"You called for me, Commander" he says nervously. Matsuka doesn't know why he's being ordered to see Keith this late. Has he perhaps done something wrong that he will be punished for? Is that why he's meeting him in his room in stead of his office? It wont be the first time Keith abuses him. He still has red markings on his back from the previous time the stun gun was used. 'He doesn't enjoy hurting me', he keeps telling himself. The man he senses behind the mask he carries is not that kind of person.
"I've told you to call me Keith when we're alone. Haven't I?" the older male says calmly. Keith is seated on the bed, watching him intently. It might be because the light is dim, but there's something strange in his silver eyes. Something he can't grasp. It makes Matsuka uneasy and he stutters as he mumbles a small "I-I'm sorry"
"Come here."
The tone in his voice is sweet and loving. It's one of those moments when Matsuka knows he's being tricked, but he willingly falls into the other's trap as always. He walks to him and lowers his gaze to the floor, not daring to look at him.
"Take your clothes off"
Matsuka doesn't hesitate or question the command. After staying with him for so long he has learned not to protest even if he's afraid this is leading to torture. He quickly loosens his belt. His jacket comes off, then his pants follow, but his underwear stays. He trembles and hugs himself as the chilled air in the room touches his bare skin. "All of it" Keith says sternly. Matsuka reacts then. He tries to ask why, however his voice seems lost as the other stands. "Don't try to enter my mind" the dark-haired male murmurs so close to his ear he feels warm breath tickling it "or I'll make sure you wont be enjoying this the slightest".
"Ah!"
Matsuka stiffens. Before he can comprehend what's happening Keith's hand has slid over his stomach and into his boxers. Why? Why is he touching him there? He tries to find a explanation, but his mind is blank and crammed all at once. It feels so strange. Odd noises come from the back of his throat as his member is slowly stroked into arousal. Then Keith's lips are on him, kissing and nibbling his neck. Shivers run up and down his spine and his legs grow weak. He must be ill. He's so light-headed it feels like he can pass out any second. So warm... hot... dizzy. Then he realizes. He has heard about this. What it means when two people touch like this. His heart is filled with a different kind of warmth. With joy. Will Keith make love to him? He smiles. Smiles so bright and tenderly the other raises a eyebrow and gives him an odd look. His cheeks turn bright red and he tries to stop himself from smiling even more. He can't ruin this moment and end the pleasure and happiness he feels. Usually Keith's touch will hurt. Because it's filled with so much sorrow it pains Matsuka. But now it's good. Gentle yet firm and "nnh so good". He brings his hands up to his face to cup his mouth and makes small noise that sounds like a sob when Keith retrieves his hand only to pull his last piece of clothing down his slender legs. Matsuka steps out of his underwear. He's fully exposed now, yet he doesn't feel ashamed, because it's only for Keith.
He's told to lay down and quietly does so. Keith's bed is like heaven. It's not very different from his own, but just the thought of sleeping close to him makes it the most wonderful place in the universe. He's not a monster this night. He's loved and wanted. Keith leans over him and they kiss. It's Matsuka's first and he's surprised by how soft it feels. Lips briefly brushing against each other before Keith pulls back. Matsuka watches and he's sure he has never before felt so nervous and excited at the same time as the other begins to undress. His eyes have adjusted to the dark and he can clearly see him. Keith is growing older yet he's still well-shaped, muscles lean and firm. 'You're beautiful' he thinks, secretly, without using telepathy so Keith can hear. The strange feeling within him returns and he nearly moans as the throbbing between his legs increases. "C-can I..." he starts and looks away shyly when their eyes meet "I just... I want to"
"Just say it" he hears Keith grumble and he has to gather all of his courage before continuing. "Can I touch you too?" he asks pleadingly "I want to make you feel good". Then his mind becomes blank again as Keith climbs into bed with him. Soon he finds himself laying beneath the older male, his legs forced apart by strong hands. His heart begins to beat so hard his chest hurts. Why does he feel so vulnerable? Insecure. Terrified.
"You can do something better" Keith says softly. His voice sounds smug "let me enter you."
Matsuka's eyes widen even more upon hearing this. How? How is it possible? It's clearly not. "b-but I'm a man" he whimpers and tries to press his legs back together, but even if he's physically strong he can't fight Keith. Simply because his emotions wont let him. It makes him feel weak, so weak he stops struggling at once because there's no use. "There's nowhere to-". He's silenced when his hips are suddenly lifted.
"There is" Keith says calmly, moving forward until Matsuka feels something press against his rear. That's when he realizes. "T-there!?" he yelps and cringes "I don't want to". It seems too odd. But perhaps that's why making love is something that belongs to the past. It's dirty.
"Don't be a coward."
It's the last thing he hears before everything is shut out by the intense pain as Keith's member slowly slides into him. At first he's sure the other ripped him open and he imagines blood pouring out between his legs. If this doesn't end soon he'll die. "Aaah Keith" he cries out in desperation and clutches the sheets until his knuckles turn white "it hurts! It hurts so bad". Tears are streaming down his cheeks. He's not supposed to cry in front of Keith. Because it's only proof that he can't control his emotions like a human. But he can't hold back. The pain is too much for him to take. But for once he's not punished for crying. Keith leans down and kisses him lightly, soothing him enough to make the sobbing stop.
