AN: Kind of a continuation of Kira, but it can stand alone. Cagalli swears a blue streak in this, because I really think that she would do that in reality. She's such an awesome teenager, and I think that she would become a beautiful and intelligent woman, but there's this rebellious streak in her that I love, desperately fighting against conformity always.
The thing I think first is fuck.
And then my hand is over my mouth, and I think I'm screaming, but the whole world is screaming and I can't tell who is who anymore.
-
Yesterday I was twenty-three and already tired of the fucking world.
My life had been cut down to a shitty schedule. Nina came in at 700 sharp with tea and toast, then it was meetings and dresses, and then lunch usually at 1200, usually with someone important, again there were dresses. Then after lunch were more meetings and dresses, and then dinner, with more important people, and godamnit the Fucking Dresses never stopped.
At night I talked to Kira and Lacus to keep sane, immersed myself in legislature, or took some time for myself.
Life at twenty-three was tedious as hell. Much less exciting than my brash sixteen year old self had imaged, during those remarkable years of the wars. But don't get me wrong. Thank god that is all over. Lacus did such a good job at keeping peace and PLANTs relations with all nations stable, that our era was a relatively peaceful one.
Yesterday, I had just arrived in the PLANTs, as Lacus took residence in Orb, for a conference on Earth. In return I was to do a speech the day after to the Supreme Council.
It was a switerchoo of sorts. Simple, but extremely good for spreading morale. And totally my idea.
I hate politics, but that doesn't mean I can't handle it. Really.
At least, in the PLANTs, life was slightly more interesting, I had a little brother to harass, and scores of young soldiers blushing and stammering as they held open doors, and a ginormous TV screen in my private room. Really, what more could I want?
-
Kira's face is pressed to the LCD screen on his laptop. He's got a faint smile dancing at the corner of his lips and he's nudging little Eskimo kisses at the air.
He is desperately happy.
That sap.
Always pining for his wife.
He's so whipped.
But it's kinda cute.
Lacus sounds laughs lightly on the other end, and I know she's in a cheerful mood, even though I can't see her face. Kira's huge head is blocking the screen nearly completely.
Then there's a quick exchange of I love yous, and at least they don't make kissing sounds, before Lacus on Kira's laptop disappears and Lacus on my gigantic ass TV screen appears with her trademark "I'm as docile as a lamb, but if you hurt any of my friends I will main and hunt you down" smile of hers.
Her speech is boring as fuck. Hell, I know since I helped her write it.
But her voice is lulling, if a little high-pitched, and I am sufficiently being put to sleep.
Kira's of course grinning like an idiot as he nudges my thigh with his knee. And my god, he makes a good husband. Lacus is so lucky.
Not that I'm jealous.
God no. Over my brother? Ew!
Lacus is still talking, and was that speech really that long when we wrote it? Damn, that probably means mine tomorrow is just as long.
But BANG, and it really is that fast.
Lacus almost looks shocked, before there's red everywhere.
And I'm not thinking.
Then I'm thinking Oh fuck.
And the TV's screaming and I'm screaming for someone, someone to help, anyone¸ even though I'm not even on earth.
And I'm screaming for someone still, someone please, and I'm screaming for Kira, Kira, Kira, KIRA.
But Kira's gone, Kira?, he's long gone, gone gone gone Kira. Kira. Kira.
Please help.
-
"You are not fucking serious," I gape at them barely able to calm the trembling in my hands. "You can't be serious."
Athrun comes close, too close, and awkwardly puts a hand on my shoulder. It's meant to be comforting, I know, but my skin prickles unpleasantly where he touches me.
"Cagalli," He placates.
"Athrun," I spit back. "My best friend is dead I AM going to Orb."
He flinches visibly and steps back. "I need you to understand," he talks with his eyes to the ground. "You have to be here."
"And why the hell do I have to do anything you say?"
There was a time when I would have grabbed his head down and kissed him so hard until some sense got knocked into him. He would have pulled me to his chest and kissed back with twice the force until we tumbled into bed and the world was narrowed down to the two of us.
But that was a long time ago.
"Think about Orb," he says. "The PLANTs will be thirsty for blood, as will the world. You need to say something, and you need to say it here."
"Why-"
"This is Lacus' home; they love her the most here. And also so it doesn't look like you're running away from a crime or-"
"WHAT?"
"Just-"
"FUCK NO! THAT'S-"
"I know, I know, I know you"
And I look at him, but he can't meet my eyes, and I think that he really never does anymore. We don't talk when we pass each other in walkways or talk on the phone, or even exchange letters.
Once upon a time, I would have clutched his hand and dragged him to the cafeteria where we would share a single soda can with two straws, as we talked about everything and nothing at all.
But that was a long time ago. Now he's Athrun Zala, who runs through girls like tissues, but comes home every once in a while to red-haired Meyrin who still takes him in, even though she knows everything. And as for me…
Well he certainly doesn't know me anymore.
But I don't say that. Something is growing in my throat. And I want him to leave before it chokes me to death.
"…What do I say?" I ask.
"I don't know," he says. "We'll –You will think of something. I know you will."
He looks at me once and I had forgotten how fucking green his eyes were, but he hesitates and his entire body falters.
Then he's grabbing my chin and our lips meet and tangle in a brusque parody of a kiss.
He breaks it off almost as soon as he begins, and he looks so surprised and disappointed that if I was less angry and surprised and disappointed myself, I would have felt sorry for him.
"Sorry," he says. And he won't let me run, but he runs away himself.
I think of Kira and world without Lacus, and Eskimo kisses, and wedding vows, and idiotic grins, and my throat is tightening.
I'm crying.
-
Today I don't feel twenty-three. My sister in law is dead. My best friend is dead. The one person I could turn to for everything in this fucking world is dead.
Tomorrow I tell the world that I didn't order for her to be killed.
I hate politics.