"I'm with someone Bones, and Hannah, she's not a consolation prize. I love her."
His words echoed around in the car while he drove. They were still resounding when he pulled to a stop at her apartment complex.
He loves her. Not me, her.
"Are you sure you don't want me to call someone to be with you?" he asked again.
He loves her. Not me, her.
"I'm sure," she said in a broken voice that belied her statement. "I have always been alone, right? Why should tonight be any different?" But oh, how I wish it could be. She forced out that broken laugh that made her sound bitter, and broken, and anything but 'fine'.
He looked like he wanted to argue so she quickly climbed out of the vehicle and slammed the door so he didn't have the chance to respond. She walked into her apartment building, stumbling and not feeling the rain soak her already damp clothing.
She wished with everything in her that she didn't have to be alone tonight, but she knew—logically—that it was impossible for her not to be. Booth didn't want her anymore because he had Hannah now; he couldn't take care of her anymore. Angela was with Hodgins; she was pregnant, and she had a family that she should get to enjoy her family. Also, Brennan didn't want her friend out in this weather. They were the only ones that she trusted—that she really loved. One of them didn't want to be troubled to take care of her anymore (Booth) and the other, she couldn't trouble to take care of her because it wasn't fair to her (Angela). It was just inevitable that she be alone—like always. It was nothing new really—except this time she wasn't alone by choice, but because he didn't want her anymore. She hadn't been enough for him just like she hadn't been enough for her father, brother, and all her foster families.
Sighing and trying to hold herself together with the thin thread left of her mask, she turned her key and let herself into her apartment. Using the last of her strength, she took a step inside, grabbed the door, and then pushed it shut. Leaning against the door, she slid to the ground, let the sobs come, and finally fell apart.
"Brennan?" she heard. "Is that you? Are you finally home? Where have you…? Oh my…Bren—Sweetie what happened to you?"
"Angela," she said shocked and still crying, "what are you doing here?"
"I—uh, well you see I…" She took a deep breath. "Look Bren, I know you don't like this but I've been worried about you—with this case and how you've been taking it and all—so I decided that I would come over and see how you were. And I thought that I'd stay tonight if you needed, and you obviously do, so here I am."
"Here you are, when I need you most. Oh, Ange…" And the sobs overtook her again, but she was not alone. Her best friend just held her and let her cry herself out. She knew that now she would have to tell Angela everything, but the funny thing was, she was finding that she wanted to tell her everything—and she would.
XXXXXXXXXX
As she held her best friend, Angela could hardly hold back her worry. She had never seen Brennan like this before and it scared Angela to see her like this now. Her friend was usually so calm, cool, and emotionally detached. This was—not like her at all.
"Do you…want to talk about it Sweetie?" she asked. She won't, Angela thought. She'll just shrug it off and say that she's fine. Oh, what am I going to do? How can I help if I don't know what's going on?
Angela thought for sure that she wouldn't want to talk, thinking she'd appear weak, so her friend's reply shocked her.
"I'm—yes. I'd like that—to talk I mean. I'd like to talk about it."
"You—really? You want to talk about it?" Angela was so surprised, she didn't think about what she was saying. Realizing that she should fix her obvious surprise she tried, "I wasn't expecting you to…I mean…" She took a deep breath and collected herself. This wasn't about her right now—her surprise, curiosity, or worry—it was about Brennan and what was hurting her. "I'm here to listen. Why don't you start at the beginning?"
"I don't know where that is," Brennan admitted. "I—Ange, I don't know when it started. Was it when I met him? Was it love at first sight? I'm not sure—it could have been." What the…who is she talking about. And love? Well, there's only one him, but LOVE? Bren talking about LOVE? "Who are you talking about Sweetie?" she asked.
"Was it when I thought he was dead? All the times he's taken a bullet for me?" Brennan continued as though Angela hadn't spoken.
"So Booth then," Angela clarified, but her friend was past listening to anyone.
"Was it last year when he wanted me to gamble with him? Was it when I realized that I wanted to gamble? Could it have been when I realized that I couldn't die without telling him that I couldn't live without him?" She paused as a sob escaped her control. "Was it tonight when…Angela, I don't even know where the beginning is anymore."
"Sweetie, what happened tonight? What do you mean gamble? What happened last year?" It was a lot of questions, but Brennan's tirade had really confused Angela.
"Oh, yes. Um…well, we were at a session with Dr. Sweets and we were recounting our first case. Sweets said that Booth was the gambler and when we left he seemed to be thinking about what Dr. Sweets had said. He said that he was the gambler and that Sweets was right. Then he asked me to gamble with him; he asked me to take a risk."
"He really said that?" Angela asked. A risk? He asked her to take a risk? What was he thinking? He knows how she is about that stuff! "What else did he say?"
"Well, he said that I should take the chance and let us have 30 or 40 or 50 years and that he wanted that with me. I said that I didn't want to lose our partnership and then he said that he had to move on and…oh Ange! He didn't fight me like he always does. He said he wanted 30 or 40 or 50 years then in the next breath said that he could move on. And I was supposed to risk what we had on a faulty thing like that? How could I? Doesn't he know that he's worth more than that to me? And now, Hannah—"
"Sweetie, that's ok," Angela cut in. The poor, foolish idiot. I know he didn't mean to hurt her. Booth would never… "Booth wasn't thinking when he asked you to take that risk. And Hannah, well, you know he'll always love you. Hannah is nothing more than a distraction. He still loves—"
"No Ange, you don't understand. This case…it made me realize that I don't want to die like Lauren did—with regrets. I—I told Booth. I said that I'd made a mistake and that I didn't want to have any regrets and he…he said…" She stopped.
