Title: Animal Testing 1/3
Author: Autumn
Email: autumnleaves@autumnpenguins.com
Disclaimer: The X-Men belong to Marvel/Fox/Anyone who isn't me
Rating: R
Summary: St. John and Bobby test out some male enhancement products on Logan. It produces some unexpected results, and brings two people together.
Author's Notes:
I've been kinda sidetracked lately with school and working on my new fan fiction category (Buffy the Vampire Slayer.). My new stuff is up at my website for anyone that wants to check it out. Anyway my X-fic got put on the backburner.
But I'm happy to report that I'm nearly done with this story, and putting the finishing touches on my sequel to 'Leaving Hope' story.
And I'm finishing up a x-fic parody featuring Magneto, esoteric words and Logan and Marie. ; )
Cat: Humor
Distribution: DDFH, API, others please ask.
****************
"No! There is no way I am falling for your insanity again." Bobby rallied.
"Its totally safe, they wouldn't market the stuff if it wasn't!" St. John rationalized.
"Hey they put Phen-phen out there, and then realized hey it can kill you!"
"Iceman, stop being so much like-well you. Great ideas only come around once in awhile my friend, ya gotta answer when opportunity knocks."
"Tell opportunity that no one's at home."
"Well I'm gonna do it anyway, and I'll tell everybody that you helped. So you might as well just bow to the inevitable."
Bobby sighed and rolled his eyes. " Fine, but if Logan kills you, I'm telling."
*************
A few days later……
A very bad imitation of an Australian accent could be heard. "Right up there's the bugger! He's in sight and he's eating his morning meal. Most people don't know this, but Wolverine's have been known to drink the blood of their victims, and then mix it with yak urine so that it doesn't smell so foul."
"That is totally untrue ya jackass. There's no such thing as a yak." Bobby whispered from behind the camera.
"Shut up! You're the hired hand; you don't get to add your own commentary until the director's cut of the DVD is out! Plus, we have to let people know why we can drug Logan without him smelling it. He drinks fucking yak urine!" St. John broke his accent, and yelled at his cameraman.
He turned back to his subject, and discovered that Logan was gone. He'd left his glass on the table. "Success, the animal has taken the bait" St. John said happily and held the empty glass up to the lens.
The armature documentarians had retreated back to their suit to record their first morning's data into the computer. "Uh oh."
"I really hate it when you say those two words together." Bobby said.
"What did you do?" The blonde asked with more patience than he felt.
"Um, I couldn't remember if the box said to take 1 pill every four hours, or four every one hour. I gave him the wrong dose."
"Wonderful, you poisoned him."
"We'll just use this as our uncontrolled test. When we get to the others, we'll just multiply the results by four so our medium won't be off."
"Your concept of scientific research astounds me." Bobby said sarcastically.
Kitty knocked on their door and entered. "The cameras are all in place, and I patched everything up so you can just access it from your own computer, through a back-ally website. So are you gonna tell me what you're doing yet?"
"Research."
"Experiments."
Bobby and St. John said at the same time.
"Thanks Kit, but we've gotta get back out there and follow our subject around. We'll share our really interesting findings with ya, promise." St. John said, swooping up the camera, and ushering Bobby out of the room.
*********
"Maybe he's impotent."
"Maybe you didn't actually buy the right stuff. Half of those things are supposed to be fake."
"I didn't skimp dude. I bought 'true blue.' We just need a live demonstration." With that St. John removed his shirt and wrapped it around his hands and arms for protection.
"Hey Rogue!" He shouted loud enough to get the attention of the woman in front of him, and the Wolverine skulking in the distance.
Without further ado, he ran up to Rogue, grabbed the front of her shirt and pulled it hard enough to rip the fabric from her body. "What the hell are you doing?"
She covered herself with her arms, but the skin that spilled out of her bra was still exposed to the direct light. St. John heard Logan roaring behind him, and jumped into the nearby pool. The enraged Wolverine dove in after him, and sank to the bottom of the pool. John and Bobby took the opportunity to run away as soon as they'd heard Rogue dive in the pool to retrieve Logan.
The two wisely decided to borrow one of the mansion vehicles and drove off for the rest of the day. As Bobby drove, St. John rewound the tape, and watched the playback. "Yep, we can put a check into the Viagra column."