Warning: Major, Major Sasuke bashing ahead.
Sasuke Uchiha was born without luck, into a clan of arrogant schmucks. His mom was a gem and his bro was a brick, but his dad was a bit of a stoic prick.
Sasuke was happy and gay as he grew up, not knowing that Masashi Kishimoto planned to f**k it all up. The Uchiha clan continued to plot and scheme, with dreams of conquest, and power supreme. So Itachi Uchiha, Sasuke's big bro, said, "F**k this, those assholes have to go."
And so he came in the dead of night, and put the souls of the douchbags to flight. But his poor little brother he did let live, for history had more in store for him. Had Itachi known what the future would bring, he would have put Sasuke's little ass in a sling. But the Emo to be was still far away, so Sasuke lived to fight another day.
The pissant burned with wrath and hate, and made a choice that would seal his fate. "I will be an Avenger"! he yelled to the sky, while in another universe Captain America felt a sudden urge to cry. "My asshole gene has been awaked, and to kill Itachi I know the path to take. I will be cold, distant, stoic, and mean, the most proper little bastard anyone has ever seen. And when I have become an insufferable prick that people will want to smash with a brick, then I will have achieved the power I need. I know I'm dishonoring my home and my name, but hell, I'm going to put every douche in anime to shame."
And that's what he did as the years rolled along, following his own Emonic song. He excelled in all that he put his mind to, and was praised by all, both strong and weak, who had their lips firmly glued to his emo ass-cheeks.
But many obstacles stood in his way, for there were some who would stop his descent if they had their say. The first was Naruto, who for some stupid reason, wanted to be friends with the egotistical heathen. The second was Sakura, who was an annoying burden, and would not contribute anything until Naruto Shippuden. The two tried to bring Sasuke back from the brink, to help him establish some positive links. But in the end Sasuke decided to split, and everything completely went to shit.
Sasuke ran away, the smug little bitch, leaving everyone who cared for him in a crap filled ditch.
And so he became a king among dicks, an inductee into the Hall Of Famous Pricks. For a hundred episodes little was heard of the turd, but in time Sasuke would return once more, to piss off fans like never before.
Then the day of Naruto Shippuden dawned, and the tale of Sasuke continued on. His friends were determined to bring him back to the light, because hope springs eternal when you are not very bright.
His adventures that followed are too many to tell, but suffice to say the fans frequently told him, "Go to Hell"! Often he would work his way back into the fan's good graces, only to spit it back in their faces. Just when you were ready to cut him some slack, he would turn around and stab you right in the back. Meanwhile Naruto ran around screaming, "Sasuke come back"! Until you just wanted to give him a whack.
But in the end Sasuke got his happily ever after, with a fangirl wife to look after. Hundreds of episodes of his bullshit and treason, which were committed for disgustingly selfish reasons, were just given a complete pass, and everyone went back to kissing his ass.
These days Sasuke travels abroad, seeking to atone for the pain he has caused. To which I reply with proper wit, "You've got a long way to go, you Son Of A Bitch"!