____~~~~*Advance Snores*~~~~____
Retard Rising
Note by authors: Yes that is authors in plural! There are too dastardly scheming minds who write this Cray-Z like pineapple story...
Andy: What's plural?
Author 1: Shut up and go away
Author 2: and don't come back until you know what a continent is
Andy: Hmm....Okay. (Runs off yelling "WHERE IS THE DICTIONARY?")
Author 1&2: O_o o_O
Note: Um yes... anyways as we were saying we both kinda sorta pitched in to make this retarded Advance Wars thing. Anyways first we need to tell you that we are using all the characters from AW2There are also two new characters (Guess who!) in the story. Now, its time to see ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We first begin at the Orange Star HQ were Andy is desperately looking for the definition of a continent and Sami is out back doing a little gardening...
Max: Um Andy, do you know where Sami is?
Andy: huh.*mumble mumble*
Max: Andy, do you know where Sami is
Andy: wuzzu wa? (Still concentrating on dictionary)
Max: (puts Andy in head lock and yells) DO YOU KNOW WHERE SAMI IS?!?!?!?
Andy: Hey! let go! you stink...
Max: (tightens hold) where is she?!?!
Andy: okay, okay she's out back doing some gardening sheesh
Max: (lets go so quickly that andy falls to the floor) AHAHAHA are you joking? HA! i've gotta see this.
Andy: and put some deodeurant on while you're at it
Max runs out back only to see Sami shooting at her flowers with her machine gun
Sami: DIE! DIE! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU STUPID BUG DIE!
Max: Um Sami what are you doing?
Sami: I spent all day making my flower garden look nice and this stupid bug comes along and disturbs my tulips
Max: That's a ladybug Sami. It's good for the flowers.
Sami: SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER MY GUN-FIRE! WHAT WAS THAT?
Max: I said...
Sami: Got it. Yeah what was that you were saying...
An Orange Star tank rolls out and onto Sami's Garden. Andy pops out as Sami's face bubbles with anger at her destroyed garden
Andy: Hey guess what guys? I found the definition of a continent! isn't that cool?
Max: (seeing the rage in Sami's face) I think...I left..a...um...cheeseburger...yeah that's it! A cheeseburger at um... Eagle's place yeah!
Max races off to a Transport copter and flys off to green earth
Sami: (trying to restrain herself) no...and...do...you...know...the definition...of....
Andy: Got my handy dandy Andy dictionary right here
Sami: ..of.....MURDER!!!!!!!!!!! (lifts up gun and starts firing at Andy with a hysterical crazy (like pineapple) look on her face)
Andy: Ow! Ouch! What is wrong with you? (ducks down into tank and pulls out wrench and whips it at Sami's head)
The fight continues as Nell walks out
Nell: Stop it you two! And come on in I've got some people you might like two meet. **********
Meanwhile, at Blue Moon Grit has decided to open up a spicy taco stand and is selling then for insanely high prices as Olaf fights with Colin in the town square.
Grit: Get your tacos! Spicy, tasty tacos!
Colin: (fighting with Olaf) You're such a meanie
Olaf: and you are a whiney insubordinate!
Colin: Yeah well.well.you are just plain dumb!
Olaf: I've had enough of this! Its time i teach you a lesson! Feel the power of
~*BLIZZARD*~
CO power music starts playing as a single snowflake falls on Colin's head.
Olaf: Man, I hate summer.
Fight continues as Sensei walks up to Grit's taco stand
Grit: Would you like to buy a taco from me Mr. Ruler of Funky CO music?
Sensei: um sure how much?
Grit: well for you I've got a special price, 7$ each!
Sensei: 7$?!?!? That's a rip off!
Grit: but its sooooooo juicy and flavorful 7$ is a bargain of a lifetime.
Sensei: Fine sure whatever..
Grit: So, what brings you down to Blue Moon?
Sensei: I was bored so I decided to go parachuting, I guess I ended up here
Grit: Oh. Well here's your fake plastic toy from the play kitchen section of the toy store. I mean here's your delicious tasty freshly made taco. Enjoy!
