Loving
Her
Leonardo//Raphael of TMNT
Sequel to Because of
Love
To those who read Because of Love: I hope you enjoy the sequel.
Note: In the sequel, the TMNT are about 21 years old. Tsubasa is 19 years old. Splinter is just old.
A secret seems like something so small. But it means a lot to the bearer. It means a lot when the bearer has never had a secret of his own before.
Raphael ran to his secret hideaway. It was his secret. And his alone. None of his other brothers knew about it. And he was happy about that. No one else, as far as he knew, knew about it. And it felt great to have a secret all to himself.
His secret hideaway was merely the balcony of a house. It stood over the owner's large backyard, which led to a small mini-forest with a small mini-creek. They had no backyard neighbors, so Raph was never caught. The owner never caught him either (as if he knew who they were).
He never wondered why he had picked that particular house or that particular balcony. Three nights ago, as he was patrolling the city, he got lost and fell into the neighborhood. He was trying to find a place to hide before anyone spotted him, and the only place that seemed to be available was that lonely unoccupied balcony. So, he just stood on it, and just stared out into the dark night sky.
NYC was one of the brightest cities in the world. So you barely saw any stars. But on that night, Raphael saw stars. Actual stars in the big night sky. From that very moment, Raphael declared the balcony his secret hideaway. It would be his little secret, and his alone.
Honestly, he didn't care if he had the owner's permission or not. It wasn't like he was ever going to get caught. He was trained in Ninjutsu after all (although not as intensely as his oldest brother). He was certain that his little secret would remain his, and his alone. No one would ever find out. It was just him and the stars now.
Just him and his stars.
Some people prefer solitude than a crowd. There's nothing wrong with that. But it gets lonely sometimes, doesn't it?
Sometimes, Raph just loved to get lost in the stars. After stealing a book from Don, Raph was able to look up at the night sky and name a few constellations. The Big Dipper, Cassiopeia, Leo (he hated that constellation), and many others. He never would've realized that something simple and random as the stars would hold images and dreams, stories and truths, if he had not witnessed it for himself.
On this particular night, Raph was getting lost in the stars again. He got lost and went into his own little world where it was just him in an abyss of small shining dots. It was world without worry. A world where he was alone. It was both saddening and blissful.
He was too lost in his world to notice the glass door slide open behind him and the small footsteps close on him. But he was snapped out when he felt a presence next to him.
At first, he thought it was merely his imagination. But he turned around.
And saw her.
He had seen her before. He was certain of it. That brown hair, those eyes with acceptance and understanding. They were all familiar. But he couldn't remember where from.
"Long time, no see," she said, noticing that he was looking at her. But she didn't turn her attention away from the stars. "It's been a while."
Raph frowned. "You ain't gonna kick me out of your balcony or somethin'?" he asked, still searching his memories for her.
"Why would I? I didn't kick you out of that store."
Store. The word brought up a memory about milk. That was when Raph realized it.
"You're dat girl from da store!" he gasped out.
The girl looked surprised for a moment. Then she smiled, and laughed. "From what I remember, your name is Raph," the girl continued.
"Raphael."
"Nice name."
He was surprised. Usually he thought his name was a stupid name, and he thought most other people would think it was stupid too. Who would want to be named after an old, dead guy?
"Why do you come here every night?"
Raph was pulled out of his train of thought. "Huh?"
"You've been here every night for the past three nights. I've noticed your shadow on the curtains."
He regained his tough-guy posture. "None of your business."
"Thisis my balcony after all, you know."
"Yeah, I know. Your point?"
"You've been here for the past three nights. I just wanna know why." Her tone was rising.
"What? Can't a turtle just stand on someone's balcony without questionin'?"
"Why are you avoiding the question?"
"Cause I don't feel like answerin'," was his blurt response.
Tsubasa opened her mouth, but didn't make a remark. She closed her mouth and calmed herself down. "I don't mind if you continue coming here. I really don't care, either way. It's none of my business, as you said."
She turned away, and went back into her room with a slam. The lights were turned off, and most of her body disappeared under her white sheets. Raphael just watched her. Then, with his mood ruined, he jumped off her balcony and headed for the lair.
The beginning of a friendship is the end of isolation. Finally, that someone who had lived in the darkness will see light. It may be awkward at first, but it begins to turn wonderful afterwards.
