I own none of the characters of Angel

"Thanks Harmony." I said as she brought me Cordelia's daily report, no change as usual. She has been in the damn coma for six months and so far the doctors here at Wolfram and Hart have not been able to wake her and I haven't been to see her since she was admitted. I really have no good excuse. Maybe I'm selfish but I want to remember her happy and vibrant as she once was, not lying helpless on a hospital bed.

I knew that today I couldn't avoid going to go see her, it was her birthday. If she ever did wake up and learned that I didn't visit her on her birthday she would never forgive me. She is too young, only twenty-four, to be lying in a coma waiting to die. It's not fair. If we only would have met up that night things may have turned out differently. I grabbed my coat and walked out of my office.

"Harmony, I'm leaving for the day." I said

"Boss, it's only one."

"I know what time it is. I'll have my phone on but only call if it's a matter of life or death."

"My life or death or anyone's?" I rolled my eyes. She could be so dense sometimes.

"Wes, Fred, Gunn or Lorne's. I don't give a shit about anyone else." I muttered. I turned around and ran right into Wes.

"Sorry Angel." He said apologetically. "Are you going somewhere?"

"It's her birthday." I said simply and Wes nodded in understanding and patted me on the back as I walked past him.

When I arrived at the hospital I stopped in the gift shop and bought her some balloons and flowers. I know that she wouldn't know that they were there, but it was the thought counted. I recently had her moved to a private room because I knew that she would hate sharing a room but I didn't know where her room was so I had to stop at the nurse's station to get directions. Once I knew where I was going I walked slowly to Cordy's room, pausing momentarily before entering.

"Hey Cordy." I said when I walked into the room. I set the big vase of flowers on the desk next to her bed and I tied the bouquet of balloons to her bed. I then took in her surroundings. It was amazing what money could buy. It looked like she was living a life of luxury in a hotel room. There was a couch for guests to relax on, and a couple of chairs next to her bed. The room also included a desk and lamp. My eyes found the photographs that I brought when she was first admitted. There were pictures of all of our friends, group and solo shots. There was a picture of her feeding baby Connor, a picture of her, Connor and I and a couple pictures of the two of us alone. I sighed sadly because this was her life now. I grabbed a chair and pulled it next to her but before I sat down I leaned down and gently pressed my lips to her motionless ones.

"Happy Birthday Cordelia." I said softly as I linked my fingers through hers. "I'm sorry that I haven't been here to see you."

"You damn well are sorry. I can't believe that it took you six months to bring your sorry ass here to see me." I jerked my head up at the sound of her voice expecting to see her big brown eyes looking back at me but they were still closed.

"Cordy is that you?"

"Who do you think it is?" Her voice said but her lips never moved. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I was loosing my mind. I was so desperate to hear her voice that I was now imagining that I was. When I opened my eyes she was still lying there, perfectly still.

"I must be losing it." I mumbled to myself.

"You lost it a long time ago buster."

"What the hell is happening to me?"

"Angel turn around." The voice of Cordelia demanded. Not knowing why I was responding to a voice in my head I did as I was told and turned around and there she was standing in front of me. I whirled around and looked back at the bed and saw her still lying there. I turned back around and saw her standing there grinning. I probably looked back and forth between the comatose Cordy and the non-comatose Cordy until she sighed loudly and irritably. "Knock it off. You are making me dizzy."

"What the hell is going on?" I asked as I staggered away from both Cordy's and collapsed on the couch.

"Are you okay?" She whispered kneeling in front of me. "You are pale. Well you are always pale but right now you are paler then normal." She reached out and gently touched my face and I felt it. I quickly jerked away from her. My skin burnt from her touch.

"Hell no I'm not okay. I have lost my mind. My best friend who is in a coma is lying in the bed and standing in front of me, touching me so I am most definitely not okay."

"Angel I can explain."

"The only plausible explanation would be that I've lost my mind."

"You haven't lost your mind Angel."

"Says the woman standing in front of me that shouldn't be here." I stood and pushed my way past the vision of Cordy. "I've got to get out of here." I mumbled walking to the door.

"Angel….wait." She shouted as I walked away. I looked up to see if anyone else had heard her but no one was acting like anything happened and that confirmed to me that I had lost my mind.

On the drive back to the office I ran over the events that had just transpired. I have had hallucinations before but there was something quite different about what had just happened. She seemed so real and her touch…her touch was definitely real. If I concentrated real hard I could feel her soft hands on my cheek. Shaking these thoughts from my brain, I walked to my office, hoping to slip by without being noticed but no such luck.

"Hey boss. I didn't expect to see you back? Did someone die?" The ever so tactful Harmony said.

"No Harmony, no one died. I'm still taking the afternoon off. I'll be up in my penthouse and I don't want to be disturbed."

"But what if…"

"Harmony." I barked and she shrunk back into her chair.

I stormed into my office and if my day wasn't already bad enough seeing Spike sitting in my chair behind my desk was the icing on the cake.

