April 20th is my favorite holiday, because it celebrates getting high.
Kind of…sad at the same time, but I digress.
© Satoshi Taijiri, Tokyo T.V.
And ContestShipping? What has this world come to!
Much OOC shall be had. And I've never bought weed before so I don't know the estimates, okay!
-
"Oh my God protect the pottery!"
"Ocarina of Time always brings out the worst in you, I swear." Two friends, Dawn and May, were currently watching the other beat the living shit out of pottery with a metrosexual in tights. Both, as well as a fair majority of the rest of the Zelda fanbase, were wondering why people didn't lock their doors and protect their pottery from a metrosexual in tights from breaking it. The logic of that, honestly.
Back in the fourth wall, the room, still filled with some smoke, the two joints were firmly smoked dry. Getting high was a pastime of theirs. An illegal pastime, yes, but a pastime nonetheless. Taking away one's hobby is taking away one's soul.
As both had crashed a good twenty minutes ago, May put a post-it-note on her calendar to call 'Lebowski' and get more 'Mary-Jane' if you know what I mean.
"God, that wasn't very hard." Dawn said, popping the bubble that her Double Bubble © had blown for her.
"That's what she said. Anyway, douchepopper is having a party on Friday. I was going to leave work early and go get dressed. You wanna come too?"
"Harley's party? God damn, I'd love too, but Jun is dragging me out to go see a movie. A kickass movie, but a movie nonetheless." Yes, unlike most stoners (which they firmly took insult too, as they had jobs, apartments, and did not spend all of their money on weed) they had jobs. May worked as a secretary for a fashion company (which she clearly did not like, as the bitching and moaning every day she came home said) and Dawn as a credible Logo designer. The two shared an apartment.
"You better not be seeing Quantum of Solace."
"No, it's um…uh…shit…what is it…oh yeah, it's 'Role Models'. He's been bugging me for, like, ever to go see it, and I told him I would Friday. So it's kindof against my will. I told him as long as it wasn't 'Twilight', I'd be good." May rolled her eyes, and swapped the control from her.
"Yeah, sure. Hopefully you'll lay him." Dawn fell back on her bean-bag.
"May, I swear to God. What is with you and you wanting me to have sex with him? Jesus." May shook her head, while simultaneously swearing at Re-Deads. They're raping him. Link seriously needs a rape whistle or something.
"Well for one, you guy's have been dating for, like, ever and he said he wanted to take it 'slow' or something like that. Honestly, you pick the most retarded guys. First Emo boy, then Nerdy boy and now Jun. Seriously, what the hell."
"Okay, Conway was really creepy, I'll give you that. And Paul wasn't that bad, spare the annoying names. But Jun's a sweetheart. He hasn't asked to get in my pants yet, like some other flings I've had."
May coughed, very well knowing who she was talking about.
"Well," She stood up, throwing the controller at Dawn's face, who flailed and swore, "I'm going to go see Lebowski now, just to get it over with. How much is good? Half a pound or so?" May grabbed her Rumor phone, keys attached to its carrier and a butterfly keychain attached to it.
"Yeah, that sounds about right. Oh! I accidentally deleted Misty's number out of my phone. Can you give me it, 'cause I need to talk to her later."
"Mm. It's 868-0909. Why?"
"Nothing important."
"Okay, well. I'll just go now. Make sure you aren't dead when I come back."
"Will do."
-
May walked down the streets of Southern New York City, trying to find where Lebowski was this time. His audacious green hair couldn't be all that hard to miss, honestly. Either that or May desperately needed new contacts. That was proved, also, but still. If he was arrested she would have to choke a bitch.
She took out her Rumor and searched through a page of contacts to find Lebowski's number. She angrily sighed as she hit the 'call' button, and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for him to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Where the hell are you? I've been down and back New York just to find you! We're running low, and I've got money burning a hole through my pockets."
"Excuse me princess, but the police just got Alan over on Main Street. So I'm so painstakingly sorry if I don't want to spend the night with a rough trick named 'Jim'."
"Nice going there Drew, could you say that without the sarcasm? Anyway, just give me where-to on your location."
"Uhm…I'm in an alleyway."
"Charming. Be a little more specific please."
"It's near my house. You know where that is, right? It's near Robert's. The green one."
"Oh yeah! I've been to Robert's before. I just didn't know who owned that place. Hell, for a pot dealer you're doing pretty well for yourself."
"Say that louder May, I really would like to get arrested tonight." She laughed dryly.
"Swell. I'll see you in about fifteen minutes, alright?" A small mumble of approval and her phone was shut. She sighed, and ran a hand through her hair, which, as usual, was being held up by a red bandana.
