Everything
She sits down at the water's edge, and absently dips a finger in. The water is cool, and other than the ripple caused by her touch, it is entirely calm. It is a perfect contrast to her current mental state, turbulent with bitterness and disappointment.
Almost completely preoccupied by her thoughts, Djaq barely hears Will come up behind her. Then again, it is Will, the only man who can trample through a forest silently. As always, he keeps a certain distance from her, and speaks with restraint, but without preamble.
"Did you always know? About Allan?"
"No. Not always." She turns to look at him now, and though it is dark and the moon is only a dull sliver in the sky, she fancies she can see the scars on his face left by Robin's test of his loyalty. She considers reaching out to touch them as she did before, hurting for him, and wishing things were different. But he is staring off into the distance and does not notice her examination so she decides against it.
"I'm sorry. I did try to tell Robin what I knew…" She thinks the words are probably unnecessary even as she says them.
"It's all right. I think he knew it was Allan anyway."
"And you? Did you know?"
She hears him sigh, and coming from him it is a rare enough sound that she raises a questioning eyebrow at him.
"But I should have known. I know Allan…I mean, I know how his mind works, you know?" The words come slowly, as if they are carefully considered, as Will's words usually are. "It's just…I never thought he would actually…do something like this." In his words, she can hear an echo of her own disappointment, but it is edged with an anger she does not feel.
For her part, she is so certain of Allan's inherent goodness that she feels the need to defend him somehow.
"You should not be so angry. People can't help themselves sometimes." She casts about for some way to justify Allan's perfidy and finally settles on Allan's own words. "They just get…stuck."
He moves and a twig breaks underfoot, but to her it sounds like disgust and derision and she bristles.
"Stuck? I don't think being stuck means you can betray people, lie to them, let them down."
She feels her own anger rising now, and it bothers her that it is directed at Will who has done nothing, and not at Allan, who probably deserves her ire. "You were stuck once, Will…and look what you did."
She does not have to explain further, he knows what she is referring to. His voice is quiet now, but there is a certainty to it that makes her think he has anticipated she will say this and he is prepared for it. She is impressed by this, in spite of herself.
"I did what I did," he says, "but I never lied to anyone. I never let anyone down."
She turns to face him then. "Oh? Didn't you?" She does not intend the scorn that drips from her voice, but she is strangely satisfied by the stricken look on his face.
It is a long time before he speaks, and when he does, his voice shakes, and Djaq finds her anger quickly dissolving away.
"I am sorry for that. You can't even imagine how sorry. But it's not the same, is it?"
He stops, apparently hoping for some sort of response, but she gives none. "I never meant to hurt anyone, never meant to hurt you." He pauses, and she sees him shaking his head. "And it's not just about being stuck. I would never do what Allan did. You would never do what Allan did."
All of the exhaustion of the day descends on Djaq suddenly, condensed into an argument from Will that she cannot simply brush off. But she is no mood for truth, or logic or any of that. So she leans once again on scorn.
"How do you know what I would do? Do not pretend you know what lies I have told, Will. You do not know anything about me."
He is seemingly stunned because she can see him move away from her. She hopes he will simply return to camp and leave her with her thoughts. Instead, after an annoyingly long silence, he comes closer and drops to his knees at her side.
His voice is soft, its tone completely different than a few moments ago. "That's true. I hardly know anything about you. But…I'd like to know."
She turns to look at him in surprise, and catches a small smile on his face, crooked and shy, and almost as disarming as this sudden turn in their conversation.
"Er…I…" Djaq is at a rare loss for words, unsure how to react to what is undoubtedly more than just a gesture of friendship. So she says the first thing that comes to her mind. "What would you like to know?"
"Everything," he says simply. "Tell me everything."