Sensei: Thanks (walks away and watches Olaf and Colin's fight)
Colin: Yeah? Well you.
Olaf: Me what? A meanie? Boohoo I was called a big ol' mea.
Light rain cloud appears in sky and a single rain drop is headed for Olaf
Olaf: (looking up) OH NO!! IT'S RAIN AHHHHHH everyone do funky matrixy moves that defy all gravity to dodge that rain drop Olaf starts moving at bullet-time speed and starts walking on walls and doing funky dodges in the town square as Colin watches the rain drop hit the ground
Olaf: HA! I beat the stupid raindrop! NANANABOOBOO! In your face raindrop!
Now this continues for a loooooooooooooooooong time, So lets check on Yellow Comet HQ!
Kanbei: Where on earth is Sensei?!
Sonja: Actually he is on the moon.
Kanbei: WHAT?!?!?
Sonja: oops, sorry about that. He's at blue moon.
Kanbei: oh.but what is he doing there?
Sonja: I think he..
Kanbei: he was captured? By blue moon? That's atrocious!
Sonja: no wait-
Kanbei: and they are asking for a ransom?!?!
Sonja: no that's not what I said.
Kanbei: This is horrible! I never liked that Olaf and especially not that wussy Colin! Though Grit does sell good tacos.
Sonja: But-
Kanbei: Who gave you permission to speak? Prepare lots of landers with my favorite!
Sonja: (sighs) Yes I know. Tanks, Medium tanks, Neo-tanks and more tanks
Kanbei: Very good, now lets get ready to teach those blue moons what Yellow Comet can do!
Sonja: Noooooooooooooo I don't want to conquer more!
Kanbei: Boohoo! Let's go!
Now, while Yellow Comet prepares to attack Blue Moon, let's check out what's happening at Green Earth.
Eagle: NO! I want my mommy! Wahhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhh
Drake: Oh please give me a break
Eagle: NO! I won't and you can't make me!
Jess: This is a kiddie pool made for little infants! So stop your whining and get in!
Eagle: (Is holding onto a pole with his hands while Jess and Drake are trying to pull him away by his feet) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't let them take meeeee!
Max: Um hey guys. Wuzzzap! ( doing the thing with the tongue)
Jess and Drake both drop Eagle
Jess: Ok first, that is so 1990's! (valley girl style)
Drake: Hey what are you doing here anyways?
Max: oh I wanted to escape a nuclear explosion
Eagle: (Standing up) Really?
Max: No. I was just escaping from Sami and Andy who were about to get into a big fight.
Eagle: Well that has the destruction equivalent of a Nuclear explosion.
Max: So what do you guys wanna do?
Drake: TWISTER!!!
Jess & Eagle: oh no--
Max: What's wrong with that?
Jess: ever since Drake discovered what it was he's had an annoying obsession about it ever since
Eagle: But on the bright side of that I don't need to see my Chiropractor any more
Max: Oh. I see.
Jess: Let's DRAW PICTURES!!!!
Max: With that oversized pencil you carry around with you all the time??
Jess: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S NOT A PENCIL!!!! IT'S A TANK SHELL!
Eagle: I know lets sit down on the street and try to get hit by a car!!!
Everyone else: Sure!
Ok now while they try to kill themselves let's see how black hole is doing, I wonder what they are scheming up right now..
Hawke: Where's my coffee?!
BH Soldier: Right here sir!
Hawke: Good *takes a sip, spits it out* THIS COFFEE SUCKS!!!
BH Soldier: Sorry sir, it said right on the package it came straight from Columbia!
Hawke: What's Columbia?
BH Soldier: I don't know sir but they are supposed to have good coffee.
Hawke: WELL THEY DON'T!!
BH Soldier: What do you want me to do?
Hawke: Rally the soldiers! We're gonna find out what Columbia is and blow it up because they have crappy coffee!
BH Soldier: Yes, sir!
Sturm walks in
Sturm: Hawke, what are you doing?
Hawke: Planning to kill y--I mean, go on a conquest for Black Hole. Yeah, that's good.