"Off to the slummiest of slums…"
-
She walked in a back alley, her already dirty converse getting dirtier, and she spotted a leather jacket totting, jean wearing prick who she called her 'sorta-friend pot dealer'. She swatted away a mosquito that passed by her, and gave a loud, noticeable cough. He, however, did not hear her.
"COUGH." She practically yelled, and Drew lifted up his head.
"Why hello there, May." He kissed her hand, and she rolled her eyes.
"Charmed. Now, how much?"
"About thirty bucks." May took out three tens, and handed them to Drew.
Or, well, would have. But nearby sirens stopped them. May froze, and quickly took back the money. The sirens got closer, and the cars were parked right outside Drew's house.
"Shit! Quick, dump it in that trash can over there!" May ran over to the trash can and dumped the weed in the trash.
"We're gonna be caught, though. There isn't any way that we can lose them."
Ding. A light bulb went on in Drew's brain, but he inwardly cringed as the response from her would either be nuclear or end up with a kick in the balls. Nevertheless, it was a plan that could not go wrong.
"Make out with me." She turned her head to a ninety degree angle, which proves quite difficult to do, but then again, Curves does wonders for everything.
"Pardon?"
"It'll just make us look like a couple or something. Do you want to go to jail or do you want to make out with me?"
May blinked at him.
"Jesus…"
"Mmph!" She flailed as she attempted, although poorly, to get his lips off of hers. Then again, the cops were passing by the alley way, with a few confused looks going towards the 'couple'. Between breathes, May hissed the words 'asshole' and 'bastard' at him, although silently thanking the fact that her father wouldn't have to bail her ass out of jail.
She pushed him against the wall, putting a hand over his mouth to see if the police were gone. She peeked her head over the wall, and saw that they had moved towards the end of the block, giving them enough time to get out of hindsight.
She impatiently grabbed his collar, and dragged him down towards her apartment, while various grunts and groans from the receiver of a woman's fury were heard.
"Pardon me, but where the hell are we going?"
"I'm taking you home. If Dawn's shagging Jun already, then by all means you can watch, but if you go inside your house it will look a bit suspicious. Besides, I am not going to jail so I can sit next to a douchebag named Ted."
They walked down the sidewalk, avoiding the various business men, woman and hobos on the street. They talked, and May cringed at the few Brooklyn accents she heard. Their voices annoyed her relentlessly.
The two came upon a large sky-scraper of sort, and May opened the front door to her apartment complex. If she prayed hard enough, maybe Dawn would be shagging Jun at his apartment.
She dragged him to the elevator, and they both went in hurriedly. The music playing was an instrumental version of that Phil Collins song 'Sue-Sue-Suedeo'. Seriously, what the hell.
"Question. Why did it take you a bloody five minutes to figure out-wait, why did you pick to stare at me like a bush baby than get arrested by the cops when I thought of an idea that could get us out of there?"
"Well I'm sorry, but random men that I know don't usually say 'make out with me'. And if they do, a firm kick in the balls will usually end up in their end result."
"Still, it's a wonder why you didn't pull away. Really, the only thing you did was to mutter profanity under your breath." May narrowed her eyes and blushed slightly.
"Well excuse me for being shocked by the fact that I was making out with a drug dealer. I mean really, what did you expect me to do at that moment?"
"You could have pushed me away, and walked away in a disgusted manner, while I followed you out, chasing after you in the realistic break up scene, working equally as well as the first plan would have. However, you continued to make out with me. Quite the good kisser, I might add."
"…fuck you, Drew."
-
At this very moment, a fifty year-old man name Jorge and his wife, Elise, were standing in front of an elevator, waiting for it to come up, not knowing that they would soon have to sanitize the entire pulley device.
As the couple would most likely never appear again, they soon, with impassive looks turned to horror and confusion, saw a green haired boy and a girl with hair that defied gravity making out in an elevator, the two quickly realized that the doors had opened.
"Excuse me…" She mummbled, briskly walking by the two. Jorge looked at his wife, and the two were silent the entire way to the Apollo Theater.
As May walked down the hallway with dirty blue carpeting, she shielded her eyes from the general public or lack thereof.
"I can't believe…"
"Your cherry lip gloss tastes nice." She hit him square in the shoulder.
"Now is really not the time. I feel like such a whore." Drew chuckled, and a glare immediately was shot at him. He attempted to mask his incessant laughing with a cough, but to no avail, as she continued to glare at him.
"Right. We will go to my Apt to settle this straight, alrighty? Jesus tap-dancing Christ…" She opened up the door to her apartment, and thankfully, Dawn was not there. She did not need to hear various moans and groans and God being called out.
