Please note that all the characters in this fic (well besides the one I added. I'll leave that a surprise) Belong to Squaresoft and yada, yada, yada. This fic was made possible by my friend Alex, and my own twisted imagination. Hope you like it. Please R&R
Jenova # MXIV
Once again, at Cloud's villa, the group was relaxing. It was the same thing they did every morning. Cloud was taking a long bubble bath, Sephiroth was blow-drying his hair, Red was reading the Costa Posta, and Squall was watching Looney Toons. All was quiet, and the group was happy.
Suddenly, Cloud ran out of the bathroom, screaming. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him.
"Holy crap! There's someone in the tub! Some...THING!"
Red cleared his throat.
"Uhm...Cloud."
He pointed at a shaking paw at him and looked away, while covering his eyes with the other paw. It seemed Cloud had forgotten to grab a towel before he jumped out of the tub. Embarrassed, and extremely cold, he pulled the tablecloth off of the kitchen table and wrapped himself up in it.
"Excuse me..."
He stormed off toward his room. Squall just shrugged, "Eh...," And went back to watching his cartoons. Red thought for a moment.
"Something in the tub? ...How peculiar."
The group finally got the chance to explore the bathroom, after Cloud had gotten himself clothed, which took about an hour. Of course by then whatever was in there was sure to be gone. Red trotted up to the tub and reluctantly stuck a paw into the cold, misty colored water.
"Seems to have gone."
Sephiroth just looked at Cloud angrily. With half of his hair blow-dried, he wasn't a pretty sight.
"You interrupted my blow-drying time...for THIS? Damnit Cloud! If you have one more hallucination I swear I'll..."
He jumped for Cloud, but Squall held him back.
"Cool out man. Chill!"
Later that day, the crew decided to go out to eat. They all traveled to Kalm, to go to that new bar the town had put up. Apparently it had some exotic dancers but Cloud claimed he had no idea they were there, and swore that part wasn't advertised. (Yeah ...right.) They all ordered their food and were waiting for their orders, while a cloaked figure was watching them from the distance. (Well, watching Cloud) It stayed hidden in the shadows, for it knew Sephiroth was there, and its mission was to kill him. It stared at Cloud. He was the most beautiful thing it had ever seen. How was it going to kill Sephiroth with the blonde one always around? It'd have to find a way.
Cloud had finished his meal, and his stomach was in pain. He held it tightly.
"Would you guys excuse me for a moment?"
Making his way to the bathroom, he noticed a shadow watching him, but as he looked back it disappeared. He shrugged it off and entered. He had been in the stall for a while, when he noticed a shadow walking by. He was finished so he peeked out of the stall, eyeing the cloaked figure. It appeared to be a man in his early twenties.
"Hello blonde one."
Cloud fidgeted, and said nothing.
"I said 'good day'," He continued.
Cloud watched his lovesick eyes and began to become sick himself.
"I need to be going"
He ran for the door, but tripped on his way to it. He tried to rise, but kept slipping, slamming his face into the linoleum floor each time. The man walked to him and held out a hand, but Cloud did not take it, just stared at him. Finally, he managed to get himself up and he left the room quickly, practically speed walking back to his table.
"Guys, there's a really weird man in the bathroom. I think he's a clone. I saw his tattoo. It was number MXIV"
Sephiroth blinked.
"1,014? ...I thought they stopped making new clones."
Red nodded.
"So did I. Maybe he was the last one before they stopped."
"Maybe," Sephiroth raised a brow, watching a figure leave the bathroom and suddenly disappear. "Was that him?"
Cloud turned his head back toward the bathroom but didn't see anything.
"Sorry, I didn't see."
Squall folded his arms on the table.
"This is a load of shit. I think Cloud's just making this up to get attention."
Cloud growled.
"Why would I do something like that?"
"Because you're a stupid blonde priss and you want to make Sephiroth jealous, so he'll give you some tonight."
Seph and Cloud both looked at Squall in confusion then replied in unison.
"Excuse me?..."
"Aren't you two gay lovers or something?"
They just looked at each other and made the most repulsive faces ever.
"Oh my God! No!"
"Well, it seems like it."
Red buried his muzzle in his paws.
"Oh brother, it's going to be a long trip home."
