title: with you and without another
"From now on, I want to live my own life."
The unspoken 'with you' written in his gaze scares you more than anything has in a long time.
Because you're in love with him. Because you still love Tomoe every bit as much as you did on the day she died. Because you're leaving. Because you have Kaede to worry about. Because you have a future to worry about now, and you're not quite sure how he fits into it yet.
All you know is that you want him to be a part of it.
…
After everything finally calms down a bit, you decide to head home. It's late, and Kaede should really be asleep by now. There's a moment of hesitation before you ask Bunny to come with you.
"Let's talk."
…
After setting Kaede's things in the spare bedroom and kissing her forehead goodnight, you retreat back to the living room. Bunny is sitting on the couch, exactly where you left him. To be honest you don't know if you're totally ready to do this, don't know if you'll ever be ready to do this, but something is pushing you to sort this out today.
You motion for him to follow you up the stairs.
...
Laying back against the pillows only causes a few minor twinges of discomfort. (Those doctors patched you up pretty good.) Bunny perches a bit awkwardly on the edge of the bed until you roll your eyes and drag him down to lie beside you.
You reach over and hold his hand, raising the other to look at your wedding band. Faint light glints off it, making it look more gold than silver. "I know a lot about your past, but you know nothing about mine. I want to fix that, if that's alright." You smile sheepishly at him. "Not sure you really want to hear about Tomoe, but if we're gonna do this, I think it's important."
"Of course I want to hear it," he says, looking just a tad offended that you thought he wouldn't.
You chuckle. "Sorry. I just haven't talked about her in a long time."
"Take your time."
"Well, I met Tomoe in high school." Your voice is barely above a whisper, but you know he hears you. "She was beautiful. Class president. A know-it-all, and a goody-two-shoes. She was," you search for the right word, lips twitching into a smile, "annoying."
His hand is tense under yours. You smooth your thumb along his knuckles.
"We argued a lot in the beginning. Our world views were the same, but our personalities clashed. She liked to think before she acted. I was even more thoughtless than I am now." Bunny snorts, you ignore him. "And I got into a lot of fights back then. She didn't like that much."
"Are you even capable of making a good first impression?"
"Apparently not." You shove him with your shoulder to let him know that you don't appreciate his interruption. "Anyways. Things finally changed when Antonio came into the picture. He was the leader of a gang back then, if you can believe it. He wanted to fight me but I kept refusing, until Tomoe got kidnapped. We fought, and eventually figured out that he didn't do it. Turns out some of his goons decided it would be a great idea to take her and stash her in an old warehouse.
"I'm still not sure how it caught on fire, but it all went a bit crazy after that. I rushed in to save her. It was probably then, that I realized I didn't just think of her as my annoying friend. I cared about her. We started dating not too long after that. And we became friends with Antonio."
You pause to let that sink in, wishing you could tell the story better.
"After a while, Antonio and I started planning to become heroes. Tomoe always loved heroes, so she was really excited about it. She was the one who came up with both our names, actually." You remember that day all too well. She wrote out pages and pages of names before you were both satisfied. "Soon after that we graduated, and we broke it off for a bit. Tomoe and I wanted to give each other the opportunity to try new things, meet new people. Antonio and I left for Sternbild.
"As we looked for sponsors, I did try new things. Met new people. It was fun. But I loved Tomoe more than I liked the freedom. We got back together pretty quickly." You can't help the smile tugging at your lips. So much of this is happy memories. Happy memories you've done your best to avoid. "We fit together like we'd never been apart.
"She started coming out to Sternbild more often. Eventually I signed on with TopMag. A few months later she moved in with me. We got married. Man, her parents were not happy about that... They didn't like me at all. Thought I was too reckless. I was, of course. But we got married. Kaede was born three years later. One of the happiest moments of my life."
The only thought in your head is: I'm not drunk enough for the conversation. This was a bad idea.
"Tomoe got sick when Kaede was four." You can hear the crack in your voice. "Those last few weeks were the worst. She looked like a shadow." You still thought she was beautiful, and not a day went by without you telling her so. "I couldn't bear to let Kaede see her like that. She would've asked questions. Questions I didn't have the answer to." You sigh. "Y'know, I was almost relieved when she finally went. I was just so glad she wasn't suffering anymore."
You need a minute to get your calm back. Bunny hasn't said a word, but his fingers are digging almost painfully into your palm. You squeeze back gently and his grip loosens.
