that my grandfather got on a dig in Egypt, I freed him from the shadows and now he's pretty much my own personal bodyguard."

"Is that all you see him as?"

"Well, no, actually. He's a lot more than just someone to protect me when I get into trouble, he's my other half. There's no other way for me to explain it. Without him, I'm not complete, and I can't properly exist. With him, I not only feel safe, but I feel whole."

"I see." And the doctor wrote down "Anxiety."

Ring

"Hello, what's your name?"

"Ryou."

"Want to tell me about yourself?"

Ryou shrugged. "I'm sixteen and I live with my dad, even though he's almost never home and whenever he is home it's not for very long. I might as well say I live alone."

"Where's your mother?"

"She died. Her and my sister…" Ryou trialed off, all of a sudden finding the wall to his right to be very interesting. "Sometimes I wish I could've went with them. That way I wouldn't be alone."

"You don't have friends?"

"I do, a couple of them, but…it's not the same. My friends care about me, but their feelings aren't the same as a sibling love, a motherly love, or even a fatherly love. Sometimes I wonder if they'll ever leave me. That's what Bakura tells me."

"Do you believe him?"

"I do, but at the same time I don't." He sighed, crossing one leg over the other and resting his cheek on his palm. "I feel like he's only telling me that so that I'll help him. He's like that – only telling people the truth because it'll benefit him in some way."

"So you do believe what he says about your friends?"

Ryou didn't answer.

The doctor took this opportunity to take down some notes, and then he asked a different question. "If Bakura only tells you things for his own personal benefit, why do you listen to him? Why not just ignore him?"

Still no answer.

With a sigh, the doctor wrote the word, "Masochist".

Rod

"Name?"

"Malik."

There was scribbling, and then, "Would you mind telling me about yourself?"

"I'm a terrible person."

"Why do you say that?"

Malik began to fiddle with one of the chains on his crop-hoodie. "I made something sinister, and he's hurt a lot of people."

"This sinister thing that you made is a person?"

"More like a monster."

"Why do you say that?"

"He likes to torture people because of me. When I was younger, I lived underground as a Tomb Keeper and I endured a lot of pain then…" He closed his eyes and shivered. His time underground in Egypt was a chapter of his life that he didn't enjoy looking back on. "At that time, all I wanted was for someone to take that pain away from me, and in my head there was someone there to do that. He would always tell me that he would make things better, and at the time I believed him. Then…he killed my father."

"Did that bother you?"

"Of course it did, it was my dad. But…at the same time, my father was the one causing all of my pain. I don't think he deserved to die, but something did need to happen to him."

"You wanted revenge for him hurting you?"

"Yeah. That's normal, right?"

"Of course it is, people usually seek vengeance after someone wrongs them. But…for an alternate personality –"

"Don't call him an alternate personality, because that would imply that in some way he's me, and he's not. He's just something I made to protect me. Something that started out in my mind but got so big and powerful that he became real."

"Is that a problem?"

Malik shot the doctor a glare. "Are you being serious right now? I tell you that he killed my father and you ask if he's a problem? He thinks the entire world is out to get me, and he wants to go on this sadistic serial killing spree until me and him are the only ones left. So Doc, you tell me if that's a problem or not."

"Sounds like it's a big problem, but I'm asking for your opinion, not my own. In your eyes, is this a problem?"

"I…don't know. Yes and no. Taking lives isn't the answer to everything, but he's doing it for me so I can't say that I completely disagree with it. I mean, his heart's in the right place and he has my best interest in mind. I can't really be mad at him for that. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

The doctor nodded, and wrote down a few thoughts on Malik before underlining the word "Schizophrenic".

A/N: Originally this was supposed to be humorous, but as I began writing, I changed my mind. I also wanted to focus a little more on what goes on in the heads of the Yamis than the hikaris. Either way, I hope you enjoyed. If you did, drop a review and if you get the chance, check out the poll for my next fic on my profile. Thanks.