During the airship ride back to Costa, Cloud was playing Mario Kart on his new game boy advance. Sephiroth was whining because he hadn't gotten a turn yet, and was creating quite a bit of noise.
"But you lost five times already!!!"
"Look, I told you! Not until I win."
"Give me it! It's my turn!"
"No way! I bought it with my own hard-earned money. Go buy your own. Asswipe!"
"That's it! Give it to me!"
He jumped at Cloud, snatching it from him. Then Cloud leaped onto his back while Sephiroth was running around in circles laughing maniacally. Squall just folded his arms and ignored them, while looking out the window.
"Give it back you syphilis infested cum bubble!"
"No! It's my turn you vaginal blood clot!"
"Must you use such vulgar language?" asked Red, lying on the deck.
"He started it!" Sephiroth protested.
"Why do you have to act like such a child?" Cloud yoinked the system away from him and ran.
"Faggot!" Sephiroth ran after him of course.
Red had just laid there, depressed.
"Now I know why I wanted to stay home."
"Don't worry Fuzzball. I'm sure they're just jumpy from all the sugar they had."
"I'd appreciate you not addressing me in that manner, Squall."
"Sorry...Won't happen again. I promise."
They had gotten home, and not a moment too soon, for it seemed that Red was about to pass out from aggravation. It was late, and they all went to their rooms to get ready to go to sleep. Cloud was undressing when he felt a presence in the room.
"Hello?"
No answer. He shrugged and continued. Then a voice could be heard from behind him.
"Hello Blonde One."
Cloud jumped, turning around. He was in his boxers and mighty frightened. Grabbing a chair from the corner of his room, he whacked the clone over the head with it, and darted out of there as fast as he could. He ran to Sephiroth's room and banged on the door frantically until he finally let him in.
"What's the matter? What's wrong?"
Seph was in his boxers as well so they just stared at each other for a few moments, then decided it was okay. Cloud shook his head, getting back on track.
"That Clone! It's in my room!"
"You're sure?" Seph said with a stern look. It was obvious he didn't believe a word he said.
"YES!"
"Alright let's check it out."
Seph grabbed a baseball bat and left for Cloud's room, Cloud of course following right behind him. He opened the door slowly, and called out.
"Hello?"
Nothing. They looked around a bit, and still they found nothing.
"Hello? ...No evil clones of me trying to molest Cloud while he's getting undressed?"
He gave Cloud an angry look, and Cloud just shook his head, and shrugged.
"He was there! I swear it!"
Suddenly, the bat came swooshing down on top of Cloud's head and he was out cold. Sephiroth growled and mumbled.
"Moron. Goodnight! Don't let the evil clones bite!"
And then he was gone.
It was 9:00 AM when Cloud finally woke the next morning. He opened his eyes to see that the terrible clone had been watching him from across his bedroom. Cloud screamed as loud as he could and hid under his covers. A few moments later, Sephiroth came to his rescue, and swiftly opened the door, masamune in hand.
"Dude, you scream like a girl. What's wro....?"
Those mako-green eyes shifted to the figure sitting in the opposite corner of the room. Seph's eyes narrowed.
"So... it's you who has been scaring the crap out of my little friend here, hmm?"
The clone lifted his head and his ice blue eyes glistened. It was obvious he had come to kill Sephiroth.
"So we meet again Sephiroth, once you were my brethren, but now it seems we are enemies."
The anger that was once inside of Seph quickly became sadness, as he remembered the clone's face. Yes, he was his right hand man when Sephiroth was on his mission to become one with the planet.
"Xavier... I thought you had died."
"Oh it was quite the contrary master," He said in a mocking tone, "After I was hanging from that cliff in the northern crater, and you refused to help me up, I fell to what I thought was my doom. But sure enough, I awoke moments later in a dark abyss of mako. That was where Professor Hojo found me, and made me what I am today. Now I owe you my gratitude Sephiroth, and I will get my revenge as well."
Xavier lifter his sleeve, revealing a silver claw like object, it seemed he'd lost his right arm in the fall and Hojo must have replaced it with this weapon. Sephiroth sighed and shook his head.
"Oh, how you've changed comrade. Such anger you hold inside of you. I did not save you because the others would have died as well trying to help you. And also because, ...Jenova was in control of my mind then, and I was told to leave you behind."
"Lies!"
