Jayden would like you to note...That this fic is finally finished! Yay! It's the first in a series of 25 one-shots and updates as a Christmas gift to all of my readers. Please go to my profile and vote on the pairing that you would most like to see written about. Every single vote gets a story, limited (maybe) to the first 25. So please, vote! And if you'd like, you can submit a review or send me a message and tell me what you would like to see written!
Dedicated to Chronos Mephistopheles, the reason I started to write again.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts.
The Fool
Whenever he gazes into my cerulean eyes, he is never gazing into my cerulean eyes. He always looks right through me as if I am transparent to him. And it hurts me like no other. I never confront him about it because I want him to be happy and I want him to thrive. He doesn't need to know that I know that he still loves you. Ha, I laugh to myself, I'm a fool.
I walk into Beachcomber Tavern, saline liquid threatening to spill over onto my cheeks. And it is then that I see you sitting there at the counter on that padded barstool, laughing with the bartender. Wiping the evidence of tears off of my cheeks, I make my way toward you, a wry smile upon my lips.
"Hey Roxas," I quietly speak, my tone melancholy. You look at me, confusion washing over your visage. "You probably don't know me but I know who you are."
"No, you're not familiar. How do you know me?" you question, suspicion prominent in your voice.
"You know Axel, right?" You look at me, suddenly interested in what I have to say. You sit quietly and lean on your elbow. "Mind if I sit down?"
You roll your eyes and turn back toward the blonde bartender, asking him for your check. I sigh and sit down next to you anyway and look at you. I suddenly can see why he is always looking through me; he always sees you. You are beautiful, perfect in every way. Manicured blonde hair, sky blue eyes, smooth, fair skin…I don't compare. And truth be told, it stings. You look back over at me, eyebrows knitting together.
"Do I look familiar?"
You shake your head and take the piece of white paper from the bartender, silently thanking him with a brief nod. Your attention turns back to me and you sip on the remaining contents of your scotch.
"I don't…? Well…I should," I mumble under my breath. I release a heavy sigh; my shoulders droop. A tear caresses my soft skin and falls to the black, marble countertop as I begin to think about you and him and how happy you two look together in all of the pictures he hides from me. Whenever he was smiling while he was with you, at least from what I can gather from the photographs, he looked genuinely happy. His eyes were filled to the brim with happiness.
The blonde bartender turns his attention to me, a large smile across his lips. "What'll it be?"
I quietly reply, "Just water." A crack is evident in my voice. I turn back to you and say, "I'm sure you've seen me around."
You turn back to me and sigh. "Yeah, maybe I have. Listen, I just don't want to talk about Axel. Especially to the likes of you."
The way you say 'you' stings a little. I know you've probably heard my name though we've not been introduced, I think to myself. Not formally anyway. "Please, it's only going to be a minute. I just, I need to get something off my chest. It's about him."
You look at me and sigh and I know that you're okay with this. You give in and nod. "Yeah, fine. But I really don't want to linger on this topic. He and I haven't talked in several months and I'd rather not think about him if I don't have to."
"Yeah...I wouldn't think so. I...I barely want to talk about this myself. It's hard, you know?"
You chuckle in agreement and say, "I can only guess what you have to say. I mean, we've never even met before. I mean, I've noticed you with him, truth be told. And it hurts a little talking to his current flame-"
"That's the thing," I cut you off and silently thank the bartender, Demyx, for the water. "I'm the fool in love with the fool who's still in love with you."
You freeze, eyes widening slightly. "What?"
"If you've got a minute, I'll buy you a drink. I've got something to say."
"Sure," you reply, motioning for Demyx to come over. "We'll take two vodka and tonics with a splash of cranberry please."
I can only wryly laugh to myself as you make this order. You order my favorite drink. It's no wonder I feel like I'm your stand-in. We are so much alike yet so very different. And that's the only reason he tolerates me being around.
You cock your head to the side, noticing my laughter. You wonder what's so funny-I can see it in your eyes. I shake my head and you know that I don't actually mean anything by it.
Demyx sets the drinks down on the countertop and smiles. "Anything else at the moment? Onion rings? Fries?"
"Nah," we both say in unison. I can't believe this.
"So what is it that you want to talk about?" you ask and take a drink.
"Well...It might sound crazy, but last night in his sleep, I heard him call out your name. This ain't the first time he's done it before and it's hard to face the truth." I'm the fool in love with the fool, who's still in love with you, I think to myself. I didn't want to say it again. I thought it would be so redundant.
But you, to my surprise, repeat the words, "So you're the fool, in love with the asshole who's still in love with me?" You laugh out loud. "Yeah, if he loved me so much, he wouldn't have cheated. I'm seeing someone else now." You motion to the blonde bartender. "He is so much more sincere. Keeps his promises. Doesn't get violent when he drinks. Listen," you pause, "I didn't catch your name. Is it Sora?"
I nod.
"Listen, Sora, I know love is a fragile thing-"
"And I'm trying hard to make it last," I continue, once again cutting you off. "But...it ain't easy holding onto my dream when he's holding onto the past." I down my entire drink and wipe away the forming tears in my cerulean eyes. "I love him more than life itself. And he still loves you. I just want him to be happy."
"And I understand that. I don't understand what you're asking me," you say. "I really don't. I've moved on. It's time he moves on too."
"He stopped drinking."
You look taken aback for a moment before your lips turn upward into a smile. "Good for him."
Silence spread between us for a few moments before I curiously question, "Have you entirely moved on?"
"No. But I'm doing my damnedest," you smile and continue, "It's hard to just give up a seven year relationship in only a matter of months."
And it is then that I understand where you are coming from. I know that our conversation is quickly nearing the end. "Just one more thing before I go."
"Yeah?"
"I'm not here to put you down, Roxas."
You chuckle quietly and simply state, "Yeah, I know."
"You don't love him and that's a fact." Boy, I've seen you around. You're always with the bartender, smiling, laughing and trying so hard to move on. You're nearly over the hill. And he's at the base of a mountain that he's never going to get over.
"I'm trying not to love him is more like it." You light a cigarette and take a long drag. "It's hard, but I don't really want to love him anymore. Demyx is a wonderful boyfriend. He treats me well. Axel stopped treating me right about five years into it. And I stayed with him hoping that things would get better and go back to how they used to be, you know?"
Makes sense, I think to myself and shake my head. "But you hold his heart in the palm of your hand and it's breaking mine in two 'cause I'm the fool-"
"In love with the fool-"
"Who's still in love with you," I reply standing up. I throw some cash down on the counter and smile. "Thanks for the talk. See you around."
You nod and return the gesture, "Yeah. See you around, Sora."
You're not so bad. And so I can't help but think to myself that I want to see you and Axel together again. It would hurt me like hell, but at least, then, he would be happy.