"What did he say, Sweetie?" Angela was so surprised she didn't know what else to say. She actually said that? She made herself vulnerable to Booth and he…oh my…
The pieces began to fit into place and Angela realized what had happened.
"He said…he said, 'I'm with someone Bones, and Hannah…she's not a consolation prize. I love her.'" Her voice cracked on the last sentence and she broke down into quiet tears.
Angela just held her. Her anger at Booth was so great that for once, words couldn't do it justice. No one had ever affected Brennan this way—Angela knew that no one had ever gotten close enough. She just stayed silent, held her friend, and thought. Her anger grew stronger with every tear that fell down her friend's face.
She thought about Booth and how he had gotten past all her walls. He had pushed her when she balked; he had stubbornly refused to accept her 'rational ideals'; he had decided to prove to her that love was real. Until, like every other man in her life, he had decided that she wasn't worth the trouble anymore.
Yes, Booth had done what he had sworn he would never do. And for that, Angela was going to make him pay.
Looking down, Angela realized that Brennan had calmed down and was drifting off, so she lifted her to her feet.
"Come on, Bren," she said. "Let's just get you to your bed, and you can take a shower. I'll stay the night, ok?" Angela expected an argument and was shocked at her friend's reply.
"Yes, please stay. Please."
"I'm not going to leave you, Bren," Angela said.
"Everyone does," Brennan muttered.
"Oh, Bren, I promise I won't." The sight of her best friend in pain broke Angela's heart.
"Doesn't make a difference. Everyone leaves eventually." Then Brennan stood. If it weren't for the red eyes, you would never know that she'd been crying. "Thanks, Ange. I really didn't want to be alone tonight. You're the best friend, really." And she turned and walked into her bedroom. Turning back she said, "I think I'll take the day off tomorrow. I don't want to be there. In fact, I think I'll…yes. Tomorrow, I'm making plans for you and I and you are going to go along with them." She gave Angela the ghost of a smile.
"I promise," Angela said wondering what crazy thing her friend was up to this time.
"I—I'm going to hold you to your word Angela," Brennan said seriously.
"I know you will," Angela said. "But you know I'd do almost anything for you. You're like a sister to me."
"I find that I don't think of you as just a sister Angela," Brennan said. "I find that I regard you as higher than a sister. You are my family." She paused. "I—I love you Ange."
Angela was amazed.
"I love you too Bren. And I will always be here for you. I promise."
"I know." And with that, Brennan went into her room to shower and get to sleep.
The hell that she can't change, she already has! She has more heart than anyone else I know.
She heard the water going and knew that Brennan was taking a shower.
When I get my hands on that Seeley Booth…
"Oh, yes indeed. Seeley Booth, you are going to pay," she said. And with that, Angela took her cell phone out of her purse, went in to the guest bedroom, and dialed his number.
XXXXXXXXXX
She really didn't look good; he'd never, ever seen her like this before.
"Are you sure you don't want me to call someone to be with you?" he asked again.
"I'm sure," she said in a broken voice that belied her statement. "I have always been alone. Why should tonight be any different?" She forced out that broken laugh that made her sound bitter and anything but 'fine'.
Her reply angered him and he was about to reply when she jumped out of the car and stumbled through the rain up to her door. He'd known that whatever he had had with Bones, the semblance of friendship they'd been able to recreate, had been held together by one thin string. He was afraid now, though, that tonight had cut the last string.
It killed him to leave her alone—all he wanted was to make it better, take out the guy who was doing this to her—but it was entirely his fault. Besides, he had Hannah to go home to. Hannah, whom he loved.
I love her Bones.
I love her Bones.
I love her Bones.
The words he had destroyed her with.
I love her Bones.
When she'd looked at him, he'd seen it in her eyes. She loved him. And she chose to tell him at the time in his life when he couldn't say it back.
Why did she have to choose now? I'm happy without her. I've moved on. Why did she choose now to decide she's in love with me? All the time we had—all the chances she missed, and she chooses now!
He'd never known greater pain than he'd experienced tonight. Not taking a bullet, not the tumor, not even her rejection last year, had caused him as much pain as watching her put up the walls that had taken him six years to tear down.
He needed to get out of here. If he stayed, he knew he would do something he'd regret. Something stupid like go after her and throw away everything he had with Hannah. He couldn't let himself do that—what he had with Hannah made him happy. Like he'd told Bones, he loved Hannah.
I love her.
I love her.
He had destroyed her with those words. He had put her walls back up with those words. He had ruined six years of loving her with those words. With those words, he had destroyed her, and in turn, destroyed his whole universe.
XXXXXXXXXX
Hannah was alone in the apartment worrying. Just sitting there…worrying. And it was making her angry. This wasn't who she was—how had she become…this? The woman who sat at home worrying over the whereabouts of her boyfriend.
Suddenly, Seeley's phone began to ring. Hopping it was him, she answered without looking at the called ID.
"Seeley," she said darkly. She was not at all prepared for what happened next.