Morning. 7:00 a.m.
The turtles were having their usual breakfast: cold pizza. Well, almost everyone was having pizza. Raphael was having cereal. It was plain and simple and took only minutes to make. It was his type of food.
The lair opened, and in came the oldest turtle: Leonardo.
Leonardo often came after the sunrise, claiming that he was patrolling the city. Of course no one believed him, but they didn't say anything. Whatever Leo wanted to keep secret would stay secret. Whatever was his secret would be his secret.
Of course, the other turtle brothers had their suspicions about his secret. Raphael didn't care, so he didn't have any suspicions. Donatello said that maybe Leo went to a lab every night and allowed them to do experiments on him. Michelangelo thought that Leo was in contact with a secret crime-fighting agency.
Either way, it didn't matter to Raph. He was fine with not knowing what Leo was up to. Who cared about the perfect Leo anyway?
"Were there any troubles tonight?" Splinter asked. This was the start of the usual morning conversation between master and pupil.
Leo shook his head. "None at all. Just the usual."
Splinter was smiling. "Very well."
There was something behind his conversation. Something secret that had to deal with Leo's secret. Raph could feel it. And it bothered him greatly. No matter how he tried to shake the feeling off, he couldn't.
"I'll be in my room mediating for a bit. Training's at 2 today."
"Why so late?" Donatello asked.
"I have something to do," was Leo's short answer. "It'll take a while."
With that, he disappeared behind the doors of his bedroom. He would not be seen until 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone knows that everything will be exposed eventually. Nothing can stay hidden for long. It's no one's fault. That's just the nature of secrets.
3:24 a.m.
A long time ago, the night closed the bright curtains of the sun, only letting the stars shine. Of course, with all the streetlights, you could barely see the stars. And that's what got Raph annoyed as he jumped from roof to roof, heading toward his secret place.
But he noticed something as he approached the balcony.
The room was lit. She was standing on the balcony. She seemed to be looking at the stars too, letting herself get immersed with it. It seemed as if she were waiting for her long-lost lover or something.
"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Raph asked as he landed on the balcony with silence.
His question startled the girl, pulling her out of her trance.
"Yeah. I should. But I was waiting for you."
Now it was Raph's turn to be startled. "What?"
"I thought that maybe we could talk. You know, be friends."
Raph was about to argue with her, saying that humans couldn't be trusted. But that would be a lie. "Do whatever you want. I don't care."
The girl's eyes brightened a little bit. Or maybe it was just the light. "Wait here, I'll be back." She went back to her room, but quickly came out with a brush and some sort of soap. "I noticed that your shell was kinda dirty. So I thought I'd-"
"Forget it kid. No way I'm lettin' you touch me."
"The name's Tsubasa."
"I don't care what your name is. You're still not gonna touch me. Got that, kid?"
"Tsubasa."
The name was now forever in his memory. "You're still not gonna touch my shell, Tsubasa."
She was smiling after he said her name. Then she yawned, wiping the smile almost completely off her face. But it was still in her eyes. "Whatever. I thought I'd do a good deed for a friend. But I guess you won't let me. Oh well. I need my sleep anyway."
She disappeared behind the sliding glass doors. She covered then with curtains. The lights illuminating her shadow merged with her shadow. Raph was alone again. Well, half-alone.
The night was silent, as it always was. The stars were glittering, shining. It was just Raph, the stars, and Tsubasa now.
Two is company. Three is a crowd. In a crowd, no secret is safe.
Two weeks later.
Every early morning, Raph would land on Tsubasa's balcony. Tsubasa would welcome him somehow and talk with him, just talking. Nothing else happened. Tsubasa didn't bother to try to force Raph to do anything anymore.
Of course Raph wondered why. Tsubasa seemed like the type who was stubborn and did anything to get her way. He didn't mind though. He got enough orders from the Fearless Leader and Master Splinter. The less bossing he got, the better off he was.
"Why do you come here every night?" she asked him one day. She took a sip of her coffee. The mug in her hands looked hand-made. It was white with a drawing of a bare sakura tree with a few sakura flowers. Beside the drawing was some sort of Chinese or Japanese writing. There was also some writing on the handle.
