"You don't leave someone you love."
"You do if it's the best thing for them."
"That's what she said."
"That's what she meant."
Hanson smiled a little bit at his friend then nodded minisculely. "Yeah," he said as he and Penhall both leaned against the couch. He looked over at the larger man and their eyes held for a long moment. In that moment, Hanson felt safe.
He'd been torn up about things, when he'd first showed up at his friend's door. After enough heartbreak, you got good at hiding the tears, so it wasn't as if he really /looked/ on the verge of tears, but he knew that Doug could tell. It wasn't until that second that he realized that it was just another heartbreak and that he would, in fact, survive.
How was it that Douglas Penhall, big messy goof that he was, always seemed to make his problems go away?
Love.
Now, where had that word come from? It had just risen up, like a big monster, from nowhere and planted itself right in Hanson's thoughts. That meant it had been hiding in the shadows for a while, right?
He mulled it over, setting his jaw in a hard line. He kept his gaze steady, the long moment maturing into well over a minute as he thought. Yeah, maybe he loved Doug. Maybe he had for a while. Now that he was thinking about it, he'd felt that way for a long time. When had the strong, brotherly friendship he'd felt for his partner developed into something more?
Tom couldn't place the exact moment he'd started loving Penhall, but he knew it was there, floating around somewhere in the three years and some-odd months they'd been working together.
He was snapped out of his reverie by a slight movement, just a tiny little jerk of Penhall's head. His lips tugged up ever so slightly on one side, grinning lopsidedly, and he looked at his partner questioningly like he did sometimes when Tom got lost in thought.
There wasn't even really any conscious thought to it, beforehand. It was just like one moment there were standing there, looking at each other, and the next they were pressed together. In the time it took for Doug to inhale sharply, Tom had taken a half step and pressed their lips together firmly, bodies following the example shortly.
When at first the other didn't react, just stood where he was trapped against the couch, Tom felt the stirrings of doubt. Maybe this hadn't been the brightest of ideas. He'd never even stopped to consider whether his partner felt the same way. He'd never even considered the possibility of rejection, which was what this was starting to seem like.
Then, just as he was starting to pull away, Doug reacted. One large hand came to Tom's waist, tugging him more firmly against him, and the other went up to his hair. Doug's lips started moving against Tom's and they officially crossed the line of no return.
The softest of noises escaped from Hanson's throat at the sudden reciprocation. His hand went up to the side of Doug's face, stubble scratching at his palm the way it was scratching at his face. He slowly slid his fingers down until he could wrap one arm around the taller man's neck.
They continued like that for a long time, lips working against each other's and tongues and teeth clashing passionately. Their bodies moved, too, fluidly dancing together at some points. Once, Tom drilled his hips hard agains Penhall's and made him moan loudly into the kiss. It was becoming more and more obvious where this was leading, if the hard lump Hanson could feel against his stomach, as well as the similar situation making his pants feel a little too tight, were anything.
Finally, he made up his mind and pushed Penhall back. The other man fell over the edge of the couch with a soft oomph. Before he could react too much, however, Tom was on him again, legs on either side of his hips and bending down for another kiss.
"Tommy," Doug groaned, putting one hand against his partner's chest to stop his advancements.
There was silence for a long moment and Tom kept his eyes closed, eyebrows knitted together. Then, softly, "Doug?"
"What're we doin', Tommy? I don't wanna spoil nothin' and, not that I'm not enjoyin' myself or nothin', but I don't wanna be your rebound lay."
Tom sighed. He opened his eyes to find Doug looking up at him, a mixture of emotions swirling in his eyes. It was always the eyes that got him, when it came to Penhall.
"I'm not doing this because of Linda. I just worked up the nerve because of her, is all. I think I've wanted to for a long time," he said slowly.
Doug took that information and mulled it over for a while before nodding. Slowly, he sat up, propping himself up on his elbows, but made no move to try and get Hanson off from where he was straddling him.
He nodded at his partner then smiled. "I'm happy an' all, but maybe we shouldn't be doin' this," he paused and put one hand on Hanson's hip to demonstrate, "quite yet, huh?"
Tom leaned back and swiped a hand through his own hair. "Yeah, maybe you're right," he said and lifted himself from his partner's waist. After a little repositioning on both their parts, they ended up sitting next to each other on the couch.
"But I'm not closing the book or nothin', ya know. Just, uh, puttin' things on hold. Til we get our heads on straight and text the waters a little bit," Doug said, looking over at his partner.
Tom smiled back at him and nodded, the gestures not quite genuine. "Yeah. I think that's better," he said.
They sat there in silence for a moment before Doug suddenly clapped his hand. "Okay, how 'bout some football, huh?" he said and glanced at his partner for an approving nod before turning the television on.
Tom glanced to the side. He knew it was the smart thing to do, but he couldn't help but be disappointed that, at least for the moment, that fire he'd felt a minute ago was put on hold. He was caught by surprise, then, when one beefy arm wrapped loosely around his shoulders and tugged them together for a moment. Doug planted a big kiss on Tom's cheek before standing up.
"I'm gonna get a beer. You want one?" he asked.
"Sure," Tom said, grinning.
Doug nodded and walked to the kitchen. "Oh, and Tom?" he said, poking his head back into the living room.
"Huh?" Hanson asked, turning to look over the back of the couch.
"I love you. You know that, right?"
Hanson smiled and nodded. "Yeah, Doug, I know. I love you too."