Me: This is my little take on Snakes on a Plane with a twist. Of course I do not own anything that's related to Snakes on a Plane. Also no food was harmed in this story.
Food on a Plane
A Plane is soaring through the sky at about 30,000 feet. Three men are sitting in the upper class, two FBI Agents Craig 45, Jones 51, and a young man who was a witness to a murder in Hawaii Greg 24, sitting from left to right respectively.
Pilot: (On intercom) we are about one hour away from Los Angeles so we expect to start to run into some smog very soon.
Jones: Remember what I told you about the trial?
Greg: Shower before hand.
Jones: No, don't worry you'll be safe in our hands.
Downstairs in second class AKA coach a couple in their early 20s are whispering to each other and the girl gets up and goes in the bathroom and the guy gets up and goes in their afterward.
Girl: This is so naughty. (She pulls out a couple of cartons of Yogurt)
Guy: Look I even snuck in a water bottle. (He starts drinking the water and gives some to the girl)
Girl: Heres some Granola Bars.
Suddenly the guy starts choking on his Granola Bar.
Girl: Hang on I know the Heimlich maneuver. (She starts giving it to the guy)
From the outside the Flight Attendants see the door to the bathroom shaking violently and moaning sounds coming from inside.
Flight Attendant #1: Kids.
The Flight Attendants bring a cart around.
Woman: Excuse ma'am will there be food on this flight?
Flight Attendant #1: Sorry but this is a poverty flight.
Woman: Will there at least be water getting passed around?
Flight Attendant #1: I'm sorry you'll have to pay five dollars to get that.
Woman: Can we get it for free because my Husband needs to have water with his pills.
Flight Attendant #1: Five Dollars.
Suddenly the plane jerks violently
The Pilots are wondering what happened
Pilot: I think some wiring has failed check down in the Cargo Hold.
Co-Pilot: Ok.
He goes down but starts smelling something and sees a hamburger on the floor.
One of the Flight attendants opens the door to find out what's going on.
Pilot: I don't know but he's been down there a long time.
She looks down and screams and sees the Co-Pilot lying on the floor dead from a heart attack.
Jones checks him and sees a half eaten hamburger lying next to him.
Jones: This man died from a heart attack caused by a Hamburger.
Pilot: There's food on the plane, impossible.
Jones: Somebody must've snuck it on board. We need to find a food expert.
Back in the cabin a rapper named 15 cent is trying to get the attention of a Cute Girl in her late 20s who has a dog with her.
15 Cent: How are you Girl?
Girl: I'm fine. My name is convertible named after the car. This is my dog Ashley.
15 Cent: I don't really care for dogs. But I do care for you.
They are about to kiss when Jones and Craig come in.
Jones: Don't panic everyone but there is food on the plane. (Everyone screams) I told you not to panic.
In a FBI office in Los Angeles a man rounds up everyone.
FBI Agent: I can't believe I'm about to say this but find the nearest food expert in the LA area. Also see if anyone worked at McDonalds around here.
Jones:
Calm down we are looking for a food expert right now.
The pilot
comes in the cabin and says that there are traces of poison on the
food.
Jones: Who's flying the plane?
Pilot: Oh right the plane, thanks.
Suddenly the oxygen masks fall from above and all kinds of food falls down and the passengers panic. Some of the passengers can't help but start eating it.
Man: (Screams)
Woman: Honey, no don't eat it.
Man: I can't help it. (Screams and then starts stuffing a raw steak in his mouth)
The rest of the passengers move upstairs to first Class and for some reason use a raft to try to keep the food from moving upstairs.
Flight Attendant: What are we going to do?
Jones: Calm down there's no reason to be scared.
Flight Attendant: But there's food on the plane.
Jones: They must have sprayed some kind of intoxicating scent to all of the food besides poisoning them.
Older woman: Help my son ate part of this thing and now he's very sick.
Jones picks it up and it's obviously a piece of broccoli but no one can figure that out. The Phone rings. Jones picks it up and a food expert is on the other line.
Food expert: I've been briefed about the poison and smell enhancement put on all the food I just need a description of any food that's been eaten so we can help everyone in the plane.
Jones: Ok we have a kid who ate this thing.
Food expert: Could you describe it?
Jones: Ok what would you say guys?
Woman with dog: it's Greenish in color.
Jones: It's Greenish in color.
Woman with dog: it's got a stem.
Jones: It's got a stem.
Woman with dog: It looks like a cauliflower on the top.
Jones: It looks like a cauliflower on the top.
Food expert: Ok its broccoli.
Jones: Its broccoli. (Everyone has a shocked look on their face) That's all we got right now.
Food expert: When you find something new just let me know.
Jones: Ok.
Food expert: Oh one other important thing-(Jones hangs up)
Jones: (Thinks) All right enough is enough I have had it with this motherfucking food on this motherfucking plane.
Greg: What do we do?
Jones: There's only one thing we can do and since we can't eat the food strap yourselves in I'm going to suck all the food out of the plane.
Everyone straps themselves through belts and whatever they can find. They move the raft to let the food out. Jones shoots the windows and the air pressure starts sucking out things including the food. Craig sees a pizza flying out the window.
Craig: Pepperoni my favorite. (He unstraps himself and gets sucked out the window)
Jones: Craig no. (Suddenly a piece of spaghetti wraps itself around a woman with the dog's neck.
Woman: Get it off.
15 cent starts to unzip his pants.
Woman: Not that.
15 cent: Oh. (He pulls the spaghetti off of her neck)
Finally the pressure stabilizes and the Pilot lands the plane safely.
Jones: Wow Greg that was a close one.
Greg: What do you mean? Five people were killed.
Jones: I was close to being killed.
Greg: Wow maybe it's a good thing they don't serve food on flights. (Thinks) Nah.
The End