"Because it's my secret place," was the simple answer. Strangely enough, Raph didn't mind answering the question. Something that personal was alright. Something about his family was not.
"Well, I guess now it's not really your secret place anymore."
"What'cha mean?" Raph's eyes narrowed, his eyebrows furrowed.
"It's my secret too. I haven't told anyone that a giant mutant ninja turtle has been visiting me late at night." She was staring at the stars, trying to mentally name the constellations. "Not even my boyfriend, and he's the one I trust most." She held out her mug. "He made me this for me two weeks ago."
Raph wanted to ask more, but his voice thought otherwise.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
A question as such made him want to laugh.
"Heck, no. What the shell would I want with a girlfriend?"
Tsubasa shrugged, tracing the constellations with her index finger now. "I don't know. I figured that if you were human, you would have a girlfriend. You seem like the type that could attract girls easily."
Such a statement made him want to laugh harder.
"You got me mixed up with some charismatic human, Tsubasa." The tang of her name tasted like a forbidden sweetness. "I'm sure if I were human, girls would be staying away from me, not coming to me."
"True. You don't have charm at all." Tsubasa looked at her watch, her eyes widening a bit. "It's getting early. I should really go to bed now." With a fake yawn, she disappeared to her room again.
About a minute later, the lights in her room turned off. The sound of a creaking door and disappearing footsteps caught his attention somewhat. But he mostly ignored it as he hopped across the rooftops toward the lair.
And just as he approached, he saw someone leaving the lair in disguise. It was none other than Leo.
"Wonder where he's going," Raph thought to himself. Curiosity made him want to go after him, but something made him stop. Instead, he headed back to the lair.
And guess what he found in the living room, meditating, waiting for him.
Splinter.
Family is family if they annoy you. If they don't annoy you, then they're only like nameless strangers.
"Raphael, why are you late?"
Splinter seemed to be a bad mood, definitely not a good time to lie. But Raph chose to try his master anyway. "I was doin' some extra patrollin', nothin' else."
The master opened his eyes and glared at his pupil. "Donatello and Michelangelo tell me that every night, around 3:00 a.m., you neglect your patrolling duties and run off. Is that true?"
He cursed his brothers for not keeping their mouths shut. But then again, it wasn't like he hadn't expected it either. "Yes."
"Why?"
"I just like to be alone at times," was the half-lie. "Seesh, why do you always have to be on my case, Splinter?"
The master's patience was wearing a little thin today. But he kept calm. "Judging by your reply, it seems you've been keeping a secret from us."
Raph cursed his master for being right and observant. "If I'm keeping a secret, then you get on my case. If Leo's keeping a secret, you don't get on his case."
Splinter sighed stressfully. "You are mistaken, Raphael. If Leo keeps a secret, I know about it. The same goes for everyone."
He refused to believe so. "I'm going to bed." This was another half-lie.
Swiftly, Raphael disappeared behind the doors to his room. There, he continued to punch his punching bag, channeling all his anger out on it. Sometimes he liked to pretend it was Leo he was punching. But that never worked out so well. It made him angrier.
Then there was Tsubasa.
The vision of her calmed him somewhat. He was still angry, but not as angry as before. But he stopped punching the bag. He limped to his bed and slumped down on it, staring at the gray ceiling above.
Pretty soon, he fell into the blissful state of mind called sleep.
The only thing that matters is the person you love. That person becomes your world. That person becomes your life. Nothing else matters. Nothing else...
A few more weeks passed.
Surprisingly, they came and went without chaos (besides the usual fight for the remote and lectures from the Fearless Leader and Splinter). Splinter didn't seem to mind the fact that Raph had a secret. He kept quiet about it.
And Raph couldn't have been happier.
His meetings with Tsubasa still remained a secret. At 3:00 a.m., it was just him, the stars, and Tsubasa. Only the three of them (well, several million if you count all the stars), were alive when Raph met her on her balcony.
Their talks were serious at times. And sometimes funny. If it was funny, it was usually when Tsubasa told a story and Raph made some sarcastic remark. If it was serious, it was usually when Tsubasa asked Raph a solemn, in-depth question. Usually the questions began with why.
Then there were times when Tsubasa talked about her great boyfriend. Raph didn't mind. But it often made him feel like he was in a movie. Tsubasa was the main girl who dealt with the drama and Raph was the best friend who helped comfort her.