Sturm: That's fine, but try to be back in a week, we'll have visitors! Hee hee! *skips off*
Hawke: How the hell did he become the Black Hole dictator? Oh well, at least I'll kill him soon.
Flak: What were you saying?
Hawke: What did you hear?
Flak: I don't know, what you just said was too confusing.
Hawke: Idiot.
BH Soldier: We're ready to move out!
Flak: Where are you going?
Hawke: To find Columbia and blow it up.
Flak: Can I come?
Hawke: Why?
Flak: Because Sturm is scaring me, Adder is too ugly.
Adder: Shut up!
Flak: and Lash will make me play with her and her toys like dolls and stuff!
Hawke: What's wrong with that? That's not TOO bad.
Flak: But all her toys and dolls heads always seem to blow up!
Hawke: Hmm. all right but you only get to smash the coffee factories.
Flak: I thought you liked coffee.
Hawke: This kind sucks.
Flak: Okay.
Flak and Hawke climb into a T-Copter and fly off with a huge army.
Adder: Good, with Hawke gone I'm fist in command!
Sturm: Forgetting someone?
Adder: Oh yeah, Hawke hasn't killed you yet!
Sturm: What?
Adder: Nothing.
Sturm: No really, I want to know. I feel so left out if you don't tell me these things.
Adder: Really I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
Sturm: Really?
Adder: No.
Sturm: WAA!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!
Adder: You have a mommy?
Sturm: Well, where the hell do you think I came from?
Adder: I dunno. And what's hell?
Sturm: Don't ask me.
Adder: Please!
Sturm: No.
Adder: Now I feel left out!
Lash: I'll help cheer you up!
Adder + Sturm: NOT A GAME!
Lash: Okay, let's play a game!
Adder + Sturm: NOOO!!
Lash: Let's play Hot Potato only a little differently.
Adder + Sturm: What's that?
Lash: It's stuffed with a bomb!
Adder + Sturm: RUN!!
Adder and Sturm both run away
Lash: Aww. now I've got no one to play with. Now I feel left out.
Hawke and Flak are on a cruiser bridge
Flak: Interesting. it appears as if a hole in the very fabric of the time- space continuum. I have deduced this from the fact that not only have we mysteriously switched from traveling in a transport copter right to a cruiser without any explanation whatsoever. Moreover, the scenes have instantly switched from Lash whining about loneliness to us on this bridge and me ruminating on whether this has truly occurred and whether this should be rectified.
Hawke: Flak, you're supposed to be and idiot who likes smashing things, not a philosopher.
Flak: I'm hungry. I'm gonna rip the door off the fridge to get some food.
Hawke: There's a handle.
Flak: That's too confusing.
Hawke: The food will spoil.
Flak: So?
Hawke: That's bad.
Flak: So?
Hawke: Just open it or I'll stick celery in your face.
Flak: NO! NOT THE CELERY! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'LL OPEN THE DOOR USING THE HANDLE! JUST DON'T STICK THE CELERY IN MY FACE!
Hawke: Good.
Flak: Hmm. pork chops, chicken wings, sausages. there, that should do it.
Hawke: Y'know, that's not too healthy to eat all that meat. You could get a heart attack.
Flak: Who made you my doc-- *clutches heart* URK!
Hawke: See?
Flak: OW OW OW OW OW, MY HEART HURTS!
Hawke: You'll get over it.
Flak: There that's better.
Hawke: Good 'cause we're about to land
Flak sees that they are in a T-Copter again and is about to say something
Hawke: Shut up.
Flak: Okay. Do you even know were Columbia is?
Hawke: No, we're gonna nuke places at random until we find it.
Flak: Then can I smash the coffee factories?
Hawke: Sure.
Author 1: Whaddya know, were all out of time!
Author 2: When did you start speaking like that?
Author 1: I dunno, thought it would be nice.
Author 2: Oh well, join us again next time for ADVANCE WARS: RETARD RISING
Author 1: Dum, dum, dum!
