Yes. I'm serious. Taub is a superhero. I got this crazy idea when bouncing ideas off of RemyTheReaper. LOL So this is complete humor/crackfic, so don't take anything I say too seriously. I don't think Taub is fighting crime. :) I actaully have a plot worked out, so there's more to come. So let me know what you all think, because I like reviews :)

Disclaimer: I don't own House. If I did...you don't want to know what would happen. LOL

He always wanted a simple life, but he would never have that.

Taub silently cursed as he sped through the back alleys of Princeton, shrugging off his top layer of clothes as he went. He hadn't done this in awhile, and he wondered if he would soon regret it. Before he had flown off in a rush, Taub had been sitting in his car, listening to the amplified voices of the city as a way to pass the time as he sat in traffic.

He did not see it as eavesdropping; it was a way that Taub could be sure that all was safe in the city of Princeton. Of course, the city always had some trouble or crime afoot, but it was usually nothing that the police could not handle on their own. Taub recognized the fact that he wasn't always needed, and he had to give the city a chance to strive on its own.

Until something gave him a reason to act on his impulses. Just like now; Taub's super sensitive ears had perked up when he heard the sounds of a scuffle amongst the bustling city noise. It was just another person getting mugged; it was nothing new in New Jersey. Taub had shook his head as if he was trying to rid himself of the muffled sounds of the person getting robbed and gripped his steering wheel tighter as he fought his will not to go.

But when the man who was getting robbed made a desperate plea for help, Taub recognized the voice, and without a second thought, he pulled over his car to the side of the road and got out, and then darted though the rush hour traffic in order to help the person in need.

As Taub rounded the corner and pulled on his mask over his eyes, he thought of all the things he had learned. Rule number four: You can't save everybody.

But you sure as hell try.

"Stop!" Taub yelled as he stood in the opening of the alley with his hands on his hips with his cape billowing behind him. He made quite an appearance; the morning sun made his shadow run along the ground and high up the wall, making him seem taller than he really was. He hoped he was intimidating as he felt.

There, about ten feet away, was a man with matted blonde hair and buck teeth, holding Kutner against the murky brick wall with a knife to the frightened doctor's throat. Kutner had his hands held up in defense, but was now looking at Taub who was slowly walking towards them.

"Who are you, freak?" the grungy man spat. Kutner looked like he was about to faint.

Taub smiled. "I'm here to stop you," he said, gesturing towards the man.

The man laughed, looking over his shoulder but keeping the knife pressed against Kutner's throat. "Oh wait! Aren't you that one guy…the superhero? What's your name…?"

"The Bamboozler," Kutner chimed. Both Taub and the other man glanced over to Kutner, who shrugged. "I'm a big fan."

The man shook his head and then looked back over to Taub, or rather, his alter ego The Bamboozler. "Right. So what are you going to do?" the man snarled.

Taub took a deep breath and was about to tell this criminal was he was going to do. However, before Taub could begin to threaten him, the man lunged forward with his knife and ferociously cut at Taub's shoulder. Taub tried dodging the crazy man, but he ended up feeling a stinging slash at his shoulder. He looked down to see some of his shoulder exposed and blood running freely from the gash.

Rule number fourteen: Remember that you can in fact still bleed.

The man stood in front of Taub, ready to fight some more. Kutner was now forgotten and was slumped against the wall on the ground, watching the action take place.

"You sure you want to do this?" Taub asked.

The man laughed and lunged at Taub again, but this time Taub held his hands in front of him. The man seemed to stop in mid-stride and then froze, unable to move. He looked desperately up at Taub, who was grinning above him as he continued to struggle to stand upright.

"What the hell?" the man exclaimed.

Taub grabbed the man by the collar and held him up so he could look at him face-to-face. "Next time, don't doubt me. Make sure you tell your friends."

And with that, Taub threw the man without any effort into the dumpster that was against the wall. He took a second to smile at his accomplishments, but then remembered one important detail.

Kutner.

Worried that rule number three (Don't let your identity be known) was about to be violated, Taub began to back away.

"Wait!" Kutner yelled, stumbling to stand up, "I want to talk to you!"

Taub grunted as he stood there on the spot. Damn rule number twenty-five: Be good to your fans. How would it look if he tried to escape from the person that he had just saved? So Taub just stood there helplessly and straightened his posture, bringing himself to his full five feet and five inches, while Kutner jogged over to Taub.

"Are you okay?" Taub asked in a deeper voice than his normal tone, hoping that Kutner would not recognize him.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine!" Kutner stood staring agape at Taub with child-like fascination. "It's so cool to actually meet you Mr. Bamboozler! Can I call you that? My name's Lawrence Kutner," Kutner said, holding out a hand.

Taub took Kutner's hand in his and gave it a friendly handshake. So far, it seemed that Kutner did not recognize Taub. Which was good.

"Um…"

"Yes?" Taub asked.

