Now here is just a little thing I made up earlier as I tried to get to sleep at three fifteen this morning. Meant to mock, nothing else. I do not own One Piece. Though I do find the first two pairings brought up at least... mildly amusing.
Attraction Through Hatred
This story takes place in the Gong Merry. Yes, in the Going Merry. Actually, in the hallway mostly. That boring, average little hallway that rarely sees much action other than the members of the Mugiwara Kaizokudan randomly flitting about through it in order to get from one place to another. Yet this day was going to be different.
Enter Roronoa Zoro, the ship's first mate and swordsman. He was hungry, so he had come out of the men's quarters in order to raid the galley of something to eat. With heavy boots, he counted the steps he took with closed eyes. Twenty-two was the number of steps he would need to take to get into the galley. He counted them out many a time before.
Though this time, something unexpected happened. A hand grabbed Zoro's forearm and dragged the startled swordsman into a tight space, closing off all light with a door. A pair of gentle hands pull his head down so that his lips collided with another's and a good snogging attempted to commence, much to the dismay of the swordsman.
"What is going on?" he demanded, pushing away whoever was shamelessly attacking him. Zoro tried to move, but found the task quite difficult to manage since he had his swords caught in a myriad of mop and broom handles and the cupboard he happened to be in was not very spacious to being with.
"I love you," said a voice in the dark. Zoro's eyes had not yet adjusted, but he could recognize the voice.
"Nami? The hell...?"
"Please... I..." the navigator whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Zoro avoided her kiss as she tried to go in for another.
"What is wrong with your brain?" he asked. "I thought you didn't like me... at least, in this way..."
"Attraction through hatred," Nami sighed, nestling into Zoro's chest.
"Where'd you come up with that?"
"I read it once in a book."
"Burn that book," Zoro sneered, having found the doorknob and managed to squeeze himself out of the broom cupboard. He could see Nami try to come after him, but he slammed the door in her face and rushed into the galley.
"What's the matter marimo-head?" Sanji asked as he saw Zoro leaning against the wall of the galley, wide-eyed and seemingly in shock. The blond kneaded some pastry dough as he grinned mockingly at the swordsman.
"Nami's gone off her rocker, that's what..." the green-haired man said, shaking his head in disbelief. "'Attraction though hatred'... that's got to be the ruddiest load I have ever heard..."
"What did you say...?" Sanji asked. Zoro scowled as he saw the cook come closer, abandoning the dough.
"None of your business," Zoro spat. He went to go and walk out the door, but Sanji blocked his way by placing his foot up against the wall.
"I'll make it my business if I want to," he said smoothly. With a suave grin, he placed his opposite arm against the wall, blocking in Zoro.
"Forget Nami, what's wrong with you?" the swordsman asked, eyeing Sanji suspiciously. The cook slowly leaned in and whispered seductively in his ear.
"Do you want to find out, my Marimo-chan? Attraction through hatred..."
Zoro, unable to reply due to the incapacitated state of his thinking skills, froze up stiff. Since when...? Eww...! How wrong...! The second he was able to move again, Zoro shoved Sanji away as hard as he could and made for the galley door. He threw it open, only to see Luffy standing in the hallway, doe-eyed and looking hurt.
"Z-Z-Zor-r-ro...?" the young captain sniffled, looking up at his first mate needily. Zoro's face twitched with fright. No. Not the captain. Not... not... no way in all of hell. He ran past Luffy and back into the safety of the empty water closet, locking the door behind him and vowing to never again come out.
"Is he gone...?" Sanji asked, poking his head out the galley door.
"Yeah, he's secure in the bathroom," Nami sighed, stepping out of the broom closet. She walked over to Sanji and the confused Luffy and grinned.
"Did I do good Nami?" Luffy asked.
"Yes you did," Sanji said. "Extra meat tonight."
"Oh boy! Meat!" Luffy cheered as he ran out of the hallway and back up to the deck. Sanji and Nami gave each other a smile and a high-five. Operation: Scare the Dickens Out of Zoro was a complete success. He fell for it.