Retard Rising
Note by authors: Yes that is authors in plural! There are too dastardly scheming minds who write this Cray-Z like pineapple story...
Andy: What's plural?
Author 1: Shut up and go away
Author 2: and don't come back until you know what a continent is
Andy: Hmm....Okay. (Runs off yelling "WHERE IS THE DICTIONARY?")
Author 1&2: O_o o_O
Note: Um yes... anyways as we were saying we both kinda sorta pitched in to make this retarded Advance Wars thing. Anyways first we need to tell you that we are using all the characters from AW2There are also two new characters (Guess who!) in the story. Now, its time to see ADVANCE SNORES: RETARD RISING!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We first begin at the Orange Star HQ were Andy is desperately looking for the definition of a continent and Sami is out back doing a little gardening...
Max: Um Andy, do you know where Sami is?
Andy: huh.*mumble mumble*
Max: Andy, do you know where Sami is
Andy: wuzzu wa? (Still concentrating on dictionary)
Max: (puts Andy in head lock and yells) DO YOU KNOW WHERE SAMI IS?!?!?!?
Andy: Hey! let go! you stink...
Max: (tightens hold) where is she?!?!
Andy: okay, okay she's out back doing some gardening sheesh
Max: (lets go so quickly that andy falls to the floor) AHAHAHA are you joking? HA! i've gotta see this.
Andy: and put some deodeurant on while you're at it
Max runs out back only to see Sami shooting at her flowers with her machine gun
Sami: DIE! DIE! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU STUPID BUG DIE!
Max: Um Sami what are you doing?
Sami: I spent all day making my flower garden look nice and this stupid bug comes along and disturbs my tulips
Max: That's a ladybug Sami. It's good for the flowers.
Sami: SORRY I CAN"T HEAR YOU OVER MY GUN-FIRE! WHAT WAS THAT?
Max: I said...
Sami: Got it. Yeah what was that you were saying...
An Orange Star tank rolls out and onto Sami's Garden. Andy pops out as Sami's face bubbles with anger at her destroyed garden
Andy: Hey guess what guys? I found the definition of a continent! isn't that cool?
Max: (seeing the rage in Sami's face) I think...I left..a...um...cheeseburger...yeah that's it! A cheeseburger at um... Eagle's place yeah!
Max races off to a Transport copter and flys off to green earth
Sami: (trying to restrain herself) no...and...do...you...know...the definition...of....
Andy: Got my handy dandy Andy dictionary right here
Sami: ..of.....MURDER!!!!!!!!!!! (lifts up gun and starts firing at Andy with a hysterical crazy (like pineapple) look on her face)
Andy: Ow! Ouch! What is wrong with you? (ducks down into tank and pulls out wrench and whips it at Sami's head)
The fight continues as Nell walks out
Nell: Stop it you two! And come on in I've got some people you might like two meet. **********
Meanwhile, at Blue Moon Grit has decided to open up a spicy taco stand and is selling then for insanely high prices as Olaf fights with Colin in the town square.
Grit: Get your tacos! Spicy, tasty tacos!
Colin: (fighting with Olaf) You're such a meanie
Olaf: and you are a whiney insubordinate!
Colin: Yeah well.well.you are just plain dumb!
Olaf: I've had enough of this! Its time i teach you a lesson! Feel the power of
~*BLIZZARD*~
CO power music starts playing as a single snowflake falls on Colin's head.
Olaf: Man, I hate summer.
Fight continues as Sensei walks up to Grit's taco stand
Grit: Would you like to buy a taco from me Mr. Ruler of Funky CO music?
Sensei: um sure how much?
Grit: well for you I've got a special price, 7$ each!
Sensei: 7$?!?!? That's a rip off!
Grit: but its sooooooo juicy and flavorful 7$ is a bargain of a lifetime.
Sensei: Fine sure whatever..
Grit: So, what brings you down to Blue Moon?
Sensei: I was bored so I decided to go parachuting, I guess I ended up here
Grit: Oh. Well here's your fake plastic toy from the play kitchen section of the toy store. I mean here's your delicious tasty freshly made taco. Enjoy!