"Something in me broke when she died. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even do my job right. I plummeted to the bottom of the rankings. For a long while, I hated being a hero." You let yourself hate the one thing Tomoe asked you for. You still haven't forgiven yourself for that. "Antonio was the only one who knew what was really going on. Everyone else thought I was just in a slump.
"It was Nathan who brought me back to reality. Told me I needed to snap out of it. That whatever had happened, my life wasn't over. I don't think I let myself cry over her until that night. But I needed to. And after that, it got better. It still hurt. I still missed her. But I could function again. Everything started looking a little brighter. I started to like being a hero again. It took two years for the ache in my chest to fade. I still feel it sometimes, but it's not so bad anymore. It's not overwhelming grief like it used to be. I can remember times when we were happy."
You let him digest the information without a word, content to continue tracing absent swirls on his palm. He keeps the silence for a minute before finally saying, "You really love her, don't you?" There's a tiny sad smile curving his lips.
"You're the first person who hasn't said I loved her, past tense." You grin. "Of course I love her. She was everything to me. It crushed me to lose her. But she would've wanted me to be happy. Even without her. And you make me happy."
The blush dusting his cheeks is frankly adorable.
…
"Tomoe."
It's not even six in the morning. The clock ticks quietly in the background. You're leaning against the wall, Tomoe's picture in your hand. She's laughing, her smile wide and genuine. It was taken barely a week after she got sick. Before you realized she wouldn't get better.
"Things have been crazy over here lately. We finally found out who killed Bunny's parents. An asshole who used to be one of their best friends. I almost died. Kaede found out I was a hero, and I… retired."
You feel guilty. It feels dangerously close to breaking your promise.
"I know I said I'd always be a hero. And I will be. I just won't be out saving the city anymore. I can't, I... My powers have declined. I don't know how long it'll be until they're completely gone. I can't risk it. I can't put the citizens at risk like that, I can't put Bunny at risk like that…"
…
"Tomoe, I... I fell in love." A slow smile comes over you. "He's a good kid. Doesn't like accepting help, probably because his past is such a train wreck. He does good things for other people... He's not just in it for the points anymore, he really cares. I'm really proud of that. I'm proud of him.
"Bunny sure has come a long way from the brat I first met."
…
"You have to stay here." The words are determined and understanding, kind but firm. Kaede has her hands slammed down on the table, eyes ablaze. She looks so much like Tomoe.
"Hah? What do you mean?"
"You love him." She says it so matter-of-factly that all you can do is nod dumbly. "Stay in Sternbild. I can come visit. You won't be on call all the time so you can stop breaking your promises. And I want to join the hero academy in middle school anyways, so we'd have to come back out."
"Oh." You're not quite sure what exactly just happened, but Kaede looks satisfied. She starts buttering a piece of toast. You can hear Bunny shuffling about upstairs. Hesitantly you ask, "You don't mind?" Her only answer is to roll her eyes and mumble under her breath. You're pretty sure you catch the words 'stupid dad' and 'of course not'.
…
extra
…
You've been together for five years now.
In all that time, you've never seen Kotetsu take off his wedding band for longer than it takes to have a shower or wash the dishes. It doesn't bother you. From the start, you knew he loved his wife. You knew he always would. Wearing the ring is his way of keeping her close, assuring her that he hasn't forgotten her or their promise all those years ago.
Sometimes, late at night, you creep downstairs and sit in front of Tomoe's picture. You want her to know that you're taking care of the moron that you both fell in love with. Reassure her that you'll never stop making sure he keeps his promises. Sometimes, you're almost certain you can hear her laughter echoing back to you.
1. kaede was awake when kotetsu was talking to tomoe (she was going to the kitchen to get some water and she only rly caught the second bit of his monologue) so that's why she knows about the whole thing. for anyone that was confused. also i rly don't think she'd care if kotetsu fell in love with anyone. and she likes bunny anyways, so?
2. i always thought that if kotetsu and bunny got together, bunny would talk to tomoe a lot? he'd feel a sort of kinship over loving this weird moron. tomoe is probably in heaven listening to his complaints and being all "holy shit i know right he's such a dumbass someone knows my pain". and she'd love bunny bc kotetsu does, so it'd all be cool.
3. also i just rly hate those "i can't love another person it would be betraying my dead lover" scenarios. like no. there is legit no reason for you not to love another person. if they rly loved you why would they condemn you for being happy? like holy shit, ppl are morons.
4. i like to think that after the episode where they babysat the mayor's son, nathan realized why kotetsu broke down on him all those years ago. they went out and got drunk and talked about it. they became better friends.