"Relax."
Matsuka closes his eyes.
"I can't..."
"Matsuka, look at me"
Keith's voice is gentle now, and Matsuka listens. Taking a deep breath he slowly opens his eyes, blinking tears away.
"The pain will fade" the dark-haired man whispers "calm down"
Matsuka nods. His body relaxes and he realizes it's intact. He's not broken. Then he feels warmth again. Keith is inside of him, one with him, and despite the pain it's amazing. He hisses when the other begins to move, but it's slowly and he's thankful that he's given time to adjust. Keith must be doing it out of kindness, because he's sure that if he really wanted to hurt him he would slam into him until he did break. He lays his head back and moans softly when Keith's thumbs massage his hips. His mind is becoming numb, yet his skin feels more aware than ever. It's too overwhelming. His stomach tightens and a thick fog covers his vision. "Ahh Keith" he whimpers helplessly. It's like he's loosing himself and he doesn't know if this is how it's supposed to feel or if he's dying after all. Something happens inside of him that makes him buck against his beloved uncontrollably. He can't tell what it is, but sometimes when Keith pushes into him there's a strong jolt of pleasure running up his spine. And whenever he feels those jolts he wants to scream and beg for more. More. More.
He doesn't last long, because he doesn't know how to hold back when the knot in his stomach loosens. He arches his back and calls Keith's name as he comes, spilling a white and sticky fluid all over his own stomach. Shortly after his body feels limp and his vision is hazy as he looks up at the other with a loving smile.
"You'd think a monster would be able to hold on longer than that, Matsuka" Keith mutters under his breath. It stings a little and Matsuka immediately feels the need to apologize "I'm sorry" he says and clings to him, using his last strength to keep moving "don't stop"
"You like this?" Keith asks and it's obvious that he's mocking him but he doesn't care. "Yes" he answers sincerely "because I'm with you". Keith snorts, but Matsuka's mind is still clouded by bliss. He reaches up to caress the other's face. The skin feels rough against his sensitive fingers. "Because I'm yours" he whispers, "always", and makes a noise that almost sounds like a giggle when there's a new sensation within him. Keith comes inside of him with a groan. When he pulls out Matsuka feels a strange sense of emptiness. It makes him want to be entered again, but he's sore and Keith is tired. "Did you like it too?" he asks and feels his heart begin to beat faster again when Keith lays down next to him.
"It was all right"
Matsuka smiles and shyly huddles a bit closer to him. "Keith" he says, face flushing so much he's sure his cheeks will burn up "I love you."
It's quiet. The anticipation slowly fades into disappointment. Why doesn't he answer? Keith must realize what he's waiting for because Matsuka cannot hide his emotions from him when they're this close.
"You're a Mu" the answer finally comes, but it's not what he had wished for "how could I possibly love you?"
Matsuka trembles and he wonders how he could have felt so warm earlier. The room is cold. Painfully cold. "Then why did you make love to me?" he asks softly and sits up, covering himself because he no longer feels comfortable like this.
Keith lets out a small laugh. "I didn't 'make love' to you. I fucked you."
Matsuka has never heard this word before but it hurts. Because he doesn't understand it. "What does that mean?" he asks, but he already knows the answer will hurt him even more.
"I used you" Keith says calmly "used your body to make me feel better. That's all"
Matsuka's voice nearly breaks into a sob.
"But I thought-"
"It doesn't matter what you thought. Quit whining"
Matsuka bows his head. He's an idiot. How could he possibly have believed that his feelings for the other would be returned? He gets out of bed, feeling disgusted by the sticky liquid trailing down his stomach and leaking from his rear. His clothes are scattered on the floor and he moves to gather them up. He needs to leave the room quickly so that he wont cry in front of Keith a second time. But he's halted by the other's deep voice as he's about to put his pants back on.
"Stay"
He hesitates.
"It's an order"
Matsuka nods and goes back to bed. He's not worthless to Keith. A tool perhaps, but not worthless. And it comforts him if only a little. He smiles when the covers are lifted for him to crawl beneath and he huddles closer to the other male for warmth. He touches Keith's shoulder lightly and briefly he enters his heart without meaning to. He expects to be hit then, but either Keith didn't notice or he chooses not to act. For once that heart doesn't feel cold. Matsuka sees himself within it and discovers that not even Sam's name echoes as strongly within Keith's heart as his own. "You do love me" he whispers quietly, fingers slowly trailing down his arm.
"You're a monster, Matsuka. I could never love you" Keith answers sternly. But the words don't sting as much when he knows it's not true. Because when their fingers meet they entwine and Keith does not pull away. He just sighs. Content.
They hold hands for the first time and Matsuka has never felt so happy. He doesn't know that the next
time they hold hands will be the last.
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This was my first Terra E fic and I don't know if I was able to keep them in character. It's hard when normally they wont even touch And the angst well... you can't really avoid it with these two D;
I might write more if you guys like this one ... I have an idea for a Keith/Serge/Matsuka fic. But I'm not so sure if I'll do it. I've never written a threesome before and I'd probably feel bad XD