"You know, if I didn't have a boyfriend right now, Raph, I would seriously considering dating you," she told him once. Her voice was lighthearted.
Raph didn't reply to the question. He was still shocked that a girl would say that to him. Him of all people.
"But I still only think of you as a brother," she continued when he didn't. "But I wonder what would happen if I didn't have a boyfriend, and we did date."
A vista of him holding her hand through an incessant path of stars shaped in his mind's eye. The mere thought made him flush.
"I don't think that would happen," Raph said, slowly trying to pick up the pieces of his tough, broken exterior.
Tsubasa smiled. "I guess you're right. And besides, I love my boyfriend. I think that if I had met anyone else besides him, my life would be just a senseless struggle."
"You really love him that much, huh?" He felt dumb for asking that question. Of course the answer was going to be:
"Of course. If I didn't, I would've told you." She slid the door open to her bedroom. She took one step in. "He's become my everything. I don't say it to sound corny. I say it because it's true. I love him." She took another step. "Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. Good morning, Raph." With a yawn, she closed the door. Her lights went out.
Raph just stood there, staring at the dark room. It took him a moment to digest her words completely. It took him a moment to figure out the sentiment burning in his chest and stomach.
"...if
I had met anyone else besides him, my life would be just a senseless
struggle..."
"I
don't say it to sound corny. I say it because it's true."
"I
love him."
The burning sensation remained in his stomach even as he was sailing through the air, jumping and running on rooftops. All of a sudden, he felt hate towards Tsubasa's boyfriend. For reasons he didn't understand or know.
Then, Raph stopped on top of a skyscraper. He peered down at the dark side of NYC. A voice rang through his head. Telling him something that he knew was true, but desired it wasn't.
You love her.
Reality is merciless. It'll hit you hard as a rock. There's no use denying it. The more you deny it, the harder it hits you back.
ANOTHER few weeks passed.
Raphael's sentiments grew every moment he saw her. She was always smiling as if the world couldn't be anymore perfect.
"The world's not perfect. Nothing is. But this is as perfect as it gets," she had told him once.
"If this is perfect, then Satan must be pure."
"If this is perfect, then I wish that he were here."
"He" meant her boyfriend.
Whenever Tsubasa mentioned her boyfriend, Raph just wanted to scream: "Shut up! Can't you talk about someone else? I'm tired of hearing about HIMall the time! Isn't there someone else you love just as much as him?"Someone like me?
"I love him," she would say when Raph asked her why she loved this guy so much. "How many times do I have to repeat it Raph? I love him."
He wished that "him" would change to "you." He yearned to one day hear her say these words to him: I love you. But the only time he would hear that is when she talked to her boyfriend in his nightmares.
Because of his livid attitude, he was more short-tempered than normal. He was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Once, he had yelled at Mikey. It wasn't the normal yell he usually gave to his brother. It was more frightening. This made Mikey more cautious around him. This made everyone else more cautious around him.
And even though he had tried to put his lividness aside when he saw Tsubasa, he couldn't hide it. She had a knack for discovering emotions hiding behind the eyes. She was good at picking the emotional feeble spot and stabbing it until it burst.
"You seem angrier than usual, Raph."
"I'm fine," he growled. He cursed himself for not being able to conceal his feelings.
"I don't believe you."
"Thendon't believe me." He told himself to calm down. But his body thought differently.
Rather than argue further with him, Tsubasa stepped inside her bedroom. "I'm going to sleep now." She closed the door, the curtains, and turned off the light.
Raph cursed himself again. He now hated everything. Well, except for Tsubasa. He couldn't hate her.
He hated her boyfriend the most. And he was going to hate him even more.
Hate is merely a synonym for envy. If you hate someone, it's because there is something that that someone has that you desire.
Three days later. Saturday, 9:00 p.m.
It was about time that Don, Mikey, and Raph went on their patrolling duties. But they were still home, sitting on the couch watching a monster movie marathon. Don was fixing one of his famous inventions. Mikey was the one watching intently. Raph was just staring at the wall, wondering why they were still in the lair when there were villains out plotting to destroy the world.
"Why are we sittin' around here for?" Raph asked Splinter, who was facing the entrance to the lair. He was waiting intently on something.
