The True Tale of Naruto Uzumaki
N. A Dangerous Pastime
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Song: "Llorona" — DeVotchKa (Little Miss Sunshine version)
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Playing God much, Lord Yondaime*?
Such was the wry thought going through the mind of one Kakashi Hatake, a lean scarecrow of a man with a silvery shock of hair and a mask that left the lower half of his face to the imaginations of most, as he sauntered through the streets of Mount Oinari, his (signed!) copy of Icha Icha's latest continuation in hand. It was one of his many uncanny traits that fascinated villagers from all walks of life; he could stick his nose in a hentai saga while meandering in his easy manner, unheeding of anyone or anything, and not bump into some random object or fall into certain foxholes. Whenever anyone inquired of it, he would say, a smile in his visible eye, "Years of practice."
But on this particular day, that easy manner and that practiced gait of Kakashi's was more like his namesake, rigid. It was that time of year again, rife with harvesting metaphors in a place like the Land of Rice Fields†. The Academy had graduated yet another batch of would-be ninja, and it was up to hardened old veterans like himself and other Mount Oinari jōnin to separate the rice from the chaff. Usually, the teams he was assigned were nothing to think about, and thus he would shrug them off, giving them no more thought 'til their inevitable failure. However, the students he was assigned this year did give him something to think about.
Sakura Haruno. Her appearance alone made her stand out—pink hair, green eyes—as did the fact that she had the best chakra control and textbook knowledge of her class. She was also one of the numerous Keshinriki‡ residing in Mount Oinari, hosting Saiken the Six-Tailed Slug. With the right training, this girl could be a battle-axe in the best sense of the word.
Sasuke Uchiha. This one held a special place in the Copy Nin's heart. A scion of the great corvine clan, Sasuke already showed great promise. While not as book smart as Sakura, Sasuke was well above the average genin in technical know-how, in addition to which he would be a true wild card thanks to his Sharingan. And like Sakura, he too was a Keshinriki, hosting Akanō the One-Headed Raijū. If he was anything like Itachi, he would be a true monster in battle. And also like Itachi, Sasuke was like a nephew to Kakashi if not a son. Even a jaded shinobi like himself couldn't forget that.
Naruto Uzumaki. Therein lay the rub. The former ward of the Fourth Village Head, the boy was, quite frankly, a little shit. Over the years, the young tod had shown no interest in bonding with anyone even of his own generation—something that Sasuke himself had discovered firsthand—or even a care as to his reputation, as shown by his myriad shenanigans; pratfalls, grotesque transformations, graffiti, everything out of the prankster's playbook. He was truly a fox playing a fox, and such play had but worsened the infamy already surrounding him and his lineage.
Naruto's father, the Fifth Village Head, had brought Mount Oinari to near annihilation, taking the lives of many a villager. Add the fact that Naruto was the spitting image of his sire—blue-eyed and blonde—and you had an atmosphere as charged as a Raikiri just before it struck. More than that, Minato Namikaze had been Kakashi's own sensei, only to betray him on more levels than one. It had devastated the scarred Jōnin when Minato showed his true colors, perhaps even more than coming home to find Sakumo lying in his own suicidal blood; he'd even had to take some time off to come to terms with everything concerning his sensei.
The Yondaime had said that him being the Godaime's student was all the more reason to make him Naruto's sensei—who better to ensure the boy didn't become his father than someone who knew the man personally? "And besides, I'm sure you'll be able to connect with him, for you had an attitude much like his when you were his age." The Copy Nin had to admit, the Fourth had him there. True, he hadn't spray-painted Fuck you, bitches! or reenacted Godzilla, but he had had that same stubborn refusal to build any more bonds.
In his case, however, it had taken certain tragic events of the Third Shinobi World War to make him see that trust and teamwork were essential in missions, especially in situations where lives were at stake. So, could Naruto, a boy who had yet to see carnage and who had always been out for himself, really have seen the light under less morbid circumstances?
And really, who was to say that this wasn't some divine comedy to the God of Shinobi, placing the Godaime's son with the Godaime's student? Truly, a God playing God while raising a fox playing a fox.
So much play, so many questions, so much to think about.
One thing for sure: he definitely would not be able to focus on those Icha-Icha horndogs or get it up for a certain green thumb tonight.
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*Fourth Village Head: Yes, our boy Hiruzen won't be the Third this time 'round. Why? Because when I saw the markings his pilot self bore, I thought what if those markings were the way Mount Oinari's village leaders had themselves enumerated? So the Fourth Hiruzen will be, instead of Minato, who will be the Fifth. So, who will the Third be, you ask? You'll just have to wait and see ;)
†Land of Rice Fields: Since Mount Oinari is named after the rice god, it only seemed right.
‡Keshinriki: written as 化身力, this term means "Power of an Avatar", since in my story, not all the Chakra Beasts' vessels will have been human.
all characters, Mount Oinari, the Land of Rice Fields © Masashi Kishimoto
Hiruzen Sarutobi = Fourth Village Head, Minato Namikaze = Fifth Village Head and attacking nine-tailed fox, the Land of Rice Fields = Mount Oinari's country, Akanō © me