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SHAY2013: Hey everyone and welcome back to The Great Debate! We have a new cast of characters to interview this time! Ladies and gentlemen, the cast of OUaT!

(cast waves and smiles to the roaring audience)

SHAY2013: Gold! The sexiest old man I have ever laid eyes on! How you doing with your fi-yine self?

RUMPLE: Good. Sad about Belle losing her memory, but good.

SHAY2013: Aw, sad. It astounds me than Gold is attractive as Rumple is unattractive. I know the audience has been wondering about this: What's up with the glitter?

RUMPLE: It's just me channeling my outer Edward Cullen.

SHAY2013: Or a disco ball.

HENRY: A gay disco ball.

SHAY2013: Henry! Your character has shown some development. What's it like going through puberty when you're on a show about fairy tales?

HENRY: I just think about the blue fairy.

SHAY2013: Really? You go for the revealing push-up stuff?

HENRY: Who would you go for?

SHAY2013: Well if I was like that-I guess I'd go for Ruby. She's hot.

RUBY: Thank you!

SHAY2013: How've you been, Roob's?

RUBY: Nothing much. They never show my character, even though I'm a pretty good character and a great actress.

SHAY2013: HINT HINT ABC, HINT HINT. Speaking of sexy people (licks lips) let's talk to Regina/Emma shipdom! I totally ship you guys so hard!

REGINA: Thank you, dear.

EMMA: Hold up. You ship us? What does ship even mean?

SHAY2013: Blonde moment! (speaking slowly to Emma) Ship means worship, Emma. Do you understand?

EMMA: I have a secret power that tells me when people are lying to me. (looks Shay2013 hard in the eye) I think you're lying to me.

SHAY2013: Really? Really? Are you serious? Is she serious? Name one time when that retarded "lie detector" power ever worked.

EMMA: …

SHAY2013: Because I know it didn't work when Sidney lied to you about taking down Regina. It didn't work when Henry had been telling you the entire time people from Storybrooke were from fairy tales. And with August to back him up! You were lying to yourself! It didn't work when Greg/Owen lied to you about not seeing Rumple doing magic. It most definitely didn't work when you Bae told you he was coming back for you! So, WHAT does ship mean?

EMMA: I think…I believe ship means worship.

SHAY2013: (nodding) Because I explained it to you, sweetheart.

REGINA: You handle her better than I can.

SHAY2013: Regina, resident badass. How you been, girl?

REGINA: Being a total badass.

SHAY2013: Hell yeah.

REGINA: They THINK they know me but they have no idea the level of CRAZY they are dealing with here.

SHAY2013: Preach it, sister. Especially when I saw you kidnap Owen. Whoo girl, you sho' was insane!

REGINA: Everything I am and everything I do is unexpected.

SHAY2013: They'll never see it coming. Feeding into Snow's horrible lies and terrible acting must have been so hard.

REGINA: I am a basket case.

SHAY2013: You sho' is. Fo sho', sho'.

REGINA: Shonie shonie shone shone.

SHAY2013: (whispers) Yes.

(distant cough. Everyone looks her way)

SNOW: Um, hi!

SHAY2013: Hey, Snow. How's everything with you?

SNOW: It's Mary Margaret.

SHAY2013: Who the eff cares. I'll call you whatever I like.

SNOW: I used to be the badass. Shooting arrows, taking names, being epic.

SHAY2013: Now you just eff your husband and get in the way of things.

SNOW: I know…I killed Cora.

SHAY2013: Well, technically you manipulated Regina into killing Cora which is worse.

SNOW: Yeah…

SHAY2013: Which reminds me! Regina the way your moms looked at you 'fore she died…Holy Hell! I was astounded by it. That's great acting.

REGINA: Thank you, dear.

SHAY2013: I hope you whup Snow's ass.

REGINA: There's no hope about it.

SHAY2013: Speaking of family issues… (holds out hands) Bae.

BAE: Hey.

SHAY2013: Hey yourself. Your girlfriend's psycho.

BAE: Emma isn't my girlfriend.

SHAY2013: Hee. I meant the token black girl but whatever. How's the father-son relationship?

BAE: Henry's great.

HENRY: I know he walked out on my mom and all…but I'm still gonna blame her for everything that goes wrong in my life.

SHAY2013: Henry, everyone. The demon that was born out of Emma's vag. I have no idea why Regina carry's on after him the way she does.

BAE: The kid is awesome. We're great together.

SHAY2013: Well, I actually meant your relationship with your pappy, wee little Bae.

BAE: I don't wanna talk about it.

SHAY2013: But Bae—

BAE: Forget it!

SHAY2013: Fine, testy. Rumple, have you extended your hand to wee Bae?

RUMPLE: Working up to it.

SHAY2013: Charming! You have absolutely no family at all! How are you?

CHARMING: I'm the sheriff.

SHAY2013: And…

CHARMING: I want to stay in Storybrooke.

SHAY2013: And…

CHARMING: …uh, that's it.

SHAY2013: Oh.

CHARMING: Yeah.

SHAY2013: Well, it the end folks! I need the audience to review/vote for the most dysfunctional character on OUaT! In case you have forgotten, it's in the A/N below! And if you believe there is a more dysfunctional character—nominate them in the review section and explain why! Bye, everyone!

(camera zooms and fades out)

(LATER AFTER THE SHOW IN SHAY2013 DRESSING ROOM)

SHAY2013: There is so much cool stuff I could have stolen from this show. The dagger, the fairy tales book, the blue fairy's wand, Emma's baby blanket, Augusts' motorbike, Snow's bow and arrow, Charming's sword, Bae's shawl, Ruby's red hood, I could go on and on. But I of all things decided to steal this:

(holds up Gold's cane)

SHAY2013: (flickering lights) This has touched the face of Hook. I. REGRET. NOTHING!

RUMPLE: (appears in a puff of purple smoke) You want to give it back or do we have to do this the hard way? (laughs in the weird way he does) Ehehehehehehehe!

SHAY2013: Ew, don't do that. That totally creeps me out.

RUMPLE: Hmmm, lassie? (holds out hand)

Shay2013: (handing it over) Damn it, I never get to keep the cool stuff.

(fade out)

Blonde Moments Emma

Badass Regina

Blackened Sole Snow

Pre-Puberty Henry

Testy Bae

Twilight Rumple

No Reason He's Should Be There Charming

Now, Review!