"We are waiting for Leonardo to come home."
"Why?" Don asked, somewhat interested in the conversation.
Mikey paid his family no mind.
"He has a surprise for us."
That's what got Mikey's attention. "Surprise? What surprise? Is it the latest issue of the Turtle Titan?"
"No, Michelangelo."
"A new video game?"
"Wrong again."
"Then what is it? C'mon, tell me! I gotta know!"
On cue, the entrance opened. There was Leonardo. Beside him was a human girl. They were holding hands, panting hard as if they ran a marathon just a second ago.
"Hey, Leo. Who's the girl?" Don asked.
Leo was smiling. "Guys, meet my girlfriend. Tsubasa Yamaguchi."
Tsubasa smiled at them all. "Hello."
An enemy could be anywhere at anytime. That's why no one can be trusted. Even family can be enemies.
That rest of the night was filled with laughter from everyone in the lair. First, they had introduced each other and talked a little. Then they decided to play video games. Then they decided to do various activities. The night was young and theirs to enjoy.
Well, almost everyone was enjoying it.
"Why don't you join us Raph?" Leo asked.
Raph glared at him, his glare tenser than it usually was. "No thanks."
"You sure? It's really fun." Tsubasa's cheery voice was usually enough to calm Raph down, but not tonight. Not when he had just found out that her boyfriend was his oldest brother.
He turned away, in worry that he might glare at her too. That was the last thing he wanted to do. "No thanks." He got up and left before he pounded Leo into a pulp.
If you found out that your enemy was someone close to you, what would you do? Would be angry at them too?
Raph didn't bother to visit Tsubasa the next morning. His mind was too chaotic with envy, hate, and anger. If he did visit Tsubasa, it would've have been in silence. Not the kind of happy silence. The loud kind that pounded against your eardrums.
He couldn't face her anymore knowing that her "everything" was his oldest brother. Knowing that someone close to him was actually his secret enemy. That would've been hard for anyone.
So, that morning the talk was surrounding Tsubasa, Leo's girlfriend.
"Master Splinter, how long have you known about Leo and Tsubasa?" Don asked their father that morning.
"For a while," was the vague answer.
"How long is a while?" Don continued.
Splinter thought for a moment, retracing his stretchy memory. "About two years."
"Then why didn't you tell us?" Mikey asked, his mouth full of pizza.
"Leonardo thought it wasn't the time. He wanted to wait." Splinter poured himself a glass of milk and drank it in one gulp.
"In other words, he wanted to spend more quality time together with his girlfriend," Mikey teased, making quotation marks in the air for emphasis.
"I'm sick and tired of hearing about her," Raph muttered. He hadn't taken a bite of his cereal yet. So far, he had just been stirring his cereal around. "I mean, c'mon. She's jussa girl. Don't need to make a big deal 'bout it."
Like Raph was in any position to talk. "Jussa girl," was the wrong phrase.
"Seesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the shell," Mikey remarked.
"Can't you be happy for your brother, Raphael? He has found his happiness."
Before Raph could snap at his master, the lair opened. In walked Leo, a wide smile on his face. It was the same smile he had on last night. The same smile that Tsubasa always said she loved.
Don was smirking. "So, Leo..."
Leo tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't. The smile was still in his eyes. "Yeah, Don?" He stripped off his hat and overcoat. Then he went into the kitchen to make himself some coffee. Decaf.
That's what Tsubasa drank every morning.
"Every morning you say you're patrolling, is that really true?"
Leo's green cheeks turned a bit of red. He stopped stirring his drink abruptly.
It took Mikey a while to process the information. When he did, he laughed. Hard. "Leo and Tsubasa, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love. Then comes mar-AHHH!" Apparently, Raph had thrown his bowl of cereal and it landed Mikey's head. Milk was oozing from the bowl and bits of soggy cereal stuck onto him like leaches.
Splinter stood up and slammed his palms in the table. "Raphael!"
"What was that for?" Mikey demanded. He took the bowl off his head. "Now, I'm gonna need another shower."
"You were annoying me," Raph muttered. He stood up, ready to leave the table. "I'm going to my room."
"Rapha-" The door slammed closed. Splinter sighed stressfully. "I worry what will become of him with that temper of his."
