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Summary: Everyone hates me, yet I the one person who cared and it was all a lie, he left like everyone else in my life only he dug a knife in me before he did it. Sasuke go to hell. Sasu/Naru.
I held him close in my arms. It was happening again; he just kept leaving each time. The reason, I have no answer to that.
"You can't go!" I shouted at him, trying to knock some sense into his raven head. He turned back to look at me, Sharingan spinning and a smirk adorning those beautiful lips I had once kissed.
"Dobe, let go." His voice was all too real as he shrugged me off violently. I couldn't believe he was the same person who whispered, 'I love you'.
"You said you wouldn't leave me." I felt the pain worse than a million Katanas stabbing me at once. I forced back the tears that was threatening to run down my cheeks. His face was emotionless, his pale, porcelain skin looked the same, his eyes were now black and he was staring at me with an intense gaze. He looked the same, and I wanted him to feel something, to come back to the person I used to know.
"Things change," he whispered to me. I felt my knees give out.
"It was all a lie? All of it?" I couldn't push the tears back any further than I had and they were falling down my scarred cheek... I couldn't help but laugh and try bring back the smile I frequently wore when I was in pain.
"Goodbye, Naruto." And he left. I waved at him as he left. He walked off, leaving me there on my knees, still waving, smiling and crying. The rain got heavier and the clouds grew dark.
"Naruto!" I woke up. It was the same dream I had been having for three years straight. My eyes turn to the person who woke me up: Jiraiya.
"What?" I asked in my usual tone. I forced away all my emotions and swore, no one will ever get to me again.
"Geez, Brat. Still as cold as you were since we first met. I hoped you'd open up to me but you didn't." He smiled at me.
"Are we training again?" I asked.
"No." He frowned at me. "We return to Konoha today."
"Okay." I got up walking past the mirror; I almost punched it. I hate seeing myself. I had long ago lost all my color. I dyed my hair black and I no longer wore any color but grey because it was indifferent. It didn't get hurt. It was uncaring.
I wasn't cute anymore. My baby fat melted off somewhere when I 'got lost on the roads of life'. I force back a smile as my mind went to Kakashi-sensei.
"You are too skinny kid. Girls don't like that." Jiraiya watched me and when I ignored him, he went further. "You used to be so happy, Naruto. I know losing a best friend is hard, but it is not the end of the world."
"I don't need to hear you say this, Old Man," I snapped at him. "You wouldn't understand, anyway."
"I do. I know more than you think I do. Going to Iruka to bake for that Uchiha, holding hands when you think no one was looking. You two were attached by the hip," Jiraya sighed, "but-"
"This isn't about HIM! This is about ME being sick of being treated like trash! Why shouldn't I stop caring all together?" I asked. In the two years and two months Jiraiya had spent training with me, he hadn't seen any emotion till now.
"Naruto, you can't change their opinion of you like this. You want to be hoka-" Jiraya froze when my eyes watered.
"I don't want to save those people. Everyone. People are liars! They will only use you and leave you." I gave him a sad smile.
"Did Sasuke tell you he'd never leave?" Jiraiya asked.
"Does it matter? He is just one in over a million heartaches." I quickly left to go have a bath down in the public bath.
At eleven, I couldn't believe my luck when my lips first met Sasuke Uchiha's lips when we had a quarrel over who was the best.
I hated him so much and now, the girls hated me for stealing Sasuke's first kiss. I hate the stupid Ninja Academy. No one talks to me or notices me; the only one who does hates me.
The girls had taken the anger out on me and no one seemed to care. Everyone pretended that when someone hurt me it never happened and I pretended it was okay with a simple smile.
I hate my life.
I don't know why Iruka gave me this stupid journal.
I hate everyone.
When I become hokage, they will have to notice me and praise me.
Dear Journal,
The stupid teme kept picking on me. He is a fucking bastard! He just won't leave me alone and then he goes on smirking at me cockily, like he is the hottest thing since the invention of the Kunai.
Today, he started off with the usual 'Usurantonkachi' comments before deviating to me being a dobe and finishing with pushing me into the girls' bathroom so they can hit me.
I hate him so much. I hope he dies.
He is just so cruel.
I thought Sakura looked pretty today so I told her and as soon as I leave, he flirts with her!
Everyone is this village is stupid!
Well, not everyone but most. I have no idea what I did to them.
End.
I paused and shut my old journal. Wondering why I had yet to burn the cursed book. It was just full of stupid, useless memories.
I couldn't bring myself to destroy it no matter how much I wanted to.
I opened the book once more and flipped ahead.
Dear Journal,
Sasuke kissed me! He pulled me away from Sakura-chan during a group meeting and pushed me to the wall.
I don't understand. We hate each other, right? He should not be kissing me!
He touched me down there, too. He scares me! He bit my neck, too, and it's turning purple! He is hurting me again.
When he kissed me I tried to push him away but he didn't let up. He forced his tongue in my throat and threatened to kill me if I bit his tongue.
What scares me the most was that it felt great and amazing. But I am just twelve and I have no one who can help me with problems like this.
Someone help me.
I hate that teme.
End.
I shut the damn book that kept reminding me of my first and last heartbreak. I could still remember how Sasuke would sneak up behind me and wrap his arms around my waist and kiss the fuck out of me.
"I hate you, Teme." I kept a straight face, not wanting emotions screwing me up again. If I successfully completed a new jutsu I was creating, I'd feel nothing.
I came out of the changing room with the book in hand. I threw it in the bin without a second thought.
It was better to forget.
If those memories were not important to him, why should they matter to me? I walked slowly to the giant pool of water. My stupid reflection always pisses me off.
"Um, Sasuke..." I spoke up from the spot beside him, laying on grass, watching clouds and breathing hard from the spar he and I just had.
"What is it, now, Dobe?" he asked harshly. "I am kind of busy." Indeed, he was. He was trying to slip his hand into the back of my pants so he could grope my ass.
"You? Busy? Teme! Stop it! I am being serious here." I turned to him.
"It depends. Will you let me finally-" Sasuke was cut off by my glare. He rolled his eyes. "Prude."
"I was going to ask you something!" I hate it when he gets like this just because I don't want to have him butt-fucking me when I am twelve.
"Whatever, Dobe. I bet you that when I do it, I will go all night." Sasuke had a determined look on his face.
"Stupid teme. I am leaving." My cheeks were flushed red in anger.
"So, you want ask the question, again?" Sasuke mocked me. I got up and left the asshole there but he followed me.
I sighed as I remembered the day I wanted to ask if he'd ever leave me and if we would be together forever.
I guess I have my answer now.
He is full of shit.
I hate him so much because I love him so much; I love that fucker. So much that it hurts.
I don't want to anymore.
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