Xavier glanced over at Cloud, who was frightened but curious, and he decided it wasn't the best of ideas to fight Sephiroth in front of him.
"Now is not the time for combat, but do not think you have won Sephiroth!"
And with that, he was gone. Sephiroth turned to Cloud and sheathed the masamune.
"You okay buddy?"
Cloud nodded, still clutching his covers.
When Cloud had pulled himself together, he joined the group at the breakfast table, where Red announced that Cloud had gotten a letter yesterday. Red must've forgotten to give it to him. That spiky-head snatched it quickly from the center of the table and looked at the return address.
"Jerry Springer?!?!" What?!"
He opened it slowly, now afraid of what it's contents were. He read the letter out loud to the rest of the table.
"Dear Mr. Strife,
We are pleased to inform you that you are a potential guest on our show. Someone has a secret crush on you, and in order for you to find out who it is, you must attend our show as a walk on guest. We are planning to give you some cash to fly you down to our studio, and hope that you will take us up on our offer.
Sincerely,
The president of the Jerry Springer Show"
"Someone has a secret crush on me?!" He squeaked, in a rather annoying tone. "I wonder who it is!" He beamed.
The rest of the group just looked at him oddly, Sephiroth especially.
"You're not seriously thinking about going on that show are you? Only wackos go on that show."
"Oh common Seph. It'll be fun. Hey it says I can bring a guest. Wanna' come?"
"I'd rather eat shit. Thanks anyway though."
"PLEASE Seph! Who's going to protect me if that guy shows up again!?"
Red and Squall just left the table after that comment, not wanting to have anything to do with Cloud at this point. Sephiroth watched them leave angrily and was fuming.
"Alright fine. I'll go. But I refuse to be seen in public. I'll have to go in disguise."
The day of the show, Cloud was sitting in the guest's chair and was fidgeting rather badly, as he stared at the camera and a giant sweat drop rolled down his cheek.
"I forgot it was going to be taped"
A strange looking man with sunglasses on was controlling the camera.
"Show time in 5...4...3...2...1"
Cloud almost had a panic attack but then Jerry started talking and it sort of calmed him down.
"Hi there, and welcome back to 'Battle of the secret lovers'. Our next guest is Cloud Strife, who's here to find out who his secret admirer is. Hi Cloud."
Cloud fidgeted some more.
"Uhm....h...hi Jerry."
Sephiroth just shook his head as he watched the slaughter of Cloud from backstage.
"Oh boy...what a wussy."
"Now Cloud," Jerry continued, "Do you know of anyone who might have a secret crush on you."
"Well I...um...That is to say I...no ...no I don't."
Sephiroth slapped his forehead.
"Well...shall we bring him out then?"
"HIM?!" Cloud almost lost his lunch right about then, and he squirmed in his chair. "Please don't tell me it's who I think it is."
"Well let's bring him out! Please welcome...That guy who stalks you!"
Cloud yelped as he watched Xavier enter the room, and he ran for the door but Steve was keeping him back
"PLEASE! That guy's mad! Sephiroth HEEEEELLLLLPPP!"
"I do not wish to hurt you Cloud," Xavier said with a smirk.
Just then, Sephiroth rushed in, masamune in hand.
"Touch my friend...and I chop your other arm off."
Jerry was getting a bit scared now.
"Who's the silver-haired freak with the sword? Get him the heck out of here."
Sephiroth put his blade to Xavier's neck.
"I will slice your throat right now and watch the blood spew from your arteries, so help me God."
"S...Sephiroth, dear friend," Xavier lied in his fake friendly tone, "You wouldn't want to kill me now, would you?"
"Hmm ...no...Death would be too good for you."
He lowered the masamune but still kept a firm grip on Xavier, as he dragged him out of the studio and they all made their way home.
Days later, Xavier was standing in a local McDonalds, chained to the service desk and wearing a prissy pink prom dress. He growled and said in a monotone voice,
"Hi....welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order .....please?"
Sephiroth and Cloud laughed hysterically at him, watching from outside the window. Seph smirked as they made their way home once again.
"Ya know what Cloud?"
Cloud blinked and looked at him.
"What?"
"I never knew your sense of humor was that sick. I guess you're not that bad of a guy."
He slapped Cloud's back roughly, and Cloud smirked slightly, talking back in a low kind of voice.