"Are you okay? I mean…your shoulder…" Kutner pointed to Taub's bleeding shoulder which was now soaked through his suit. "I'm a doctor; I can look at that for you."

"Oh n-no, it's okay. There's no need to-," Taub stuttered, holding up his hands to block Kutner.

"Come on, it looks like you're going to need stitches," Kutner said excitedly. "I can take you to the hospital-,"

"No."

"Oh, okay…"

Taub sighed. "Hey, nice meeting you Lawrence, but I have to go. Be sure to call the police soon, before that guy wakes up," he said, gesturing to the dumpster where the guy that had threatened Kutner was still out cold in the piles of assorted garbage. Taub then turned around and ran away from Kutner, leaving his co-worker yelling, "Thanks!" behind him.

--

Two hours after the confrontation with Kutner, Taub flung open the door to the diagnostics office. He was very disgruntled; after leaving the scene he had to go and retrieve his normal clothes, change into them leaving his super-suit off, and then he had to go back to his car and drive to the hospital. Then he had to slip past House and the others on his way to the ER, and make up some insane story for Cameron about how he had gotten clipped by a bicyclist so he could explain why he had a cut on his shoulder. Cameron then had to apply eighteen stitches to his shoulder, and then he had to go change again into a blood free shirt.

Taub flopped into the seat next to Kutner, who had his head propped up on his fist and was busy reading something on his laptop. Thirteen was sitting across from Kutner, working on a crossword puzzle that Foreman had not finished yet. Thankfully, neither had questioned Taub's tardiness.

Taub poured himself some coffee and read over Kutner's shoulder while consuming some of the much needed caffeine, but then choked when he saw what was on Kutner's computer screen. It was a picture of him, clad in The Bamboozler's uniform.

"W-what are you looking at?" Taub asked.

"Taub! You won't believe what happened to me this morning! I got saved by The Bamboozler!" Kutner said, pointing to the computer screen at Taub's alter ego.

"Oh…really?" Taub said weakly. He held his mug with both hands to keep the mug from spilling due to his nervous shaking.

Thirteen rolled her eyes. "I told him that he doesn't exist."

"But he does!" Kutner protested.

"Yes, just like the Loch Ness Monster."

The three doctors turned to see House walk in, followed by Foreman. Foreman turned a chair around backwards and sat in it, facing Kutner while House lazily leaned against the whiteboard.

"So what's this I hear about Kutner getting saved by some super hero?" House asked. "It's spreading through the hospital like wildfire."

Kutner jumped up, eager to explain what had happened to him earlier. "So there I was, walking down the street on my way to the bus stop-,"

"You ride a bus?" Taub asked, hoping he could change the subject. However, there was no changing Kutner's one-track mind.

"Yes. But anyway, I was there and all the sudden this guy came up to me, he smelled really bad by the way, and he told me to give him my wallet."

"So what did you do?" Foreman asked.

"I said no. So then they guy pushed me into this alley and he started to beat me up. Then he told me that, 'I was going to be sorry I refused,' and he took out this huge knife!" Kutner said, brandishing a pen like a knife. He then went over to Taub and playfully pressed the pen against Taub's throat, casing Taub to flinch. "The guy had me pinned against the wall and had the knife to my throat, just like this! I thought I was done for, but then he came."

Taub scoffed and swatted away Kutner's hand. Kutner was exaggerating; the knife wasn't that incredibly huge. But then again, his shoulder was hurting pretty badly from the damage that he had taken from it. Taub wondered if he could get away with stealing a Vicodin from House.

"It was so awesome!" Kutner exclaimed. "The evil guy was all like, 'What are you going to do?' and The Bamboozler was trying to be all civil and stuff, but the guy went up and gave him this really nasty cut on his shoulder. I hope he's okay…"

"He doesn't sound that much of a hero to me," House said.

Taub stiffened and gripped his mug tighter.

"But he is!" Kutner insisted. "After the guy attacked him, he put his arms out like this," Kutner explained as he held out his arms in front of him like Taub had done earlier, "and then BAM! The guy just froze! No kidding! And then The Bamboozler grabbed the guy by the collar and threw him into the dumpster!"

"Wow!" Foreman said.

"I've never seen him. But I guess your story has some interest," House said, trying to seem not as impressed as he was.

"He hasn't had a lot of public attention lately. But I found some stuff about him online." Kutner sat back down in his seat. "Listen to this." Kutner cleared his throat and began reading from the computer screen. "The Bamboozler was first seen in New York in September of 1996. Nobody knows where he came from or how he obtained his powers. It has been speculated that The Bamboozler is from another planet, due to his amazing abilities."

Taub laughed to himself. Ridiculous; from another planet. Ha.

Kutner continued. "The Bamboozler is known for his trademark black mask that covers his eyes and some of his face, leaving his identity shrouded in mystery." Kutner moved his laptop so the others could see. Foreman, House, and now even Thirteen was hovering next to Kutner so they could get a good look at the picture. Taub glanced at the screen so he would not seem suspicious.