"Spike what the hell are you doing?" He spun around, stretched his legs out in front of him and placed his feet on my desk.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"It's my office. I don't need a reason to be here." I snarled as I walked over to my desk and pushed his feet off.

"If you would give me my own office then I wouldn't need yours."

"Asshole." I muttered. "Do you have a specific reason for being here or are you just trying to piss me off?"

"You actually weren't supposed to be here so the pissing you off is a bonus."

"Spike." I growled. He was pissing me off.

"I heard that you were gone for the day and someone needed to be here to sit in the big black leather chair pretending that they are fighting evil and since you weren't here I decided it should be me and I must admit that I look better in it then you do." He smirked.

"Get out."

"Come one mate."

"GET OUT." I shouted as I grabbed him by the arm and shoved him out the door quite hard. He landed with a groan against the wall. "Harmony, if Spike comes in my office again when I'm not here you are fired." I yelled and slammed the door.

Once Spike was gone I ventured upstairs to my big, giant, empty penthouse. I jumped in the shower, trying to clear my muddled mind but it didn't work. When I stepped out of the shower I was just as confused as when I stepped in. After dressing, I went to my kitchen for some blood.

"I don't appreciate you walking out on me like that." I began choking on blood when I heard her voice. "It is my birthday after all."

"God Dammit Cordelia." I muttered as I looked at the blood that I had spit out on my new shirt. "You made me ruin my shirt." It suddenly occurred to me that I was talking to my hallucination. "Oh my God. I have truly lost it."

"Angel would you please calm the hell down and let me explain what the hell is going on?"

"I must be dreaming." The hallucination walked over to him and before he had time to react she slapped him hard upside the head and pinched his arm just as hard.

"Son of a bitch." I muttered rubbing my head and then my arm. "Why the hell did you do that?"

"To prove that you are not sleeping dumbass."

"You are supposed to pinch yourself to prove that you aren't dreaming because the other person in the dream could do it during the dream." I argued. I couldn't believe I was actually arguing with a figment of my imagination.

"Fine. Pinch yourself then." She snapped and I automatically did so, proving that I wasn't asleep. "Believe me now?" She asked placing her hands on her hips while glaring at me. I nodded dumbly.

"How is this possible? I don't understand. You can't be in a coma and standing here talking to me."

"Come on. Let's talk." She grabbed my hand and led me over to the couch. "Angel, you know better than anyone that the impossible is possible. You're a vampire with a soul who helps, not hurt people. Your girlfriend sent you to hell, a place that you should still be. You dusted your sire and she was brought back to life. Darla got pregnant with your child. Connor should be only two years old but he is a grown man. All of those things should have been impossible but they happened."

"So it should be impossible that you are standing here and in a coma at the same time but it was made possible." She nodded. "Why?"

"The Powers owed us one and here I am."

"Why this…?" I motioned to her standing in front of me. "Instead of just waking you up?"

"Because this way we can have something that we wouldn't be able to have if I were alive."

"Huh?" I was thoroughly confused.

"It all goes back to the night that we never met." I nodded. It was the night that our lives were changed forever. "The Powers didn't see my ascension coming. In fact they had no idea it was happening until it was too late. They were slacking on the job."

"You can say that again." I muttered.

"Do you ever think about what would have happened if we would have connected that night?"

"Every day." I replied softly. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I think that you know but before I tell you there are some things that I need to clear up, things that you have to know."

"Cordy you don't have too." I didn't like to remember the last year of her conscious life when she was evil.

"Yes I do Angel." Tears filled her eyes. "Everything that happened last year, I need you to know that it wasn't me. I would have never done the things that I did. You guys are my family and I would never ever want to hurt anyone and the fact that I did kills me. The worst thing about this whole situation is how badly I hurt you and Connor. Connor trusted me and I used and hurt him and when you saw us together, I know how much I hurt you too. I can never forgive myself and I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness." A few tears escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks. I felt so bad for her. I reached over and gently wiped them away.

"Cor, it wasn't you. We all know that now. There is nothing to forgive. It's in the past and we can't change what happened. We can only move forward."

"But Connor, I destroyed him." She sniffed.

"You're right. Connor's life was destroyed, but it wasn't only you that had a part in it. In his eyes, I took you away from him; I took Jasmine away from him. Everything that he trusted and believed in was proven false or taken away from him. He lost faith in life and in me, his father and he wanted to die and that's why I took over Wolfram and Hart, to give him what he needed, a family, a childhood, a future without me." I said softly. It still hurt when I thought about losing my son. "As much as it hurts, he is a normal, happy kid now and that's all that matters to me. He has no memory of what happened between the thing that was pretending to be our friend and himself. As far as Connor is concerned, it never happened."

"What about as far as you're concerned?" I reached out and took her hand.

"When the Shaman was bringing back Angelus, I sort of had a fantasy where we didn't have to bring him back and we discovered a sword and Connor and I killed the beast. In my fantasy you, Wes, Connor and I had to retrieve the sword and of course we almost died. You apologized for what happened with Connor and begged for forgiveness and I told you that I didn't care what happened in your past and I still feel that way Cordelia. I know that it wasn't you and as far as I'm concerned, it never happened." She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly and I relished in the feeling of having her back in my arms again but all too soon she pulled away. "So now that we have that all cleared up, are you going to tell me why you are here?"