Sensei: Thanks (walks away and watches Olaf and Colin's fight)
Colin: Yeah? Well you.
Olaf: Me what? A meanie? Boohoo I was called a big ol' mea.
Light rain cloud appears in sky and a single rain drop is headed for Olaf
Olaf: (looking up) OH NO!! IT'S RAIN AHHHHHH everyone do funky matrixy moves that defy all gravity to dodge that rain drop Olaf starts moving at bullet-time speed and starts walking on walls and doing funky dodges in the town square as Colin watches the rain drop hit the ground
Olaf: HA! I beat the stupid raindrop! NANANABOOBOO! In your face raindrop!
Now this continues for a loooooooooooooooooong time, So lets check on Yellow Comet HQ!
Kanbei: Where on earth is Sensei?!
Sonja: Actually he is on the moon.
Kanbei: WHAT?!?!?
Sonja: oops, sorry about that. He's at blue moon.
Kanbei: oh.but what is he doing there?
Sonja: I think he..
Kanbei: he was captured? By blue moon? That's atrocious!
Sonja: no wait-
Kanbei: and they are asking for a ransom?!?!
Sonja: no that's not what I said.
Kanbei: This is horrible! I never liked that Olaf and especially not that wussy Colin! Though Grit does sell good tacos.
Sonja: But-
Kanbei: Who gave you permission to speak? Prepare lots of landers with my favorite!
Sonja: (sighs) Yes I know. Tanks, Medium tanks, Neo-tanks and more tanks
Kanbei: Very good, now lets get ready to teach those blue moons what Yellow Comet can do!
Sonja: Noooooooooooooo I don't want to conquer more!
Kanbei: Boohoo! Let's go!
Now, while Yellow Comet prepares to attack Blue Moon, let's check out what's happening at Green Earth.
Eagle: NO! I want my mommy! Wahhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhh
Drake: Oh please give me a break
Eagle: NO! I won't and you can't make me!
Jess: This is a kiddie pool made for little infants! So stop your whining and get in!
Eagle: (Is holding onto a pole with his hands while Jess and Drake are trying to pull him away by his feet) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH don't let them take meeeee!
Max: Um hey guys. Wuzzzap! ( doing the thing with the tongue)
Jess and Drake both drop Eagle
Jess: Ok first, that is so 1990's! (valley girl style)
Drake: Hey what are you doing here anyways?
Max: oh I wanted to escape a nuclear explosion
Eagle: (Standing up) Really?
Max: No. I was just escaping from Sami and Andy who were about to get into a big fight.
Eagle: Well that has the destruction equivalent of a Nuclear explosion.
Max: So what do you guys wanna do?
Drake: TWISTER!!!
Jess & Eagle: oh no--
Max: What's wrong with that?
Jess: ever since Drake discovered what it was he's had an annoying obsession about it ever since
Eagle: But on the bright side of that I don't need to see my Chiropractor any more
Max: Oh. I see.
Jess: Let's DRAW PICTURES!!!!
Max: With that oversized pencil you carry around with you all the time??
Jess: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S NOT A PENCIL!!!! IT'S A TANK SHELL!
Eagle: I know lets sit down on the street and try to get hit by a car!!!
Everyone else: Sure!
Ok now while they try to kill themselves let's see how black hole is doing, I wonder what they are scheming up right now..
Hawke: Where's my coffee?!
BH Soldier: Right here sir!
Hawke: Good *takes a sip, spits it out* THIS COFFEE SUCKS!!!
BH Soldier: Sorry sir, it said right on the package it came straight from Columbia!
Hawke: What's Columbia?
BH Soldier: I don't know sir but they are supposed to have good coffee.
Hawke: WELL THEY DON'T!!
BH Soldier: What do you want me to do?
Hawke: Rally the soldiers! We're gonna find out what Columbia is and blow it up because they have crappy coffee!
BH Soldier: Yes, sir!
Sturm walks in
Sturm: Hawke, what are you doing?
Hawke: Planning to kill y--I mean, go on a conquest for Black Hole. Yeah, that's good.
