i am colorblind, coffee black and egg white
pull me out from inside, i am ready, i am ready
i am ready i am fine
- counting crows, colorblind
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I am shaking hands jumbled thoughts overloaded senses and god, she's so beautiful.
I can't focus on any one thing. My mind jumps from her eyelashes to that little hollow above her collarbone to those tiny wisps of hair fanning out around her forehead to the way she curls her fingers around the banister.
I don't belong here, but I'm filled with a chorus of yes yes yes as she walks toward me. I see things I shouldn't be seeing, haven't seen before--yellow roses and white dresses, my hands fitted against her waist, the side of her neck. And they would fit, they would. My lips pressed against--no, stop. Not yet.
She smiles and at first I don't even know why they call it smiling, I don't even know why they have a word for it because nothing could do that justice.
She walks up to me and places her hand against my cheek and I fight that urge to shiver, have to remind myself that her smile isn't just for me. It can't be, not yet. Not yet not yet not yet but soon please?
Then she's gone, and it feels like she's been ripped away. I figured just the force of my thoughts, so damn loud in my head, could keep her there, frozen with nothing in her line of sight but me, but they could never hold her.
Tomorrow I'll get lost in these ten seconds again, the seconds that feel like hours and no time at all. The colorblind seconds.