This one isn't my favorite. I lost my songfic spree. But I still like it because I really love the CanderousxFem.Revan pairing. I guess this is kinda the same Revan from my other CanderousxFem.Revan songfic, but she's independant enough to be her own girl.
Thanks for reading!
Revan's little foot tapped impatiently and her fingers twisted around curly strand of fiery red hair. She could barely restrain herself from flying out of her seat and to the comm. system installed in her room. She hated waiting. Especially when it was for Canderous. He used to always be on time. Never kept her waiting, but he had been more and more absent minded for the past few weeks. Why, Revan wasn't exactly sure, but it wasn't making her any more patient.
Still, she had to admit, for all his misgivings, Canderous was probably the most amazing man she had ever known. At first, she had thought it was Carth she loved, but a little time spent around her Mandalorian friend had begun to inch her along a path that she had never thought she'd walk.
After all, what girl falls in love with a bloodthirsty barbarian from a near-forgotten clan?
Revan shrugged. The feelings in her heart had never made sense, but if she didn't follow them, she always ended up in worse trouble than before.
It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
A brisk knock sounded on the door, and a tall, broad shouldered man burst into the little apartment. He was clad in the same clothes he always wore, black shirt with a rather dull red vest over it. He carried no rifle, which was quite unusual, but he looked no less formidable without it.
Revan laughed with joy, and at his late entrance. "What took you so long?" She demanded, lifting the duffel bag at her feet. She flung her red hair back and looked him in the eyes sternly. "You know the transport leaves in an hour!"
"I know, I know," Canderous replied, his gruff voice seemingly unruffled. "At least I have the grace to pick you up and take you."
"At least I have the patience to deal with you," Revan huffed.
Canderous had to laugh at that. There was nothing patient about Revan's demeanor. But Canderous didn't mind.
He liked that.
In fact, there were a lot of things about Revan that he liked. A lot of things he had never seen an another girl. It was the drastic things that made her unique.
It was the little things that endeared her to him.
And then that word grew louder and louder
Til it was a battle cry
Canderous tossed Revan's duffel bag into the back of his speeder. "Traveling light?"
"I need to," she replied. "The regulations on Republic spacecraft are outrageous!" She rolled her big green eyes. "You think it's too little?"
"With a wardrobe like yours? Of course it is!" Canderous said sarasctially, shaking his head. Revan laughed. She had fewer clothes than anyone she knew, and she liked it that way. As long as her robes were comfortable, they didn't have to be brand new, or even clean. Today, however, she was arrayed in a crisply clean Baran do Novice robe. It was simple, but the colors were sharper, more striking than the normal Jedi robe. She enjoyed the contrast to what she thought of as the drab, modest robes of the Jedi.
Canderous slid into the seat beside her, placing his hands on the steering wheel. "Don't bump me like last time," he warned. "I haven't got the self-control not to fake a crash just to scare some poor kid."
Revan burst out laughing. Canderous was a terror on the road. When her laughter died down, she wondered how in the world she was going to tell him that she was leaving him... perhaps forever?
Later, she told herself. I'll tell him later...
I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye
Canderous watched the scenery roll by as a sudden silence entered the speeder. Canderous hated silence. It meant Revan was thinking, and her "thinking" hardly ever involved pleasant things. No, her happiness came on the spur of the moment, not after long meditation.
Canderous sighed. Revan had been thinking more and more lately. She had changed so much in the past couple of weeks. After discovering she was Revan, she had a lot more nightmares. Many a time, Canderous had heard tortured screaming from the other end of the Ebon Hawk where she slept, and had rushed to her side. She never wanted to talk about it, not even to him. That was another thing that was changing about her.
She didn't want to talk as much anymore.
Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before
Canderous shook his head. At least he still had Revan. She had not forgotten him. No, instead she had clung to him the past few weeks like a magnet. At the same time, though, she had become more and more distant. Canderous knew she wasn't forgetting the love which had, oddly enough, sparked and burned for a year. Their hours together were just as full as before. Only, quieter.
Much quieter.
All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Revan leaned back in her seat. She had no idea what lay ahead of her once she left known space. She didn't know how to approach this. All she had were some sketchy memories. She didn't know why, but she felt strongly that it would not be a good idea to bring her friends along, but she could not help but wish...
No. She knew what she was doing was right, even if it hurt Canderous. Even if it hurt her.
She was going to follow the call and push forward no matter what.
