A/N: Ok. This idea came to me after reading All The Dementors of Azkaban by LifeWriter, which is much better than this - so you should go read it, too. Ok. Anyway... Again I am not British, I did try my best to keep everything as British as possible. I am sorry if I messed up, but it's not something worth flaming me for. Hope you like it. (P.S. I made up the some of the things. You'll see what I mean when you read it. I hope.)
Heads-up: This is rather a Crack!fic...
Disclaimer: Nope don't own it... Just the plot.
Luna's New Friend, uh, Pet?
Luna was skipping in her yard searching for a Blibbering Humdinger. She was sure she had seen one just a moment ago. After thirty minutes of searching, Luna gave up and headed back to the house. Just as she turned toward the house, Luna heard a raspy, rattling breath. She grabbed her wand from its normal place behind her ear ready to summon a patronus. A familiar cold was surrounding everything around her, but for some reason the cold did not affect her. If this was truly a dementor, it was not affecting her the way it should have been. She wasn't experiencing horrible moments from her past nor was she feeling sad or hopeless. Luna turned and was face to "face" with a dementor. It just hovered there "looking" at her. When it didn't attack her, she decided to say something.
"Hello," Luna said a serious tone.
The dementor did the most peculiar thing; a scabby, rotten hand emerged from his cloak and waved at Luna. Luna was surprised at this gesture, but happy because she just realised she had just found a new pet.
"Would you like to come home with me?"
It glided closer to her, so Luna turned and continued walking. Along the short walk, Luna explained about the rules of the house.
"No kissing anyone. No freezing the Dirigible Plums. No freezing the river that I fish for freshwater plimpies. No harming my friends. I'm sure I will come up with more, but those are all for now. Uh, how can I communicate with you?"
They had reached the house, and the dementor faced her and mimed writing.
"You know how to write. Wait just a moment."
Luna grabbed a piece of parchment, a quill, and an ink bottle and handed it to the dementor. Surprisingly enough dementors could write very well.
Hello, Luna.
"What's your name?" she asked.
I don't have one. Dementors aren't typically given names.
"Would you like one?"
Yes.
"Do you have any preferences?"
No.
"Dakota. It means friend. Kota for short."
That works. I've never had a name before.
"That's sad. Do you need anything else?"
Where am I staying?
"Do you sleep?"
No.
"Then you can stay with me in my room. I'm sure that Daddy won't mind."
Thank you.
Kota was given a space near the window because apparently it liked the view.
"Why did you leave Azkaban?"
It was a lonely job. I didn't like it, so I traveled as far as I could. I wound up here. Most people would have chased me away with a patronus, but you didn't. Thank you.
"You're welcome. Did you happen to see a Blibbering Humdinger before you saw me?"
What's a Blibbering Humdinger?
Luna stared at the dementor. Then she launched into the descriptions and behaviors of Blibbering Humdingers, Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, Nargles, and Wrackspurts. Kota listened intently and seemed to be enjoying itself. Before Xeno got home, Kota was a strong believer in Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Luna jumped when the front door closed rather loudly. She sprinted downstairs and nearly ran into her dad; she would have fallen down if Kota hadn't been right behind her. Xeno looked between the dementor and Luna nearly dropping all of his papers.
"Hi Daddy! This is my pet and friend. Its name is Dakota, or Kota for short, and it is a strong believer in the Crumple-Horned Snorkack. He can write when he needs to communicate. I haven't quite figured out how that's possible since dementors are blind…," She turned toward Kota, "How can you write if you can't see?"
It's a magic that dementors possess. It is very confusing. I don't quite understand either. It's just odd.
"What exactly do you eat?" Xeno asked still a bit shocked.
Well normally we feed of the soul of humans, but Luna told me I'm not allowed to feed of yours, hers, or her friends. Something most people don't know about dementors is that we love eating porridge if we can get them, but they're not available to us at Azkaban.