"I'm sure he'll be okay during training today," Don reassured the master. "But he was a little..." He paused to search for the appropriate word, both simple and meaningful. "...harsher than usual."
"Yeah. He's been that way since last night when I brought Tsubasa home."
"What's he got against Tsubasa?" Don asked.
Leo shrugged.
"Anyway, back to my love-ly song." Mikey cleared his voice. "Leo and Tsubasa, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Leo Jr. in a baby carriage."
Raph wished that he had another cereal bowl to throw at Mikey. His off-key singing was agitating him.
That was another half-lie.
For the one you love, you can put on a million masks and bottle up a billion words. But you can never tame your heart.
A week passed.
Raph was sure Tsubasa was worried about him. She probably stayed up all night, waiting to see if he would come to her. Only he would occupy her mind.
At least that was his plan anyway. And he hoped it worked.
But every smile that Leo brought home was a proof that Tsubasa was just fine.
During the week, Raph would make various trip to Casey's. He hoped that talking to his best friend would help him get over Tsubasa and Leo. He hoped that everything would be fine. That's what always happened in the movies.
However, his assumption was proven wrong when he almost entered the apartment of Casey Jones and April three days after Leo brought Tsubasa home.
It went something like this:
"So, Tsubasa, how long have you been going out with Leo?" April asked.
Raph froze on the window ledge. He wanted to jump away, go find a Foot Ninja, and beat the crap out of him. But his body thought otherwise.
"For two years," was Tsubasa's reply.
"Two years!" That was Casey's voice alright.
"Yeah. You see we met-" That was Leo.
His voice made the heat in Raph's stomach build.
"We met because Leo was stalking me," Tsubasa interrupted, her voice joking and teasing.
"I never knew Leo was a stalker." April giggled. "Way to keep your eye on her."
"Well...uhh...I…" Leo trailed off.
"Well, it's getting late, isn't it?" Casey asked, obviously trying to save the Fearless Leader from humiliation.
"Yeah. We'd better get you home, Tsubasa."
Raph heard the couch grown and creak. He heard footsteps walking out of the apartment. He also heard "Good bye"s and "See you later"s. Then he heard the door close shut.
"I never knew Leo could get a girl," Casey said right after the door closed. "I always thought he would be the reclusive type, y'know."
"But that girl really seems to make him happy. He was even stuttering." April giggled again. "It was so cute watching his face turn red and seeing her squeeze his arm. So romantic."
This was obviously a clue that April was trying to send to Casey. But Casey was dense. He didn't understand the language of love.
Raph finally got his muscles to work. He jumped onto a nearby rooftop. From there, he headed straight back to the lair. A voice ringing in his head, haunting him.
"I love him."
Of course Raph always knew this statement was true. But it wasn't until now that he realized just how true and how sincere it really was. And how painful those words could be.
Love never goes down the path that we want. We never know how the path will end. That's why in the end, so many people are hurt.
A week later. Monday.
Raph couldn't take it anymore. Two weeks without seeing Tsubasa, but hearing about her constantly, was going to kill him. He had to see her again. Even if it hurt him and would probably scar him for life. He didn't care if all she was going to talk about was Leo and how great Leo was. He just had to see her.
So that's what Raph did. He told his brothers he was going to Casey's for the night. This was a straight-up, upfront, eye-to-eye, face-to-face lie.
For the rest of the night, Raph patrolled. He kicked Foot Ninja butt and thug butt. Usually this would arouse the animal within him, the animal that lusted for action, power, and physical strength. The animal that also wanted to hear the cracking of jaws and other bones. The animal that enjoyed fighting.
It was 4:30. That was when Raph calmed his animal side down and raced toward Tsubasa's. He hoped that she was still awake.
Sure enough, the lights to her room were still on. On the west side of the balcony she stood, looking thoughtfully at the stars.
Quietly, Raph jumped on the roof and made his way down to the balcony. He stood behind her, just watching.
"Hey Raph."
He froze in position.
Tsubasa turned around, and smirked at his surprise. "Leo's my boyfriend, so I know all the tricks of a ninja."
Raph felt like someone had stabbed him in the gut. But he ignored the feeling. Instead, he tried to laugh it off with a halfhearted laugh. "Ya got me there."
She spared no time for light talk. "Do you hate me Raph?"