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
Even though she had not yet departed, Revan was already longing for the day when she would return. Return to the beautiful golden plains of Dantooine. Return to the festive colored lights of Coruscant. Return to the majestic waterfalls of Onderon. She would so miss those beautiful places.
But she would see them again. She tried to convince herself of that. But as much as she tried to tell herself that, the more she became convinced that this was something bigger than the quest for the Star Forge. Bigger even than defeating Malak.
Quite possibly big enough to claim her life.
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye
Canderous couldn't feel what was going through Revan's mind. He was not Force sensitive, nor could he form a bond with her even though they had been together for a year. He wouldn't want to be like that, anyway, but it was okay with him if Revan wanted to be.
Even though he couldn't always sense her feelings, he knew that she was never truly at peace. The turmoil within her had begun when she first found out she was Revan, and had not ceased since. She kept remembering things, strange things, terrible things. She couldn't forget them when they came back. They replayed over and over in her nightmares, and even in her waking hours. She spent long periods of time studying up on Revan, getting as much information on herself as possible. Sometimes she would come upon things like an argument with an old master or a disagreement with one of the Jedi who had been training at the same time as her. If the conflict had not been resolved, and the person was still alive, she would go to them and make it right. Whenever she read about herself causing entire planets misery, she would donate as many credits as she could to those planets to assist in the restoration efforts.
Canderous often wondered if his old, fiesty Revan would ever return.
You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye..
The speeder halted at the gate to the spaceport. Here was where he stopped. Revan would go on alone from here, for all she had to do was pass through security and board her aircraft. She would most likely be one of the first on, as everyone knew who Revan-the-war-hero was.
Canderous jumped out to retrieve her duffel bag for her. She met him at the rear end of the speeder. He handed her her bag, eyes downcast. He didn't want this to be goodbye. She hadn't exactly told him where she was going, so he had no way of knowing how quickly she was going to return.
He finally looked up into her eyes, feeling a bit awkward. "Well.. I guess this is it."
Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
No one around would have guessed that Revan and Canderous loved each other with all of their hearts at that long, silent moment. Canderous' eyes were fixed determinedly on Revan's, but her gaze was wavering. She stood stock-still for a moment, looking small and fearful with her little duffel bag held with both hands in front of her. All of a sudden, it dropped into the dusty road, and she fell forward onto the strong Mandalorian's chest.
And Canderous? All he could do was try not to let his cover drop.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Til they're before your eyes
"I'll miss you," Revan's muffled voice said. "So much. I don't know when I'll be able to talk to you again..."
A butterfly of fear fluttered in between Canderous' strong shoulders. What could she mean? If she was going anywhere inside the inner- or likely even the outer- rim, then she should be able to talk to him through long range communications. Perhaps she just meant in person.
Her next sentence crushed that hope. "Where I'm going, I'm not sure I'll be able to reach you. And I don't know how long I'll be gone."
All at once, Canderous knew there was something funny going on. "Is it danger-"
Revan placed a finger over his lips. "Don't ask. I don't even have any answers."
"But if it's dangerous-"
"No, you may not come with me, love," Revan said. Canderous drew back in surprise. She had never called him "love" before.
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye
"Revan," Canderous said, his voice hard and stern, "I don't know why you insist on fighting all of these battles yourself. Didn't I tell you that I'd be with you until the end?"
Revan's eyes were shiny with unshed tears. "I know what you said, but I've been having dreams, and-"
"And you let the dreams guide you?" Revan looked up quickly, expecting to see Canderous' features rigid with anger, but instead they were wonderfully sympathetic. Revan had never seen his face like that before. His face was the face of a warrior, and even though he loved her, she had never seen his face so full of pure, beautiful sympathy.
"I have to," Revan replied. "What else do I have to rely on?"
"You are such a child," Canderous said, but he didn't try to fight her after that. "If you won't take me with you, I'll be waiting for you when you get back."
"When I get back?"
"You'll come back," Canderous said confidently. "I can guarantee that."
"Can you?" Revan looked deep into his dark eyes.
"You always come back when people need you," Canderous said. "I may not be Force-sensitive, but I know what calls you."
You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye..
Canderous bent down to kiss her one last time, and watched as she slowly gathered herself and headed into the spaceport. He saw her shoulders sag, but he silently willed her to rise again, to keep going. He waited until he saw her transport rise into the sky. He sighed and then slid into his speeder.
And so both left the spaceport that cool, early morning. One knowing she will return to him. The other doubting she will.