AG-RO-TAG's NOTE!

Nooo, it can't be happening :( I'm beginning a new story :( It's not something I'm happy with, I barely can finish other ones and yet I still have time and mind to make up new ones! That's awful :(((

Hmm... On the other hand, it's not that bad. I've read recently John Irving's book and it kind of gave me a strange idea... I wonder if you'll accept this idea as well?

The thing is – this story might not be something you used to read. Gosh, the first chapters might be even OFFENDING to homosexuals. However, please, don't get me wrong, I'm totally not against it!

And so I had this idea – what's the point of view of a person who actually is whole-heatedly against it? I was thinking about the prejudice most of haters have – what are their motives or their arguments? And – what fascinated me the most – is there a possibility that a person can change his/her opinion radically once you get to know gays closely?

So here are some warnings:

This story is rated 100% MATURE CONTENT due to offending, swearing, and possible sex or gore scenes. I will show some cruelty here, so you have been warned.

Yeah, the usual – it has got a homosexual content, mostly BoyxBoy

I'm using characters from D. Gray-Man that belong to their creator Katsura Hoshino

And the last note for Lavi-lovers – Lavi at the beginning is going to be a total ass, so deal with it! I promise it's not going to be for long :)

Sorry for grammar, vocabulary, primitive style, etc., though I hope it won't be that bad (after so many years of writing fics I DO HOPE it won't be bad)