"Yeah. You're not that bad either."
And then they went home and ate some oreo cookies.
The End
Jenova # MXIV
Once again, at Cloud's villa, the group was relaxing. It was the same thing they did every morning. Cloud was taking a long bubble bath, Sephiroth was blow-drying his hair, Red was reading the Costa Posta, and Squall was watching Looney Toons. All was quiet, and the group was happy.
Suddenly, Cloud ran out of the bathroom, screaming. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at him.
"Holy crap! There's someone in the tub! Some...THING!"
Red cleared his throat.
"Uhm...Cloud."
He pointed at a shaking paw at him and looked away, while covering his eyes with the other paw. It seemed Cloud had forgotten to grab a towel before he jumped out of the tub. Embarrassed, and extremely cold, he pulled the tablecloth off of the kitchen table and wrapped himself up in it.
"Excuse me..."
He stormed off toward his room. Squall just shrugged, "Eh...," And went back to watching his cartoons. Red thought for a moment.
"Something in the tub? ...How peculiar."
The group finally got the chance to explore the bathroom, after Cloud had gotten himself clothed, which took about an hour. Of course by then whatever was in there was sure to be gone. Red trotted up to the tub and reluctantly stuck a paw into the cold, misty colored water.
"Seems to have gone."
Sephiroth just looked at Cloud angrily. With half of his hair blow-dried, he wasn't a pretty sight.
"You interrupted my blow-drying time...for THIS? Damnit Cloud! If you have one more hallucination I swear I'll..."
He jumped for Cloud, but Squall held him back.
"Cool out man. Chill!"
Later that day, the crew decided to go out to eat. They all traveled to Kalm, to go to that new bar the town had put up. Apparently it had some exotic dancers but Cloud claimed he had no idea they were there, and swore that part wasn't advertised. (Yeah ...right.) They all ordered their food and were waiting for their orders, while a cloaked figure was watching them from the distance. (Well, watching Cloud) It stayed hidden in the shadows, for it knew Sephiroth was there, and its mission was to kill him. It stared at Cloud. He was the most beautiful thing it had ever seen. How was it going to kill Sephiroth with the blonde one always around? It'd have to find a way.
Cloud had finished his meal, and his stomach was in pain. He held it tightly.
"Would you guys excuse me for a moment?"
Making his way to the bathroom, he noticed a shadow watching him, but as he looked back it disappeared. He shrugged it off and entered. He had been in the stall for a while, when he noticed a shadow walking by. He was finished so he peeked out of the stall, eyeing the cloaked figure. It appeared to be a man in his early twenties.
"Hello blonde one."
Cloud fidgeted, and said nothing.
"I said 'good day'," He continued.
Cloud watched his lovesick eyes and began to become sick himself.
"I need to be going"
He ran for the door, but tripped on his way to it. He tried to rise, but kept slipping, slamming his face into the linoleum floor each time. The man walked to him and held out a hand, but Cloud did not take it, just stared at him. Finally, he managed to get himself up and he left the room quickly, practically speed walking back to his table.
"Guys, there's a really weird man in the bathroom. I think he's a clone. I saw his tattoo. It was number MXIV"
Sephiroth blinked.
"1,014? ...I thought they stopped making new clones."
Red nodded.
"So did I. Maybe he was the last one before they stopped."
"Maybe," Sephiroth raised a brow, watching a figure leave the bathroom and suddenly disappear. "Was that him?"
Cloud turned his head back toward the bathroom but didn't see anything.
"Sorry, I didn't see."
Squall folded his arms on the table.
"This is a load of shit. I think Cloud's just making this up to get attention."
Cloud growled.
"Why would I do something like that?"
"Because you're a stupid blonde priss and you want to make Sephiroth jealous, so he'll give you some tonight."
Seph and Cloud both looked at Squall in confusion then replied in unison.
"Excuse me?..."
"Aren't you two gay lovers or something?"
They just looked at each other and made the most repulsive faces ever.
"Oh my God! No!"
"Well, it seems like it."
Red buried his muzzle in his paws.
"Oh brother, it's going to be a long trip home."
During the airship ride back to Costa, Cloud was playing Mario Kart on his new game boy advance. Sephiroth was whining because he hadn't gotten a turn yet, and was creating quite a bit of noise.
