AN: This is actually a plot bunny that hit me after seeing a pic from OoLouoO.
Her work is posted at deviant art, so just add [oolouoo(dot)deviantart] before both adresses.
Her Kaworu pic with the same title inspired this fic: {.com/art/Remember-You-Are-An-Angel-149048432}
Her work is really amazing, so check it out : {.com}
Thank you, OoLouoO, for allowing me to use your awesome idea for a fanfic!
Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion, Kaworu, Shinji or any other characters or themes related to the series. I'm making no money off of this. I'm doing it purely for the love of fanfiction!
AN(2): near the end, Tabbris (Kaworu's angelic form) is speaking to him through his thoughts
Please enjoy!
Remember, You Are An Angel
"Are you alright?" Kaworu asked, his one eyebrow quirked as he opened a can of cherry flavoured soda. It still remained one of his favourite flavours, even since the time when he was younger. No matter how long life endured, how many sorrows or pain you accumulate... it was always possible to enjoy the simple pleasures life has to offer. To be human,
has to offer...
"U-um... y-yes. Thank you, Kaworu," Shinji stuttered, suddenly stirring his ramen as if he had just noticed it was there in front of him. His eyes darting down in self-conciousness.
"You don't have to worry about that, Shinji... " Kaworu said, motioning towards Shinji's still stirring hand, "It's only me here."
That was obviously the worst thing to say, as Shinji almost knocked over the take-out box of ramen at that moment. "I-I uh... that doesn't bother me," he quickly said, his voice betraying him on just how badly he can lie.
Kaworu met Shinji's eyes for a moment, smiling sweetly before silently continuing his own meal.
"It doesn't..." Shinji repeated feebly, downing his sorrows along with another bite of beef ramen.
The two boys sat around Kaworu's small dining table in his kitchen, eating in silence. It was quite comfortable, even in close-quaters, to be around each other. The silence was a comfortable, peaceful silence... unlike the silence Shinji usually endured whenever Misato and himself had a fight. That particular silence was heart-wrenching. Painful. Too silent.
Even though Kaworu and Shinji both enjoyed music, the simplicity of sound was fine.
Kaworu smiled fondly as the younger boy thanked him for the meal. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, Shinji... " he said and stood up, "I have spare clothes in my closet if you want to change."
Shinji nodded and started to the room before stopping, "B-but uh, what about you?" he asked.
"You want me to come with you?" Kaworu asked unsurely, although his expression turned into one of slight amusement as Shinji's stammering acted up again, "I still need to clean-up here, so you can go on ahead."
"Are you sure?" Shinji asked, assessing their mealtime-mess against the rest of the kitchen, "Shouldn't I stay and help you?"
"It's perfectly fine, I can finish up here," Kaworu assured, stacking up the boxes and cans for extra measure.
"Thank you!" Shinji said, his face lighting up. Kaworu assumed Shinji was the one who would usually end up cooking and cleaning while living with Misato. It showed. Shinji's side of the table was set-up perfectly, no spills or watermarks left by the cans or boxes. The setting was neat, ordered, easy to clean.
Shinji headed off to Kaworu's room, sliding the soji shut behind him.
The boxes and cans were easily dumped into the trashcan outside Kaworu's small apartment. He locked up and headed back inside to finish the dishes from that morning. The kitchen wasn't one of spectacular size. Small enough for the breakfast nook and general cooking area with no space to waste. It was easily kept, but it always bordered on cramped whenever there were two persons in the apartment. But, that was what the brochure had said : One bedroom apartment, compact.
Compact indeed.
After filling the basin he silently started on the bowl from this morning. The soapy foam from the sponge made his hands dissapear underneath it, completely obscuring the view of anything underneath the water. But, that was never a problem , he could do his small set routine with a blindfold on.
You're spending too much time with him...
"I'm fine, Tabbris, I haven't changed," Kaworu assured in a lowered voice in case Shinji could hear him through the thin walls. His hands scrubbed vigorously a particularly stubborn coffee stain in the bottom of his mug.
You're becoming attached to the human race... you still remember your mission?
"Of course. Is that not why I am here after all?" he replied with a slight shake of the head. He could understand why his complete self would feel so worried and anxious, after all, his existence did determine the survival of the successors of Adam or the survival of the False Successors of the Lost White Moon.
He unplugged the drain and rinsed off the soapy foam, "I think it is important to understand all aspects of life..." Kaworu said, stacking the cutlery in the drying-rack, "Destroying the dominant race of a planet will also have detrimental effects on the other lifeforms on the planet..."
That does not matter.
"Of course it does," Kaworu said, suprising himself by the empathy he felt as he muttered those words. Maybe he has changed. "There should be a good reason for such a drastic decision."
The choice is not yours to make, Tabbris.
Kaworu shrugged dismissively, drying the dishes one by one before replacing the in the cupboards of the kitchen... he momentarily chuckles to himself at the pure ubsurdity of it all... it wouldn't matter how he left his temporary home. After tomorrow he wouldn't be returning either way.
You should never have joined the Lilum for life on their planet... your compassion towards them has weakened your judgement.
Momentarily Kaworu paused, his hand wavered in the process of closing the door to the last cupboard. Has he truely become too compassionate?
He frowned deeply and straightened up, his head still bowed. Compassion was never frowned upon in Heaven, neither was empathy... but was it affecting his judgement? His sense of right and wrong?
He scratched the back of his neck, a human habit he had picked up from his adoptive mother. His eyes searched, unseeing, around the kitchen, as if the answered were written somewhere on the walls. "Empathy has never been against our teachings," Kaworu said, his voice suddenly sounding more defensive than he wanted.
Your mission remains the same. The Lilum must die.
"Um... Kaworu... I'm finished," Shinji said as he slid open the soji. His smile was brighter than before, more relaxed.
You're a messenger, Tabbris.
Kaworu nodded, "I have a spare futon here..." he said and walked to his closet. He opened it and pulled down a folded-up mattress and bedding from the top shelf, "I'll help you..."
You're bound to your duty. Your duty to Heaven.
"I really appreciate this... Kaworu... " Shinji said shyly, throwing the duvet over the single mattress. "I'm didn't really want to go home just yet."
You have known of your Fate since birth. You cannot escape it...
Your home is not with the Lilum... you belong with us, amongst your brothers and sisters.
"You have a place to return to... That is a good fact," Kaworu looked up, his red eyes saddened as the realisation of the truth behind his words dawned upon him, "Home will lead you to happiness."
Remember, You are an Angel.
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