A/N: Okay this is my first attempt on something sorta humorus and really, I think I suck at all things funny. But, that's okay since I'm enjoying doing this and I hope you ladies and gents like it. Read on!

Diary Of Selphie

Day 1

Today I spent the day with Zell. We went out to Balamb and spent some time preparing him for his date with that library girl.

And when I mean prepare I mean the whole ordeal. This guy knows nothing!

First: Dress

I had to help him pick out a decent pair clothing for their date, since obviously he doesn't have anything good to wear, well, other than the SeeD uniform( but who wants to wear that on date?). So we got that done with much difficulty.

Why was it so difficult? Easy. Zell wanted this horrendous green suit with orange, blue, and purple dots on them(Seriously, who wears that crap?! And by that, it's clears his mother must have to pick out his clothes cause he has no taste!) We all know you should not wear something as funky and ugly as that on date. He'd scare his date off.

Anyway, the guy kept insisting on it, but with much persuasion and patience (And a couple of threats concerning his chocobo plushie getting decapitated) it worked out quite nicely with me picking out simple navy blue jeans and a black button up shirt(He's a messy eater).

And of course you can't have new clothes without a nice pair of shoes to go with them! So as the awesomely wonderful person that I am, we went out to the shoe store and got him some, but while there he again insisted on something very hideous! Orange shoes with some funky design on it(Gawd! What rock did he crawl out of?)

So, once again it's Selphie to rescue. With my extraordinary skills in the art blackmail I got him to agree upon a pair of black sneakers (Whites gets dirty to easily).

Second: Manners and Dinning

Next, after all that clothes and shoe shopping we went to a nice all you can eat restaurant. Courtesy of Zell. To say the least, though, it was actually still decent.

And well seeing as we're in an all you can eat restaurant, I taught him the importance of manners and how to eat not like a pig. Of course the guy tried to convince me that he didn't, but I wasn't listening. Obviously I've been around him long enough to know that he does (I also have witnesses who could testify that the man eats like a garbage disposal.)

Anyway, I took on the pleasure of telling him what things to do for the girl on arrival, like helping to seat the her. You know pulling her chair out for her and all that jazz.

He had the nerve to ask me why. I nicely answered "Why in the heck else would you do something like that? To be polite, you idiot." And in response to that, he sent me a hurt look, so I apologized for him being an idiot and for me calling him one. He seemed to brighten up on that, so I was happy.

Moving on, I would have suggested him probably ordering for his date or at least recommend something that he knows is tasty, but seeing as we're in a, well, you know. I just told him to get the kind of drink she wanted for her, since you have to get your own food and all.

Third: Getting ready for the date.

Well we finished eating at the restaurant, and headed back to Garden after Zell had about five different plates of food and 3 glasses of soda (Which I don't was a good idea to say the least.)

We went back to his room and he tried on the clothes and shoes he got and I must say, he was looking very gorgeous, mind(I made sure to tell him that, too). So this gotta be a sure hit. Nothing can go wrong on this date.

Now, since his date started at 7'o'clock, we had to hurry. It was 6:50 which only gave us 10minutes to get ready. We made any last minute adjustments that was needed and I sent him off, with 3minutes to spare.

Oh, an before he left I made sure to tell him to take her out somewhere fun after dinner.

I'm so proud of myself!

Final:

Okay, so I didn't think about this problem until now. The fact that we went out to eat before his date with the library girl, and that fact that he had 5 different plates of food and 3 sodas…

You can probably guess what happened. I know I said nothing can go wrong, and well… I was wrong.

Something did go wrong.

All right to say this it did start off well, they actually made it to the restaurant. Yay! But that's where it ends.

Sometime during his date all that food and drink caught up with him which ended his date earlier than expected. From what he told me, the beginning was running smooth (which I already said did.) But just before he could sit down and eat, his stomach started to bubble(That isn't good).

He had to potty and not the nice kind of quickie. It was the disgustingness of, well.. the case of diarrhea. He said he spent practically the whole date in the males bathroom(Not how you want to spend your date, especially your first one) before she suggested on coming back to Garden. Even after that he claimed he spent that time back here in his restroom..

It might seem mean, but I laughed at the whole thing. But I quickly stopped when he had the nerve to say it was my fault. MY FAULT?! How the fudge nutters is it my fault?

He's the one who ate like a pig and drank all that soda. So, how is it my fault? Unless I shoved all that food down his throat and forced him to drink all that soda. Which of course I didn't. I made sure I told him it was his.

And to think I spent time to help him out during my very busy schedule just to get him ready for his date!

So, went and spent about 15 minutes debating on who fault it was.. And well.. Maybe it was mine.. I should have known better than to take Zell to a restaurant that had lots of food in it (Though he was the one who suggested that particular restuarant, but i agreed to it..). Worst yet, an all you can eat one. We just agreed it was both of ours in the end.

In the end, as the most ultra spectacular friend that I am, I made it up to him and got him another with the library girl for next week. So we both were happy and I had a good laugh, not to mention something new to blackmail Zell with. Hehe.

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A/N: Okay this is it! End of chapter one. I hope it was all right an I'll have more to come in the weeks passings. Maybe months since everything is on a whim and all. I know sad, but it's me and I'm slow. Mwhaha. Anywho R&R, giving me your feedback.

~Selphie!~