Chapter One

A/N: Heyy J As you may have guessed from my name, I love Junjou Romantica, in particular, the pairing Usagi/Misaki. I have magicked up a beautiful world of bears, innocent ukes, perverted yaoi fangirls, kitchen-sex, and sexual harrassment!

Rated for later chapters. Lemon coming up, I promise yas.

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A young man and woman sat talking in a café, somewhere in the centre of Tokyo. Now, of course, this is not an unusual occurrence – indeed, many young couples like sitting in cafés together, and eating cake until they burst, but what was unusual about these particular people was the conversation.

"So," the redhead concluded enthusiastically, slamming her mug down on the table, "As Usami-sensei is refusing to meet his deadlines, he needs some encouragement!"

The boy looked at her blankly, blinking a little. "You mean like praise, or day outings, or…"

"I mean like sex! Exciting kinky sex!"

The whole café fell silent, the only sound the gentle swing of the door. Aikawa continued her rant, completely unabashed. Misaki on the other hand, sunk into the back of his chair, praying that the floor would swallow him up. Preferably with Aikawa, so these people could continue their drink in peace.

"So… anyway… how do you plan to… you know…" Misaki twiddled with his fingers nervously, dreading the answer that was inevitably coming. "Are you thinking of…hiring…someone… or something?"

Aikawa raised an eyebrow in exasperation. "Are you stupid, or something, Misaki? I want you to do it."

And so, the entire café community was disturbed once more by one particularly violent outburst.

"I am not GAY!"

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Usagi hummed as he shaved his face for the party that evening, his mind on other things. "Other things" being what he would do to his dear little Misaki AFTER the party that evening. He grinned slightly. Oh yes, he hated mingling, but coming home to Misaki more than made up for it. Admittedly, Misaki usually didn't want to make up for it, but the Great Lord Usami persuaded himself that Misaki secretly liked it.

Of course, in order to get home to his beloved, the would have to traipse around some hall all evening, sipping wine without being allowed to get intoxicated, and listening to some ancient old fart rambling on about their books on all the different types of rock, which have undoubtedly never been read, and probably didn't contain any sex scenes at all.

Not to mention he would be forced to wear The Suit.

The Suit was a strange contraption, which Usagi did not like, understand, or see the point of, other than the fact that it made one look like a penguin, and was therefore useful for humiliating poor, unfortunate Lords like himself. It was currently hanging out on the windowsill – a plot of which Usagi was very proud. The idea was, that if there was a gust of wind, or a cat or something, the suit would fall off, and land in the muddy, trampled mess that was the garden, getting torn by weeds, dirtied, and (oh no!) making it impossible for him to attend the party.

"Usagi-san!"

Ah, yes. The Great Lord smiled evilly. His little puppy.

Misaki, the Unwitting Victim of this monstrous villain, wandered into the bathroom carrying what appeared to be a dead penguin. Wait… oh no...penguins… penguins…

"Usagi-san, your old suit was looking a bit tatty, so I got you a new one."

The Lord blanched. No! His plan had been foiled! And by a D-Grade idiot, no less! "Damn you, God…" he muttered under his breath.

Misaki gave him a puzzled look. "What?"

"Nothing!..Thank you Misaki. You're so sweet I could just...eat you up." The Lord smirked suggestively. The Unwitting Victim paled, abandoning the suit without hesitation and dashing out of the room suddenly.

Well, that got rid of him for the moment. But what was he going to do with this damned spare Suit? If he didn't get rid of it somehow, then he wouldn't be able to spend the entire day in bed with his adorable little Misaki... Usagi glared at The Suit. The Suit glared at Usagi.

This was war.

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Misaki stood panting in the corner of the kitchen, tired from the Great Escape. Not the Great Escape as in trying to break out of prison... oh no, far, far worse. The Great Escape from Usagi's evil perverted clutches.

Being this tired, it would be normal for the average person to collapse on the nearest bed, sofa or chair. But as it was, Usagi would use any of those to his advantange... even the kitchen worktop was not safe, as Misaki had found out long ago. Even now he still found himself wiping off mayonnaise from where mayonnaise should never be.

He was not a sandwich, goddamnnit!

But for now, he seemed safe. And free of any sort of condiment, including the dreaded mayonnaise, tartare sauce, tomato ketchup, mustard (that one had hurt), chocolate sauce, jam, cream, and, yes, orange juice. Misaki shuddered in remembrance of the horrors of kitchen sex. Was no room in this house safe?

Oh! Actually the closet... no, wait... it had been done. Something about Usagi wanting to be ironic. And Suzuki-san had seen it all. Poor bear. Misaki patted its head absent-mindedly. Suzuki must be mentally scarred by now.

He never heard "Bear-Cam" bleep.