Alright, so let's go to the story, shall we?

~~~~~~~~~~PROLOGUE~~~~~~~~~~

My grandpa used to say: "A man is an architect of his own fortune."

That's a complete bullshit.

Why do I happen to think like that? Well, it's not that I'm a spiritual-religious-voodoo person. My opinion about this is mostly affected by my rather well-developed distrust. Therefore, we are living in an 'illusion' that we actually can change our lives. To me, giving us the feeling of control is just a part of the higher plan. Somewhere above us, there is this meta-power that just wants us to think that we are the 'masters of our beings'.

It's just an illusion. An illusion of control.

Do I sound confusing? This is me, Ladies and Gentlemen. I am confusing and confused at the same time. This happens a lot in our society, especially at crazy times like the one we're living in now.

Confusion is a powerful, yet deceitful force that can really change people's lives. It's a state when a man (or a woman) is stuck between many possibilities, not sure of picking the right one. And now I'm on the crossroads of choices... I opened many doors, I created many options, and now it backfired...

But then again, I'm being a confusing creep. Let me come back to the beginning of this 'confusion'.

I have to return to my times as a teenager, somewhere around graduating from High School. Back then, if you asked me "Lavi, do you have everything under control?" I would answer without a shadow of a doubt "Of course!". I knew who I was, I was certain of all my values and beliefs, and I had a bright plan for my even brighter future. Everyone knew that as well, so they respected me and, trust me, when I felt that I was an authority, I started to behave like one. Those times weren't of my pride...

That's why today I think that you don't really rule over your life. It's the other way around – the life rules over you. It's your grueling duty to respect it or it'll find you, bring you to the darkest corner and beat you up. Ok, but that's a small digression, I'll come back to it later.

It was during winter holidays. I was Lavi Bookman – a young, handsome boy with really good grades, a charming personality, and an ego bigger than the highest mountain in the world. The mentioned ego brought me many people (I can't call them friends. They were more or less like lackeys of mine). Surrounded by dumb boys and beautiful (but also dumb) girls, I thought I had a right to think highly'n'mightly of myself, though I tried my best to be a good leader to my people. Was my life really that perfect? Actually, growing up without parents and being brought up by my grandpa, who was really conservative about modern times AND really distrustful to other people, had quite a big impact on my personality. I didn't really care about people – they were like objects to me. Objects are things that people use. So I was one of "people". I was using others, thus they became "objects". Yeah, I'm really not proud of my past times.

Starting again – winter holidays. A small cafe and a bunch of immature almost-adults with a laptop. I was there with a few guys from my Baseball Club. Our team – the Noahs – was the jet set of our High School. We were really good. That evening we were celebrating our victory in Inter-school Basketball Competition. One of my more-tolerable teammates, Tyki Mikk, brought his laptop with him and we were watching funny videos from the Internet. That time, definition of 'funny' meant 'someone fails miserably and it's not really funny to him/her' in my dictionary. And there were many videos that I fail to recall today. None of them did I remember, except for one...

We ordered liters of beer, one giant pizza with ham and pineapple, and watched a clip of one puny guy being beaten by three bulky thugs. Yeah, that was really funny... Eh... I laughed, my girlfriend (at that time) Lulubell laughed as well, Tyki laughed, and the man in the video cried pathetically. "Why are they beating him, anyway?" I asked, though it wasn't out of pity. I was just curious. Tyki looked at the video's info and found out that the guy was gay. A grunt of disgust came out of my lips. Yeah, that was something odd, something forbidden and something that should have never ever happened.

"Man, wherever you look – in the newspapers, on the Internet – there are always faggots..." Tyki commented on it and I added "To me, all of them can just die and rot in Hell... But these fuckers hide really well." My language wasn't very clever or proper after 5 beer mugs, but everybody was in the point of not giving a crap. Still, I was the most eloquent guy in the whole group. "I wish I could... Lure them out and smash their... asses..." Everyone roared in laughter.

However, the topic hadn't ended, oh no. With drunken mind, ideas come up. Something hit me, which I thought was the brightest idea in the world. I took away Tyki's laptop and wrote down the address of the gay website. "I remember one guy, who gave me this address so that I can avoid it while looking for porn." I answered just when everyone was about to ask how the hell I know such a thing. It was it: blackdesireorder . com. The page appeared. Anyone who had seen a normal dating website wouldn't spot a difference. Arrangement, colors, profiles – they were pretty normal. As I saw, all avatars had no photos, but random pictures of cute puppies or strange satanic signs or whatsoever. However, there was a catch... A button on the left, right corner of the page. It looked like a light switch. When a user clicks on it, the whole site changes its presentation. I demonstrated the power of the switch and in no time, there were penises everywhere. Another wave of disgust passed in my group. An evil smile formed on my lips, because I was about to present my little plan.

"I know a way to make these faggots show themselves. We should create a new account and try to seduce them. When they decide to see us in real life, there'll be a massive humiliation." My smile widened. Everyone else grinned as well. Everyone, except Tyki. "You do realize we have to somehow convince all of them that you are gay, right?" He had a fair point, but it didn't dishearten me. I was dead serious. "Well, if you think of them as women and try to flirt with them via the Internet, I think it'll be convincing enough. And then we'll arrange a meeting, but it'll be better to come up with a strategy beforehand." After my speech I could see that blink of Tyki's golden eyes. I was a pretty persuasive person back then... The rest of the evening went by, my other teammates were roaring in joy about the match we won while Tyki and I were working on the perfect plan to 'convert' all the homos in our area. Both Lulubell and I left the earliest, and we came back to my apartment. One of the hell passionate nights of my life. We woke up in the morning and I broke up with her. Life's a bitch.

