What I've Done
Final Fantasy VII
Written: July 24, 2011
Pairing: Light Rufus/Tseng
Music played: What I've Done by Linkin Park
In this farewell
There's no blood
There's no alibi
'Cause I've drawn regret
from the truth
of a thousand lies
Rufus Shinra lay silently in the bed of the Healin Lodge. The rushing thoughts that he often tried to force away never ceased, battering his mind with waves of guilt and self pity. His company had collapsed, and now he himself, the President, or no… Not anymore… He had contracted the damnable disease that was spreading through Midgar and the surrounding cities like a wildfire. He was going to die, and he knew it. But then… 'I deserve it don't I…' he thought as another spasm of pain gripped his body. Images of crying people, injured because of the insanity and greed of his own company added to the agony. 'I lied, I cheated to reach the top… and now look at where I am. On the edge of death with all the people I stepped on… I deserve… everything I have gotten…' And then the stigma ripped him away from consciousness once again, dragging him into the dark. The struggles the man once gave now dissipated in exchange for choked cries of acceptance. Rufus Shinra, the man who never cried, never bled… Was terrified of the dark…
So let mercy come
He could feel the cold hands of death, pressing at his stained neck, and gave no fight. The fight had long since left him, and now only waiting remained. Waiting for the inevitable, the deserved punishment for his sins against Gaia…
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Rufus tried vaguely to recall the last time he had felt this way. Hopeful, surprised, repentant, a desire to live and fight had returned to him once again as he sat in his wheelchair gazing at the pool of lilies and shimmering water. His salvation, his cure… He allowed himself to be lifted into the pool, and Cloud stood before him, pouring the glistening cool water over his head in handfuls. Rufus allowed himself a moment of weakness, letting a quiet moan of satisfaction and relief leave him, a moment only Cloud heard. He could feel the GeoStigma leaving him, disappearing into the pool to be chased away by the light. He allowed his head to fall back, the black stains that for so long tarnished his pale skin were gone. And suddenly, the world did not seem so small, so dark. The warmth of the sunlight streaming through the broken ceiling shafts was a blessing. The waters cool touch seemed magnified. The things he so often took for granted held a new importance. His gaze fell to the four loyal Turks standing attention at the back of the church. Yes… 'I will not allow this to go on… I will fix this planet… I will fix what I've done… And I don't have to do it alone…'
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
The soft rustling of papers accented the silence. Just like old times… Tseng stood stoic at the door to Rufus's office, and Rufus worked. The clock held no meaning to either of them, chiming only for itself as it announced the time. Four in the morning. The sky had already begun to brighten and Rufus reached for his coffee, only to find it empty. He sighed. For months, Rufus had trudged through long nights of work and documents, struggling to rebuild Midgar to its former glory. It was all so much, so stressful… Exhaustion was beginning to take hold as it so often did. Rufus stood and made his way towards the coffee machine at the other side of the office. He held his cup under the machine and watched as a stream of black liquid rushed out. The city was in such a state of chaos, how could it ever be reversed? What if… It was too late to be fixed… He sipped his drink, breathing in the steam and feeling more alert. No. He had promised Cloud… Promised his Turks that he would make things right. And he would. Rufus sat back down at his desk diving head first into his work until the sun seeped into the office through shining glass windows.
So let mercy come
The clock announced six as Rufus scribbled his signature, cursing the fact that the clock had gained two more hours on him. There was so much to be done, why couldn't time stop? Just for a moment? He reached for the phone to speak to Reeve about the newest developments of the city when he felt a pair of strong arms slip around his waist from behind. He could smell the light scent of gunpowder and clean fabric that he had came to associate with Tseng, felt thin lips against his collar bone, and maybe, for just a second, time did stop.
And wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Rufus stood in front of the mirror, splashing water over his face. He had woken up only minutes ago, and already his mind was working in overdrive. As he looked in the mirror, he savored that now, unlike many times before, he could look at his own reflection without a twinge of guilt or anger. Pulling a towel of the rack, he dried his face quickly. He had a day to begin, and every hour minute and second that brought them closer to a new Midgar was precious. He allowed himself a short moment, thinking of something Rude had said the night before. Ever since the man had joined the Turks, he had said little, choosing to show loyalty and efficiency through action. Rufus had learned then that when Rude spoke, meaning was often encasing the few words. 'You've changed, sir.' He had said as Rufus walked past him. "Hmm.. Perhaps I have…" Rufus spoke to the mirror before walking away briskly.
For what I've done
I start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
Rufus stood atop the Shin-Ra building looking down at the city. It seemed to shine with a rejuvenated beauty, and a new kind of life filled Midgar and its people. The reward of a long year of tireless working lay gleaming in the sun. The people trusted instead of feared Rufus, and the feeling meant more to him then he imagined. Only hours before, he had made his first speech to the city since meteor, shared his hopes of a new age that they would work towards together and the cheers he heard erupt from the people who Rufus had once thought had no voice. The sound was loud, powerful, and inspiring yet somehow, standing atop the roof, he felt tired. It was not the resigned exhaustion that he had become so familiar to; it was a relieved desire for a well earned sleep that he now felt. The breeze blew his coat around his knees lifted his hair to dance lightly in the wind as he turned back towards the stair well. The air smelled clean and the temptation to stay on the roof was strong, but the soft white sheets would smell clean as well, and he disappeared inside, heading towards his room.
I'm forgiving what I've done!
What I've done
He lay in bed, sinking into the cool pillows and sighed contentedly. The warmth next to him was sweet and silent, cradling him. He was reminded again that he did not need a guard by the door to ensure his safety. One lying beside him did the job perfectly. He leaned back, moving closer to Tseng and a firm arm held him close.
"Sleep Rufus…" Tseng nearly whispered, pressing his lips to the blonde's. Rufus smiled, moving to put his arms around Tseng in the darkness. His name sounded sweet coming from Tseng's mouth. Not Boss, not Sir, Rufus. It only helped to add to the perfection of the moment. Silence, warmth, love, and accomplishment accented the bliss of cool fabric that fluttered slightly in the breeze of the high window.
"You've earned a rest…" he said softly into the nape of Rufus's neck. And the two of them drifted into a relaxed, long deserved and peaceful sleep.
Forgiving what I've done...
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