What Time is it?
Disclaimer: As a HUGE fan of everything Star Wars, I want to say that this fic was not meant in anyway to diss George Lucas's wonderful work. I was just overly weird in a very stupid way one day and decided to see what I could come up with. With that out of the way, I'd like/I have to say the following: This story is a work of fiction written in appreciation of Star Wars; to promote the Star Wars franchise and to keep it alive. All characters and settings original to the Star Wars movies and/or novelizations are copyright to Lucasfilm, Ltd. The rest is copyright to the story's author. No profit was gained from this story. (P.S. Don't ask why everyone is using a phone. I'm a wacko, OK?)
16-year-old Princess Leia Organa is washing the sponges one afternoon.
Leia's Phone: BRIIIIIIIIING!!! BRIIIIIIIIIING!!! ANSWER ME ALL READY!!!
Leia: (picks up the phone) Hello?
Han Solo (on the other end of the line): Hey, Leia, what are you doing?
Leia: Washing the sponges.
Han: Washing the sponges?
Leia: I'm bored, what do you want?
Han: The Chief of State of the New Republic is bored?
Leia: Chief of State? New Republic? What now?
Han: (laughs) good one, hun. Anyway...
Leia: Who do you think you are, calling me "hun"?
Han: C'mon Leia, this game is getting old. You know who this is.
Leia: No I don't.
Han: It's me Han!!!
Leia: You're a hand?
Han: No, HAN! Y'know, we fought in all those battles...saved the galaxy...got married...had 3 kids...they're all at the Academy.
Leia: I think you've got the wrong girl. I'm only 16, I'm not married, I don't have any kids....
Han: Whoa there...if you're not my Leia, who are you?
Leia: I am Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.
Han: Please tell me you're kidding me.
Leia: I'm not kidding.
Han: You're 16, you're last name's not Solo, and Alderaan's still a planet?
Leia: uh...yeah!
Han: What the rosy red roses is going on? Lemme 3-way Luke. He'll know what to do.
Leia: Who the pickles is Luke?
Han: Never mind.
Luke: (with an elderly tone) Hello?
Han: Luke! Hey buddy what's wrong with your voice? Are you sick or something?
Luke: Buddy? Who are you, sonny? One of my old pupils? If so you know you should refer to me as Master.
Han: No, Luke! It's me, Han!
Luke: Nonsense! Han's been dead for nearly two years!
Han: (voice faltering) what?
Leia: Oh, now I get it. You're pranksters, aren't you? Come to play a joke on the Princess? Well, the joke ends here. (hangs up)
Han: This is not going well.
Luke: Who was that?
Han: Your sister...apparently at age 16.
Luke: But Leia's turning 76 today!
Han: Okay...well, I called to wish her a Happy Birthday (though I could've sworn she was turning 40), and she said she was 16 and didn't know who I was, and then I called you and you said I was dead...
Luke: Ah-hah! I have you figured out. Good one, Jacen.
Han: No, Jacen's on Coruscant.
Luke: Anakin?
Han: No...Han.
Luke: Han's dead!
Han: (more to himself then to Luke) There's gotta be someone in the same time zone as me....let's try Lando.
Lando's Mom: Hello?
Han: Umm...may I speak to Lando please?
Lando's Mom: umm...sure? (mutters to herself) stupid telemarketers...I'll show them....
Lando: hewo?
Han: Lando? It's Han...
Lando: Goo-goo gaa-gaa.
Han: Please tell me you're Lando, Jr.
Lando: YAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Han: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
And so our confused hero Han Solo gives up in his attempt to wish his wife a Happy Birthday, deciding instead to send a card that smells like pineapples. Then he decides to go eat a pineapple, but he forgets that you can't eat the shelly-thing and he has to go to go the hospital so that he doesn't turn into a giant staple gun that wants to take over the world.
THE END
Disclaimer: As a HUGE fan of everything Star Wars, I want to say that this fic was not meant in anyway to diss George Lucas's wonderful work. I was just overly weird in a very stupid way one day and decided to see what I could come up with. With that out of the way, I'd like/I have to say the following: This story is a work of fiction written in appreciation of Star Wars; to promote the Star Wars franchise and to keep it alive. All characters and settings original to the Star Wars movies and/or novelizations are copyright to Lucasfilm, Ltd. The rest is copyright to the story's author. No profit was gained from this story. (P.S. Don't ask why everyone is using a phone. I'm a wacko, OK?)
16-year-old Princess Leia Organa is washing the sponges one afternoon.
Leia's Phone: BRIIIIIIIIING!!! BRIIIIIIIIIING!!! ANSWER ME ALL READY!!!
Leia: (picks up the phone) Hello?
Han Solo (on the other end of the line): Hey, Leia, what are you doing?
Leia: Washing the sponges.
Han: Washing the sponges?
Leia: I'm bored, what do you want?
Han: The Chief of State of the New Republic is bored?
Leia: Chief of State? New Republic? What now?
Han: (laughs) good one, hun. Anyway...
Leia: Who do you think you are, calling me "hun"?
Han: C'mon Leia, this game is getting old. You know who this is.
Leia: No I don't.
Han: It's me Han!!!
Leia: You're a hand?
Han: No, HAN! Y'know, we fought in all those battles...saved the galaxy...got married...had 3 kids...they're all at the Academy.
Leia: I think you've got the wrong girl. I'm only 16, I'm not married, I don't have any kids....
Han: Whoa there...if you're not my Leia, who are you?
Leia: I am Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.
Han: Please tell me you're kidding me.
Leia: I'm not kidding.
Han: You're 16, you're last name's not Solo, and Alderaan's still a planet?
Leia: uh...yeah!
Han: What the rosy red roses is going on? Lemme 3-way Luke. He'll know what to do.
Leia: Who the pickles is Luke?
Han: Never mind.
Luke: (with an elderly tone) Hello?
Han: Luke! Hey buddy what's wrong with your voice? Are you sick or something?
Luke: Buddy? Who are you, sonny? One of my old pupils? If so you know you should refer to me as Master.
Han: No, Luke! It's me, Han!
Luke: Nonsense! Han's been dead for nearly two years!
Han: (voice faltering) what?
Leia: Oh, now I get it. You're pranksters, aren't you? Come to play a joke on the Princess? Well, the joke ends here. (hangs up)
Han: This is not going well.
Luke: Who was that?
Han: Your sister...apparently at age 16.
Luke: But Leia's turning 76 today!
Han: Okay...well, I called to wish her a Happy Birthday (though I could've sworn she was turning 40), and she said she was 16 and didn't know who I was, and then I called you and you said I was dead...
Luke: Ah-hah! I have you figured out. Good one, Jacen.
Han: No, Jacen's on Coruscant.
Luke: Anakin?
Han: No...Han.
Luke: Han's dead!
Han: (more to himself then to Luke) There's gotta be someone in the same time zone as me....let's try Lando.
Lando's Mom: Hello?
Han: Umm...may I speak to Lando please?
Lando's Mom: umm...sure? (mutters to herself) stupid telemarketers...I'll show them....
Lando: hewo?
Han: Lando? It's Han...
Lando: Goo-goo gaa-gaa.
Han: Please tell me you're Lando, Jr.
Lando: YAAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
Han: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!
And so our confused hero Han Solo gives up in his attempt to wish his wife a Happy Birthday, deciding instead to send a card that smells like pineapples. Then he decides to go eat a pineapple, but he forgets that you can't eat the shelly-thing and he has to go to go the hospital so that he doesn't turn into a giant staple gun that wants to take over the world.
THE END