"The night that our lives went to hell I wanted to meet with you to discuss some feelings that I was having for you. The Powers wanted us to have that meeting, they were pushing for it because after everything that we had been through they thought that we finally deserved some happiness so they sent me back in a way so we might have a second chance at what could have been."

"How long will you be here?"

"Until my human body dies." She whispered. I pulled my hand away from hers, stood up and began to pace. I wanted to be with her more than anything but a short time wouldn't be enough. Once I got a taste of a life with Cordelia, I know that I wouldn't want to give it up.

"Cordy…I can't do this." I mumbled and she looked crestfallen.

"I understand. After everything that happened I can't blame you."

"That's not the reason. I told you that none of that mattered to me."

"Then what is the reason?"

"I can't lose you. It would hurt too much to have you and then lose you." My god, hearing those words come out of my mouth made me sound like a selfish bastard.

"But isn't a little something better than no something?"

"Cordy." I groaned and she walked up to me and took my hands in hers, forcing me to look her in the eye.

"That night I wanted to tell you that I was in love with you. I think that I have been in love with you for a very long time and I still am. If I would have told you how I felt that night, what would you have done?"

"I would have told you that I felt the same way."

"Would you have acted on those feelings that night? Would you have pursued a romantic relationship with me?" I nodded. "Angel what's the difference between now and then? My human body could die tomorrow. A year ago we could have started a relationship and the next day I could have been killed by a vamp. You were willing to take a chance then so why not now?" Damn, that woman has a good point.

"Maybe because I know what the future holds. I know that you are going to die."

"You're right Angel. I am going to die. I was going to die one day anyway, you knew that, so what is so different?"

"Everything." I answered lamely. "You for one, you aren't real." She walked over to me and kissed me gently.

"Does that feel real?"

"Very real." I mumbled. I wanted to take her in my arms and continue that kiss.

"So that problem is solved what other issues do you have?"

"Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I couldn't come to you until you came to see me." I mentally kicked myself for not going sooner. "Next?"

"Are you going to stay for just occasionally drop in?"

"I'm staying as long as you want me to. Next?"

"Can our friends see you?"

"No, only you can."

"So if someone happens to walk in on me while I am talking, hugging or kissing you, I will just look like an ass."

"No, if we happen to be having a conversation or touching and someone happens to walk in, you will appear to be sleeping to them."

"Am I sleeping Cordelia?" She ran her hand up my arm to my face gently touching it.

"Do you feel asleep Angel?" I shook my head. I have never felt more awake before.

"What will this be? What will we be?"

"That's the beauty of this. We can be whatever we want. I can be your connection to the PTB. I can help you stay on the non-evil path. We can be friends, lovers, or just friends with benefits. We can have a romantic relationship or continue or friendship. This can be whatever we want. What do you want Angel?"

"You, in my life, in my arms, in my bed." I said huskily.

"Then that's what we can have." She said simply.

"My curse." I blurted.

"That's one reason why I am here like this. Because in this form I'm not technically human, I actually don't know what I am but anyway, in this form if you would achieve that moment of perfect happiness with me, which I highly doubt because perfect happiness is almost impossible to find and you found it once with Buffy so it probably won't happen again…where was I?" I grinned at her.

"Why my curse isn't a problem."

"Oh yeah, because I'm not human perfect happiness could not occur. Kinda a safety precaution."

"We will definitely need it."

"No, probably not."

"Remember my fantasy?" She nodded. "We made love in that fantasy and Angelus came forth. I believe that I can find perfect happiness with you Cordelia Chase." I took a step closer to her.

"If you say so." She took a step closer to me.

"I say so." I took yet another step towards her and we were now standing in front of each other.

"Let's start from the beginning, like we were going to do that night.

"Let's do it." She took a deep breath and took my hands into her soft ones.

"Angel you are my best friend. You have been my best friend for years and I can't imagine my life without you in it. I am in love with you Angel." She said staring right into my eyes.

"Cordy you are my best friend too and these six months that you have been gone have been the worst of my life. I had to force myself to get out of bed everyday because I didn't want to face a day without you in it. I too, am in love with you Cordelia Chase." Her classic 100-watt smile that I have grown to love came across her beautiful face.

I placed my hand under her chin and lifted her face to mine. I heard her breath hitch as I leaned forward. Our eyes closed together the second our lips met. I pushed all of the thoughts of how wrong this was, how impossible this was, how I could quite easily be kissing a figment of my imagination or how I probably lost my mind. The only thing that I could think of was how perfect her lips on mine felt, how incredibly perfect she felt in my arms, how I didn't want to be anywhere else but right here in my living room kissing the woman that I loved more than anything.

Well what did you think? A little crazy but fun right? Send me a review with your thoughts. They are really appreciated.