"Well tonight we are having pudding, Dirigible infusion, and Plimpie stew."
I can try it.
Dinner went quite well. Kota really liked the Dirigible infusion which pleased Xeno. After dinner, Xeno read to Luna and Kota and soon Luna was fast asleep.
"Good night, Kota," Xeno said on his way out.
Good night, Mr. Lovegood.
The next day Luna decided she wanted to visit Diagon Alley, so she asked Kota to come along. Luna took out a red leash and bedazzled collar and handed it to Kota.
"Please put it on. If people see you they are going to attack, but there is less of a chance of you getting attacked if you actually look like a pet."
Kota put it on a bit reluctantly, and then headed with Luna toward the fireplace.
"Bye Daddy!"
"Be safe."
Once Luna had stopped spinning, she grabbed the leash and led Kota out of the bar and into Diagon Alley. People stopped and stared at the pair; it seemed that the people were unaffected by the dementors paralyzing cold and ability to bring up horrible memories. First Luna dragged Kota into Eeylops Owl Emporium to buy owl nuts for her owl. Next Kota was led into Flourish and Blotts where Kota found some books on runes, quidditch, and other magical creatures. Luna found a few books on dementors, but when she couldn't find anything on the care of dementors she was annoyed. After making her purchases, she headed toward Madam Malkin's to buy new dress robes and see if they had anything that would fit a dementor. Madam Malkin's said she would have to make Kota a whole new robe, since its measurements weren't available. Luna said that she would come and pick up a set of everyday robes and dress robes for Kota in about a week.
Madam Malkin handed Luna her new dress robes as she led Kota back outside. People continued staring openly, but Luna didn't seem to notice.
"Would you like to get an ice cream, Kota?"
Sure.
They went to Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour and bought two ice creams.
"What do you think of Diagon Alley?"
It's not bad, but people are staring at us.
"Yeah, they tend to do that."
"Hi Luna," came a slightly nervous voice.
Luna looked up to see Harry, Ron, and Hermione.
"Hello. Harry, Ron, Hermione, meet Dakota my pet dementor. I call him Kota though. He believes in Crumple-Horned Snorkacks, likes porridge, biscuits, and Dirigible infusion, and he doesn't seem to affect people."
"How does, uh, Kota communicate," Hermione asked skeptically.
"He writes," Luna responded.
"Luna, dementors are blind," Hermione said gently.
"Yes. I know. It's a very complex and old magic that dementors possess. Speaking of which, Kota, why don't you affect people around you?"
I am not sure. It might be because of you. We are quite opposite, so you may balance out my effects. Dementor magic is confusing.
"I see," she turned back to Harry, Hermione, and Ron, "Well we have to go home now. I'll see you guys later."
Luna picked up her items and Kota's leash and skipped off towards the entrance to Diagon Alley.
"This day just get's stranger and stranger," Harry commented.
Hermione and Ron nodded their heads in agreement before getting some ice cream. News of Luna's pet dementor spread fast, and many people shook their heads in disbelief. Luna ended up getting at least three more pet dementors, Livius, Lennox, and Bruno. Thanks to the help of her dementors Luna also got a pet Blibbering Humdinger, which was promptly named Bobbins. Luna, Bobbins, and her dementors are currently searching for a Crumple-Horned Snorkack.
A/N: Well what did you think? Let me know. Reviews and Critique are always appreciated. :) Updates and such made thanks to reviews. Catching mistakes I missed. (But just one thing: I am human...) I also do know that this isn't my best work, and you can tell me so if you really want to. It was an idea I had to write, or it was going to drive insane (although I might already be insane...). I may even re-write later on and replace it or something, or I might not.
As for the dementor and his "explanations", I kept it very vague mostly because a) I have no idea how a dementor would act, let alone some weird dementor that befriends Luna and b) It is Luna we are talking about here. She doesn't need a lot of explanations. She is quite happy with her dementors and Blibbering Humdinger. :) Thank you.