The picture had been taken about ten years ago. It was a nice picture, Taub actually remembered that day it was taken. He was standing in the center of the frame, with his heroic pose and teal cape slightly being blown by the breeze, to give him the full effect of the versatility of usefulness of the cape. As for his suit – it was a super suit, not a costume as rule number thirty-one stated – he still had the same one. He had the teal colored cape, but the body of the suit was black, with teal boots and belt. The black was flattering, Taub thought. (Rule number ten: If you're going to wear spandex, look good in it.) And in the center of his chest was his crest written in teal and white, a simple teal "beta" symbol with a white star as a background.

"I think he looks pompous," Thirteen said.

"No, he's humble," Kutner argued, and then he continued to read the article. "The Bamboozler gets his name from the fact that he is able to stump his opponents with his confounding skills, leaving them questioning every move they make, always unsure how he will alter their reality. The super powers of The Bamboozler vary. The Bamboozler had super senses. He is able to hear things that are far away that a normal person could not hear and has enhanced eyesight, making him have extra-sharp vision. Another one of The Bamboozler's useful powers is the ability to manipulate pheromones. For those of you that do not know, pheromones are hormones that your body secretes that signify emotions and triggers natural behavioral responses. By manipulating pheromones, The Bamboozler is able to sense one's emotions and change them in a tense situation. For example, if there was a person that was fixing to jump off of a ten story building, The Bamboozler would be able to control the person's emotions and try to coax the person away from their suicide. The Bamboozler is often dubbed as, "The Ladies Man" for his ability to make women swoon by his unspoken ways of knowing a way around a person."

"Go Bamboozler. Get those damsels in distress," House said.

Taub's legs felt like rubber and could hardly sit down, and he hoped that nobody would notice his deep blush spreading across his face.

"However," Kutner said, continuing where he had left off, "pheromone manipulation does not always work in some cases. That is where perhaps The Bamboozler's most useful skill comes into play. He has the ability to change the strength of force around him. By changing the force in something, it changes the strength of gravity, therefore making something heavier or lighter, in simple terms. By doing this, The Bamboozler can lift things that would normally be way too heavy, or sometimes he has been known to change the force on himself so can make tall, bounding leaps or speed to somewhere fast."

Kutner looked up. "So I guess that's what he did to that guy today. The Bamboozler must have changed the force on the guy, so it made it hard for the guy to move, and then he changed it again so he could toss the guy so easily."

Everyone nodded in agreement. Kutner went back to reading from the screen. "Other skills, but not as note worthy, are The Bamboozler's skills of perfect pitch and photographic memory."

Taub frowned. He thought that perfect pitch was note worthy. He was awesome at karaoke.

"The Bamboozler is often an unsung hero. He has accomplished many things, saved many people and helps in any way that he can. He is also known for his persistence for others to function without him, not because he does not want to help, oh no. It is because he wants to prepare the city for any trouble ahead that he may not be around for or cannot do anything about, he has often been cited. He wants to teach the inner strength that is in each of us, and he wants us to try to get along without him. He does not wished to be praised for his work, he is just doing what "any good person would do" in this situation.

"However, The Bamboozler never slides into the darkness; he usually comes in for a heroic feat, then leaves. When he does get confronted by fans though, he is very courteous and will answer to some questions.

"I will end this article with a quote from The Bamboozler himself. "I do not do this for me, I do it for you. I got these powers as a gift, and I will use them in the best way possible."

Did I really say that? Taub thought. That's cheesy.

"I do have to admit Kutner, he does sound pretty awesome," Thirteen said.

"I told you so." Kutner closed his laptop. "I'm going to try to meet him again."

"What are you going to do? Stand on a roof and hope your lover comes to swoon you, Lois Lane?" House mocked.

"No. I'm…going to call him. He has super hearing, right? So he should hear when I call for him," Kutner said logically.

Taub shook his head. "He probably won't hear you. The Bamboozler can tune the super hearing out when he doesn't want to hear it all."

"How do you know?"

"Uh…" Taub stammered trying to explain himself while all of his co-workers stared at him. "I used to live in New York when he was really popular. We all knew about him. And I met him. Once. He had to, uh, drop someone off at the hospital and I was working there at the time."

"That's neat. Imagine him walking into the Princeton Plainsboro ER," Foreman mused.

"Kutner would have a heart attack," House said.

Kutner fiddled with his lab coat, ignoring House's comments about his obsession about the super hero.

"Anyways…we have a case." House threw the files into the middle of the table, and each of the other doctors grabbed one of the files. Taub was thankful for a change of subject, but he could still hear Kutner talking excitedly to Thirteen.

Taub sighed, knowing that it was going to be a long day.

I'm thinking about sketching out his suit so ya'll can get an idea of what I'm talking about. LOL And the next chapter you'll find out how Taub got his powers :)

So...what did you think?

:) Rev