"Okay, let's talk about this like civil adults, shall we? We will not make out or politely mutilated each other."
"Politely mutilate…?"
"Right now I'm trying not to kill you." He nodded.
"I see. So, down to business, I guess? What is it that's on your mind?"
-
Dawn and Jun, both back from a very pleasant date, walked back to her apartment. He was planting various kisses all over her, and she giggled persistently as he did. He kissed her as she fumbled to find her keys and open the door at the same time. She was pushed into it as he continued, but Jun quickly pulled away as they watched two figures rolling on their shabby couch, making out.
"What the hell." May pulled away, looked up, and immediately pushed Drew away from her.
"Heey, guys. Uh…" May was interrupted by Drew who said something that made her stomach drop to the lowest level of her body.
"This is exactly what it looks like." She rubbed the side of her head with her thumb and middle finger of her right hand.
"I swear to God---…"
"Okay May, please to explain why you're making out with out pot dealer?!" Jun stared at her.
"Wait, what."
"Oh come on. I told you this and you said you didn't care. Honestly, do you listen to what I say at all? Sometimes I think what I say just goes in through one of your ears and out the other-Hey!" She snapped her fingers in front of his face, making him jump. "Pay attention. Now. May and I need to have a little talk."
-
"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!" Dawn yelled, practically waking up all the lonely old widows who lived in their complex.
"Well, look. I was going to get some weed and then the cops came. I had to make out with him to stall for time so it would look like we were just a couple or something. Then he proved a point by saying that I liked him or some shit like that, I don't know, I wasn't really listening. Then things just got hectic and then we ran in to Jorge and…Dawn I don't even know. Look, all I know is that I got to know Drew a bit more and he's actually smarter than the average pot dealer."
"The hell. We are not talking about what Yogi bear would be like if he were a pot dealer. Seriously! And the only way you 'got to know him' was by his tongue in your mouth! Jesus Christ May, you've gotta be shitting me." Dawn said, falling back on her bed.
"Look, why does it matter that much?"
"Because he's a pot dealer! You don't get involved with them! The only thing you do is just say 'Give me some weed' and off on your merry way! I mean seriously, he might just-God forbid- turn a new leaf and actually become a good person and stop selling weed. We'd to turn to meth or something!"
"Pot isn't addictive you uneducated retard. We have videogames. And rocks to throw at cars. So I think we're pretty set if he does turn a new leaf. Besides, I think if I actually got to know him better without my tongue being in his mouth, it would actually prove to be quite nice. Plus, we're gonna so lose all of our brain cells if we keep smoking anyway." Dawn made tight fists with her hands, and sighed.
"…fine. Whatever. Okay, we'll quite pot. But in return, I use your sheets to have sex with Jun."
"Bitch." May said, smiling. Dawn smiled too, and shook her head.
"I swear, this is the weirdest argument we've ever gotten into." May said, and Dawn seconded it.
"Seriously. Oh well. Maybe Drew's right for you? I mean, at least you can go with someone for Harley's party."
"Agreed."
-
The two walked out of their room, and Jun and Drew were playing Rummy on their crummy dining room table. The two looked surprised to see the girls walk out. Jun put a fist under his chin, and stared at Dawn.
"Uh, Dawn? Do you think it would be more the wiser to go to my place?" She winked at May.
"Yeah, let's go. Seeya, guys." May took Jun's place, and sat across from Drew.
"So, I've decided to quit pot. Dawn too." Drew widened his eyes.
"What! But you're one of my best customers. How will I make money?" Drew put his head in his hands, and rubbed his temples. May felt a bit sorry for him.
"Well, couldn't you stay at home until you get a job?"
"That wasn't my house..." He muttered, and May gave him a 'are you shitting me' look. "I don't live anywhere. I stay with people on occasions, and sometimes live in the streets. By 'you're one of my best customers' I actually meant 'you're my only customer'." May sighed, and gave him a gentle smile.
"Look, I'll help you get a real job. You graduated from college, so you've got some credentials. I'll help you, okay? It's the least I can do after dropping that bombshell on you." She smiled gently at him. "Hey, Dawn said that the receptionist at her office quit, so maybe you can start there and take baby steps. I'll help you get an apartment, okay? In the meantime, you can stay here." Drew gave a sideways smile.
"Well…at least I don't have to fear the police anymore." He chuckled, as did May. She reached over, and gently kissed him on the lips, to which he complied to return.
After they had broken, she looked down at the cards. "You know…I've never learned how to play Rummy. Can you teach me?"
And with that, May learned that relationships form in the strangest of places.
-
Dedicated to Damned Lolita, who hates this pairing with her heart. Hahahahaha.
Fear my uncreative ending!