"But you lost five times already!!!"
"Look, I told you! Not until I win."
"Give me it! It's my turn!"
"No way! I bought it with my own hard-earned money. Go buy your own. Asswipe!"
"That's it! Give it to me!"
He jumped at Cloud, snatching it from him. Then Cloud leaped onto his back while Sephiroth was running around in circles laughing maniacally. Squall just folded his arms and ignored them, while looking out the window.
"Give it back you syphilis infested cum bubble!"
"No! It's my turn you vaginal blood clot!"
"Must you use such vulgar language?" asked Red, lying on the deck.
"He started it!" Sephiroth protested.
"Why do you have to act like such a child?" Cloud yoinked the system away from him and ran.
"Faggot!" Sephiroth ran after him of course.
Red had just laid there, depressed.
"Now I know why I wanted to stay home."
"Don't worry Fuzzball. I'm sure they're just jumpy from all the sugar they had."
"I'd appreciate you not addressing me in that manner, Squall."
"Sorry...Won't happen again. I promise."
They had gotten home, and not a moment too soon, for it seemed that Red was about to pass out from aggravation. It was late, and they all went to their rooms to get ready to go to sleep. Cloud was undressing when he felt a presence in the room.
"Hello?"
No answer. He shrugged and continued. Then a voice could be heard from behind him.
"Hello Blonde One."
Cloud jumped, turning around. He was in his boxers and mighty frightened. Grabbing a chair from the corner of his room, he whacked the clone over the head with it, and darted out of there as fast as he could. He ran to Sephiroth's room and banged on the door frantically until he finally let him in.
"What's the matter? What's wrong?"
Seph was in his boxers as well so they just stared at each other for a few moments, then decided it was okay. Cloud shook his head, getting back on track.
"That Clone! It's in my room!"
"You're sure?" Seph said with a stern look. It was obvious he didn't believe a word he said.
"YES!"
"Alright let's check it out."
Seph grabbed a baseball bat and left for Cloud's room, Cloud of course following right behind him. He opened the door slowly, and called out.
"Hello?"
Nothing. They looked around a bit, and still they found nothing.
"Hello? ...No evil clones of me trying to molest Cloud while he's getting undressed?"
He gave Cloud an angry look, and Cloud just shook his head, and shrugged.
"He was there! I swear it!"
Suddenly, the bat came swooshing down on top of Cloud's head and he was out cold. Sephiroth growled and mumbled.
"Moron. Goodnight! Don't let the evil clones bite!"
And then he was gone.
It was 9:00 AM when Cloud finally woke the next morning. He opened his eyes to see that the terrible clone had been watching him from across his bedroom. Cloud screamed as loud as he could and hid under his covers. A few moments later, Sephiroth came to his rescue, and swiftly opened the door, masamune in hand.
"Dude, you scream like a girl. What's wro....?"
Those mako-green eyes shifted to the figure sitting in the opposite corner of the room. Seph's eyes narrowed.
"So... it's you who has been scaring the crap out of my little friend here, hmm?"
The clone lifted his head and his ice blue eyes glistened. It was obvious he had come to kill Sephiroth.
"So we meet again Sephiroth, once you were my brethren, but now it seems we are enemies."
The anger that was once inside of Seph quickly became sadness, as he remembered the clone's face. Yes, he was his right hand man when Sephiroth was on his mission to become one with the planet.
"Xavier... I thought you had died."
"Oh it was quite the contrary master," He said in a mocking tone, "After I was hanging from that cliff in the northern crater, and you refused to help me up, I fell to what I thought was my doom. But sure enough, I awoke moments later in a dark abyss of mako. That was where Professor Hojo found me, and made me what I am today. Now I owe you my gratitude Sephiroth, and I will get my revenge as well."
Xavier lifter his sleeve, revealing a silver claw like object, it seemed he'd lost his right arm in the fall and Hojo must have replaced it with this weapon. Sephiroth sighed and shook his head.
"Oh, how you've changed comrade. Such anger you hold inside of you. I did not save you because the others would have died as well trying to help you. And also because, ...Jenova was in control of my mind then, and I was told to leave you behind."
"Lies!"
Xavier glanced over at Cloud, who was frightened but curious, and he decided it wasn't the best of ideas to fight Sephiroth in front of him.
