LEAHPOV

The battle was won, it was over. We were safe, those Italian bloodsuckers were long gone, no casualties among wolves, no mourning in La Push. Then why did I feel like someone died?
I knew it was because I had died, on the inside. Seeing Sam and Emily, so happy together after they left, seeing Jared and Kim, Quil and Emily, Jacob and the half breed, I realized I was alone. Sure, I had mom and Seth, but Mom and I were distant since Dad... And Seth, so obsessed with the pack and with the now, he deserved to be his own person, and not worry about me like I knew he did.

I was a burden on everyone, this I knew, and it wasn't fair to subject them to my jealousy and bitterness any more. They didn't deserve to deal with me. I didn't deserve to have them. I couldn't stay here and see the pity in people's eyes whenever Sam was brought up in my presence. I couldn't stand the guilt I saw in his eyes whenever he looked at me. I know it wasn't his fault, it wasn't anyones, but I was still bitter, bitter and angry. And it wasn't his fault he didn't love me. It was no ones fault. And who would love me to begin with, I wasn't worth it. I was a bitch to everyone I loved, just to hide my true feelings. I snapped at everyone, trying to hide the pain that ate away at me day after day when I saw Sam.

Shortly after Sam imprinted, that's when my, habit started. I discovered it quite by accident, but once I discovered that physical pain could take precedance over the emotional pain I felt, it became a regular occurance. And once I started phasing, it became even easier, since I healed faster I didn't have to worry about marks. It gave me control, sort of a you hurt me well I can hurt me too mindset. It kept my mind off of the constant feeling of aloneness I felt constantly, I had separated myself from everyone. I began to get brave with my marks, making them bigger and deeper, occasionally one would scar, and I'd pass it off as a battle wound.

One day I started marking with words, describing how I was feeling. Words like lost, alone, and hurt made the most appearances. Once, his name, only once. But that hurt too much to look at and I never did it again. So I continued with my words, literally wearing my heart on my sleeve, well on my legs. I had started on my arm, but always wearing tanktops and cheap shirts to phase in, it got harder to hide. So I always wore pants that covered at least enough of my leg to hide the scars. I had a big scar going up my side, I pretended it was from when that bloodsucker almost got me, but Jacob saved me. I was stupid, my pride a danger to the rest of the pack. I didn't deserve to be around them anymore, I couldn't hurt them like that.

So after assuring my mother I was safe, making sure Seth was safely with the pack and I could hurt myself in peace, I ran out into the forests, not bothering to phase, knowing that no one could know what I was going to do. I rolled up my shorts, exposing the small scars that had yet to fade. Worthless I carved, watching myself bleed and then heal, in a matter of moments. Once the stinging that had become my relief had faded, I began drawing lines on my legs, long and deep, trying to make the feeling last. When the feeling ended I cried, mourning for the loss of control over my own pain. And as I cried, I slashed down my arm, from elbow to wrist, greatfully watching the blood flow freely and feeling the welcomed stinging, but reluctantly noticing the skin healing over where the wound began.

And that's when I heard it, a rustling in the trees, I turned and saw him standing there, wide eyed, with a tortured expression on his face. He was painfully watching me, and it killed me knowing I had caused another perosn I loved pain and hurt. With three long strides he flew over, grabbing the blade out of my hand and throwing it to the forest floor. He grabbed both my wrists and pulled me up to face him. I looked into his eyes, Sam, my Sam... No. He was no longer my Sam. He was Emily's now. And I had to accept that.

"Leah," he whispered, "why are you doing this to yourself, how could you, why?" I just stared at him incredulously. He was crying now. I wanted so badly to tell him not to feel guilty, that it wasn't his fault and that I could forgive him, but I let my heart harden over, and the bitter harpy that had so often become my disguise took over.

"Leave me Sam." I stared up at him with all the hate I could gather, but it couldn't have been much. After everything, I still couldn't bring myself to hate him. So I decided to hit below the belt.

"Leave me Sam, you've done it before without a problem, you can do it again. Go" He just stared at me. I knew that I had hurt him, but I didn't care.

"Leah, I can't stand to see you hurting yourself like this. Please talk to me, I'm sorry." He started to walk towards me.

"If you can hurt me, then I can hurt me too." With that I phased and ran, I ran to the cliffs.I knew he wouldn't be able to catch me. Without a doubt I was the fastest out of everyone. I kept my head clear in case anyone else had phased as I ran. I phased back once I got there. There was a storm forming out in the water, and even with my abilities as a werewolf, I probably wouldn't survive a fall. Excellent, just the way I needed things to be. Funny, I was looking at my own death with such little emotion, I guess I just had none left in me.

I walked over to the edge, feeling the wind in my hair, feeling the freedom swirling around me. The freedom from the pack the freedom from my emotions, just the pure raw freedom I had never been able to grasp. I heard a noise behind me. I turned and saw Sam standing there, walking towards me hands up, as if to show he meant no harm. I wasn't afraid of him hurting me.

"Go away Sam. This isn't for you to see." He stopped, confused and stared at me. I softened my face. Maybe this was fate, for Sam to be the last person I ever saw, ever spoke to, for him to be the only person I got a chance to say goodbye to.

"Leah, you're not thinking, you're not going too..." He was crying. I shouldn't let him. He doesn't deserve to feel hurt, he doesnt deserve me. I didn't deserve him, I wasn't good enough, and that's why he chose Emily. I couln't help that, I understood that now. I had to apologize for everything, to let him know that I understood now. My life was too empty now, I had damaged myself far too much to go on, and I hoped he understood that this wasn't his fault, that I blamed no one.

"Sam, I'm sorry and goodbye." I looked into his eyes for one last time, the last thing I would ever see, and then I flung myself into the sea. I was at peace as I was submerged in the foamy surf. I breathed out and as I began to black out I welcomed my fate, for once knowing that I had finally done something to ease the burden of my packmates.

SAMPOV