"Hate you?" The idea was incongruous to him. "Why would I hate you?"
"You didn't visit me for two weeks after Leo introduced me to the rest of your family," Tsubasa explained. "So I thought you hated me. You don't, right?"
"Of course I don't." He knew where this conversation was going.
"Then why-?"
"I just had to take something off my chest for a while," he quickly half-lied.
"I guess you weren't expecting me to be Leo's girlfriend, huh?"
"No."
Tsubasa cracked a smile. "I'm just glad that you don't hate me."
Raph was glad about it too.
She spared no thought of Raph's feelings as she continued to cross-examine him. "Then were you avoiding me because of Leo?" She hit the vital point.
"Yeah," Raph answered half-truthfully. "How'd you figure that out? Did the Fearless Leader tell you?" He spat the alias out, trying to get rid of the bad taste in his mouth. But he was careful to make it sound like annoyance rather than malice.
It failed. No emotional camouflage could pass her. "Do you hate him that much?"
"I don't hate him," Raph stubbornly claimed. "I just don't like him that much. He gets on my nerves." It seemed that lately all Raph had been doing was tell half-truths and half-lies. He was sickening himself more than Leo was sickening him.
Tsubasa smirked again. "So he tells me."
"How can you stand him? Why do you love him so much?" Raph made sure not to sound too desperate or jealous. He hoped that she wouldn't sense it.
His hopes were in vain.
Her eyebrows narrowed into a confused expression. "Are you jealous?" Had it been anyone else, it would've sounded rather playful. But this was serious Tsubasa. It was anything but playful.
Raph knew that he would be forced to tell the truth. He would be forced by Tsubasa, even though he knew she wouldn't ever force him to. He would be forced by his feelings that couldn't be bottled up any longer. Sooner or later the bottle would leak, and then explode. It was better to open it sooner than later.
He turned away from her. He couldn't look her in the eyes. "Yeah. So sue me," Raph said. His voice was slightly rising.
Tsubasa just stared at him. Her stare was firm and strong, keeping a straight face. But Raph knew that inside, she was shaking with surprise and fear.
He couldn't stop himself from continuing. "Leo always gets the good stuff. He's Splinter's favorite son. He's the Fearless Leader. He's the one who found happiness first." His tone had risen from mere anger to rage to pure malice.
Tsubasa's stare tensed. Anger was obvious in her eyes.
"He always gets the best of everything: the best training, the best treatment, the best girl." He turned to her now, waiting to see her reaction. She didn't react (although inside he could imagine her wide-eyed, coming to a realization), so he continued with his tirade. "I hate him because he found you first. He loved you first. He became your everything." His voice dropped, and so did his gaze. "I should've been your everything."
Tsubasa couldn't hold her emotions in anymore. Her eyes enlarged. She was still. "Wh-what?" she asked in a shaking, quiet voice that didn't seem to fit her. Her knuckles turned white from clutching the balcony rail.
"You heard me." His voice was still harsh, not romantic at all. Raph's gaze lifted. The burden was still heavy on his chest. "I love you." He took one step toward her.
She flinched involuntarily. Her grip tightened on the railing. It was the only thing keeping her from dropping to the ground. Her only support for strength.
"Why? Why'd Leo hafta be the one? Why can't it be me?" The harshness was laced with desperation. Another step was taken. His hands reached out and touched her shoulders. His grip was firm, afraid to let her go.
Tears wanted to stream down his face.
"Tsubasa, tell me why." Desperation. Hopeless. Madness.
Raphael lowered his head, looking down at her feet, seeing that she was barefoot. On the balcony ground were his tears, still streaming down his face.
"Raph...let me go..." Her voice was fearful, quiet. "Raph...I love you like a brother. That's all I can ever - "
"I didn't ask if you loved me!" he screamed suddenly. He lifted his head, and looked her straight in the eyes. "I asked why it had to be Leo."
"Leo...I love him. Don't ask me why. I don't know why I met Leo first before you." Slowly, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her cheek rested on his chest. "I'm sorry. I can't love you like I do Leo. But this is the best I can give you."
His arms wrapped around her small figure. His tears made her shirt wet. They soon stopped. But the scars they left on him would remain.
"I love you," he muttered again, as if hoping Tsubasa would change her mind.