A week later we executed our marvelous plan. My nickname was #LionRabbit. Tyki decided on #Foreign_Surprise, though I still don't understand why he liked it. Anyway, we formed our accounts and suddenly – the door to marginalized world opened. All we had to do was to blend in. Somehow, I just couldn't make a first step – was it disgust or insecurity or fear of being revealed? I think a little form each. Two weeks and I hadn't made a single contact. Tyki, on the other hand, was a busy bee, but every attempt was a failure. His strategy (or rather my strategy that inspired him) to treat other gay boys like women wasn't effective. When I started working on this plan, I thought every homosexual was more feminine than masculine, so they want to be treated with kindness and delicacy. Soon, I was about to change that opinion, but this is still ahead of this story.

Chat-rooms are really convenient. You don't really have to worry about showing your true feelings. This is like a big factory of lies. You can be depressed in life, but when someone writes to you 'Hey, what's up?' you can just cover it with a simple 'Never been better!' and lots of emoticons. I also thought about myself that I can hide my emotions even in reality and that gave me a feeling of superiority.

After two weeks of trying to catch someone, we decided to show our results. I still have the conversation from that time:

#LionRabbit: So? Anything new?

#Foreign_Surprise: Hahaha xD Dude, check out this file one fag sent me! (File sent. It was a photo of a large penis) He asked me if I want to meet his Little John xDDD

#LionRabbit: Fuck man! Don't sent me shit like that, ya want me to scratch my eyes off? rotfl

#Foreign_Surprise: But admit it, his dick IS impressive xDDD

#LionRabbit: Knock it off or you might actually love sight of other dicks ;P (here I had to take a small break and wipe away tears of laughter) So, does this Little John want to meet you? xD

#Foreign_Surprise: I offered him that, but he said that I have to send a photo of me :/ No way I'm gonna do that :/ (That was true. We decided not to show our faces in this site or it might bring us some problems) Eh, what about you?

#LionRabbit: Nah, I still can't really do that :/ I'm jealous that you actually can think of them as women and have no problems.

#Foreign_Surprise: Yea, women with dicks attached xD

#LionRabbit: xDDD

#Foreign_Surprise: But still, man, you gotta do something! It was your plan after all and I'm the only one doing all the work :(

#LionRabbit: But it's haaaaaard *puppy eyes*

#Foreign_Surprise: Dude, man up!

#LionRabbit: You mean 'gay up'! :D

#Foreign_Surprise: xDDD

#LionRabbit: ;P

#Foreign_Surprise: Whatever xD If you don't feel good about openly-fag fags, then maybe find someone more sissy? Ya can give him a crap about being inexperienced and shit like that ;P

#LionRabbit: Well, that wouldn't be untruthful xDDD So I just have to make him like me on more emotional level?

#Foreign_Surprise: Dude, you do that to girls all the time xD Here, I'm sending you one fag's profile. I tried to talk to him, but he bluntly refused my offer for sex xD He'll be a perfect match for you ;D *#Foreign_Surprise has sent you another user's profile - #Musician*

You remember my boring beginning and the fragment about 'creating other options'? When Tyki had sent me #Musician's profile I had a little doubt. I don't know if I was reluctant, because I didn't want to associate myself with gay website, or because I wasn't completely trusting myself in bonding with another person (it was crucial to me that it would be a gay guy on the other side). This created my first confusion and I had to make a choice. Of course, I could just tell Tyki that I was busy and I couldn't speak to him at the moment. But at the same time Tyki was dancing on my ego, saying that I didn't participate in my plan and was chickening out. I opened the profile. There wasn't too much info – the guy liked music, arts, martial arts (well, that actually surprised me). In the description he wrote: "I don't really need to write about myself here. Find me out yourself." That was a clever description. If I took a dating site more seriously, I would probably write something similar – not too much, but intriguing as well. And there was my dilemma.

Leave it or go for it?

And I made a choice. I wasn't a coward.

I wrote a simple message:

#LionRabbit: Hey there. Care to find me out as well?

No stupid internet emos. No stupid introductions. It took me 2 days to get a reply.

#Musician: I might want to. Amuse me.

That was my choice and the first one, that resulted in a horrible rollercoaster of choices and changes. As you may think now, dear reader, I'm no longer the same Lavi Bookman, handsome and charming guy with a giant ego. The process of these changes I triggered myself. It was Musician, who was opening all new doors and inviting me inside.
Carelessly, I accepted most of these invitations... These doors were leading me to corridors of new experiences, building a huge maze inside of my mind. The deeper I went, the more lost I was...

Ok, I think I should stop side tracking from the main story. From this point, things will get more interesting...

AG-RO-TAG's final note

Yep, that's prologue to you! I'm posting it as a demo, because I really am curious how would you accept this idea.

Also, I do wish I would end this one, there might be some time skips in further chapters! So, what do you think?

I think discrimination in these days is rather huge and it's actually a lot more real than some of romance you and I usually read :) Thus, it might be harsh to some of you and for that I'm sorry. I decided to write it like that, because I want to make a point.

And as far as I planned this story (so far I have planned 3 chapters) it's not going to be a pretty one, but at the same time, I want to do something great with it :)

I'll be glad to read reviews of any kind! And I hope you liked it :)