"Now is not the time for combat, but do not think you have won Sephiroth!"
And with that, he was gone. Sephiroth turned to Cloud and sheathed the masamune.
"You okay buddy?"
Cloud nodded, still clutching his covers.
When Cloud had pulled himself together, he joined the group at the breakfast table, where Red announced that Cloud had gotten a letter yesterday. Red must've forgotten to give it to him. That spiky-head snatched it quickly from the center of the table and looked at the return address.
"Jerry Springer?!?!" What?!"
He opened it slowly, now afraid of what it's contents were. He read the letter out loud to the rest of the table.
"Dear Mr. Strife,
We are pleased to inform you that you are a potential guest on our show. Someone has a secret crush on you, and in order for you to find out who it is, you must attend our show as a walk on guest. We are planning to give you some cash to fly you down to our studio, and hope that you will take us up on our offer.
Sincerely,
The president of the Jerry Springer Show"
"Someone has a secret crush on me?!" He squeaked, in a rather annoying tone. "I wonder who it is!" He beamed.
The rest of the group just looked at him oddly, Sephiroth especially.
"You're not seriously thinking about going on that show are you? Only wackos go on that show."
"Oh common Seph. It'll be fun. Hey it says I can bring a guest. Wanna' come?"
"I'd rather eat shit. Thanks anyway though."
"PLEASE Seph! Who's going to protect me if that guy shows up again!?"
Red and Squall just left the table after that comment, not wanting to have anything to do with Cloud at this point. Sephiroth watched them leave angrily and was fuming.
"Alright fine. I'll go. But I refuse to be seen in public. I'll have to go in disguise."
The day of the show, Cloud was sitting in the guest's chair and was fidgeting rather badly, as he stared at the camera and a giant sweat drop rolled down his cheek.
"I forgot it was going to be taped"
A strange looking man with sunglasses on was controlling the camera.
"Show time in 5...4...3...2...1"
Cloud almost had a panic attack but then Jerry started talking and it sort of calmed him down.
"Hi there, and welcome back to 'Battle of the secret lovers'. Our next guest is Cloud Strife, who's here to find out who his secret admirer is. Hi Cloud."
Cloud fidgeted some more.
"Uhm....h...hi Jerry."
Sephiroth just shook his head as he watched the slaughter of Cloud from backstage.
"Oh boy...what a wussy."
"Now Cloud," Jerry continued, "Do you know of anyone who might have a secret crush on you."
"Well I...um...That is to say I...no ...no I don't."
Sephiroth slapped his forehead.
"Well...shall we bring him out then?"
"HIM?!" Cloud almost lost his lunch right about then, and he squirmed in his chair. "Please don't tell me it's who I think it is."
"Well let's bring him out! Please welcome...That guy who stalks you!"
Cloud yelped as he watched Xavier enter the room, and he ran for the door but Steve was keeping him back
"PLEASE! That guy's mad! Sephiroth HEEEEELLLLLPPP!"
"I do not wish to hurt you Cloud," Xavier said with a smirk.
Just then, Sephiroth rushed in, masamune in hand.
"Touch my friend...and I chop your other arm off."
Jerry was getting a bit scared now.
"Who's the silver-haired freak with the sword? Get him the heck out of here."
Sephiroth put his blade to Xavier's neck.
"I will slice your throat right now and watch the blood spew from your arteries, so help me God."
"S...Sephiroth, dear friend," Xavier lied in his fake friendly tone, "You wouldn't want to kill me now, would you?"
"Hmm ...no...Death would be too good for you."
He lowered the masamune but still kept a firm grip on Xavier, as he dragged him out of the studio and they all made their way home.
Days later, Xavier was standing in a local McDonalds, chained to the service desk and wearing a prissy pink prom dress. He growled and said in a monotone voice,
"Hi....welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order .....please?"
Sephiroth and Cloud laughed hysterically at him, watching from outside the window. Seph smirked as they made their way home once again.
"Ya know what Cloud?"
Cloud blinked and looked at him.
"What?"
"I never knew your sense of humor was that sick. I guess you're not that bad of a guy."
He slapped Cloud's back roughly, and Cloud smirked slightly, talking back in a low kind of voice.
"Yeah. You're not that bad either."
And then they went home and ate some oreo cookies.
The End