Sturm: That's fine, but try to be back in a week, we'll have visitors! Hee hee! *skips off*
Hawke: How the hell did he become the Black Hole dictator? Oh well, at least I'll kill him soon.
Flak: What were you saying?
Hawke: What did you hear?
Flak: I don't know, what you just said was too confusing.
Hawke: Idiot.
BH Soldier: We're ready to move out!
Flak: Where are you going?
Hawke: To find Columbia and blow it up.
Flak: Can I come?
Hawke: Why?
Flak: Because Sturm is scaring me, Adder is too ugly.
Adder: Shut up!
Flak: and Lash will make me play with her and her toys like dolls and stuff!
Hawke: What's wrong with that? That's not TOO bad.
Flak: But all her toys and dolls heads always seem to blow up!
Hawke: Hmm. all right but you only get to smash the coffee factories.
Flak: I thought you liked coffee.
Hawke: This kind sucks.
Flak: Okay.
Flak and Hawke climb into a T-Copter and fly off with a huge army.
Adder: Good, with Hawke gone I'm fist in command!
Sturm: Forgetting someone?
Adder: Oh yeah, Hawke hasn't killed you yet!
Sturm: What?
Adder: Nothing.
Sturm: No really, I want to know. I feel so left out if you don't tell me these things.
Adder: Really I had no idea. I'm so sorry.
Sturm: Really?
Adder: No.
Sturm: WAA!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!
Adder: You have a mommy?
Sturm: Well, where the hell do you think I came from?
Adder: I dunno. And what's hell?
Sturm: Don't ask me.
Adder: Please!
Sturm: No.
Adder: Now I feel left out!
Lash: I'll help cheer you up!
Adder + Sturm: NOT A GAME!
Lash: Okay, let's play a game!
Adder + Sturm: NOOO!!
Lash: Let's play Hot Potato only a little differently.
Adder + Sturm: What's that?
Lash: It's stuffed with a bomb!
Adder + Sturm: RUN!!
Adder and Sturm both run away
Lash: Aww. now I've got no one to play with. Now I feel left out.
Hawke and Flak are on a cruiser bridge
Flak: Interesting. it appears as if a hole in the very fabric of the time- space continuum. I have deduced this from the fact that not only have we mysteriously switched from traveling in a transport copter right to a cruiser without any explanation whatsoever. Moreover, the scenes have instantly switched from Lash whining about loneliness to us on this bridge and me ruminating on whether this has truly occurred and whether this should be rectified.
Hawke: Flak, you're supposed to be and idiot who likes smashing things, not a philosopher.
Flak: I'm hungry. I'm gonna rip the door off the fridge to get some food.
Hawke: There's a handle.
Flak: That's too confusing.
Hawke: The food will spoil.
Flak: So?
Hawke: That's bad.
Flak: So?
Hawke: Just open it or I'll stick celery in your face.
Flak: NO! NOT THE CELERY! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I'LL OPEN THE DOOR USING THE HANDLE! JUST DON'T STICK THE CELERY IN MY FACE!
Hawke: Good.
Flak: Hmm. pork chops, chicken wings, sausages. there, that should do it.
Hawke: Y'know, that's not too healthy to eat all that meat. You could get a heart attack.
Flak: Who made you my doc-- *clutches heart* URK!
Hawke: See?
Flak: OW OW OW OW OW, MY HEART HURTS!
Hawke: You'll get over it.
Flak: There that's better.
Hawke: Good 'cause we're about to land
Flak sees that they are in a T-Copter again and is about to say something
Hawke: Shut up.
Flak: Okay. Do you even know were Columbia is?
Hawke: No, we're gonna nuke places at random until we find it.
Flak: Then can I smash the coffee factories?
Hawke: Sure.
Author 1: Whaddya know, were all out of time!
Author 2: When did you start speaking like that?
Author 1: I dunno, thought it would be nice.
Author 2: Oh well, join us again next time for ADVANCE WARS: RETARD RISING
Author 1: Dum, dum, dum!