Discussing a prince's sexuality: a conversation between Hector, Paris, and I
Me: Dammit Hector! Teach me to fight!
Hector: no.
Me: why?!?!?
Hector: because no.
Paris: it's because he doesn't like girls!!
Hector: yes I do! I just don't initiate them, so training her is a waist of my time.
Me: why?! I need to learn how to use a sword! What if a rapist comes after me in a dark alley and-
Hector: there are no rapists in troy!
Paris: only spoiled princes! (then does a little spoiled dance)
Me: no rapists? So how does Paris get laid?
Paris: what? I'm hott! I don't need to... to... you suck! (does the spoiled dance again)
Me: I was just joking! No, really, how does Paris get laid?
Paris: dissing me will not make Hector want to teach you to fight.
Hector: yes it will.
Me: SCORE!
Hector: I'm still not going to.
Paris: SCORE!
Me: why?!?!
Hector: I told you, because I can't initiate you into the army.
Me: and does that matter
Paris and Hector: (just laugh)
Me: (tackles Paris) what the HELL is initiation?!?!
Paris: Butt-sex! Hahahahaha!!
Me: you Trojans are gay... too bad... (I looove Hector!)
Hector: no we're just bi.
Me: (does a happy dance!) okay. But Paris is gay right?
Paris: no! I'm not gay! Hello, people?? Helen!
Me: she doesn't really count. She looked like a man.
Paris: now way! She was a pretty lady!
silence
Me: yeah... right... back to the butt-bangin'. So why must you do that in order to get into the Trojan army?
Hector: it's an initiation. We have to make sure they can take pain, like in a frat.
Me: I've really never heardof any frat doing that!
Hector: plus we're all usually horny as hell out after or before battles. The initiation's preparation for later.
Me: why don't you just bring women???
Hector: they're just extra baggage. They don't fight or anything.
Me: I would fight!!!
Hector: you'd probably get captured, then you'd really get raped or something terrible like that.
Me: no. greeks are gay. Just like Trojans.
Hector and Paris: WE'RE NOT GAY!
Me: prove it.
(10 minutes of silence)
Hector: well... I'm married!
Me: that doesn't prove anything.
Hector: so how else would I prove it?
Me: (trying to seduce him) well... after you teach me to fight we could-
Hector: I'm not teaching you to fight!
Me: but I'll let you initiate me!! (don't pretend you wouldn't do the same thing!)
Hector: I can't do that! I'm married!!
Me: so you can have wild-monkey-butt-sex with young men but you can't sleep with me?!
Hector: when it's with a fellow soldier it doesn't count.
Paris: my brother's sooo loyal!
Me and Hector: SHUT UP HOMO!
Paris: I'm not gay! Screw you guys!
(runs out of the room)
Achilles! They called me homo!!
Hector: shyt!!
Me: who's Achilles?
Hector: he's only the greatest warrior of all time!
Me: a greek?
Hector: myrmidon.
Me: so he's gay then?
Hector: would you stop that?!?
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A/N: no gay ppl were meant to be offended by this. I luv gay ppl!! But really- who thinks paris is str8?!