Author: Christine
E-mail: Xanderette43@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Buffy season 4... Angel season 1
Disclaimer: Even though I wished I owned the 2 shows, I sadly do not.
Distribution: My site 'Falling to Pieces'... other then that, just ask me and I'll gladly let you have it.
Feedback: Greatly appreciated.
Dedication: To everyone who loves Buffy and Angel.
It happens almost every waking second. Ever since I left Sunnydale, she's been on my mind constantly. I think about what she does, where she goes, who she sleeps with. Sometimes I get jealous and my inner rage builds up within me wanting release, but I manage to keep it quiet... for now at least.
I try not to think about her but its hard not too. In the 247 years I've been on this earth I have never loved anyone more then I love her. Just picturing her in my mind brings a smile to my face, which is rather comical considering I rarely smile. I know I should move on with my life, but deep in my heart I know I'll never be able to. I know her friend's will take good care of her. They always do.
Its funny how I used to think everything would work out between us. I should've known nothing ever works out for me... ever. Even before I was turned, my life was in shambles... I was a bumbling drunk who thought women were made just to pleasure me. When I regained my soul I never once thought anyone would love me the way she did. But she took my heart in her hands and showed me that everyone gets a second chance no matter what. And even if she doesn't know it, she'll always have my heart and soul... always.
My co-workers and friends tell me to get over her and forget about the past. Sometimes I think they mean well, but I know that I'll never forget about her. No matter how many years pass from now till then her face will remain etched in my mind forever, like it was always there since my birth.
Even though I shouldn't, I think of the day that was forgotten to everyone but me. I can replay the memories in my head like it was just yesterday. I just close my eyes and suddenly I'm back there. I remember the way we laughed, the way she looked into my eyes and I saw nothing but complete and utter devotion, and the way she held onto me when we made love. That was the happiest day in my life, and I have no one to share it with... not even her. I've only cried three times in my existance as a vampire and each time I did it was because of her. That day I cried for everything we could've had... a normal life, a family, marriage. But I threw it all away so I could help her... I can't let her die, not now, not ever. If I had stayed human I would've been the cause of her death, and not even I could've handled that burden. I would rather pick a fate of torture in hell for eternity rather then seeing her die in front of my eyes, and knowing I couldn't help save her.
As I lay in bed I look outside and I know exactly what she's doing right at this very moment. She's risking her life to save the world, and she's doing it because she wants to, not because she has to. That's what I love the most about her. Her courage and dedication. Sometimes I wish I could go back and help her, but I know she can handle it. No matter what they throw at her, she always comes out okay in the end.
So I close my eyes and try thinking of my next case assignment instead of the woman I can never have. But this task is the hardest because I can never not think of her. She's my one and only love, the woman who in every way changed me for the greater good.
She's my Buffy.
E-mail: Xanderette43@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Buffy season 4... Angel season 1
Disclaimer: Even though I wished I owned the 2 shows, I sadly do not.
Distribution: My site 'Falling to Pieces'... other then that, just ask me and I'll gladly let you have it.
Feedback: Greatly appreciated.
Dedication: To everyone who loves Buffy and Angel.
It happens almost every waking second. Ever since I left Sunnydale, she's been on my mind constantly. I think about what she does, where she goes, who she sleeps with. Sometimes I get jealous and my inner rage builds up within me wanting release, but I manage to keep it quiet... for now at least.
I try not to think about her but its hard not too. In the 247 years I've been on this earth I have never loved anyone more then I love her. Just picturing her in my mind brings a smile to my face, which is rather comical considering I rarely smile. I know I should move on with my life, but deep in my heart I know I'll never be able to. I know her friend's will take good care of her. They always do.
Its funny how I used to think everything would work out between us. I should've known nothing ever works out for me... ever. Even before I was turned, my life was in shambles... I was a bumbling drunk who thought women were made just to pleasure me. When I regained my soul I never once thought anyone would love me the way she did. But she took my heart in her hands and showed me that everyone gets a second chance no matter what. And even if she doesn't know it, she'll always have my heart and soul... always.
My co-workers and friends tell me to get over her and forget about the past. Sometimes I think they mean well, but I know that I'll never forget about her. No matter how many years pass from now till then her face will remain etched in my mind forever, like it was always there since my birth.
Even though I shouldn't, I think of the day that was forgotten to everyone but me. I can replay the memories in my head like it was just yesterday. I just close my eyes and suddenly I'm back there. I remember the way we laughed, the way she looked into my eyes and I saw nothing but complete and utter devotion, and the way she held onto me when we made love. That was the happiest day in my life, and I have no one to share it with... not even her. I've only cried three times in my existance as a vampire and each time I did it was because of her. That day I cried for everything we could've had... a normal life, a family, marriage. But I threw it all away so I could help her... I can't let her die, not now, not ever. If I had stayed human I would've been the cause of her death, and not even I could've handled that burden. I would rather pick a fate of torture in hell for eternity rather then seeing her die in front of my eyes, and knowing I couldn't help save her.
As I lay in bed I look outside and I know exactly what she's doing right at this very moment. She's risking her life to save the world, and she's doing it because she wants to, not because she has to. That's what I love the most about her. Her courage and dedication. Sometimes I wish I could go back and help her, but I know she can handle it. No matter what they throw at her, she always comes out okay in the end.
So I close my eyes and try thinking of my next case assignment instead of the woman I can never have. But this task is the hardest because I can never not think of her. She's my one and only love, the woman who in every way changed me for the greater good.
She's my Buffy.