Lord Drake Misadventures
By: Vyce Dryke
Author's note: Chapter 2 and onward are much improved than the first

The Cast

Lord Drake, The Chaos lord, follower of Khorne: "Blood for the blood god!"

Tlanextic, the Chaos Sorceror, follower of Tzeentch, loyal to Lord Drake: "Are you sure you want to push that button?"

Rheumwight, The Cultist: Lord Drake's cannon fodder minion: "AHHH, MY SPLEEN!"

Malfunctioning Necrons: "Ha ha ha, you silly humans"

Farewyth, the Inquisitor: "You called me what!? HERETIC! *BLAM!*"

Arafalas, the Eldar: "What!? I don't even have a quote!"

Azog, The Ork: "'ey! time for tea and crumpets!"


Lord Drake: Okay cultists, time for another meeting! *wanders off*
Cultist1: Oh no.. not another meeting Cultist2: I still remember the last one.
Cultist3: I'm new here... what's so bad about them?
Cultist1: We don't talk about Cultist Bob anymore Cultist2: Let's just say it's bad news.

Rheumwight: Grant us the powers of the dark gods!
Lord Drake: I'm sick of you asking for the power of the dark gods Rheumwight: But we want them!
Lord Drake: *sighs* Okay fine, here you go... Rheumwight: Finally!! The powers of the dark gods are pulsing through my veins!
Lord Drake: *grins evilly*
Rheumwight: Wait... it's too much power! I can't take it! My body is ripping apart! *explodes*
Lord Drake: Anyone ELSE want the powers of the dark gods? *other cultists scamper away*
Lord Drake: That worked better then I imagined.

Rheumwight: Master! Master! We can't get past the Ork blockade!
Lord Drake: Keep fighting you fools, the Orks cannot capture this castle!
Rheumwight: But master, we're dying!
Lord Drake: It does not matter, keep fighting and dying in the name of Khorne! Blood for the blood god! Skulls for the skull throne!

Lord Drake: It is my most feared enemy! The Necrons!
Necron1 (in an annoying voice): Hello silly chaos person Necron2 (same annoying voice): How are you today?
Lord Drake: How.. am... I? Is something wrong? shouldn't you be trying to kill me?
Necron1: Why would we do that?
Necron2: Maybe we should, he did break out brain Necron1: Oh yes... I don't care about that...

*Lord Drake surprisingly captured an Eldar*
Lord Drake: Well eldar... time for the worst fate imaginable.
Arafalas: Do your worst!
Lord Drake: You are now part of... the cast!
Arafalas: What!? I don't even have a quote!
Lord Drake: *points to top of post*
Arafalas: NOOOOOO!
Lord Drake: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Necron: Ha! Ha! Ha! Silly chaos human! your potatos malfunction!
Lord Drake: *Stares* Potatos don't function Necron: Exactly!
Lord Drake: *arches an eyebrow*

Necron: Yes! Yes! Yes! Maybe! No? Yes! more! please! *explodes*
Lord Drake: Strangest self-destruct sequence I've even seen Tlanextic: Never want to hear it again.

Lord Drake: Now, repeat after me. Blood for the blood god!
Tlanextic: *plainly* Blood for the blood god Lord Drake: Put more guts into it. Like this: BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
Tlanextic: *coughs* BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
Lord Drake: Not like that, you sound too much like me.

Lord Drake: Well.. it's a wonderful day for.
Rheumwight: *tenses up*
Lord Drake: ...bloodshed.. Rheumwight: *breathes a sigh of releif*
Lord Drake: ...and the weather reminds me of.
Rheumwight: *tenses up again*
Lord Drake: ....last year.
Rheumwight: *Again, sighs*
Lord Drake: ...and now is the perfect time for.
Rheumwight: *Does nothing, expects another normal answer*
Lord Drake: ...Spleens!
Rheumwight: AHH MY SPLEEN!!!! *explodes*
Lord Drake: *laughs evilly* that never gets old...