Kaidan struggled through the haze with her name on his lips. Time seemed elastic; days slipping by, marked only by fleeting glances of sunlight or stars as he drifted in and out of consciousness. Occasionally he would feel pain begin to rise up through the layers of sleep, only to be replaced by the cold, comforting flood of drugs through his veins. When he slept it was heavy, dreamless and dark but always when he woke it was thinking of her.
When finally he was able to rise from the gloom for long enough to form words, he asked about her directly. His voice was thick and hoarse and his mind too foggy to keep his concern framed within the parameters of the official alliance hierarchy, but he learned what he needed. That she, that the rest of the crew were unharmed, that they had brought him here directly from Mars. Here being Huerta Memorial hospital. That being four weeks ago.
She had been to see him when he was first brought in unconscious they said, but had had to leave. No one knew where she had gone and she had not been back since, although the Alliance were being updated on his condition through the formal channels.
The effort of obtaining this knowledge sent Kaidan back into the depths of unconsciousness for another two days, but when he did finally reawaken he felt himself come to more easily, his grip on wakefulness stronger and his thoughts more lucid. He was also not alone.
A figure stood silently watching him from the corner of the room. This was not one of his doctors or nurses - although several of these promptly arrived to help prop him up, gave him some water, prodded and poked him and asked him to rate his pain.
No, the distinctive figure before him, apart from the sudden flurry of medics, was one he had seen many times before. From the day Shepard was taken into custody from the Normandy, from the endless vids covering her trial and also from the official Alliance reports on Shepard's activity with Cerberus and the crew that had helped her that he had spent the months of her house arrest pouring over; looking for answers to questions he couldn't fully compose. This was the now infamous Drell assassin Thane.
For a split second, somewhere in his drug-addled mind he felt certain that Thane was there to kill him, however he quickly reasoned that if that was the case, he would have been dead long before he had the chance to form such a thought. Curiously, watching the doctors smile and greet the assassin amiably, he also realised that Thane must have been there some time.
The flow of people soon slowed, and then reversed until the room emptied and Thane alone remained. His large dark eyes seemed to be staring right through Kaidan, contemplating him unflinchingly.
The silence and the stare made Kaidan uneasy and a little aggravated. He cleared his throat loudly, "Can I..er help you?" he asked, disappointed by how thin and croaky his voice sounded.
Thane moved closer to the end of the bed and gave what appeared to be a short bow.
"I apologise for my intrusion Major Alenko, my name is Thane Krios, we have a mutual acquaintance in the form of the Commander Shepard and I am here in her service. I am glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?"
Thane's voice was also hoarse, but strong and steady unlike his own and at the mention of Shepard's name Kaidan felt a twist in his guts, his mind flicking back to the whispers he had heard about Shepard and the Drell…and then just back to Shepard.
"I…know who you are. Did Shepard send you here?" His tone came out more accusatory than he had intended it to but he couldn't hide his irritation at Thane's presence. He attempted to pull himself up to a better position, to make himself look less weak and helpless and tried again quickly, ignoring the enquiry into his health. "What I mean is, I heard you were with the Commander for her mission to investigate the collectors. What brings you to Huerta instead of the Normandy?"
"I am in the final stages of Kepler's syndrome, I do not have long left to live and require daily care. Huerta provides this and allows me to stay connected to what is going on in the universe. Allows me to see my son."
Thane said this all with complete calm, his gaze so unflinching that Kaidan hardly registered the impact of his words. The Drell was dying? It seemed so at odds with all the reports he had heard about him and his considerable kill list.
He shifted uncomfortably but pressed on,"I'm er, sorry to hear that…You mentioned you were in the Commander's service. Have you seen her since she was released?"
Thane eyed Kaidan for a moment then gave a short nod. "Yes, Shepard was here," his face softened into a sad smile.
"She stayed by your side as long as she was able however the life of a spectre does not allow much room for personal choice. She has been called away, I am not certain when she is able to return or of the details of her mission but in her absence I have sworn to her that no harm will come to you. Should your enemies seek you here…I will protect you."
Kaidan groaned. Hearing the Drell say her name, with no attempt to use her proper title, hearing him presume to know what her life was like and the way his eyes seemed to soften as he did so, added a whole new kind of discomfort to the pain already working its way around the edges of his medication.
"Did Shepard ask that?" He felt both indignant and yet oddly hopeful at the thought.
But the Drell shook his head
"She did not need to ask, It is a duty I perform willingly."
Irrational as it was, this riled Kaidan even more somehow and he rubbed his temple - the first hint of a migraine beginning to bite. "I…er…I appreciate it Thane… but… if you don't mind my asking…why?"
The Drell turned to look out at the presidium and when he spoke his voice was as calm as ever but his expression was sombre "As I near the end of my time, there are few things I have left In my life that I love. She is one of last and you are precious to her. So you will be to me."
Kaidan tried to reply but drew a blank, his mind tripping up in Thane's answer, Shepard was a thing that Thane loved? What did he mean when he said Kaidan was precious to Shepard?
Thankfully the silence did not linger for long. "I will leave you to rest. Again I ask that you forgive me my intrusion but It was good to meet you finally. If I may, I will visit you again tomorrow." Kaidan nodded silently, really thinking that was the last thing he wanted to agree to, but Thane was already gone. His movements like shadow.
Without any real discussion ever having taken place, very quickly it came to be that the Drell would visit Kaidan most days. These visits confused Kaidan. He would wait for them all day - anxious for an excuse to hear about Shepard and determined to get answers to his questions - but when Thane arrived he would find himself sullen and silent, any mention of her painful like pressure to his still healing wounds.
He would invariably find himself wishing Thane would just leave him alone, irritated by how intimately he spoke of Shepard yet equally annoyed when the conversation turned away from things related to her…
...and yet, in spite of this almost physical discomfort at being in his presence, Thane also seemed to him to be his closest link to Shepard, and every time he left the room she would feel so far away again that Kaidan would immediately begin counting down the hours all over again, waiting for a chance to feel even the smallest bit more connected to her.
These exchanges were no easier for Thane. He felt duty bound to keep an eye on the biotic, but his love and loyalty to Shepard made it hard not to look at the man before him, the one she loved so much and yet hurt her so deeply, and find him wanting.
And so the days past. Kaidan grew stronger as Thane became sicker. The two circling one another wearily, united in their weakness and frustration at the limits their bodies placed on them, yet resolutely strangers - never friends.
Kaidan came to respect the Drell's stoic courage and quiet resolve, Thane in turn began to see merit in Kaidan's humility, his unwavering sense of duty and inherent bravery - but each remained distant.
As the weeks passed they found they barely even mentioned her anymore, but her name was forever just on the edge of their conversations, a persistent presence that meant that although their time together became familiar it was never entirely comfortable. Their love of her was what most united them and yet also what kept them apart. Shepard.