Her voice was soft. "I'm sorry."
"Tsuba-!"
They parted. Tsubasa turned around. Raph looked pass her.
Swiftly, Leo turned and left.
"Leo!" Tsubasa placed a foot on the railing, ready to jump. But Raph stopped her.
"You'll kill yourself."
"But, Leo..."
"I'll deal with him." He leapt away too.
Love can bring the best and worst of people. Sometimes, love can invent a whole new side of people, a side only seen by a select few.
"LEO!!"
The fingertips of the sun were reaching out and touching everything in sight, exposing the hidden colors. Even those who wanted to stay hidden.
Leo was jumping from tree to tree, ignoring the hot-headed brother behind him. The calm exterior of the Fearless Leader was broken.
They reached the outskirts of the city. They were in a forest. Raph, foreign to this area, was having a hard time keeping up.
Finally, Leo stopped. He jumped down and landed. Raph jumped down too, and was surprised to find they were on a cliff. The sunrise was before them. Its beauty seemed to ignore their present situation.
Leo was silent. Raph was silent. The silence was loud.
"Look, Leo, it isn't what you think."
Leo turned slightly.
"Tsubasa and I have nothin' going on. I swear."
"So, you're telling me that that hug back there was nothing at all?" Leo was getting angry now. "I heard you say that you love her. I heard her say, 'I'm sorry.' That was nothing?"
"You heard that much?" Raph asked, although he didn't need to.
"Yeah. When I realized that Tsubasa was late for our morning meetings, I went to her house to check." Leo turned back to the beautiful sunrise. "And I wish I hadn't."
It was loudly silent again.
"Fine, you want me to confess?" Not waiting for an answer, Raph continued. "I love her." Leo flinched a little. "I met her about a month ago. We've been meeting on her balcony almost every morning. Just talkin', y'know."
It was hard to confess to the Fearless Leader. But Raph knew that he would have to. He would reveal everything. The secret that was once his was no longer his.
"She said that she loved you. She told me that everyday. At first, I didn't mind. I just thought that whoever this guy was, he was really lucky. Tsubasa's a really amazing girl, y'know.
"Then she said that if she didn't have a boyfriend, she would be with me. That's when I started to hate this boyfriend of hers. I don't know why. I just did. Everyday, hearing her talk about her everything became annoying.
"That night you brought her to the lair, I was shocked. I began to hate you more."
Raph took a deep breath. Then started again. His tone was angry. "The Fearless Leader always gets what he wants. He always gets the best training. He's Sensei's number one student and son. Not only that, he's got a girlfriend too. And what do I get? Nothing. Zit. Zero."
"So that gives you the right to take her away from me?" Now Leo's voice was laced with rage too.
"I didn't take her away. She's still yours," Raph stated plainly. "She still loves you." He hated to admit it, but it was the truth he couldn't change. "I know she'll always love you. You're a lucky turtle, Leo."
Now Raph was starting to sound strange, even to himself. He wasn't the type of person who would give up his pride and tough exterior to make someone happy. In this case, two someone's.
Leo smirked, obviously happy to hear the truth. Anger had left his voice. "You know, I think Tsubasa was right. If I hadn't met her first, you and she would've made a great couple." He turned, looking his red-bandana-wearing brother in the eyes, showing seriousness. "Raph, if anything happens to me..."
He looked at the Fearless Leader, surprised to hear those words escape his lips.
"...promise me you'll care for Tsubasa for me."
Raph smiled. "Yeah. I will."
This really was a Kodiak moment.
Somehow, in the end, everything turns out just fine.
Everything was fine afterwards.
Leo and Tsubasa were together again, happier than ever. He brought her to the lair every week, always holding her hand throughout the night. It became a routine for her to fall asleep on the couch, but end up waking up in the morning in Leo's bed.
Raph was alone again, but he was content. The only times he would see Tsubasa was when Leo brought her to the lair and when he went to see her on special occasions.
He still loved her. But he was no longer jealous. He was satisfied with loving her from afar. He was satisfied just looking at her smile and hearing her talk about school, etc.
One day, he hoped to find his own love. Someone he would love more than Tsubasa. Someone who was only his. Someone who would love him too.
Perhaps that day would come sooner than he had expected.
Who knows?
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.